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[INTERNET DATING] Adventure Time!

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Posts

  • BEAST!BEAST! Adventurer Adventure!!!!!Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Ranadiel wrote: »
    My best experiences have come wihen I'm involved with someone I know from the start that I have zero relationship interest with. If I know ahead of time it's not going to go beyond a certain point, I feel free to do whatever I want and not second guess myself. It causes a dramatic shift in my attitude and behavior, where I speak confidentely, apologize for nothing and focus on having a good time for myself, not making a good impression. I wouldn't go so far as to say I behave like an asshole, but I'm certainly not Mr. Nice Guy at this point.

    When I'm actually interested in someone, I tend to fall into bad habits where I am literally tripping over myself to be polite, funny, or gentlemanly, or whatever stupid shit girls say they want in a man but only ends up boring them. Luckily, as I get older, these habits are falling off and being replaced with what I can best describe as more confident and self-respecting attitude.
    yeah i'm basically the exact same way....although i don't know that things are changing for the better as they are for you...frig

    BEAST! on
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Jragghen wrote: »
    Just a general quasi-ranting question (not seeking an actual answer). Why do people sign up for dating websites when they aren't comfortable with meeting people from the Internet in person?

    For some, I assume it's because they're new to online dating, so making the leap from digital to personal communication is a bit daunting.

    For others, I think it's just attention whoring. Looking to get a little affirmation that random people out there find them attractive.

    Hell, Retro got 4 messages in 10 minutes. I know that she understands the whole "with great power comes great responsibility" thing, but I suspect some women (I doubt it'd work nearly as well for most men) do it just for attention, with maybe potentially pondering a committee review of meeting someone if they seemed absolutely and utterly perfect.

    That said, I can't recall the last time someone actually used that excuse to pass off something simple like meeting for coffee. Maybe it's becoming less prevailent, or maybe as I get a little older, the rest of my general age range is becomming net / net dating savvy enough that it's less of an issue.

    Forar on
    First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
  • gearngearn __BANNED USERS
    edited April 2010
    Jragghen wrote: »
    Just a general quasi-ranting question (not seeking an actual answer). Why do people sign up for dating websites when they aren't comfortable with meeting people from the Internet in person?

    Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

    Many girls have absolutely no interest in meeting dudes from the internet, but they like getting compliments and leading people on.

    It is becoming more and more common with the proliferation of social networks like Facebook and Twitter.

    gearn on
  • JustinSane07JustinSane07 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2010
    retrovm wrote: »
    retrovm wrote: »
    i changed my relationship dealie back to "single" the other day and i got 4 messages from dudes within like 10 minutes. absurd.
    i've exchanged a few messages with one of them, and he gave me his phone number after my second reply. i felt sort of awkward about it being that soon i guess.. also being so soon after things just ended with another guy for me (even though we were just seeing each other for about a month and a half-- no "real" relationship). i don't want to bring the latter bit up because i feel that's awkward, and making the last guy i was seeing into something more than what it was. i messaged him back saying it was a touch forward and to maybe IM me instead, and gave him my screenname. nada back from him as of yet, ah well. i think i fucked that one up.



    is there like.. a "right" time to give a phone number? what do you guys do/think? i always give an email address first and take it from there.

    I only give out my phone number/ask for their when it's time for a date, but then again I don't like to talk on the phone much. It comes down to personal preference, but I think that the 'more personable communication when we are going to meet' is applicable.

    Then again, for dudes it's appropriate to ask ladies on dates immediately due to supply and demand.

    thing is he didn't ask me out, he just gave me his phone number. if he asked me to dinner it would make more sense. now i know i'm a lady and all that but i'm not much into talking on the phone if i don't know you; even so, i only like talking to specific people on the phone at length.

    Perhaps because the phone is more "traditional" method of communication, he's more comfortable with it. He's probably confused as to why a phone number is a bit forward. I'm not a big fan of using the phone, I'm more comfortable with text and in-person communication, but to a lot of people it's nothing and on the same, or a higher level, than instant messaging.

    JustinSane07 on
  • jma820jma820 Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Hey guys and gals, I've been lurking this thread for a little while soaking in everyone's advice and input. I've finally decided to post because I don't trust the little voice in my head telling me how much I'm messing up. So please calm my nerves!

    I met the best girl ever on okcupid. She was my 2nd online date ever and we've been going out for a little over a month now. I know she likes me, but I'm just a little concerned about the lack of communication outside of seeing each other. First, we see each other once a week for about 5 hours. Each time we hang out it's better than the last. No sex yet! Just making out, drinking, holding hands, general closeness, etc.

