I just wanted to add my two cents to this. I admit to being a bit old fashioned, so take my thoughts on this subject with that grain of salt. If I found out that some guy I was dating, even if it's just been casually, is sleeping with another woman? I would be out of that relationship. If I'm dating a guy, I'm not sleeping with another. I will admit to having had two dates with two different guys in one month and feeling incredibly guilty when I set up the second date - but neither worked out. (One I discovered I had nothing in common with outside of the classes we shared, and the other tried to get me to have sex in the back seat of his Volkswagen. Mallrats anyone?) So I have never actually been dating two guys at the same time, as I see it.
I guess to me, it's a respect issue. I'm not against casual sex, but I'm a one-partner sort of person and it makes me worried about what sorts of stuff the guy I'm dating may have picked up from the girl that's been skanky enough to sleep with him even though he's dating someone else. </tongue-in-cheek> To that end, if this guy wasn't sleeping with anyone else, but was seeing other people, I wouldn't have sex with him until he decided to be exclusive. Again, just how I operate.
I know, I know. I'm a loserprude. You can commence the rolling of eyes and name calling now.
I'm of a similar mind on this one.
Y'just don't date two people if you're screwing one of them... it's not classy, and it shows a stunning lack of consideration for others... which is not a good thing if you are trying to convince someone that you would be a good long-term prospect.
FeatherBlade on
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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JeanHeartbroken papa bearGatineau, QuébecRegistered Userregular
edited June 2010
Had my first date in a month tonight. It went not great, not awful, just okay. She said she'd write back to me to schedule something next week. I have a gut feeling she was just being polite and than we won't see each other again. I'm oddly indifferent about being wrong or not about that. Ball's in her court!
Jean on
"You won't destroy us, You won't destroy our democracy. We are a small but proud nation. No one can bomb us to silence. No one can scare us from being Norway. This evening and tonight, we'll take care of each other. That's what we do best when attacked'' - Jens Stoltenberg
(One I discovered I had nothing in common with outside of the classes we shared, and the other tried to get me to have sex in the back seat of his Volkswagen.)
That sounds like someplace.... uncomfortable.
and to the larger point, I think it seems like most are saying pretty much the same thing: The exclusivity line, unless specifically addressed, should be assumed to be drawn no later than the point at which you hop in the sack. As with all things relationship-y, communication tends to help.
If it was a camper, it folds down into a bed, actually. But I am guessing it wasn't a camper.
It most assuredly was not a camper. Dude took me out, bought me drinks (I'm a lightweight, which I warned him about, so he knew exactly what he was doing when I excused myself to use the ladies room and he had another drink waiting for me when I returned), then tried to get me to sleep with him in his car. The kicker? He was parked in front of my parents' house. Classy date, or classiest date?
When I sent him a message the next day (after sobering up and going 'oh my gosh why did I even make out with him? and was his hand down my pants after I said no? gross!') to say that I had done some thinking and while the previous night was nice (at first), I really was not ready to get back into the dating scene (after my last boyfriend was a stalker creep), he called me a bitch, and said I was a waste of his time and money. (Oh, you spent all of twelve dollars on drinks on me at a dive bar. I feel so bad for the burden on your pocket book.)
The moral of the story is: Don't be that guy. If you want a girlfriend, please, please do not be that guy. That's behaviour I expected from losers in high school. Not from a thirty-year-old.
Just be sure to say "My limit is two drinks. No more." That's sure to get the ones that want to take advantage of you to buy you at least two more than that.
Just be sure to say "My limit is two drinks. No more." That's sure to get the ones that want to take advantage of you to buy you at least two more than that.
Should I bat my eyelashes daintily at them as I say that? Or sheepishly giggle? I need a sure thing here.
So we get stiff once in a while. So we have a little fun. What’s wrong with that? This is a free country, isn’t it? I can take my panda any place I want to. And if I wanna buy it a drink, that’s my business.
