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[INTERNET DATING] Adventure Time!

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Posts

  • SpacemilkSpacemilk Registered User
    edited June 2010
    Just because I tell someone "No, I got it" when they offer doesn't mean I'm not taking their feelings into account.
    Hey. HEY.
    But on the flip side, if the girl insists and makes it clear that splitting or paying is important to her, are you going to be offended? Are you going to refuse to allow her to pay or help out? How much would it take for you to give in to her demanding to help out?

    Spacemilk on
  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle let's keep it haimish for the peripatetic Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    I can answer this one for Justin! In his own words:
    I always pay for the first date. Always. Even if the girl offers, no, I got this one. Potential future ones, we'll work out.

    So much wiggle room for their feelings on the subject...

    OnTheLastCastle on
    I'm a published writer and have a very unique and interesting writing style. I'm also sharp and witty. My profile is well-written and hilarious. My messages are likewise brilliant. And I've been doing this stuff for...four or five years. I know what "works" in terms of good internet dating writing. "Works" in the sense of leading to a "date" with a human female.

    twitch.tv/onthelastcastle
  • EllieEllie Registered User
    edited June 2010
    Spacemilk wrote: »
    urgh blurgh I am not trying to pick on you but I must say this: I hope when you say "figure out" you mean, "He and I talk about it and reach a mutual understanding" rather than you just assuming certain things and he assumes the same things and if you're lucky you assumed the same thing. Because communication is pretty darn important. If you ever break up with your current boyfriend that you've known for years and try the internet dating thing, this is something you must learn, because future suitors may not have the benefit of seven years of friendship to give them and you a perspective into your head.
    Sorry, I'm overly verbose as it is and didn't want to clutter up another post. No, I don't just guess and assume. I hate doing that. I'm big on communication. If I think a guy likes me, I ask him. "Hey, am I reading you wrong, or are you into me?" I do this whether or not I'm actually interested in the guy, because it gives me the opportunity to admit that the feeling is mutual, or to quash that right then and there by telling the guy that I am not. -- I should say person, because I've done this with women as well. It's just much less frequent occurrence that I have to ask a woman if she's into me.

    I've done the internet dating thing before. That's why I'm loving this thread. I met my first two serious boyfriends because of the internet. *sigh* I must be coming off as incredibly dumb in this thread, if the tone of what's being said to me is any indication, and I am sorry for that. I swear I am not as stupid as I seem to be portraying myself. Your point was very valid. Communication is very important.

    Ellie on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Even if you don't find anything that we've discussed as being sexist or potentially insulting or awkward and unhealthy... don't set a precedent when dating that you can't happily maintain the rest of your life. If you can happily pay for most things, fuck it, why not, you'll find someone who loves that.

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
  • JustinSane07JustinSane07 regular __BANNED USERS regular
    edited June 2010
    Spacemilk wrote: »
    Just because I tell someone "No, I got it" when they offer doesn't mean I'm not taking their feelings into account.
    Hey. HEY.
    But on the flip side, if the girl insists and makes it clear that splitting or paying is important to her, are you going to be offended? Are you going to refuse to allow her to pay or help out? How much would it take for you to give in to her demanding to help out?

    If she absolutely demanded? I'd relent. But I've never dated a girl that demands that. They all say the same thing in the same way. "You want me to help with that?" "No, I got it." "okay."

    JustinSane07 on
  • MalkorMalkor regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Ellie wrote: »
    I must be coming off as incredibly dumb in this thread, if the tone of what's being said to me is any indication, and I am sorry for that.
    It's not you it's us. Seriously look through other topics. The Glee thread probably has more vitriol.

    Malkor on
    14271f3c-c765-4e74-92b1-49d7612675f2.jpg
  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle let's keep it haimish for the peripatetic Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Ellie, you sound fine.

    Justin said it was a culture thing so I assume he will find an Italian lady who loves it. There's people out there for all of us.