    The issue is we pretty much never speak or text each other during the week unless it's to plan our next date, and even then she's not the greatest at getting back to me. She has a knack for stressing me out and then texting me back at the last moment, ugh. But it seems for the most part my texts are somewhat ignored/unanswered and that bothers me a little bit.
    I'm asking you fine people if this is at least semi normal behavior for two people in their mid-twenties.

    I also have a less general question and more of an immediate one. We didn't see each other Sunday night (last night), she did come out to meet my friends for the first time and that was a huge success even if it was for a short hour and a half. I'm going on a week long cruise starting this Friday, should I attempt to see her this week? Or just let it hang until I get back. We do have plans the Friday I get back from vacation.

    Sorry I feel like such a fool, usually I keep my cool in most situations...
    Thanks for reading! At least it felt pretty good to write all this out.

    jma820 on
    Signature
  • wallakawallaka Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    jma820 wrote: »
    Hey guys and gals, I've been lurking this thread for a little while soaking in everyone's advice and input. I've finally decided to post because I don't trust the little voice in my head telling me how much I'm messing up. So please calm my nerves!

    I met the best girl ever on okcupid. She was my 2nd online date ever and we've been going out for a little over a month now. I know she likes me, but I'm just a little concerned about the lack of communication outside of seeing each other. First, we see each other once a week for about 5 hours. Each time we hang out it's better than the last. No sex yet! Just making out, drinking, holding hands, general closeness, etc.

    The issue is we pretty much never speak or text each other during the week unless it's to plan our next date, and even then she's not the greatest at getting back to me. She has a knack for stressing me out and then texting me back at the last moment, ugh. But it seems for the most part my texts are somewhat ignored/unanswered and that bothers me a little bit.
    I'm asking you fine people if this is at least semi normal behavior for two people in their mid-twenties.

    I also have a less general question and more of an immediate one. We didn't see each other Sunday night (last night), she did come out to meet my friends for the first time and that was a huge success even if it was for a short hour and a half. I'm going on a week long cruise starting this Friday, should I attempt to see her this week? Or just let it hang until I get back. We do have plans the Friday I get back from vacation.

    Sorry I feel like such a fool, usually I keep my cool in most situations...
    Thanks for reading! At least it felt pretty good to write all this out.

    Ever seen that movie, "She's Just Not That Into You?" :P

    Snark aside, she's just treating it more casually than you are. Don't get too hung up on a relationship that isn't that serious, until it gets serious.

    wallaka on
  • King NadaKing Nada Registered User
    edited April 2010
    I am just as bad at internet dating as I am real life dating. Go me.

    King Nada on
  • jma820jma820 Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    wallaka wrote: »
    jma820 wrote: »
    Hey guys and gals, I've been lurking this thread for a little while soaking in everyone's advice and input. I've finally decided to post because I don't trust the little voice in my head telling me how much I'm messing up. So please calm my nerves!

    I met the best girl ever on okcupid. She was my 2nd online date ever and we've been going out for a little over a month now. I know she likes me, but I'm just a little concerned about the lack of communication outside of seeing each other. First, we see each other once a week for about 5 hours. Each time we hang out it's better than the last. No sex yet! Just making out, drinking, holding hands, general closeness, etc.

    The issue is we pretty much never speak or text each other during the week unless it's to plan our next date, and even then she's not the greatest at getting back to me. She has a knack for stressing me out and then texting me back at the last moment, ugh. But it seems for the most part my texts are somewhat ignored/unanswered and that bothers me a little bit.
    I'm asking you fine people if this is at least semi normal behavior for two people in their mid-twenties.

    I also have a less general question and more of an immediate one. We didn't see each other Sunday night (last night), she did come out to meet my friends for the first time and that was a huge success even if it was for a short hour and a half. I'm going on a week long cruise starting this Friday, should I attempt to see her this week? Or just let it hang until I get back. We do have plans the Friday I get back from vacation.

    Sorry I feel like such a fool, usually I keep my cool in most situations...
    Thanks for reading! At least it felt pretty good to write all this out.

    Ever seen that movie, "She's Just Not That Into You?" :P

    Snark aside, she's just treating it more casually than you are. Don't get too hung up on a relationship that isn't that serious, until it gets serious.

    nope never seen it before....clearly. I'll try relaxing more about the whole situation, seems like the best thing to do to just take it one date at a time.

    Thanks for your input, jerk!

    jma820 on
    Signature
  • DiscoZombieDiscoZombie Registered User
    edited April 2010
    Robman wrote: »
    Jintor wrote: »
    animale wrote: »
    ugh, I just had a girl outright ask me out for a drink. That's never happened to me before. She's a lawyer. If I were smart I'd jump on that. But I am not attracted to her, and I would probably bore her silly. I've never turned someone down before, I don't know how.