So I tried Quick Match for the first time tonight, and at first I was like "o.O Why am I being matched with these people?!" since most of the %s were 50-60 range. Then as I kept scrolling thru I ran into some AMAZING girls. Granted the match percents still were not very high, but these girls were unreal. So I stealth saved a few of them to message later after rating them 4 or 5 stars each.
I figure what the hay. Since most of the high match % girls I have messaged never replied, might as well try the lower ones right?
So we get stiff once in a while. So we have a little fun. What’s wrong with that? This is a free country, isn’t it? I can take my panda any place I want to. And if I wanna buy it a drink, that’s my business.
Since most of the high match % girls I have messaged never replied, might as well try the lower ones right?
Life lessons?
let's try this quick match business. . .
DasUberEdward on
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NocrenLt Futz, Back in ActionNorth CarolinaRegistered Userregular
edited June 2010
Ellie, I have the exact same attitude towards dating as you do, so you're not lame.
However, I might be in a bind here shortly.
I told a friend that I really liked one of his friends (an awesome girl whom I flirted with when he brought her over much to everyone's surprise including myself). So awhile ago I told him to give her my number and tell her to contact me. Just found she might be interested in me as well but has been out of state for the past month.
I wouldn't even call it an attitude about dating; I'd call it a "common sense attitude about how to treat anyone you meet with the bare minimum of respect they deserve." Plying someone with drinks for ANY underhanded reason is never acceptable.
Ellie, I have the exact same attitude towards dating as you do, so you're not lame.
However, I might be in a bind here shortly.
I told a friend that I really liked one of his friends (an awesome girl whom I flirted with when he brought her over much to everyone's surprise including myself). So awhile ago I told him to give her my number and tell her to contact me. Just found she might be interested in me as well but has been out of state for the past month.
Eh, doesn't seem like that big a deal. If your friend doesn't know already, just tell him you've started seeing a girl and he'll probably tell her if she asks about you - otherwise if she gets in touch herself, just tell her directly.
I mean, you guys weren't dating or anything, and plenty can happen in a month. No biggie!
Eh, doesn't seem like that big a deal. If your friend doesn't know already, just tell him you've started seeing a girl and he'll probably tell her if she asks about you - otherwise if she gets in touch herself, just tell her directly.
I mean, you guys weren't dating or anything, and plenty can happen in a month. No biggie!
I agree with this. I would say when this girl contacts you, just be honest. Tell her you're seeing someone right now casually, but that you'd love to hang out. After my last dating disaster (see above), I've reinforced this rule I have to only date people I was friends with first.
Why yes, this does backfire on me quite often. Because guys assume that they're in friend territory and that I'm not interested at all and write me off pretty quickly. I was friends with my current boyfriend seven years (though I fell in love with him the moment I first laid eyes on him because I am a romantic dork) before he came to his senses and realising that dating was the best idea I ever had.
More on the topic of internet dating I had some experience on PoF a few months ago. Where the heck were all you nice people then? Exchanging five messages back and forth does not constitute getting to know a girl well enough to tell her that you're horny and ask if she wants to sext you.
Your average person on POF is just like your actual, average person
And Ellie that's a really bad rule to have... I know I absolutely refuse to think of any of my female friends as 'women'. They're my friends. Particularly someone I've been friends with for seven years I mean man what.
If I approach someone, they turn me down... well, they turned me down 'romantically' right? That's that. They're in the 'friend zone' forever now. If they want to be friends, that's going to be the limit from there on. I won't pine after someone for months or even years, and I think that kind of unacted upon obsession is a little creepy and immature personally.
Yea, I'm over pining after someone like that. That shit can fuck with your head like nothing else. Ellie, did you seriously not date anyone for seven years before your current boyfriend?
Improvolone on
Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
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NocrenLt Futz, Back in ActionNorth CarolinaRegistered Userregular
edited June 2010
Yeah, I'm with Rob and Improve on this one. Once I'm a friend I accept it and move on. Well move on in that "ok she's not interested in me that way, but she's still an awesome Halo player and we share a lot of interests so we can still hang out."