    OnTheLastCastle on
    I'm a published writer and have a very unique and interesting writing style. I'm also sharp and witty. My profile is well-written and hilarious. My messages are likewise brilliant. And I've been doing this stuff for...four or five years. I know what "works" in terms of good internet dating writing. "Works" in the sense of leading to a "date" with a human female.

    twitch.tv/onthelastcastle
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Its only entertaining when its EXTREME

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
  • SeptusSeptus regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Spacemilk wrote: »
    BEAST! wrote: »
    hey guys...this is a first date, not a gender equality rally
    How much do we judge people based on the first date? A LOT. So your behavior then really really matters.

    Also why should your behavior on a first date be any different from the rest of the time? If you display a behavior on the first date, isn't it reasonable to assume that you're going to continue with that behavior on later dates and into a relationship? If not, why are you faking it on the first date? Isn't that a bit deceptive

    I 100% expect to pay on the first date(though I'd welcome the offer to split it), because I absolutely do perceive the first date(and perhaps the 2nd or 3rd) to be different from the rest. The very idea of a situation where I am dressing up, going out to eat with a woman in order to sit and talk to them and find out all about their background etc, and then expecting to kiss, seems like a ritualized event to me. The alternative being, hang out with a woman that you know in some casual fashion(where the other party may have no inclination that you have romantic interest) and then at some point getting close and kissing.

    I've never been in the latter situation, so I accept that there may be some amount of traditional roles being played on the first date that officially brings you into the romantic sphere with a woman. It's not super awesome, but it's a very small issue for a very specific event.

    Septus on
    PSN: Kurahoshi1
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Wait wait wait wait... hold the phone here.

    Women pay for things?

    ...

    I kid, I kid. I know they do. Evidence over the past couple of years, however, would indicate that the women I've dated have not shared the same view.

    ITT: Forar determines that he needs to date a better class of woman.

    Though to be fair, there is often a descrepancy in finances with most of the women I've dated, so I've been happy to pay their way now and then. However, we're talking situations where one woman outright told me that she expected small gifts now and then, and another who took me out for my birthday and didn't have money to pay for dinner. Yes, I paid for my own birthday dinner.

    Hopefully in my 30's I'll start meeting women who are better set in their careers. Or at least more financially stable. Or just not really, really shitty with money.

    Forar on
    First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
  • SpacemilkSpacemilk Registered User
    edited June 2010
    On the bright side, I think we wrapped up this discussion just as another thread is ready to be born!

    Spacemilk on
  • BobbleBobble regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Forar wrote: »
    and another who took me out for my birthday and didn't have money to pay for dinner. Yes, I paid for my own birthday dinner.

    Dude, that's no good. I'll take you out for your next Birthday dinner AND pay.
    but I won't put out :P

    Bobble on
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Spacemilk wrote: »
    On the bright side, I think we wrapped up this discussion just as another thread is ready to be born!

    Yup, but who is a bad enough dude* to [strike]save the president[/strike] match Robman's epic OP?

    *: Note: women can be bad enough dude's too, despite the gender implied by the word. Especially if they're willing to pay for dates when financially feasible. Ha ha, full circle!

    Forar on
    First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Bobble wrote: »
    Forar wrote: »
    and another who took me out for my birthday and didn't have money to pay for dinner. Yes, I paid for my own birthday dinner.

    Dude, that's no good. I'll take you out for your next Birthday dinner AND pay.
    but I won't put out :P


    Fuck it, I will.

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle let's keep it haimish for the peripatetic Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    I will put out. I will bear this burden.

    We could close this thread out with dating horror stories, I am reminded because my story of being BITTEN by a STRANGER happened when I decided not to spend my birthday alone. So. At least you didn't almost lose part of your arm, Forar.

    OnTheLastCastle on
    I'm a published writer and have a very unique and interesting writing style. I'm also sharp and witty. My profile is well-written and hilarious. My messages are likewise brilliant. And I've been doing this stuff for...four or five years. I know what "works" in terms of good internet dating writing. "Works" in the sense of leading to a "date" with a human female.

    twitch.tv/onthelastcastle
  • SipexSipex Registered User
    edited June 2010
    Christ, this thread asplode.