    You don't have to say anything, you've never met this girl so you can just ignore the message and go on with your life. Don't make a big deal of it and you'll be fine.

    Don't ignore the message. At least be all "Sorry, but...".

    Nah protocol is just to delete messages you don't want to respond to. A rejection message is so rare it would be quite offensive.

    I may suck it up and go out with her. It probably couldn't hurt. I do need to get out more.

    DiscoZombie on
  • retrovmretrovm Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Mercutio87 wrote: »
    retrovm wrote: »
    retrovm wrote: »
    i changed my relationship dealie back to "single" the other day and i got 4 messages from dudes within like 10 minutes. absurd.
    i've exchanged a few messages with one of them, and he gave me his phone number after my second reply. i felt sort of awkward about it being that soon i guess.. also being so soon after things just ended with another guy for me (even though we were just seeing each other for about a month and a half-- no "real" relationship). i don't want to bring the latter bit up because i feel that's awkward, and making the last guy i was seeing into something more than what it was. i messaged him back saying it was a touch forward and to maybe IM me instead, and gave him my screenname. nada back from him as of yet, ah well. i think i fucked that one up.



    is there like.. a "right" time to give a phone number? what do you guys do/think? i always give an email address first and take it from there.

    I only give out my phone number/ask for their when it's time for a date, but then again I don't like to talk on the phone much. It comes down to personal preference, but I think that the 'more personable communication when we are going to meet' is applicable.

    Then again, for dudes it's appropriate to ask ladies on dates immediately due to supply and demand.

    thing is he didn't ask me out, he just gave me his phone number. if he asked me to dinner it would make more sense. now i know i'm a lady and all that but i'm not much into talking on the phone if i don't know you; even so, i only like talking to specific people on the phone at length.

    retrovm, I usually go with the right time being when the woman says, here's my number, give me a call sometime! Or, I've been talking with her for a while, there's an agreement to meet up for something casual to get to know each other in person, in which case I give her my number so she can call if she gets lost/cancels/wants to figure out which guy in the crowd is me.

    Phone number as the third email seems mildly desperate if that was the whole email. He can easily email and IM you directly on the site. I'm all for quickly asking for a real life meeting just to see how we get along, but I usually won't do that until I've at least established a conversation with the person.

    yeah exactly. i turned off the in-site IM though because being a lady on OKC you pretty much get bombarded with IMs like, all the goddamn time. he hasn't replied to the message with my AIM screenname, haha. oh well. desperate is no good anyway!

    retrovm on
    Blackjack wrote: »
    It's like putting an entire bottle of wine inside your five hour energy.
  • SeptusSeptus Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I hope this is at least in the general realm of this thread because it's a very early-dating issue with people you don't previously know in real life.

    What would you guys say is a normal period of time before seeing your date's apartment/house? I've actually never gotten past the end of a first date without doing this, and now I've completed 3 dates with a girl I met on OKCupid and despite asking a couple of times of whether to pick her up or to just take one car, I haven't seen her place yet. To be fair, I've not offered my place, but I'd consider that to be even more weird.

    I don't want to make a big deal out of it yet, but I think I'm rapidly approaching the point where it will start to be weird, like after another 2-3 dates, and I just don't know what to make of it.

    Septus on
    PSN: Kurahoshi1
  • retrovmretrovm Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    jma820 wrote: »
    Hey guys and gals, I've been lurking this thread for a little while soaking in everyone's advice and input. I've finally decided to post because I don't trust the little voice in my head telling me how much I'm messing up. So please calm my nerves!

    I met the best girl ever on okcupid. She was my 2nd online date ever and we've been going out for a little over a month now. I know she likes me, but I'm just a little concerned about the lack of communication outside of seeing each other. First, we see each other once a week for about 5 hours. Each time we hang out it's better than the last. No sex yet! Just making out, drinking, holding hands, general closeness, etc.

    The issue is we pretty much never speak or text each other during the week unless it's to plan our next date, and even then she's not the greatest at getting back to me. She has a knack for stressing me out and then texting me back at the last moment, ugh. But it seems for the most part my texts are somewhat ignored/unanswered and that bothers me a little bit.
    I'm asking you fine people if this is at least semi normal behavior for two people in their mid-twenties.

