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Crazy Scientologist Roommate
Penguin_Otaku
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So we had a month left to go in school last week when I get a call saying that I have a new roommate moving in. (2 bed/2 bath, old roommate was a grad student who left to go to New York and work.) Cool, I figure he'll be nice enough and I'll be accommodating because I only have so little time before it's summer and never deal with him again.
He comes off as nice enough, buys beer for the weekend and I'm thinking this could be pretty ok. Doesn't have a car, so he says he might ask for a ride once in a while. Has a bunch of crazy stories about his past, some that just seem fishy and don't add up to me. Whatever, I'm not going to bust his balls after one night of meeting him.
Next few days go by fine, he's a little obnoxious and pushy ("HEY. Check this out..." while I'm doing something. Gets offended when I turn something from him down [cultural? I don't know. He says he has family in Dubai, he looks of Indian {dot} decent.]) Whatever. Then my girlfriend comes home from her regatta that was in Tennessee the past weekend. Meets him, thinks he's nice enough or whatever.
Now I said he was a Scientologist. He is, he busted out the Dianetics DVD and tried to make me feel enlightened and shit but I just was trying to be polite about it. He pushes this on my gf and I'm not a fan, but there's not reason to be upset because she can think for herself, etc.
She comes to me, tells me what she thinks of him and everything and so I start putting things together. His stories he told me don't add up. He's hitting on her (being very suave, telling her how much he likes this about her [again, I'm sure people will say "don't freak out" but she told me that's what it felt like, and I can understand.]) Being rude to our friends. (Told one she had signs of psychosis, it bugged her the rest of the night. Informed one that he felt she was the "bitch" of our group of friends. He was watching the Great Debators and told one of my black girl friends that, "You would like this. It's about the civil rights movement.") Just being an overall creep.
One thing that bugs me is that I'm under 21, he's bought me alcohol a few times and offered it to friends we've had over. (again, this has only been this past week he's lived with me.) He drinks ridiculous amounts. None of my business, but he's started going into my stash and just been nonchalant about it. He drinks so much. Again, not my business but I don't appreciate him drinking my stuff without him asking me or really caring. He has the edge, I guess, because I can't legally have it. (Please don't harp on this point, I get it so on and so forth.) But again, he's bought for minors.
So Saturday night we have friends over and their friends from Texas. We're hanging out, having a good time and he's there. I'm not going to kick him out or move the party because he does live there, I'm trying to see if he'll act differently in groups of people. (This is when he said those things to my female friends.) He doesn't really, but hasn't been too bad until he said those things. I tell him it's not his place to talk to women like that. He tries to walk towards one of them and I put myself between them and move him inside where I say simply we need to talk. I sat there and coherently asked him to calm down and to settle this stuff between us because after all I only have so long to live with the guy and I just want to make it bearable for both of us. He sits there, calls me names, calls me immoral and all of this other stuff. So we just live because he was being ridiculous.
So we go to another friend's place and I get a call from the girl who he said had signs of "psychosis." She's left some of her stuff at our place and needs back in. I know he's there not doing anything. But she's knocking and he won't answer. Just being a complete dick. Whatever, out of my hands. I say he's an ass and should treat people better.
Forward to today (Sunday.) My girlfriend decided to avoid him and stay in her dorm room. We're hesitant about coming back, but we do to shower and so I can get ready for work and don't see him. I'm in the living room unwinding and playing NCAA and he comes in and in an antagonizing way says, "All better now?" as if I had initiated the stuff from the night before. It upsets me, I tell him to piss off and leave me alone. His antagonizing remarks increase from here. Laughing in a mocking tone, saying little things. I try to tune him out and just let him be an ass.
He tells me he's going to the bar. I don't say anything until he's leaving and tells me to "behave myself." This really got under my skin. I yelled at him, but nothing else.
The lady and me were having an argument and took a walk to talk it out. I decide to lay on the couch to just relax and end up dozing off. She's still flustered and is just reading in my room to calm down her way. I hear him come in and hear him say something about me sleeping on the couch. He then walks towards/in my room and asks my gf if she's ok. She says, "Don't talk to me please." "I---" "Don't." "If that is what you wish."
Two times after, he goes in there and makes needless remarks about me and about what his plans are. "Oh, don't make any noise. I'm going to bed." This upset me because clearly, and I had heard it, she had told him NOT to talk to her. So I get up at this point, walk into his room and say, "Listen. You've really crossed the line with me. She told you not to talk to her. Respect her wishes." From there I ask him to be a man and talk about this.
