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Wag your tail when you hear JAIL

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    HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Pony wrote: »
    Hunter wrote: »
    So, how much salad do you think Jigrah tossed in the slammer?

    tossed more salad than a sick pet rabbit

    Tossed more salad than a sea sick vegan

    Hunter on
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    MysstMysst King Monkey of Hedonism IslandRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Bucketman wrote: »
    Fandyien wrote: »
    I've never met a detective less scummy and deceitful then the felons they try to arrest

    fuck them

    Sir I would like to introduce you to Detective Five Coats. Basically my car broke down once in a no parking zone and to make sure it didn't get towed I called the police, they transfered me to Detective Coats.

    Detective Five Coats had a voice like he had been smoking since he was 5, he wore a Fedora and yes, 5 trench coats. He was one of the nicest people I had ever met and since then I have dealt with him a few times with things like friends stolen cars and a break in at a friends house.

    how the hell do you wear five trench coats?

    Mysst on
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    Viscount IslandsViscount Islands [INSERT SoKo HERE] ...it was the summer of my lifeRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    The same way you wear five polos.

    Except better.

    Viscount Islands on
    I want to do with you
    What spring does with the cherry trees.
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    OlivawOlivaw good name, isn't it? the foot of mt fujiRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Bucketman wrote: »
    Fandyien wrote: »
    I've never met a detective less scummy and deceitful then the felons they try to arrest

    fuck them

    Sir I would like to introduce you to Detective Five Coats. Basically my car broke down once in a no parking zone and to make sure it didn't get towed I called the police, they transfered me to Detective Coats.

    Detective Five Coats had a voice like he had been smoking since he was 5, he wore a Fedora and yes, 5 trench coats. He was one of the nicest people I had ever met and since then I have dealt with him a few times with things like friends stolen cars and a break in at a friends house.

    I'm demanding more stories about this man

    Olivaw on
    signature-deffo.jpg
    PSN ID : DetectiveOlivaw | TWITTER | STEAM ID | NEVER FORGET
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    thedude_frombaywatchthedude_frombaywatch Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    11 Jurors , 1 Judge, 1/2 a chance

    thedude_frombaywatch on
    xbl tag: Dynamis King
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    Steam: Vloeza_SE++

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    THEPAIN73THEPAIN73 Shiny. Real shiny.Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I'm sure he acquires his teaching license and a whip at some point..

    THEPAIN73 on
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    3DS FC: 5343-7720-0490
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    DichotomyDichotomy Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Arthur "Five Coats" Jackson

    Dichotomy on
    0BnD8l3.gif
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    BucketmanBucketman Call me SkraggRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Mysst wrote: »
    Bucketman wrote: »
    Fandyien wrote: »
    I've never met a detective less scummy and deceitful then the felons they try to arrest

    fuck them

    Sir I would like to introduce you to Detective Five Coats. Basically my car broke down once in a no parking zone and to make sure it didn't get towed I called the police, they transfered me to Detective Coats.

    Detective Five Coats had a voice like he had been smoking since he was 5, he wore a Fedora and yes, 5 trench coats. He was one of the nicest people I had ever met and since then I have dealt with him a few times with things like friends stolen cars and a break in at a friends house.

    how the hell do you wear five trench coats?

    with style. He was really cool, like mid 40s with greying hair, looked very film noir, except for his coats, they just made him look like hes from a kids show.

    When my friend got his car stolen he was the detective they sent out, he talked like a 50's cop "Don't worry son, we'll nab the perp and you'll be driving around by breakfast time"

    They did totally find his car too, in like 4 days.

    Bucketman on
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    DichotomyDichotomy Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Dichotomy wrote: »
    Arthur "Five Coats" Jackson

    now do you actually have five coats

    Dichotomy on
    0BnD8l3.gif
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    thedude_frombaywatchthedude_frombaywatch Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Five coats for his five bitches.

    thedude_frombaywatch on
    xbl tag: Dynamis King
    MineCraft: Menetherin
    Steam: Vloeza_SE++

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    OlivawOlivaw good name, isn't it? the foot of mt fujiRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Bucketman wrote: »
    Mysst wrote: »
    Bucketman wrote: »
    Fandyien wrote: »
    I've never met a detective less scummy and deceitful then the felons they try to arrest

    fuck them

    Sir I would like to introduce you to Detective Five Coats. Basically my car broke down once in a no parking zone and to make sure it didn't get towed I called the police, they transfered me to Detective Coats.