    I also have a less general question and more of an immediate one. We didn't see each other Sunday night (last night), she did come out to meet my friends for the first time and that was a huge success even if it was for a short hour and a half. I'm going on a week long cruise starting this Friday, should I attempt to see her this week? Or just let it hang until I get back. We do have plans the Friday I get back from vacation.

    Sorry I feel like such a fool, usually I keep my cool in most situations...
    Thanks for reading! At least it felt pretty good to write all this out.

    the way i see it is if she wants to talk to you, she'll talk to you. when you send her a casual "hey, how are you?" text, is she just not responding at all? i'd be a little weird about that, too, and i'd back off. if anything, talk to her about it. someone did say "she's just not that into you" and that might be the case here.. when i like a guy, i'm excited to talk to him/hear from him and i reply within a very timely fashion if i'm not near my phone. hell, it's 2010 here; what's her excuse for not replying? i'm not saying people are connected all the time but most people i know (i'm 26 as are most of my friends, give or take 2 years) keep their phones on their person so to speak all the time.

    now. she knows you're going on this cruise, yes? see if she initiates plans with you before you leave.


    (also, i looove NIN. good work there!)

    retrovm on
    Blackjack wrote: »
    It's like putting an entire bottle of wine inside your five hour energy.
  • DemonStaceyDemonStacey TTODewback's Daughter In love with the TaySwayRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    retrovm wrote: »
    Mercutio87 wrote: »
    retrovm wrote: »
    retrovm wrote: »
    i changed my relationship dealie back to "single" the other day and i got 4 messages from dudes within like 10 minutes. absurd.
    i've exchanged a few messages with one of them, and he gave me his phone number after my second reply. i felt sort of awkward about it being that soon i guess.. also being so soon after things just ended with another guy for me (even though we were just seeing each other for about a month and a half-- no "real" relationship). i don't want to bring the latter bit up because i feel that's awkward, and making the last guy i was seeing into something more than what it was. i messaged him back saying it was a touch forward and to maybe IM me instead, and gave him my screenname. nada back from him as of yet, ah well. i think i fucked that one up.



    is there like.. a "right" time to give a phone number? what do you guys do/think? i always give an email address first and take it from there.

    I only give out my phone number/ask for their when it's time for a date, but then again I don't like to talk on the phone much. It comes down to personal preference, but I think that the 'more personable communication when we are going to meet' is applicable.

    Then again, for dudes it's appropriate to ask ladies on dates immediately due to supply and demand.

    thing is he didn't ask me out, he just gave me his phone number. if he asked me to dinner it would make more sense. now i know i'm a lady and all that but i'm not much into talking on the phone if i don't know you; even so, i only like talking to specific people on the phone at length.

    retrovm, I usually go with the right time being when the woman says, here's my number, give me a call sometime! Or, I've been talking with her for a while, there's an agreement to meet up for something casual to get to know each other in person, in which case I give her my number so she can call if she gets lost/cancels/wants to figure out which guy in the crowd is me.

    Phone number as the third email seems mildly desperate if that was the whole email. He can easily email and IM you directly on the site. I'm all for quickly asking for a real life meeting just to see how we get along, but I usually won't do that until I've at least established a conversation with the person.

    yeah exactly. i turned off the in-site IM though because being a lady on OKC you pretty much get bombarded with IMs like, all the goddamn time. he hasn't replied to the message with my AIM screenname, haha. oh well. desperate is no good anyway!

    I tend to ask for the phone number after I've had what I'll consider a good conversation. And I don't ask for a phone number because I'm interested in talking on the (I'm totally not). Usually it's because we're planning to go out, but sometimes it may just be we had a good multi-part conversation one night. Since I don't go on AIM much, it helps to send a text here and there before asking the girl out if we had only been talking for that one day.

    I'm not sure if that made sense. It did in my head though.

    DemonStacey on
    desc wrote: »
    ~ * ~ Week-Long Dance-a-thon Booty Ribbon ~ * ~
  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle let's keep it haimish for the peripatetic Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Ah hells, we're all posting our okcupid profiles. I'm out of a long relationship/engagement about six months ago so I've been giving it a try. My profile says it's from 2004 'cause it was inactive for 5 years... heh.

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/lokitheslyone

    I've met some cool people, but it seems a lot easier to make friends than to find anyone to date. Thinking about moving out east sometime soon anyway so whatever. That is how I try not to get sad about how much dating has sucked.

    Also, feel free to tell me if my profile is terrible in parts. At least I don't think it's boring.

