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So, quitting therapy, changing therapists?
Dean Lewis
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
Hey,
some quick notes
- Been in therapy 3-ish years now? I forget
- I've got both a therapist (psychologists) and a psychiatrist.
- Considering quitting the therapy (two hours a week now) not the once a month session with the psychiatrist
- The issue is depression, some personality stuff, being too attached to my family etc. am on meds prescribed to me by the psychiatrist, the therapist has nothing to do with my meds.
-This is an alt because my account name shows up on facebook.
So i'm pretty goddamn tired of my therapist/therapy. I've been mulling this over for a few months now i think. I want to get some outside opinions on this though, need to see if my thoughts on this make any sense.
First off, are my issues solved? Its depression and no i don't think so at all really. I'm on a pretty decent amount of meds and i've been stable-ish, had a bit of downward turn the last months, which got fixed by a bump up in meds.
The problem i think is, we're incompatible people and i'm losing two aggravating hours a week that could be much better spent. I still think i need to be in therapy and would look for someone else asap. When i first started therapy i didn't feel 100% about her but eh, she did help me over the two years i think.
I think she's well you know, tired of me, progress has been lacking the last year orso and crawling up my ass about is apparently more important than anything else. I mean yeah i could make more of an effort at times, but the way therapy goes sometimes i feel like intentionally letting things slide just to spite her. Which i mean, is seriously some of the most counter productive shit i've ever heard of. I do lie to her sometimes, because i frankly don't want to open up to her, not give her the satisfaction. I don't have this feeling my with other mental health care professional. So you know i think there is a better person to work with for 2 hours a week.
Finally she's into god, pretty bigtime. I'm an atheist. I'm not militant about it or anything but she tends to bring out the dawkins in me. Any sort of recovery from depression that involves faith or embracing spiritualism is just not acceptable to me in any way (not that she's pushing me to go to church or anything, but still.). I've read some books on eastern religions and such, i'm open to learning about it. But to me god and santa clause are literally equally likely, the fact that this is even a point of debate between me and someone i'm paying to help me get better is mindboggling.
I'm sure this is a big old rambling wall of text but i'd apreciate if some of you could read through it and tell me your thoughts. I could go on for several pages about therapy stuff but i felt it wiser not to get into that in advance.
feel free to ask whatever kinds of questions you deem relevant.
tl;dr: if you can't read that up there i don't want you to comment, sorry.
some quick notes
- Been in therapy 3-ish years now? I forget
- I've got both a therapist (psychologists) and a psychiatrist.
- Considering quitting the therapy (two hours a week now) not the once a month session with the psychiatrist
- The issue is depression, some personality stuff, being too attached to my family etc. am on meds prescribed to me by the psychiatrist, the therapist has nothing to do with my meds.
-This is an alt because my account name shows up on facebook.
So i'm pretty goddamn tired of my therapist/therapy. I've been mulling this over for a few months now i think. I want to get some outside opinions on this though, need to see if my thoughts on this make any sense.
First off, are my issues solved? Its depression and no i don't think so at all really. I'm on a pretty decent amount of meds and i've been stable-ish, had a bit of downward turn the last months, which got fixed by a bump up in meds.
The problem i think is, we're incompatible people and i'm losing two aggravating hours a week that could be much better spent. I still think i need to be in therapy and would look for someone else asap. When i first started therapy i didn't feel 100% about her but eh, she did help me over the two years i think.
I think she's well you know, tired of me, progress has been lacking the last year orso and crawling up my ass about is apparently more important than anything else. I mean yeah i could make more of an effort at times, but the way therapy goes sometimes i feel like intentionally letting things slide just to spite her. Which i mean, is seriously some of the most counter productive shit i've ever heard of. I do lie to her sometimes, because i frankly don't want to open up to her, not give her the satisfaction. I don't have this feeling my with other mental health care professional. So you know i think there is a better person to work with for 2 hours a week.
Finally she's into god, pretty bigtime. I'm an atheist. I'm not militant about it or anything but she tends to bring out the dawkins in me. Any sort of recovery from depression that involves faith or embracing spiritualism is just not acceptable to me in any way (not that she's pushing me to go to church or anything, but still.). I've read some books on eastern religions and such, i'm open to learning about it. But to me god and santa clause are literally equally likely, the fact that this is even a point of debate between me and someone i'm paying to help me get better is mindboggling.
I'm sure this is a big old rambling wall of text but i'd apreciate if some of you could read through it and tell me your thoughts. I could go on for several pages about therapy stuff but i felt it wiser not to get into that in advance.
feel free to ask whatever kinds of questions you deem relevant.
tl;dr: if you can't read that up there i don't want you to comment, sorry.