    Detective Five Coats had a voice like he had been smoking since he was 5, he wore a Fedora and yes, 5 trench coats. He was one of the nicest people I had ever met and since then I have dealt with him a few times with things like friends stolen cars and a break in at a friends house.

    how the hell do you wear five trench coats?

    with style. He was really cool, like mid 40s with greying hair, looked very film noir, except for his coats, they just made him look like hes from a kids show.

    When my friend got his car stolen he was the detective they sent out, he talked like a 50's cop "Don't worry son, we'll nab the perp and you'll be driving around by breakfast time"

    They did totally find his car too, in like 4 days.

    You are lying

    People like that do not exist

    I require documentary evidence

    Olivaw on
    signature-deffo.jpg
    PSN ID : DetectiveOlivaw | TWITTER | STEAM ID | NEVER FORGET
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    John MatrixJohn Matrix Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Many guns requires many pockets. He's seen the Matrix and now knows what's up.

    John Matrix on
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    babyeatingjesusbabyeatingjesus Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Bucketman wrote: »
    Mysst wrote: »
    Bucketman wrote: »
    Fandyien wrote: »
    I've never met a detective less scummy and deceitful then the felons they try to arrest

    fuck them

    Sir I would like to introduce you to Detective Five Coats. Basically my car broke down once in a no parking zone and to make sure it didn't get towed I called the police, they transfered me to Detective Coats.

    Detective Five Coats had a voice like he had been smoking since he was 5, he wore a Fedora and yes, 5 trench coats. He was one of the nicest people I had ever met and since then I have dealt with him a few times with things like friends stolen cars and a break in at a friends house.

    how the hell do you wear five trench coats?

    with style. He was really cool, like mid 40s with greying hair, looked very film noir, except for his coats, they just made him look like hes from a kids show.

    When my friend got his car stolen he was the detective they sent out, he talked like a 50's cop "Don't worry son, we'll nab the perp and you'll be driving around by breakfast time"

    They did totally find his car too, in like 4 days.

    I guess he didn't specify which breakfast. This guy sounds awesome. All I can picture is Detective Book from that episode of Seinfield.

    babyeatingjesus on
    hitthatcheeseburgerfatty.gif
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    Viscount IslandsViscount Islands [INSERT SoKo HERE] ...it was the summer of my lifeRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Haha, I'm just imaging him in a gunfire and you can measure the severity of the situation by how many coats he's stripped off.

    "What's the situation detective, over?"

    "I'm down to my last coat."

    "...God help us. GET BACK UP DOWN THERE NOW!"

    Viscount Islands on
    I want to do with you
    What spring does with the cherry trees.
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    babyeatingjesusbabyeatingjesus Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    babyeatingjesus on
    hitthatcheeseburgerfatty.gif
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    nearlysobernearlysober Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I got arrested for DUI once. Cop who pulled me over was a dick. Porky in his 50's with a graying 'stache who was probably pissed that he was still working a beat instead of solving real crimes.

    He asked me how many I had to drink. I said 3 or 4. He said "You know how many people tell me they've only had 3 or 4?" I should've asked him if it was The Number One Answer and if I'd won the Feud... but I was too drunk & terrified to be a smart-ass. Pissed me off though... just because my lie is the most common lie it makes me a liar? At least pretend to believe me and write it down on your little clip board.

    Aaanyway I was all nice & cooperative because I was scared shitless and I'm a nice drunk. After determining my DrunkScore (0.13) another much nicer officer who I had been talking to gave me a ride back to my place in his squad car so I didn't have to stay in the drunk tank. I told him I thought the other cop pulled me over under dubious conditions (it would later turn out that the legal system agreed), but in the same hand I knew that didn't excuse my actions... he told me "Whatever the case, get a lawyer, don't fight this yourself."

    So I went out the next day and got a really expensive lawyer, and after a lot of pre-trial court stuff I got completely off all charges. The whole process would've been interesting & entertaining if I wasn't concerned I was going to get completed screwed over by it.

    Anyway, buy your way out of crimes with fancy lawyers. The system works.

    nearlysober on
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] new member
    edited April 2010
    The user and all related content has been deleted.

    [Deleted User] on
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    thedude_frombaywatchthedude_frombaywatch Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Haha, I'm just imaging him in a gunfire and you can measure the severity of the situation by how many coats he's stripped off.

    "What's the situation detective, over?"

    "I'm down to my last coat."