    OnTheLastCastle on
    I'm a published writer and have a very unique and interesting writing style. I'm also sharp and witty. My profile is well-written and hilarious. My messages are likewise brilliant. And I've been doing this stuff for...four or five years. I know what "works" in terms of good internet dating writing. "Works" in the sense of leading to a "date" with a human female.

    twitch.tv/onthelastcastle
  • RobmanRobman Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    gearn wrote: »
    Jragghen wrote: »
    Just a general quasi-ranting question (not seeking an actual answer). Why do people sign up for dating websites when they aren't comfortable with meeting people from the Internet in person?

    Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

    Many girls have absolutely no interest in meeting dudes from the internet, but they like getting compliments and leading people on.

    It is becoming more and more common with the proliferation of social networks like Facebook and Twitter.

    Alternatively they're not being malicious and "leading men on" :lol::lol::lol: but rather being nervous and highly cautious after being told MEN WILL RAPE YOU TO DEATH by society their entire lives.

    Robman on
  • EggyToastEggyToast Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Jragghen wrote: »
    Just a general quasi-ranting question (not seeking an actual answer). Why do people sign up for dating websites when they aren't comfortable with meeting people from the Internet in person?

    Alright, you're not seeking an actual answer, and some people already posted up some stuff, but this is the Discourse forum after all. My take is thus:

    These people aren't any different in their other relationships. Shy people are afraid to meet online because they're shy, but they're online in the first place because they're too shy to meet people offline. As has come up plenty of times before, you're only an "internet person" until the first date, where you're a "real life" person -- at which point all of an individual's insecurities about interacting with real people come raging back.

    Sure there's some attention whoring and some sockpuppets for people who just want attention. If they're doing it on the sly, I'd be surprised if their description of themselves and their pictures are even truthful, so you're unlikely to be missing anything.

    For the outgoing people who just aren't used to being online, typically it's because they've never gone on a date with anyone online ever, so you'd be the "first," and they work it up to be a big deal. And for the outgoing people, they often have no trouble meeting people in real life so the, say, 4-6 weeks it would take to actually convince them to meet you are probably interrupted by a Cute Coworker or Attractive Friend-of-Friend.

    I always bring up that I had a better time of it when I simply gave up on people who weren't interested in meeting in "real life" right off the bat (assuming there was some connection, of course) because I wanted to have a fun dating experience, not pull teeth. I ended up rejecting some people but my messages were a lot more jovial and I ended up with more responses, too.

    Plus I could rest assured that the people I was interested in were comfy using the Internet, which was a big deal back then ;D

    edited to add: This never occurred with me (got into a relationship too quickly after changing my strategy, am now married) but if someone is apprehensive about meeting you, it seems like it'd be a better approach to call them out on it. Just like you said. "OK, but this is a dating website, if you're not interested in dating people from here..." Maybe they'll think you're a dick but you may also help the next person they talk to.

    EggyToast on
    || Flickr — || PSN: EggyToast
  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle let's keep it haimish for the peripatetic Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Jean wrote: »
    I'd appreciate it if you guys could comment on the ''Most private thing I'm willing to admit'' section.. I'm not sure if my wording is appropriate....This is all new to me.

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/jeancanadian

    It sounds fine. As long as you're cool with admitting it to anyone then mazeltov! But if you're worried about friends/family seeing it, well, okcupid is not the most secure place in the world.

    OnTheLastCastle on
    I'm a published writer and have a very unique and interesting writing style. I'm also sharp and witty. My profile is well-written and hilarious. My messages are likewise brilliant. And I've been doing this stuff for...four or five years. I know what "works" in terms of good internet dating writing. "Works" in the sense of leading to a "date" with a human female.

    twitch.tv/onthelastcastle
  • jma820jma820 Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Thanks retrovm that was my tentative game plan. I'm sure in time things will change for the better. Just gotta relax and be patient and enjoy life with and without her.

    (crazy story about nin: wanted to see their last shows in NYC, but didn't get tix. Thanks to Twitter and lots of luck, I managed to go to their last 3 NYC shows. Also go team venture!)

    jma820 on
    Signature
  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle let's keep it haimish for the peripatetic Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    jma820 wrote: »
    Thanks retrovm that was my tentative game plan. I'm sure in time things will change for the better. Just gotta relax and be patient and enjoy life with and without her.

    (crazy story about nin: wanted to see their last shows in NYC, but didn't get tix. Thanks to Twitter and lots of luck, I managed to go to their last 3 NYC shows. Also go team venture!)

    I do not want to hurt your feelings, but every time I've had someone not respond like that or not responded myself it's due to a lack of interest.

    Which only makes you or them more interested. Which leads to more messages. Then an angry message. Then an apologizing message. And it degenerates.

    Thinking they're perfect just makes it worse. But man, I've been there. Hang out for fun with other people, you can invite her along sometimes.

