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Oh nooo girl problemsss
klok
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So I've been dating this girl since last summer and this would of been obvious before the end of my post but she's my first relationship, and I haven't been able to talk to anybody about anything im feeling so this post might jump from a to g back to b at points and I apologize. PS LONG POST
From the beginning! We were introduced through a friend and me being a complete pansy she had to make the first move, after that we hit it off and spent pretty much night together since I worked 3rd shift and she was living in a apartment with a friend. We never really quarreled, I mean I couldn't get angry at this girl she was too sweet and cool and she seemed to accept that I probably had no idea what I was doing anyway so we were happy. After 4 months the L word started popping up, which was great because I feel like gasp this could really be love. But what the hell I don't even know what I'm thinking half the time.
So after a while she decides to move back in with her parents to save money and I quit my job and started working a normal 8-6 work day. We see each other less, it goes from everyday down to once or twice a week, sometimes once or zero times. Which is probably normal right? And like I said this is my first girlfriend so I've been trying real hard to not fall into those trust issues/clingyness that kills relationships. I don't want to be clingy when we hang out with other people and don't see each other, I don't wanna be paranoid when she hangs out with other guys she's known for years. I don't wanna get annoyed by all the things she nitpicks about or treats me like shit because she's grumpy. I love this girl and I want it to work.
She tells me... she's never had a guy want her, she always had to go after the guy (which isn't like stupid or anything I can understand with shes coming from with this somewhat) and movies ruin love because you are never going to find something like that in the real world. It just kind of fills me wit doubt maybe I'm looking too much into that though....
Because I do want her and I do think us falling for each other is something sort of magical, I mean we are almost completely different in every way possible but those few key things that we have in common are beautiful and it makes me like, REALLY HAPPY this girl can actually understand me and my fucked up point of view from time to time.
But then I get to thinking and it's just like, fuuuuck man does she even like me like that? She wants to hang out with friends more than me, don't get me wrong everyone needs friend time but sometimes it feels like she teases me with the idea of hanging out together and she goes and does something else. And it brings me down, she's actually told me she can't stand me sometimes which is no surprise but god damn wouldn't you just want to end it right there? She says she loves and I'm the best thing in her life and I really, really want to believe that. But I'm a fuckup of a dropout with a GED no self esteem, pot smoking, alcoholic, zero drive, piece o shit. Maybe she didn't realize this when we started dating.
Now If you've read all this I thank you for taking the time to lend an ear, and I don't know what to expect in terms of responses. I'm just looking for a little guidance because I feel like a lost sheep. I'm sorry for all the paragraphs I didn't want the post to be cluttered and I was mad venting so I got lost in the post.
From the beginning! We were introduced through a friend and me being a complete pansy she had to make the first move, after that we hit it off and spent pretty much night together since I worked 3rd shift and she was living in a apartment with a friend. We never really quarreled, I mean I couldn't get angry at this girl she was too sweet and cool and she seemed to accept that I probably had no idea what I was doing anyway so we were happy. After 4 months the L word started popping up, which was great because I feel like gasp this could really be love. But what the hell I don't even know what I'm thinking half the time.
So after a while she decides to move back in with her parents to save money and I quit my job and started working a normal 8-6 work day. We see each other less, it goes from everyday down to once or twice a week, sometimes once or zero times. Which is probably normal right? And like I said this is my first girlfriend so I've been trying real hard to not fall into those trust issues/clingyness that kills relationships. I don't want to be clingy when we hang out with other people and don't see each other, I don't wanna be paranoid when she hangs out with other guys she's known for years. I don't wanna get annoyed by all the things she nitpicks about or treats me like shit because she's grumpy. I love this girl and I want it to work.
She tells me... she's never had a guy want her, she always had to go after the guy (which isn't like stupid or anything I can understand with shes coming from with this somewhat) and movies ruin love because you are never going to find something like that in the real world. It just kind of fills me wit doubt maybe I'm looking too much into that though....
Because I do want her and I do think us falling for each other is something sort of magical, I mean we are almost completely different in every way possible but those few key things that we have in common are beautiful and it makes me like, REALLY HAPPY this girl can actually understand me and my fucked up point of view from time to time.
But then I get to thinking and it's just like, fuuuuck man does she even like me like that? She wants to hang out with friends more than me, don't get me wrong everyone needs friend time but sometimes it feels like she teases me with the idea of hanging out together and she goes and does something else. And it brings me down, she's actually told me she can't stand me sometimes which is no surprise but god damn wouldn't you just want to end it right there? She says she loves and I'm the best thing in her life and I really, really want to believe that. But I'm a fuckup of a dropout with a GED no self esteem, pot smoking, alcoholic, zero drive, piece o shit. Maybe she didn't realize this when we started dating.
Now If you've read all this I thank you for taking the time to lend an ear, and I don't know what to expect in terms of responses. I'm just looking for a little guidance because I feel like a lost sheep. I'm sorry for all the paragraphs I didn't want the post to be cluttered and I was mad venting so I got lost in the post.
klok on
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Posts
First off.