Yeah, I'm with Rob and Improve on this one. Once I'm a friend I accept it and move on. Well move on in that "ok she's not interested in me that way, but she's still an awesome Halo player and we share a lot of interests so we can still hang out."
It doesn't just go one way. There are women I've met that I've had fun with, but not been 'interested' in. If I offer to just hang out because it's fun, if they accept I sort of expect them to have the emotional maturity to not lust after me for years and years. If not, well, there are lots of people out there. Go make new friends that won't torture you every time they tell you they're going out with another person or share a particularly wild bar story.
In regards to my picture question from a ways back, I found a couple in my archives that may be ok. Might save me the time and effort required to setup what I want to do for pictures. It's time for some constructive criticism though. Yeah, I can take it.
Picture number 1. Taken in my old apartment. Some say it's a nice a picture. I say it's too damn dark.
Picture number 2. Some say it's a good showing of my like of playing hockey whenever I can. All I see is my gut hanging out.
Alright I got the jock on. I'm ready for any punishment you can dish out.
Go back out and get rejected more. That's how it works.
On the subject of suppressing feelings for friends, I'm having to deal with a lot of that right now. My closest friend is a lesbian who I dated before she came out and I also recently started hanging out with an ex. The ex even introduced me to her boyfriend on Sunday. I'm not sure if she did that to show me I don't have a chance, or to show him I'm not a threat.
Like I said, it totally backfires. I'm incredibly skittish around guys. And one too many jerks trying to get into my pants after knowing me for only a few hours (I think that I used to come off as flirty when I was just being nice) turned me off from dating people without getting to know them.
Improvolone, I dated. I didn't date a lot, but I dated. All my friends in high school were guys. The girls in my area thought I was fucking weird because I played video games instead of worrying about makeup and fashion. (Now I do both!) And most of these guys I knew from the time that we still thought the opposite sex had cooties. So it's never struck me as weird to be friends with a guy for a while before saying "Hey, do you maybe want to start dating?"
I had my first serious boyfriend in college. At my second college, I had my second serious boyfriend, who really messed me up and I didn't date for three years. When I met my current boyfriend, he was dating another girl. I crushed on him foreeever, I'm not gonna lie. But I accepted that I was friend territory for him and just figured it was never gonna happen. This past April, he asked me if I wanted to start dating. Edit: I was not at all tortured by the fact that he wasn't interested in me. I just accepted that I cared for him deeply and always would, even if he always saw me as the third wheel.
Now, I'm not saying that I have to know a guy for several years before I'm comfortable dating him. But I like just the no pressure hanging out, or getting to know the guy through group settings/parties a lot more than I do just jumping into dating a guy.
Maybe what I'm really saying is that men terrify me because I don't know the rules of relationships and when I actually get to the third date, I worry that he's going to call me a bitch because I won't sleep with him.
I don't know, I agree with Ellie, however I can see we may be in the minority. I want my SO to be my best friend.
However, if more people believe in the "friend zone" to which you cannot get out of, then I can see it backfiring more often than not.
Ellie, the problem I see with your situation was that you had long ago fallen in love with him, so that fortunately this time it managed to work (even if it was after 7 years), next time they simply might not feel that way in return. The hardest part for me would be to know that yes we are close friends, but also know that she does want something more.
For me it was six years of being really close friends before we started dating. Unfortunately in the end it did not work out, but we are still friends and still hang out. However, when I tried to cross over the line it was really nerve-wracking the thought of maybe ruining the friendship (for if she did not feel the same as me). Though a difference for me was that I did not fall in love with her till well into the friendship (since she had been dating someone else at the time).
Maybe what I'm really saying is that men terrify me because I don't know the rules of relationships and when I actually get to the third date, I worry that he's going to call me a bitch because I won't sleep with him.
The only universal rule of relationships is "don't be a dick".
Who cares if he calls you a bitch when you refuse to sleep with him? That means he broke the universal rule and his opinions don't matter.
Ellie: I have read three of your messages now on these forums, why won't you sleep with me you loserprude?!??!?!