    OnTheLastCastle on
    I'm a published writer and have a very unique and interesting writing style. I'm also sharp and witty. My profile is well-written and hilarious. My messages are likewise brilliant. And I've been doing this stuff for...four or five years. I know what "works" in terms of good internet dating writing. "Works" in the sense of leading to a "date" with a human female.

    twitch.tv/onthelastcastle
  • JeanJean Papa bear Gatineau, QuébecRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Jean wrote: »
    I'd appreciate it if you guys could comment on the ''Most private thing I'm willing to admit'' section.. I'm not sure if my wording is appropriate....This is all new to me.

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/jeancanadian

    It sounds fine. As long as you're cool with admitting it to anyone then mazeltov! But if you're worried about friends/family seeing it, well, okcupid is not the most secure place in the world.

    My closest friends already know. I haven't worked up the courage to tell my parents yet but considering how computer illetrate they are, the chances of them finding my profile is 1 in 100 millions.

    I have checked out guys profiles, but something is stopping me from contacting those who interest me. I can't pintpoint what it is exactly... Perhaps fear?

    Jean on
    "You won't destroy us, You won't destroy our democracy. We are a small but proud nation. No one can bomb us to silence. No one can scare us from being Norway. This evening and tonight, we'll take care of each other. That's what we do best when attacked'' - Jens Stoltenberg
  • fudomyoofudomyoo Registered User
    edited April 2010
    Good tips. I'll have to use them when I fill my profile out. I too just started with okqupid and have been pleasantly surprised despite how little info I've actually put in. First date tonight with someone I met there.

    fudomyoo on
  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle let's keep it haimish for the peripatetic Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Jean wrote: »
    Jean wrote: »
    I'd appreciate it if you guys could comment on the ''Most private thing I'm willing to admit'' section.. I'm not sure if my wording is appropriate....This is all new to me.

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/jeancanadian

    It sounds fine. As long as you're cool with admitting it to anyone then mazeltov! But if you're worried about friends/family seeing it, well, okcupid is not the most secure place in the world.

    My closest friends already know. I haven't worked up the courage to tell my parents yet but considering how computer illetrate they are, the chances of them finding my profile is 1 in 100 millions.

    I have checked out guys profiles, but something is stopping me from contacting those who interest me. I can't pintpoint what it is exactly... Perhaps fear?

    Well, it's a big step so I'd be nervous too. As long as their profile isn't listed as straight though you aren't doing anything remotely out of the ordinary.

    The biggest thing that helped me out lately is not focusing on everyone you meet on there as someone to date. People get tunnel vision on this stuff. Just meeting new groups of people is awesome enough and something positive will happen sooner rather than later. Still totally single for a few months but pretty okay with it!

    OnTheLastCastle on
    I'm a published writer and have a very unique and interesting writing style. I'm also sharp and witty. My profile is well-written and hilarious. My messages are likewise brilliant. And I've been doing this stuff for...four or five years. I know what "works" in terms of good internet dating writing. "Works" in the sense of leading to a "date" with a human female.

    twitch.tv/onthelastcastle
  • retrovmretrovm Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    jma820 wrote: »
    Thanks retrovm that was my tentative game plan. I'm sure in time things will change for the better. Just gotta relax and be patient and enjoy life with and without her.

    (crazy story about nin: wanted to see their last shows in NYC, but didn't get tix. Thanks to Twitter and lots of luck, I managed to go to their last 3 NYC shows. Also go team venture!)

    dude awesome! i went to the final 2 terminal 5 shows and got totally DESTROYED in the pit. also caught NINfluenza shortly thereafter. so so fun though, minus the sickness.

    retrovm on
    Blackjack wrote: »
    It's like putting an entire bottle of wine inside your five hour energy.
  • Typhoid MannyTyphoid Manny Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    so i guess what i'm getting out of this is that this latest tour was way the hell better than the with teeth tour and i should be sad i missed them.

    Typhoid Manny on
    Don't mess with me, lady. I've been drinking with skeletons.
    hitting hot metal with hammers
  • KyouguKyougu Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Question:

    Went skydiving over the weekend (Experience of a lifetime, changes my outlook on things, everyone should try it, blah, blah) and got a video of my experience. It's a short little before interview, then the actual jump, and a after interview.

    Thinking about linking it on my OkCupid profile. Perhaps on a blog post about skydiving or in the actual profile. Yay? Nay?