    Glad it seems resolved now though.

    Sipex on
    Horseshoe wrote:
    I've got good news and bad news about 6th level, That Guy. The good news is that Forbiddance spell allows you to prevent enemies different alignment from entering a consecrated area, which is actually useful! The bad news is that the only other new sixth level spell makes lunch for everybody. Guess which one the party is going to expect you to cast.
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    To be fair, that was a damned funny story.

    Glad you didn't lose your arm though.

    Also, I'm feeling the love. Which is a nice change of pace.

    Forar on
    First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
  • DragonPupDragonPup regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Sipex wrote: »
    Christ, this thread asplode.

    Glad it seems resolved now though.

    A good way to wrap up this thread.

    DragonPup on
    "I was there, I was there, the day Horus slew the Emperor." -Cpt Garviel Loken

    Currently painting: Slowly [flickr]
  • DeciusDecius regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    There's women out there that aren't aware alcohol costs money.

    You can recognize them at the bars and clubs by the confused look on their face when they get a receipt.

    "What do all there numbers mean?"

    Decius on
    camo_sig2.png
    I never finish anyth
  • EggyToastEggyToast regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Your first edit is not at all what I said. I'm not superficially nice. I just am nice. It's what I do.

    I think the underlying point, which is a social interaction truth in general, is that it's great to be nice, but you can't assume it means anything at all. You did a lot of nice things for this woman, in this example, but you cannot expect anything from being nice.

    The flipside is, of course, that there's a lot you can expect from being a jerk. Usually bad things.

    The things you described all sound like fun things to do with someone, regardless of gender, but I think by themselves they're just things -- which is why there's the confusion in this thread. Note that what other people are saying is ultimately about adding context to the situation. For example, I think it's a perfectly fine strategy, as a male, to set a rule that you are prepared to pay for the first meal. Personally I think it's a good rule whenever you go out to eat that you can ensure that the meal is actually paid for. The issue of cost and payment, though, is also why I always suggest very cheap dates like coffee or lunch -- buying someone's mocha for $4 because you're in line together is hardly a financial commitment.

    But yeah, you listed off things and then say that she went with another guy. I'm not sure why you say those things except to point out that by doing those activities, she should be dating you. She could just be sketchy and use you, or you could have done those things with the expectation of developing a relationship without putting them in context. But I think that all dating activities need to be viewed in context. I know that you are relatively taciturn about what actually is talked about on your dates, which is your choice, but since we don't know what the context is then some in the thread go on the assumption that you do those things expecting to get a relationship out of the acts. Relationships are about the people, though, which is why it's not a formula or easy.

    But yeah, in context, it could totally be a situation like those stories where a dude finds out that 6 months into a relationship he discovers that his girlfriend actually has an entirely other boyfriend that she's been hiding from him and that the other boyfriend was actually *first*, yet she was talking about getting married and meeting the family and everything. Maybe your couple dates were great but she just liked this other dude more. Them's the breaks sometimes.

    EggyToast on
    || Flickr — || PSN: EggyToast
  • JustinSane07JustinSane07 regular __BANNED USERS regular
    edited June 2010
    I totally understand that those are the breaks, but that doesn't mean I can't be disappointed that that's what happened. I thought I did a damn good job for those 3 dates, especially judging from her reactions to them, and to find out she likes someone more (that she met for one night no less) is pretty fucking crushing. Infact, the 4th date was supposed to be tonight and it was going to be her night to take me out. And that sucks that I'm now sitting here.

    JustinSane07 on
  • RichyRichy regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    So, third date tonight. We hugged after dates 1 and 2. What's the etiquette here? Peck on the cheeks? Kiss? Sex?


    Please say it's sex.