How can you expect anyone else to care about you, if you hate yourself? Either you need to break up with this girl and spend some time gaining a little self worth or you need to cut this shit out yesterday. I don't suppose you've ever dated anyone who put all their own self worth into you, but I'll tell you one thing, when you can do no wrong and the other person needs your validation to keep going, it gets real boring, real fast.
I can think of more, but I think the long story short is that if you want things to work with this girl, or with anyone, ever, you need to grow some spine and learn some self respect.
First of all, red flag. When is she treating you like shit? How is she treating you like shit?
Second, if this bothers you, and it sounds like it does, you should do something about it.
Yeah this is the root of it all and I can't lie about my self esteem issues, but honestly I'm not down on myself all the time, I do have goals I'm working towards. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm working on it and it's taking some time and she knows that.
This is all just new to me, and It's probably because I'm not ready for a relationship and I feel like I'm not worth her time, and I don't say this like I'm hating myself it that makes any sense. I'm just afraid someone I really care about might not feel the same way about me and it's affecting my self worth a bit.
She get's stressed every now and then, gets upset over something (not always something I did) and kind of puts a chip on her shoulder towards me, like I just annoy her. She knows she does it and apologizes sometime down the road and I don't know I just feel everyone's got their bad habits and I can kind of look past it.
This is so beyond red flag. If the first thing she does when she's having a bad day is search you out to treat you like her own personal punching bag, that's a no go. Take a step back from all of this, learn how to respect yourself - one of the things you chose to tell us in this post is how much of a loser fuckup you are, and that kind of viewpoint about yourself is going to make you grade A doormat material, and dating a doormat is only fun when you're 19 and angry at the world and want someone you can make pay for it every day.
You will never be in a successful relationship if you're satisfied with perpetual self loathing. It won't work. You might need to talk to someone to deal with that I don't know but it's your call anyhow.
So far as the girl goes I suspect this is a bit of a dead end relationship. No one really marries the first person they fall for. You're no longer a good fit, she's moved home to save money, for what? School? You're no longer seeing her the way you used to and there's something going on that's bothering you or her or both and she's taking a bit of that out on you probably because she just isn't happy the way she used to be. I'm more than willing to guess she's got some self esteem issues of her own.
I think you need to figure out what you need. And not what you need this week but what you need in life. And I don't think this is the last relationship you'll ever be in, and that's okay.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
Take up a trade. Carpentry is great for following instructions (plans) and for creating something that gives you great satisfaction. Ain't nothing in the world as satisfying as building something with your hands.
You sound like an uninteresting lump. If you act like you're worthless she'll treat you that way and that relationship will go nowhere. Maybe you should just tell her that you didn't ask her out because you don't think you're good enough for her. Join the French Foreign Legion, it'll make a man out of you. Not really but you get the idea, right?
I'm not really doing anything right now. Just barely killing time until I die. I'm intensely anti-social and have no ambition whatsoever. Do I think I could entertain a girlfriend? Rhetorical question. No. Get your act together, don't let her push you around, grow some self-esteem. Go rock climbing or something. Anything that you don't think you can do. You'll feel good about yourself and learn that you are capable. Or, you can medicate yourself, take off your pants and watch women's volleyball... Except don't even though it sounds much more appealing than a solid wall of granite and a fifty foot drop.
Carpentry is great for not only feeling like you've actually put something into the world at the end of the day but for being a job anyone can learn how to do - when my dad first learned to do cabinetry, the guy who gave him the job said, "Any asshole can build a box. Let me worry about how to make it a fancy box and you can pick that up along the way." You can also do it with no education and make damn good money at it, especially if the market picks up again. However, if you're going to squeal like a little girl every time someone turns a power saw on or you can't respect how much damage a hammer can do to your face if you aren't paying attention, I would definitely suggest another prospective field to try out.
There's really nothing wrong with a GED. You took the effort to get the GED, right? Colleges accept GED's in lieu of diplomas so that must mean they believe someone with a GED has the correct education and skills to be accepted. Think about that.
And if you think pot is a negative, quit smoking it.
If you really feel you're an alcoholic, get help. It doesn't have to be AA, there are alternative programs out there.
Lastly, in my experience, people with no drive don't normally complain or admit they have no drive. They're fine where they are. You may not know where you're going, or where you want to go, but that doesn't mean you don't have drive.
Maybe you would benefit from being alone and working on your shit before you decide to deal with some else and their shit.
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Im gunna say the amount of red-flag greatly depends on how bad she treats him during these bad days. I mean, if she just needs to vent about a shitty day and hes the person she normally calls to talk to about life in general, those two trends are going to intersect sometimes. People are grumpy sometimes, and as long as they realize it, and appologize after, its probably not an issue.
That being said, if shes going out of her way to be an absolute a-hole towards you when shes grumpy, thats a different story.