    Kyougu on
  • JoolanderJoolander Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    go for it

    what have you got to lose?


    its not you'll smack into the ground at 176 feet per second if you fail :P

    Joolander on
  • retrovmretrovm Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    so i guess what i'm getting out of this is that this latest tour was way the hell better than the with teeth tour and i should be sad i missed them.

    with teeth was really, really awesome but wave goodbye was BOSS.

    retrovm on
    Blackjack wrote: »
    It's like putting an entire bottle of wine inside your five hour energy.
  • KyouguKyougu Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Joolander wrote: »
    go for it

    what have you got to lose?


    its not you'll smack into the ground at 176 feet per second if you fail :P

    It's not my body I'm worried about breaking....it's my heart. :(
    Not really. :P

    Kyougu on
  • Typhoid MannyTyphoid Manny Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    retrovm wrote: »
    so i guess what i'm getting out of this is that this latest tour was way the hell better than the with teeth tour and i should be sad i missed them.

    with teeth was really, really awesome but wave goodbye was BOSS.

    i don't know, i was kinda disappointed by with teeth the record as well as the tour. shit was thin compared to the fragile tour.

    Typhoid Manny on
    Don't mess with me, lady. I've been drinking with skeletons.
    hitting hot metal with hammers
  • Mercutio87Mercutio87 Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Dating etiquette question. I'm sure we've all been in this position.

    Decently close friend of mine just had a super awful, no good, very bad break up with her boyfriend of several years. She has maintained an OKC through this time (available, as she was in an open relationship), and that and the rest of her online profiles have all changed to single and been edited. There's nothing on her profiles saying hey, not looking right now or suggesting she's going to go back to him, but obviously could use a little time to move on.

    It's been about a week since the breakup, she's talked to me several times, and told me she'll be living about half an hour away from me and would like to visit. Now, before, the main reason I didn't really think about dating her was because she already had someone. But we're already very much in the friend zone. I don't want to be that manipulative guy who uses friendship as a way to get a relationship (see: xkcd friends comic), but well, she's awesome and I'm interested. How the heck do I approach this without being an ass?

    Mercutio87 on
  • retrovmretrovm Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    retrovm wrote: »
    so i guess what i'm getting out of this is that this latest tour was way the hell better than the with teeth tour and i should be sad i missed them.

    with teeth was really, really awesome but wave goodbye was BOSS.

    i don't know, i was kinda disappointed by with teeth the record as well as the tour. shit was thin compared to the fragile tour.

    oh i'll give you that, fragility blew with-a teeth-a outta the water. we should start an NIN thread.

    retrovm on
    Blackjack wrote: »
    It's like putting an entire bottle of wine inside your five hour energy.
  • retrovmretrovm Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Mercutio87 wrote: »
    Dating etiquette question. I'm sure we've all been in this position.

    Decently close friend of mine just had a super awful, no good, very bad break up with her boyfriend of several years. She has maintained an OKC through this time (available, as she was in an open relationship), and that and the rest of her online profiles have all changed to single and been edited. There's nothing on her profiles saying hey, not looking right now or suggesting she's going to go back to him, but obviously could use a little time to move on.

    It's been about a week since the breakup, she's talked to me several times, and told me she'll be living about half an hour away from me and would like to visit. Now, before, the main reason I didn't really think about dating her was because she already had someone. But we're already very much in the friend zone. I don't want to be that manipulative guy who uses friendship as a way to get a relationship (see: xkcd friends comic), but well, she's awesome and I'm interested. How the heck do I approach this without being an ass?

    i'd leave it alone.. seriously. interested or not, leave it alone. let her have some time to heal from the breakup. and, do you really want to be a rebound?

    retrovm on
    Blackjack wrote: »
    It's like putting an entire bottle of wine inside your five hour energy.
  • JoolanderJoolander Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    retrovm wrote: »
    Mercutio87 wrote: »
    Dating etiquette question. I'm sure we've all been in this position.

    Decently close friend of mine just had a super awful, no good, very bad break up with her boyfriend of several years. She has maintained an OKC through this time (available, as she was in an open relationship), and that and the rest of her online profiles have all changed to single and been edited. There's nothing on her profiles saying hey, not looking right now or suggesting she's going to go back to him, but obviously could use a little time to move on.