His reaction was less than compliant. Just being an ass. He tried to point at my girlfriend and talk to her in a stern, commanding way but I stopped him and asked her to go back to the room. She did and he was less than pleased. A few moments of me trying to get him to talk and he just keeps insulting me. Dumbfuck. Dumbass... etc. I go outside to chill, somehow I hear both of them yelling and get between them and tell him he needs to chill out. He's very proud of himself at this point for whatever reason and I just stop talking to him at this point.
Three more weeks of this are going to be ridiculous. I plan to talk to the apartment manager in the morning to forewarn him of anything. He's never had a problem with me and we've occasionally had a chat here and there. So I feel like he knows "what I'm about" or some such.
Legally, what can I do? (Oklahoma) Probably not much, but I'm curious. I feel like he has harassing my girlfriend in his drunken stupor and I didn't appreciate that. I could be looking into that too much but I'm really upset he couldn't listen to her when she said, "Don't talk to me."
I've had a real tool of a roommate last year, but this guy is re-fucking-diculous and I don't know what to do guys.
EDIT: He told my friend she had psychosis after he was alone in the room with her for a little bit. My girlfriend was sleeping and I was on my way home from work. Somehow he feels qualified to tell people these things about themselves.
He comes off as nice enough, buys beer for the weekend and I'm thinking this could be pretty ok. Doesn't have a car, so he says he might ask for a ride once in a while. Has a bunch of crazy stories about his past, some that just seem fishy and don't add up to me. Whatever, I'm not going to bust his balls after one night of meeting him.
Next few days go by fine, he's a little obnoxious and pushy ("HEY. Check this out..." while I'm doing something. Gets offended when I turn something from him down [cultural? I don't know. He says he has family in Dubai, he looks of Indian {dot} decent.]) Whatever. Then my girlfriend comes home from her regatta that was in Tennessee the past weekend. Meets him, thinks he's nice enough or whatever.
Now I said he was a Scientologist. He is, he busted out the Dianetics DVD and tried to make me feel enlightened and shit but I just was trying to be polite about it. He pushes this on my gf and I'm not a fan, but there's not reason to be upset because she can think for herself, etc.
She comes to me, tells me what she thinks of him and everything and so I start putting things together. His stories he told me don't add up. He's hitting on her (being very suave, telling her how much he likes this about her [again, I'm sure people will say "don't freak out" but she told me that's what it felt like, and I can understand.]) Being rude to our friends. (Told one she had signs of psychosis, it bugged her the rest of the night. Informed one that he felt she was the "bitch" of our group of friends. He was watching the Great Debators and told one of my black girl friends that, "You would like this. It's about the civil rights movement.") Just being an overall creep.
One thing that bugs me is that I'm under 21, he's bought me alcohol a few times and offered it to friends we've had over. (again, this has only been this past week he's lived with me.) He drinks ridiculous amounts. None of my business, but he's started going into my stash and just been nonchalant about it. He drinks so much. Again, not my business but I don't appreciate him drinking my stuff without him asking me or really caring. He has the edge, I guess, because I can't legally have it. (Please don't harp on this point, I get it so on and so forth.) But again, he's bought for minors.
So Saturday night we have friends over and their friends from Texas. We're hanging out, having a good time and he's there. I'm not going to kick him out or move the party because he does live there, I'm trying to see if he'll act differently in groups of people. (This is when he said those things to my female friends.) He doesn't really, but hasn't been too bad until he said those things. I tell him it's not his place to talk to women like that. He tries to walk towards one of them and I put myself between them and move him inside where I say simply we need to talk. I sat there and coherently asked him to calm down and to settle this stuff between us because after all I only have so long to live with the guy and I just want to make it bearable for both of us. He sits there, calls me names, calls me immoral and all of this other stuff. So we just live because he was being ridiculous.
So we go to another friend's place and I get a call from the girl who he said had signs of "psychosis." She's left some of her stuff at our place and needs back in. I know he's there not doing anything. But she's knocking and he won't answer. Just being a complete dick. Whatever, out of my hands. I say he's an ass and should treat people better.
Forward to today (Sunday.) My girlfriend decided to avoid him and stay in her dorm room. We're hesitant about coming back, but we do to shower and so I can get ready for work and don't see him. I'm in the living room unwinding and playing NCAA and he comes in and in an antagonizing way says, "All better now?" as if I had initiated the stuff from the night before. It upsets me, I tell him to piss off and leave me alone. His antagonizing remarks increase from here. Laughing in a mocking tone, saying little things. I try to tune him out and just let him be an ass.