Srsly...it's all so confusing to most of us men as well.....if a dude is gonna be pissed that you won't sleep with him after 3 dates then he's clearly not the dude for you
You dated other guys while you were still in love with someone you were very close to? That's not entirely fair to them or you.
It may not be fair, but what else are you supposed to do? I tend to get a head over heals crush on a girl but since I'm so nervous, by the time I finally get to ask her out and well have her turn me down (all save one was due to them having a boyfriend), you feel crushed.
You cannot just mope about or wait for them (since it may never happen and there are other great people out there). However, your heart is still with that other person though.
The biggest thing then though is you cannot compare new people to your crush or then you set any relationship up for a failure.
You dated other guys while you were still in love with someone you were very close to? That's not entirely fair to them or you.
It's not? Awww crap. Good thing i'm just TRYING to date other women but it's not working out for me. Maybe they can sense it.
I'm with Tzyr on this one. I can't just mope around and wait (since with my situation there's zero chance). I try not to compare them to her but I can't really just give up on dating forever just because of one woman.
You dated other guys while you were still in love with someone you were very close to? That's not entirely fair to them or you.
Oh, so I should just become a spinster and pine away for someone I thought I couldn't have? Just because I (thought I) love(d) the guy (possibly) doesn't mean that I felt I could never love someone else. My boyfriend and I have been friends, but we were not close friends. We didn't talk on a daily basis. We saw each other in group settings (campus clubs, parties, conventions), and never really hung out one-on-one except for the couple times a year that we'd attend some sporting event together.
I never thought I would get out of the boyfriend's friend zone. He had said that he only ever saw me as a friend, because I had been a friend of both he and his then-girlfriend, and the three of us would hang out together a lot, but... He got to know me while he wasn't looking for options. So he never unlumped me from the friend category until recently. This is how he put it to me (warning: he is so romantic):
No he isn't.
"The people I work with aren't really dateable. I don't like the bar scene. And I don't really know anybody else. And then I thought 'Hey, what about Ellie?' And I realised that you and I kind of need each other right now."
My boyfriend is an engineer. He was oblivious to the fact that I felt anything for him until I spelled it out for him about three years ago.
Ellie: I have read three of your messages now on these forums, why won't you sleep with me you loserprude?!??!?!
Srsly...it's all so confusing to most of us men as well.....if a dude is gonna be pissed that you won't sleep with him after 3 dates then he's clearly not the dude for you
rotfl I love that you've been paying attention. And you're right. I just get nervous thinking that I am somehow so behind the times and that if I don't essentially update my behaviour to the new standard that I am going to end up alone. My best friend says I'll end up a dog lady. Which is what you are when you should be a cat lady, but are a dog person.
Let's not get crazy here. I have plenty of female friends that I'm attracted to, or share a mutual attraction with, but for whatever reason dating just isn't an option. Be it distance, a current relationship for one or the other (or both) of us, differing goals in the potential relationship, whatever.
Hell, sometimes people will surprise you, such as a friend of mine surprised me recently. About a half a decade ago when we met and became friends, I pondered trying to make a move one night after we'd seen a movie. I decided against it, and left it be. She lived in the US for a couple years, Israel for another, and just got back into town a few weeks ago. To celebrate her return (and get her out of the house, as she was going a bit stir crazy) we caught Iron Man 2, and then went back to my place and watched The Dark Knight, though due to jet lag and not sleeping much, she napped through large chunks of that.
In between cat naps we chatted, and I joked about my near-miss, which she agreed was probably for the best, as at the time it might've led to her not wishing to complicate things and keeping me at arms length.
My point? Hold on, I'm getting there.
As it now approached 2 or 3 am, I suggested she stay over, and offered her the bed while I'd take the couch. She preferred the company, so instead I curled up with her in the bed and got a couple of hours of sleep myself. I was on my absolute best behaviour, and we ended up awake again around 7. The part that threw me for a loop was when she admitted to being attracted to me as well, which isn't a terribly common thing for me, particularly from an attractive friend with similar interests. There was some fun making out, but we stuck with established boundries and left it at that. Though she didn't leave my place until around 2pm.