    It's been about a week since the breakup, she's talked to me several times, and told me she'll be living about half an hour away from me and would like to visit. Now, before, the main reason I didn't really think about dating her was because she already had someone. But we're already very much in the friend zone. I don't want to be that manipulative guy who uses friendship as a way to get a relationship (see: xkcd friends comic), but well, she's awesome and I'm interested. How the heck do I approach this without being an ass?

    i'd leave it alone.. seriously. interested or not, leave it alone. let her have some time to heal from the breakup. and, do you really want to be a rebound?

    this.

    hang out with her or whatever, but nothing um.. "romantic" for a lack of a better term

    Joolander on
  • jma820jma820 Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    retrovm wrote: »
    retrovm wrote: »
    so i guess what i'm getting out of this is that this latest tour was way the hell better than the with teeth tour and i should be sad i missed them.

    with teeth was really, really awesome but wave goodbye was BOSS.

    i don't know, i was kinda disappointed by with teeth the record as well as the tour. shit was thin compared to the fragile tour.

    oh i'll give you that, fragility blew with-a teeth-a outta the water. we should start an NIN thread.

    whoa lets not downplay the lights in the sky tour, oh em gee the visuals. I saw that tour at lollapalooza 2008, my brother and i waited for 2 hours to get about 20 feet from the stage in a crowd of 70k(?) a nin thread would be the tits :winky:

    back on topic, don't get it wrong i have 2 other dates set up with okcupid women, i'm just not as crazy about them to be honest. I'll keep everybody updated once I get back into the swing of things after vacation.

    jma820 on
    Signature
  • SpacemilkSpacemilk Registered User
    edited April 2010
    Robman wrote: »
    gearn wrote: »
    Jragghen wrote: »
    Just a general quasi-ranting question (not seeking an actual answer). Why do people sign up for dating websites when they aren't comfortable with meeting people from the Internet in person?

    Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

    Many girls have absolutely no interest in meeting dudes from the internet, but they like getting compliments and leading people on.

    It is becoming more and more common with the proliferation of social networks like Facebook and Twitter.

    Alternatively they're not being malicious and "leading men on" :lol::lol::lol: but rather being nervous and highly cautious after being told MEN WILL RAPE YOU TO DEATH by society their entire lives.
    limed for fucking truth

    It's tough going against years of conditioning (not that caution is a bad thing) to think these sorts of things. The point in time at which a girl is going to be comfortable meeting with you is totally dependent on (a) the girl, (b) you, and (c) the lunar tides (just kidding). But seriously, some girls are fine with IM'ing a person for a few minutes and then meeting for coffee; others prefer a while, and some may take several in-depth messages, emails, phone convos, etc., to get comfy. Also whether you like it or not, you may creep a girl out unintentionally and she simply will never want to meet you.

    Personally on my first OKC date the guy offered to pick me up and I said no because that made me uncomfortable. Stuff like that. Also YMMV, etc etc.

    Spacemilk on
  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited April 2010
    One of the dates I went on from OKC kept texting her friend.

    Just in case I was a fiend from the internet with chlorophorm.

    Of course she stopped texting her about 10 minutes in so I felt pretty good about that.

    Munkus Beaver on
    Twitch Channel
    Steam: munkus_beaver
    Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but it dies in the process.
    http://www.ccfa.org/
  • SpacemilkSpacemilk Registered User
    edited April 2010
    Also in other (dating) news: I finally ended the toxic relationship that has been plodding on for over a month now. I am in pain but it is good pain and I know that I'll come out of it a better person. Things don't look so good right now but that's just my own shortsightedness and depression. So I guess it's time to update ye aulde profile, I'll probably be posting it for advice in a few hours/days/weeks.

    Part of me wants to jump back into OKC and start meeting people again - not necessarily dating - just meeting. But this is the second breakup I've had with this same person, and the previous time I tried to do just that and while I had fun on my dates, I could not summon the interest to take it past friends. I guess I could put a disclaimer in my profile but... I don't know... [this is the point where I realize I am asking for advice when I already know the right thing to do]

    To everyone that has been PM'ing me for profile advice: I promise you I will look at it this week. A combination of a weeklong business trip + laryngitis while on said business trip + relationship imploding has completely swamped me for the past week, but I will start messaging you guys back now! Sorry to make you wait after I offered, I do feel bad about that.

    Spacemilk on
  • RobmanRobman Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Most girls I've talked to about the whole rape thing will admit that their fear of strangers is stupid, because man what % of rapes are done by total strangers again?

    Oh yeah, 30%. So it happens, but the rape rate (by strangers) is ~22 per 100,000 women, or less then the death rate due to accidental injury.

    Still, 20 odd years of being conditioned that
    you-gonna-get-raped-yorapper.jpg

    is hard to shake off.

    Love the other side of that classic photo shoot as an aside
    1196533299522.jpg

    Robman on
  • JoolanderJoolander Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    moonbuggy doesnt like you stealing bandwidth

    Joolander on
  • NuzakNuzak Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    stealing from moonbuggy.org, rob

    that's low

    even for you

    Nuzak on
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