    "...God help us. GET BACK UP DOWN THERE NOW!"

    Hell yes.

    thedude_frombaywatch on
    xbl tag: Dynamis King
    MineCraft: Menetherin
    Steam: Vloeza_SE++

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    BucketmanBucketman Call me SkraggRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Hes on the website for my cities police department, appearently his real name is Detective Lt. John Ross.

    Thats not as cool.

    Bucketman on
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    John MatrixJohn Matrix Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    He was probably pissed that you were driving drunk like a silly goose.

    John Matrix on
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    OlivawOlivaw good name, isn't it? the foot of mt fujiRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Bucketman wrote: »
    Hes on the website for my cities police department, appearently his real name is Detective Lt. John Ross.

    Thats not as cool.

    Is there a picture of the five coats

    Because I still can't believe that

    Olivaw on
    signature-deffo.jpg
    PSN ID : DetectiveOlivaw | TWITTER | STEAM ID | NEVER FORGET
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    Beef AvengerBeef Avenger Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I got arrested for DUI once. Cop who pulled me over was a dick. Porky in his 50's with a graying 'stache who was probably pissed that he was still working a beat instead of solving real crimes.

    He asked me how many I had to drink. I said 3 or 4. He said "You know how many people tell me they've only had 3 or 4?" I should've asked him if it was The Number One Answer and if I'd won the Feud... but I was too drunk & terrified to be a smart-ass. Pissed me off though... just because my lie is the most common lie it makes me a liar? At least pretend to believe me and write it down on your little clip board.

    Aaanyway I was all nice & cooperative because I was scared shitless and I'm a nice drunk. After determining my DrunkScore (0.13) another much nicer officer who I had been talking to gave me a ride back to my place in his squad car so I didn't have to stay in the drunk tank. I told him I thought the other cop pulled me over under dubious conditions (it would later turn out that the legal system agreed), but in the same hand I knew that didn't excuse my actions... he told me "Whatever the case, get a lawyer, don't fight this yourself."

    So I went out the next day and got a really expensive lawyer, and I got completely off all charges.

    The system works.

    is this a real post? hoo boy, good luck, you're going to do well

    Beef Avenger on
    Steam ID
    PSN: Robo_Wizard1
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    John MatrixJohn Matrix Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Bucketman wrote: »
    Hes on the website for my cities police department, appearently his real name is Detective Lt. John Ross.

    Thats not as cool.

    Lt. Ross is a great name, though.

    Imagine the raging arguments between him and his Captain.

    "Dammit, Ross, I've told you about those coats!"
    "These coats are the only thing that stand between me and the son's-a-bitches tearing this city apart, Captain."

    John Matrix on
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    BucketmanBucketman Call me SkraggRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Olivaw wrote: »
    Bucketman wrote: »
    Hes on the website for my cities police department, appearently his real name is Detective Lt. John Ross.

    Thats not as cool.

    Is there a picture of the five coats

    Because I still can't believe that

    hes on this page but hes just wearing a normal shirt. I swear to god a few years ago everyone in the station was calling him Five Coats and when I talked to him on the phone he spoke in the third person. Maybe he just does that to kids (I was in High School at the time) to have some fun with them

    Bucketman on
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    Baroque And RollBaroque And Roll Every spark of friendship and love Will die without a homeRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    name post combo

    Baroque And Roll on
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    SteamID: Baroque And Roll
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    VisionOfClarityVisionOfClarity Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Should you really be linking to him like that? Would he be cool with it?

    VisionOfClarity on
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    WeaverWeaver Who are you? What do you want?Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I had a warrant out on me before but it wasn't an arrest warrant. It was a tax lien warrant.

    Weaver on
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    Wedge BiggsWedge Biggs Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Current CO here. Had to deal with this prick for many years.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nathaniel_Bar-Jonah
    Wiki doesn't tell you that the mother who refused to press charges was out of her mind. Bar Jonah killed her little boy and she was one of the people who ate him. Once she found out about that, her mind fractured and she began seeing her little boy around the house. Defensive mechanism and all that. More humane that way for her.

    Wedge Biggs on
    I ain't never crossed a man who didn't deserve it. - Artis Ivey Jr.
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    BucketmanBucketman Call me SkraggRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Should you really be linking to him like that? Would he be cool with it?

    its on a public page for my cities police department, its one of the first things that pops up when you type the name of my city into Google. I don't see why this would be a problem

    Bucketman on
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    HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Weaver wrote: »
    I had a warrant out on me before but it wasn't an arrest warrant. It was a tax lien warrant.