    Richy on
    sig.gif
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Sex doesn't have to be out of the equation, but you should really try kissing her first. Hell, I'd even do it early on in the date if it feels right. No sense in waiting until the end of the date when you're tired to finally go "finally... but I'm tired!"
    I totally understand that those are the breaks, but that doesn't mean I can't be disappointed that that's what happened. I thought I did a damn good job for those 3 dates, especially judging from her reactions to them, and to find out she likes someone more (that she met for one night no less) is pretty fucking crushing. Infact, the 4th date was supposed to be tonight and it was going to be her night to take me out. And that sucks that I'm now sitting here.


    You shouldn't think of dating as "did I do a good job or a bad job?", that's what going to lead you into the "I did nice things, so why aren't we still dating?" trap. We're conditioned (and appreciate) rewards when we do a good job.

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle let's keep it haimish for the peripatetic Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Richy wrote: »
    So, third date tonight. We hugged after dates 1 and 2. What's the etiquette here? Peck on the cheeks? Kiss? Sex?


    Please say it's sex.

    Did you try to kiss her? Did she linger after the hug, perhaps waiting to be kissed? I mean, what led to not kissing her anywhere on date 1 or 2? Her body language and attitude mean the world.

    You should try to kiss her and see how that goes at least.

    OnTheLastCastle on
    I'm a published writer and have a very unique and interesting writing style. I'm also sharp and witty. My profile is well-written and hilarious. My messages are likewise brilliant. And I've been doing this stuff for...four or five years. I know what "works" in terms of good internet dating writing. "Works" in the sense of leading to a "date" with a human female.

    twitch.tv/onthelastcastle
  • SeptusSeptus regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    I would not suggest any expectation of sex on the same night that is your first kiss.

    Septus on
    PSN: Kurahoshi1
  • RichyRichy regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Did you try to kiss her? Did she linger after the hug, perhaps waiting to be kissed? I mean, what led to not kissing her anywhere on date 1 or 2? Her body language and attitude mean the world.

    You should try to kiss her and see how that goes at least.
    Man, I am so not good at reading people, you have no idea.

    I didn't try to kiss her after dates 1 and 2. Don't ask me why, it just didn't occur to me.

    Richy on
    sig.gif
  • PerpetualPerpetual Registered User
    edited June 2010
    Where are you guys going for the third date?

    If it's some place private, then it's kiss, maybe even sex.

    Perpetual on
  • RichyRichy regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Perpetual wrote: »
    Where are you guys going for the third date?

    If it's some place private, then it's kiss, maybe even sex.
    I'm picking her up and we're going to a restaurant. No real plan for afterwards yet.

    Richy on
    sig.gif
  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle let's keep it haimish for the peripatetic Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Richy wrote: »
    Did you try to kiss her? Did she linger after the hug, perhaps waiting to be kissed? I mean, what led to not kissing her anywhere on date 1 or 2? Her body language and attitude mean the world.

    You should try to kiss her and see how that goes at least.
    Man, I am so not good at reading people, you have no idea.

    I didn't try to kiss her after dates 1 and 2. Don't ask me why, it just didn't occur to me.

    Did you exchange words after the hug or did she just say goodnight and go?

    This is what I've learned at the end of a date: When people take awhile to say goodbye, they want to kiss. When they don't, they leave as quickly as possible.

    I dunno, man, just establish a second of eye contact and then kiss her. I haven't had complaints with that move. If she doesn't want to she'll step away or turn her face. Pick up your dignity and that'll be that.

    OnTheLastCastle on
    I'm a published writer and have a very unique and interesting writing style. I'm also sharp and witty. My profile is well-written and hilarious. My messages are likewise brilliant. And I've been doing this stuff for...four or five years. I know what "works" in terms of good internet dating writing. "Works" in the sense of leading to a "date" with a human female.

    twitch.tv/onthelastcastle
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    After three dates, you've got to know if you want to kiss someone or not.

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
  • RaslinRaslin regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    The last few pages have been pretty entertaining to me.

    I expect, pretty much everytime in the first couple dates at least, that things will be paid for completely individually. I barely know this person, and neither want to pay for them, nor them to pay for me. We're both expending energy and finances into trying to see if there's something there. If they don't have much money, we'll usually find something cheap to do.