It was sort of a mixed blessing; frustrating to make a more intimate connection with someone whom is unfortunately seeking qualities that I lack (specifically; being Jewish and being willing to relocate at least twice in the next 4 years as she goes back to school in Boston and then Israel again), but wonderfully flattering that they'd think of me in that fashion. For the time being it's agreed that as much fun as it was to make that connection, she's hoping to get married and start a family in the next few years, and I'm not looking to relocate, so the timing just isn't right. Settling down doesn't bother me, but as an agnostic, while I'm interested in her faith (and I should specific that she's going to Rabinical school, so it's not something she's only casually glancing at), it's not something I can honestly see myself embracing in its entirety to a degree that would meet her needs.
TL:DR; being attracted to or having a crush on friends isn't a terrible thing, and can sometimes lead to surprisingly fun situations, even if it's not meant to be for one reason or another.
Forar on
First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
Ellie: I have read three of your messages now on these forums, why won't you sleep with me you loserprude?!??!?!
Srsly...it's all so confusing to most of us men as well.....if a dude is gonna be pissed that you won't sleep with him after 3 dates then he's clearly not the dude for you
rotfl I love that you've been paying attention. And you're right. I just get nervous thinking that I am somehow so behind the times and that if I don't essentially update my behaviour to the new standard that I am going to end up alone. My best friend says I'll end up a dog lady. Which is what you are when you should be a cat lady, but are a dog person.
Move to massachusettes and hang out with me. We can be dog people, but together
Ellie: I have read three of your messages now on these forums, why won't you sleep with me you loserprude?!??!?!
Srsly...it's all so confusing to most of us men as well.....if a dude is gonna be pissed that you won't sleep with him after 3 dates then he's clearly not the dude for you
rotfl I love that you've been paying attention. And you're right. I just get nervous thinking that I am somehow so behind the times and that if I don't essentially update my behaviour to the new standard that I am going to end up alone. My best friend says I'll end up a dog lady. Which is what you are when you should be a cat lady, but are a dog person.
Move to massachusettes and hang out with me. We can be dog people, but together
I can vouch for Justin. He sure is a catch. If it wasn't for his suggestion that I hook up with a bridesmaid at my boss's wedding this Sunday, I would just not go.
Back on topic: So, has OK Cupid changed much over the years? I haven't logged in for probably five years. I thought it was rad at the time, and used it just to meet chicks with similar interests in my area while I was going to college in a strange country and didn't know anybody. I met a Suicide Girl through OKC. She was totally awesome.
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I'm of a similar mind on this one.
Y'just don't date two people if you're screwing one of them... it's not classy, and it shows a stunning lack of consideration for others... which is not a good thing if you are trying to convince someone that you would be a good long-term prospect.
If it was a camper, it folds down into a bed, actually. But I am guessing it wasn't a camper.
When I sent him a message the next day (after sobering up and going 'oh my gosh why did I even make out with him? and was his hand down my pants after I said no? gross!') to say that I had done some thinking and while the previous night was nice (at first), I really was not ready to get back into the dating scene (after my last boyfriend was a stalker creep), he called me a bitch, and said I was a waste of his time and money. (Oh, you spent all of twelve dollars on drinks on me at a dive bar. I feel so bad for the burden on your pocket book.)
The moral of the story is: Don't be that guy. If you want a girlfriend, please, please do not be that guy. That's behaviour I expected from losers in high school. Not from a thirty-year-old.
Should I bat my eyelashes daintily at them as I say that? Or sheepishly giggle? I need a sure thing here.
Classiest date ever for sure.
I figure what the hay. Since most of the high match % girls I have messaged never replied, might as well try the lower ones right?
Life lessons?
let's try this quick match business. . .
However, I might be in a bind here shortly.
I told a friend that I really liked one of his friends (an awesome girl whom I flirted with when he brought her over much to everyone's surprise including myself). So awhile ago I told him to give her my number and tell her to contact me. Just found she might be interested in me as well but has been out of state for the past month.
I mean, you guys weren't dating or anything, and plenty can happen in a month. No biggie!