He tells me he's going to the bar. I don't say anything until he's leaving and tells me to "behave myself." This really got under my skin. I yelled at him, but nothing else.
The lady and me were having an argument and took a walk to talk it out. I decide to lay on the couch to just relax and end up dozing off. She's still flustered and is just reading in my room to calm down her way. I hear him come in and hear him say something about me sleeping on the couch. He then walks towards/in my room and asks my gf if she's ok. She says, "Don't talk to me please." "I---" "Don't." "If that is what you wish."
Two times after, he goes in there and makes needless remarks about me and about what his plans are. "Oh, don't make any noise. I'm going to bed." This upset me because clearly, and I had heard it, she had told him NOT to talk to her. So I get up at this point, walk into his room and say, "Listen. You've really crossed the line with me. She told you not to talk to her. Respect her wishes." From there I ask him to be a man and talk about this.
His reaction was less than compliant. Just being an ass. He tried to point at my girlfriend and talk to her in a stern, commanding way but I stopped him and asked her to go back to the room. She did and he was less than pleased. A few moments of me trying to get him to talk and he just keeps insulting me. Dumbfuck. Dumbass... etc. I go outside to chill, somehow I hear both of them yelling and get between them and tell him he needs to chill out. He's very proud of himself at this point for whatever reason and I just stop talking to him at this point.
Three more weeks of this are going to be ridiculous. I plan to talk to the apartment manager in the morning to forewarn him of anything. He's never had a problem with me and we've occasionally had a chat here and there. So I feel like he knows "what I'm about" or some such.
Legally, what can I do? (Oklahoma) Probably not much, but I'm curious. I feel like he has harassing my girlfriend in his drunken stupor and I didn't appreciate that. I could be looking into that too much but I'm really upset he couldn't listen to her when she said, "Don't talk to me."
I've had a real tool of a roommate last year, but this guy is re-fucking-diculous and I don't know what to do guys.
EDIT: He told my friend she had psychosis after he was alone in the room with her for a little bit. My girlfriend was sleeping and I was on my way home from work. Somehow he feels qualified to tell people these things about themselves.
Penguin_Otaku on
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I would have already told him we simply share a space and not to interact with me or anyone I know.
You don't have many legal options...
Starting an in house war is never a good idea. You can tough it out and change your plans, or move all your stuff in to your room, buy a lock, and leave him the rest of the house.
The guy sounds like an ass, but you arent exactly coming off minty fresh either. If the guy bought you beers, maybe you shouldnt get so butthurt about him taking some of yours, though it is douchy that he didnt ask beforehand.
Also, if you and your girlfriend want to have some drama, or you need a place to not be bothered, just stay in your room. That is your personal space where he really shouldnt be bothering you, and it would be good for you to vocalize these boundaries with him directly and openly.
The guy may not entirely realize how much of a dick he is being. Maybe among his group of friends they have an antagonistic comradarie type thing, and thats just the way he interacts with people.
I would suggest you actually sit down and talk with the guy, and try to de-escalate this situation post-haste. Otherwise, start looking for alternate living arrangements now, before the situation devolves into just how shitty a bad roommate can really get.
MWO: Adamski
Who runs your housing situation? The school? Talk to whoever's in charge of that and inform them of what a creepazoid weirdo he is and all the crazy shit he's done. Because he probably needs some real help (though being a Scientologist he won't get it!)
Other than that all you can do is move out. Personally I would just try to deal for three weeks and avoid him as much as possible. If your girlfriend comes over and is in your room have the door shut. Don't have your female friends going over there alone to get their stuff; if they left something there you get it.
Also talk to whoever set up this roommate arrangement. I doubt anything can be done for you, but a complaint about this guy on the record will help the next poor person who gets stuck with him.
At the very least, the next time you have a roommate who isn't perfect, you can say "Well at least s/he's not the Scientologist."
100% Green.
Especially the last part.
IMHO, make tons of snide side remarks about scientology but never get into an actual discussion with him about it. When dealing with a troll, the best option is to just avoid them.
However, since that's a lame option containing no sense of smug satisfaction, the second best and significantly more rewarding option is to throw out little taunts at him but never engage in the actual troll-tastic argument he wants. It'll infuriate him most likely.
I'll second the "ignore him" route. Hang in your room, don't bother saying much to him. Instruct people you have over to do the same and warn them hes a sociopath.
Seriously, if i could step away from giving serious advice and just ask something....
Can I buy this story? Seriously man, if you let me turn this into a stand up routene i'd kill.