    Now, if I'm actually dating someone, its all situational. I'm doing better financially? Sure, I'll pay for things more often, or vica versa. We're at a similar level? Usually just take turns paying for things, without paying too close attention.

    Basically though, it took me a while to figure out that hey, this girl is just as clueless about this as I am, we're both fumbling around, and we're on equal footing. I'm not winning her by doing anything.

    Raslin on
    I cant url good so add me on steam anyways steamcommunity.com/id/Raslin

    3ds friend code: 2981-6032-4118
  • PerpetualPerpetual Registered User
    edited June 2010
    Richy wrote: »
    Perpetual wrote: »
    Where are you guys going for the third date?

    If it's some place private, then it's kiss, maybe even sex.
    I'm picking her up and we're going to a restaurant. No real plan for afterwards yet.

    You should suggest going to watch a movie at your place after that.

    But that's just my opinion and it may be wrong. Sometimes you need to take things a little slowly.

    Perpetual on
  • retrovmretrovm regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    After three dates, you've got to know if you want to kiss someone or not.

    thisssssss

    retrovm on
    Blackjack wrote: »
    It's like putting an entire bottle of wine inside your five hour energy.
  • MalkorMalkor regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    retrovm wrote: »
    After three dates, you've got to know if you want to kiss someone or not.

    thisssssss

    MALKOR'S GUIDE TO THE AWKWARD FIRST KISS:

    A) Beforehand place a semi-important object on the table next to the sofa.

    1 - Look into her eyes.

    2- Move in for the kiss.

    If she pulls away-
    2a) Reach for semi-important object then say, "mumble mumble mumble"
    *Don't CRY*
    If she kisses you-
    2b) Step 3!

    3) SUCCESS. *Don't CRY*

    Malkor on
    14271f3c-c765-4e74-92b1-49d7612675f2.jpg
  • JragghenJragghen regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    I'll be mildly interested to see how some of the tuxedo pictures from my sister's wedding play once I get them cropped/uploaded when I get home.

    Complete sidenote: Hello from state number 40!

    Jragghen on
  • SpacemilkSpacemilk Registered User
    edited June 2010
    ROBMAN'S GUIDE TO FIRST KISSES (as interpreted by Spacemilk)

    (1) Walk her to her door
    (2) Look deep into her eyes
    (2a) Take her hand while you're at it
    (3) Lean in
    (3a) Slower
    (3b) Like you mean it
    (4) PLANT THAT SUCKER RIGHT ON HER KISSER
    (5) Pull back slowly
    (6) Look even deeper into her eyes
    (7) Open your mouth
    (7b) LET ANYTHING COME OUT!

    :D :winky:

    btw Malkor, yours is HILARIOUS

    well, see you guys after the lock!

    Spacemilk on
  • Casual EddyCasual Eddy Don't despair. Not even over the fact that you don't despair.Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    how do you change locations on okcupid?

    I just moved

    EDIT: nevermind found it

    Casual Eddy on
    Elki wrote: »

    Casual Eddy: best poster 2014.
    tyrannus wrote: »
    Casual Eddy: best poster of 2015

    gotta update that stuff man
  • EggyToastEggyToast regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Hugging is apparently a subject up for debate when it comes to starting a relationship. I'm not touchy-feely with friends, so when I first met, for example, my wife, it was a casual date so we knew we weren't axe murderers. Then the second date was a movie date at my place and I ended the night by giving her a hug and telling her that the night was fun and we should do something again soon. Then the 3rd date I told her I liked her but hadn't dated in a while so I wasn't sure how best to go about it, and she responded with "Oh good! I like you too, but after the hug last time I thought you were gay!"

    Ha, maybe the next thread's title should be "[Internet Dating] Are hugs gay?" :P

    EggyToast on
    || Flickr — || PSN: EggyToast
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    I'm just calming down from that sexist rant, now were starting with the gay stuff?
    Oh boy.

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
  • JarsJars regular Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    After three dates, you've got to know if you want to kiss someone or not.

    but kissing is gross

    Jars on
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