Dean Lewis on
0
Posts
Also, you should either find a therapist that is of your belief spiritually or non-religious/spiritual in practice.
If you aren't getting anything out of your therapist now, change or try stopping for a while. She should be used to it, i mean not everyone gets on with everyone else. If there's resistance or drama from the therapist, you will know for a fact you're doing the right thing so turn the walk into a run.
2. You need a new therapist
3. You need to figure out why you're still in therapy for depression 3 years later, especially in conjunction with meds.
Anti-depressants aren't some magic cure for depression. Therapy, meds, lifestyle changes: you find a package of things that works for you. Every time I see a therapist or doctor they ALWAYS go over my exercise levels and eating habits, because those can have just as much of an effect as say 10mg of an SSRI.
I'm not suggesting anti-depressants are a magic cute -- hence why I included "You need a therapist" in there.
The question in my mind remains, however, why is he still battling depression 3 years later?
-Is he going to a psychodynamic therapist whose orientation is 'pay me $texas for the next 10 years while we dont do much'?
-Is he resistant to actually making the necessary changes in his life/thoughts to make therapy work and should resolve them before trying again?
-Does he have dysthymia instead of depression?
-Is he one of the rare individuals who can be totally 100% giving their all in therapy alongside a therapist who knows what he/she is doing and is acting effectively, yet is still unable to deal with the problem after 3 years? Because if that's the case, then more therapy may not be the answer.
Yep, I've been there.
Time for a change, Check out some other options.
As someone who stopped therapy because of a lack of insurance, getting back can be a very difficult thing, especially when you feel as if there has been little progress. A fluid swap to a new therapist is the only thing that I can recommend.
You also have to remember that therapists are all human, and some are much better suited to specific individuals than others. I know in my time in therapy I have tortured myself over what to disclose and what not to disclose. In my case (to hopefully give you perspective) I have moderate depression coupled with a mild (but wildly destructive) substance abuse issue. The last therapist was absolutely convinced that my substance abuse was the root of all the problems, despite my assertion that I was immensely happier when I was really hitting the bottle hard, a few years ago. She was an older woman (I'm still rather young) and she grasped on to the single concrete issue to the point where it became difficult to discuss the majority of my problems without having a really negative conversation about the fact that about once a week I drink moderately but alone.
It just didn't click, and I'm now doing my best to try to find a new therapist who may work for me better.
Best of luck.
I'd like to mention some things that Cognisseur mentioned.
Not sure if its psychodynamics, its pretty much me talking about whatever comes to mind and her latching unto whatever she deems relevant. No homework, talk to 7 people type things or anything like that.
I am pretty worried that i'm too resistant to changes, but the ones she suggests just seem out of place, archaic or stupid. Maybe if i hear the same thing from someone else, etc etc.
Lifestyle change wise, i started working out three to five times a week. This petered out the last few months but i'm starting back up next week. I went from being drunk 4 times a week to having a few beers in the weekend. Occasional cocktail on parties. Haven't been drunk in ages. I only drink when i'm either very tired or very happy. Which makes the times i'm tipsy the most relaxed i ever am.
I'll ask my psychiatrist about dysthymia, i guess it might fit but i thought i was autistic for a while. (Turns i'm not, like at all) So you know, hence why i wanted other people's thoughts. Can't trust yourself to be rational.
In any case, i'll ask around for a new psychologist and make the transition as smoothly as possible.
still have the substance abuse problem however..
Having been in therapy myself, it strikes me as odd that she was even revealing to you about her own belief system. To this day, after several years of treatment, I couldn't tell you what my therapist's personal views are about religion, politics or the afterlife - what made her effective with me is she learned enough about me initially to frame the treatment around my own belief-set. The only time she imposed an outside perspective is when I was being self deceptive or when I asked her directly.
I just want to second this reaction. One of the issues I've had with a few therapists (mostly social worker-types) is, what is presented to me as, a very subtle insistence in 12-Step programs and specifically the belief in a "higher power". The idea is so foreign and so repulsive to me that my progress pretty much halts when it is brought up for the third time. I, too, tend to feel like I'm being "rebellious", which makes what should be a relationship of trust with a therapist into a rather awkward game of "who can side-step more effectively".
Since drinking is very common, here, I do want to say that I was in a similar situation to you, Dean. I drank myself to sleep for four years. Every day, like clockwork. I finally just put it down, and I'm back, two years later, to drinking maybe 1-2 a week moderately and alone. Substance abuse can be a huge issue and I don't mean to dismiss it. Only sometimes it simply becomes an easy diagnosis devoid of any sort of deep analysis. From what you say, I can't imagine that it remains a means for "escape", which is generally the symptom which causes the most trouble for an individual.