Every time he says something creepy or douche-worthy draw a picture of him saying whatever creepy/douche thing he said. Stick these pictures all over your side of the dorm. You should certainly hum a happy little tune to yourself as you draw.
You can't reason with a crazy person.
But you can out-crazy them.
However, it also seems like you and your friends are way overreacting.
Haven't you ever heard that old addage?
"Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience."
It's clear that he's a dick. No one will argue that point. You just need to ignore it.
I said many times I tried to sit down with him calmly and talk to him about this crap. I'd be rational and say, "Hey. We don't have much time together left so lets just make the most of it ok? Talk this stuff out." Similar things. No response other than calling me a dumbfuck or some such.
I'm pretty sure that one's Mark Twain, I think mine is a mutation but I don't know who coined it.
What he seems to enjoy is pushing your buttons here and there. Now, this may seem like giving in or something, but what works really well with people who enjoy marking snide remarks to be sickly sweet to them. They want to hear you explode and grinding your teeth, don't give them the satisfaction.
Here's how you handled it
Dick: Hey I'm going to the bar
You:...
Dick: Behave yourself
You: /explode
Here's how you can do it
Dick: Hey I'm going to the bar
You: Alright, man, have fun.
Dick: Behave youself
You: I'll try not to burn this place down haha
Dick: /implode
You don' t need to go out of your way but really, if you can be the bigger manipulator and be sickly sweet, you'd be surprised.
xbl - HowYouGetAnts
steam - WeAreAllGeth
I feel the Scientology part (why I mentioned it at least) is just he feels like he knows everything, very pretentious as I'm sure you guys have inferred. So I just didn't know if people had dealt with people of his "belief" and knew how they operated. Again, he's very manipulative.
My girlfriend is very lady back and has no problems with anyone. The most relaxed girl ever, I think. But even she can't stand this guy.
Your friends can - or at least should be able to - stand up for themselves. It is not your job to try to defend them.
Lay off, ignore your temporary roommate and maybe find someplace else to hang out with your group of friends if he's going to harass them.
Watch this often and loudly.
Honestly your best bet is to just ignore him, but if you need to blow off some stress, passive shit like this will help. He's a Scientologist=> he's crazy. Draw some squiggles on sheets of paper, write "thetan" on them and tape them to your door. Shits like crosses and vampires.
You should really just ignore him, let this shit go, and go hang out with your friends at other places until you move out.
Trying to counter-antagonize him is NOT good advice.
Think about it.
You know he's a dick. Your friends know he's a dick. Let him be a dick in his own little dick world and hang out elsewhere.
That's me, at least.
xbl - HowYouGetAnts
steam - WeAreAllGeth
Because you're pretending to be the big macho white knight and "take care of them" when maybe the whole situation would be better handled by letting it slide.
Just because you're big on feminism doesn't mean everyone else is alright? It's not like it was unprovoked of me to say anything. It had been on going. Just because you have the ability to stand up for yourself and snap back doesn't mean everyone else does. Quit generalizing that part of the situation.
I get it and I've already decided not to bring anyone over to just hang out or whatever. Not worth the tension or whatever like that. My goal is to not say anything else to him and to keep my possessions out of harm's way.
I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. -Rebecca West
Blaming feminism when someone advocates letting people stand up for themselves doesn't eactly make you look much better then your roommate y'know. You wanted advise on how do deal with him, you got some. Your roommate is the real life equivilent of an internet troll, they more you fight him the more he enjoys it. He wants a rise, and you continually give it to him. If your friends aren't bothered enough by it to stand up to him, then there's no reason for you to.
Also, he said someone had a psycosis... aren't Scientologists the ones that don't believe in Psychiatry and psycosis' and stuff? If so, he's probably only claiming to be one because it's 'edgy'
Or, since they need to live together at least a few more weeks, maybe actively antagonizing him isn't the best course of action.
It's a shit sammich and I'm sorry you have to take a bite like that
The part where he was laughing to himself as he asked if you if you were feeling better really makes me think he just wants to get the last word and get under your skin. In a way you getting mad is a victory for him - either things are tense, which he doesn't seem to mind if he's going to call you names every time you try to have a sit-down talk about it, or he acts the way he does and your only choice is to avoid him which gives him space and makes him feel like he's dominant.
If it makes you feel any better, it sounds like the guy will die alone.
xbl - HowYouGetAnts
steam - WeAreAllGeth
IIRC this is not the first time Penguin has expressed white knight syndrome to the detriment of him and others around him.