Why yes, this does backfire on me quite often. Because guys assume that they're in friend territory and that I'm not interested at all and write me off pretty quickly. I was friends with my current boyfriend seven years (though I fell in love with him the moment I first laid eyes on him because I am a romantic dork) before he came to his senses and realising that dating was the best idea I ever had.
More on the topic of internet dating I had some experience on PoF a few months ago. Where the heck were all you nice people then? Exchanging five messages back and forth does not constitute getting to know a girl well enough to tell her that you're horny and ask if she wants to sext you.
And Ellie that's a really bad rule to have... I know I absolutely refuse to think of any of my female friends as 'women'. They're my friends. Particularly someone I've been friends with for seven years I mean man what.
If I approach someone, they turn me down... well, they turned me down 'romantically' right? That's that. They're in the 'friend zone' forever now. If they want to be friends, that's going to be the limit from there on. I won't pine after someone for months or even years, and I think that kind of unacted upon obsession is a little creepy and immature personally.
It doesn't just go one way. There are women I've met that I've had fun with, but not been 'interested' in. If I offer to just hang out because it's fun, if they accept I sort of expect them to have the emotional maturity to not lust after me for years and years. If not, well, there are lots of people out there. Go make new friends that won't torture you every time they tell you they're going out with another person or share a particularly wild bar story.
Picture number 1. Taken in my old apartment. Some say it's a nice a picture. I say it's too damn dark.
Picture number 2. Some say it's a good showing of my like of playing hockey whenever I can. All I see is my gut hanging out.
Alright I got the jock on. I'm ready for any punishment you can dish out.
I never finish anyth
Anyway, back on the depressionwagon
On the subject of suppressing feelings for friends, I'm having to deal with a lot of that right now. My closest friend is a lesbian who I dated before she came out and I also recently started hanging out with an ex. The ex even introduced me to her boyfriend on Sunday. I'm not sure if she did that to show me I don't have a chance, or to show him I'm not a threat.
Anyway, time for some real life rejection! Oh joy
Improvolone, I dated. I didn't date a lot, but I dated. All my friends in high school were guys. The girls in my area thought I was fucking weird because I played video games instead of worrying about makeup and fashion. (Now I do both!) And most of these guys I knew from the time that we still thought the opposite sex had cooties. So it's never struck me as weird to be friends with a guy for a while before saying "Hey, do you maybe want to start dating?"
I had my first serious boyfriend in college. At my second college, I had my second serious boyfriend, who really messed me up and I didn't date for three years. When I met my current boyfriend, he was dating another girl. I crushed on him foreeever, I'm not gonna lie. But I accepted that I was friend territory for him and just figured it was never gonna happen. This past April, he asked me if I wanted to start dating. Edit: I was not at all tortured by the fact that he wasn't interested in me. I just accepted that I cared for him deeply and always would, even if he always saw me as the third wheel.
Now, I'm not saying that I have to know a guy for several years before I'm comfortable dating him. But I like just the no pressure hanging out, or getting to know the guy through group settings/parties a lot more than I do just jumping into dating a guy.
Maybe what I'm really saying is that men terrify me because I don't know the rules of relationships and when I actually get to the third date, I worry that he's going to call me a bitch because I won't sleep with him.
Or, again, loserprude?
However, if more people believe in the "friend zone" to which you cannot get out of, then I can see it backfiring more often than not.
Ellie, the problem I see with your situation was that you had long ago fallen in love with him, so that fortunately this time it managed to work (even if it was after 7 years), next time they simply might not feel that way in return. The hardest part for me would be to know that yes we are close friends, but also know that she does want something more.
For me it was six years of being really close friends before we started dating. Unfortunately in the end it did not work out, but we are still friends and still hang out. However, when I tried to cross over the line it was really nerve-wracking the thought of maybe ruining the friendship (for if she did not feel the same as me). Though a difference for me was that I did not fall in love with her till well into the friendship (since she had been dating someone else at the time).
The only universal rule of relationships is "don't be a dick".