I'd be interested in a general idea of what she has suggested.* In my own experience I've found a wide variation between members of the "therapist" profession ranging from "1960's-thought Social Workers" to "Doctorate and up to date". Latching onto a common social problem as a "root cause" has been my experience with a number of the lesser-degree'd therapists I've worked with recently.
Sorry to keep butting in, but I tend to be interested in others' experiences, as well. There's often a social aspect (or, more accurately, a lack thereof) to depression. Thanks for the chance to stack myself up against others and realize that it isn't too bad!
*EDIT: I don't want to come off as trying to poke around in your treatment, because I don't!
In my experiences with my therapist you really only get out of therapy what you are willing to put in. I've had really good sessions with mine and a few frustrating ones, but overall it's been a very good thing. But you have to be willing to be challenged and try new things; to change really, I thought my therapist was completely full of crap telling me that getting drunk on the weekends alone in my house was contributing to my depression, but I tried her way and she was right, frankly in retrospect that should have been obvious. So yeah, change it up, try a new therapist and see what happens. I myself personally find it valuable to internally prepare for my sessions by thinking about what I want to talk about on the way to the appt.
I'm not stubbornly resitant to change or listening to new ideas. I might rail against something when i first hear about it but by the next session i'll have become more reasonable about it.
My therapist is almost 60. She's well, she knows the academic world pretty well as that's where she spends most of her time. But like, current job market, the internet, all the kinds of things i'm busy with she has no idea about. I casually mentioned facebook once, she said "So,...email?" i mean, its no a sin ofcourse not knowing about facebook. It just adds another hurdle in understnading.
As for the general thing she wants me to do, its mostly that she doesn't seem to have any sort of sympathy for how hard i feel things are at times. Like getting a job. I've got a high school degree and dropped out of college mid depression. So i have no real education that i can show and a long gap in employment history. There's also currently where i live (country) about 80,000 open jobs, which includes full and part time positions and over 50% of the things in my area are temp agency jobs. I'm registered with eight temp agencies and more than a day or two of passing out flyers hasn't come out of that. I'm also obviously applying for positions on my own. I'm just completely unqualified in a job market that has more people than jobs.
There's about 250,000 people here looking for full time employment. There are literally not enough jobs to go around. Every session work comes up. Just to state, i'm also in a state sponsored work program that helps me get a job, those guys actually said "Wow you're the most unhireable person i've ever seen!" (Not because of my attitude, just my situation)
I'm supported by my parents (i live in a studio appartment they own) and the "welfare" you get if you've never worked. She says i should have been hired a long time ago and i feel i've tried/ am trying hard enough not to feel bad.
Like i've applied for jobs as a janitor, at walmart (our equivalent) and mcdonalds and they just don't want me cause they have better applicants.
Sorry i kinda went of on a job rant there. Also stuff like "i should discover my interests" and i'm like "I like painting my models, reading books i go out for drinks with friends i tried learning the guitar" i mean, when i think about new hobbies i get this incredible feeling of weariness like i'd have to go back to high school or something at my age. Idk.
Basically its
-Get a job: Trying but no dice so far
-Feel bad about not having one: How about no?
-You're not filling your unemployed time in well enough! : I wake up at eight and feel like i don't have enough hours in the day to do the things i need to let alone want.
eh sorry this kinda went on for way too long.
edit: I'm actually going to be with internet for a few days now. But i will totally read all the replies.
1. You should know what orientation your therapist is. You should know which direction your therapy is going, what goals you're aiming for in therapy, how they'll be achieved, etc. Psychoeducation is an important component of therapy.
2. Even more important than getting some decent education out of a therapist is that therapy is a FUCKING RELATIONSHIP. This cuts across pretty much every theoretical orientation. Fuck, even systematic desensitization, the embodiment of behaviorist therapy, places a big emphasis on the need for a solid relationship to be formed between client and therapist. You know what should not really be entering this relationship? Condescending remarks. Humiliation. Degradation over religious beliefs (or lack thereof).
3. For fuck sakes, empathy is like 50% of being a therapist. I won't even go off on a long rant about this, but just, what the fuck.
Ugh, what the hell is wrong with clinical psychologists? Clinical psych grad schools are more competitive than law school or med school. It takes years of classes and thousands of applied supervised hours to become licensed. How the fuck do stories like this keep popping up on H/A where posters describe therapists committing such stupid shit?