    Teabagger

    Hunter on
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    VisionOfClarityVisionOfClarity Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Current CO here. Had to deal with this prick for many years.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nathaniel_Bar-Jonah
    Wiki doesn't tell you that the mother who refused to press charges was out of her mind. Bar Jonah killed her little boy and she was one of the people who ate him. Once she found out about that, her mind fractured and she began seeing her little boy around the house. Defensive mechanism and all that. More humane that way for her.

    We let out some very dangerous people in MA (specifically child molesters) while keeping a lot of nonviolent people locked up.

    VisionOfClarity on
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    WeaverWeaver Who are you? What do you want?Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Current CO here. Had to deal with this prick for many years.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nathaniel_Bar-Jonah
    Wiki doesn't tell you that the mother who refused to press charges was out of her mind. Bar Jonah killed her little boy and she was one of the people who ate him. Once she found out about that, her mind fractured and she began seeing her little boy around the house. Defensive mechanism and all that. More humane that way for her.

    Occupation: Short Order Cook

    Weaver on
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    Lord DaveLord Dave Grief Causer Bitch Free ZoneRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I got pulled over for speeding up to pass a cop on a foggy 2-lane road
    He told me it was pretty dumb to pass a cop
    I didn't mention that I didn't realize he was a cop because I could barely even see his car at all with my chemo-whacked vision
    My excuse was that I was super late to a bachelor party
    He let me go
    I like that cop

    Lord Dave on
    mkc.png
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    Wedge BiggsWedge Biggs Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Weaver wrote: »
    Current CO here. Had to deal with this prick for many years.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nathaniel_Bar-Jonah
    Wiki doesn't tell you that the mother who refused to press charges was out of her mind. Bar Jonah killed her little boy and she was one of the people who ate him. Once she found out about that, her mind fractured and she began seeing her little boy around the house. Defensive mechanism and all that. More humane that way for her.

    Occupation: Short Order Cook

    Fun fact:
    About six months before this cunt died, he had to have one of his feet amputated due to poor circulation. Every day it was, "Well, at least you'll always have one foot on the outside, Nate!"

    Oh, and he used to mail recipes to his fanbase. He wasn't allowed to say they were short-pork recipes, but he'd use "Veal" instead, and highlight it.

    Wedge Biggs on
    I ain't never crossed a man who didn't deserve it. - Artis Ivey Jr.
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    DragonicityDragonicity Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Weaver wrote: »
    Current CO here. Had to deal with this prick for many years.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nathaniel_Bar-Jonah
    Wiki doesn't tell you that the mother who refused to press charges was out of her mind. Bar Jonah killed her little boy and she was one of the people who ate him. Once she found out about that, her mind fractured and she began seeing her little boy around the house. Defensive mechanism and all that. More humane that way for her.

    Occupation: Short Order Cook

    Oh fuck, that's terrible. Worse that I laughed at it when I saw it.

    Dragonicity on
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    WeaverWeaver Who are you? What do you want?Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    the term is long pork

    Weaver on
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    StaleStale Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Pretty sure I have a bench warrant in Indiana

    never paid a speeding ticket from like, 5 years ago.

    Stale on
    easysig2.jpg
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    Speed RacerSpeed Racer Scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratchRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Stale wrote: »
    Pretty sure I have a bench warrant in Indiana

    never paid a speeding ticket from like, 5 years ago.
    The same thing's true for my dad in Louisiana, except it was a parking violation.

    They had a white box painted around the space in front of a fire hydrant to show that you can't park there.

    He interpreted it as a parking space.

    Speed Racer on
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    Baroque And RollBaroque And Roll Every spark of friendship and love Will die without a homeRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Stale wrote: »
    Pretty sure I have a bench warrant in Indiana

    never paid a speeding ticket from like, 5 years ago.

    Meh, at least you'll never have to pay it.

    Why?

    Because there's no reason to ever come back to Indiana because there's nothing here.

    Baroque And Roll on
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    SteamID: Baroque And Roll
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    StaleStale Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Stale wrote: »
    Pretty sure I have a bench warrant in Indiana

    never paid a speeding ticket from like, 5 years ago.

    Meh, at least you'll never have to pay it.

    Why?

    Because there's no reason to ever come back to Indiana because there's nothing here.

    The only reason I was speeding was to leave

    Stale on
    easysig2.jpg
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