Who cares if he calls you a bitch when you refuse to sleep with him? That means he broke the universal rule and his opinions don't matter.
Srsly...it's all so confusing to most of us men as well.....if a dude is gonna be pissed that you won't sleep with him after 3 dates then he's clearly not the dude for you
It may not be fair, but what else are you supposed to do? I tend to get a head over heals crush on a girl but since I'm so nervous, by the time I finally get to ask her out and well have her turn me down (all save one was due to them having a boyfriend), you feel crushed.
You cannot just mope about or wait for them (since it may never happen and there are other great people out there). However, your heart is still with that other person though.
The biggest thing then though is you cannot compare new people to your crush or then you set any relationship up for a failure.
I'm with Tzyr on this one. I can't just mope around and wait (since with my situation there's zero chance). I try not to compare them to her but I can't really just give up on dating forever just because of one woman.
I never thought I would get out of the boyfriend's friend zone. He had said that he only ever saw me as a friend, because I had been a friend of both he and his then-girlfriend, and the three of us would hang out together a lot, but... He got to know me while he wasn't looking for options. So he never unlumped me from the friend category until recently. This is how he put it to me (warning: he is so romantic):
"The people I work with aren't really dateable. I don't like the bar scene. And I don't really know anybody else. And then I thought 'Hey, what about Ellie?' And I realised that you and I kind of need each other right now."
My boyfriend is an engineer. He was oblivious to the fact that I felt anything for him until I spelled it out for him about three years ago.
Thanks, Shakes. You are totally correct.
Hell, sometimes people will surprise you, such as a friend of mine surprised me recently. About a half a decade ago when we met and became friends, I pondered trying to make a move one night after we'd seen a movie. I decided against it, and left it be. She lived in the US for a couple years, Israel for another, and just got back into town a few weeks ago. To celebrate her return (and get her out of the house, as she was going a bit stir crazy) we caught Iron Man 2, and then went back to my place and watched The Dark Knight, though due to jet lag and not sleeping much, she napped through large chunks of that.
In between cat naps we chatted, and I joked about my near-miss, which she agreed was probably for the best, as at the time it might've led to her not wishing to complicate things and keeping me at arms length.
My point? Hold on, I'm getting there.
As it now approached 2 or 3 am, I suggested she stay over, and offered her the bed while I'd take the couch. She preferred the company, so instead I curled up with her in the bed and got a couple of hours of sleep myself. I was on my absolute best behaviour, and we ended up awake again around 7. The part that threw me for a loop was when she admitted to being attracted to me as well, which isn't a terribly common thing for me, particularly from an attractive friend with similar interests. There was some fun making out, but we stuck with established boundries and left it at that. Though she didn't leave my place until around 2pm.
It was sort of a mixed blessing; frustrating to make a more intimate connection with someone whom is unfortunately seeking qualities that I lack (specifically; being Jewish and being willing to relocate at least twice in the next 4 years as she goes back to school in Boston and then Israel again), but wonderfully flattering that they'd think of me in that fashion. For the time being it's agreed that as much fun as it was to make that connection, she's hoping to get married and start a family in the next few years, and I'm not looking to relocate, so the timing just isn't right. Settling down doesn't bother me, but as an agnostic, while I'm interested in her faith (and I should specific that she's going to Rabinical school, so it's not something she's only casually glancing at), it's not something I can honestly see myself embracing in its entirety to a degree that would meet her needs.
TL:DR; being attracted to or having a crush on friends isn't a terrible thing, and can sometimes lead to surprisingly fun situations, even if it's not meant to be for one reason or another.
Move to massachusettes and hang out with me. We can be dog people, but together
I can vouch for Justin. He sure is a catch. If it wasn't for his suggestion that I hook up with a bridesmaid at my boss's wedding this Sunday, I would just not go.
Back on topic: So, has OK Cupid changed much over the years? I haven't logged in for probably five years. I thought it was rad at the time, and used it just to meet chicks with similar interests in my area while I was going to college in a strange country and didn't know anybody. I met a Suicide Girl through OKC. She was totally awesome.