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The Racist Pathologically Lying Not Quite Roommate

ANTVGM64ANTVGM64 Registered User regular
edited May 2010 in Help / Advice Forum
Howdy, I find myself with an interesting situation, and am curious if I am handling it the right way.


There's this guy, lets call him Jay. Jay was initially supposed to move in with me and two other people and we were going to all live together, college students, party, yay.

So flash forward to when it's time to start apartment hunting. Jay says to one of my room mates that he's worried about living with me because of my "Destructive lifestyle" Specifically that I online date and smoke pot.

So he asks all the other people if they'd rather live in a dorm, when they don't he makes up some bullshit about how student loans don't allow him to live on campus, which is a lie.

So the three of us scrap out four bedroom apartment plans, and look for a three bedroom. We find a place, then Jay comes along and starts to go on about how he won't have a place for the summer and he's gonna crash on our couch, kay?

Two of us say "oh I dunno, we'll have to check" while another one just said yes off the bat.


Now to the pathologically lying bits.

He says he played football, his dad was room mates with Aaron Sorkin, and, oh yeah, he flew in a private jet to NYC over winter break. in addition he started his own online dating profile, and claims the woman with the biggest tits in the world messaged her.

He's also terrifically racist. and not just funny casual racist that I think a lot of people do and don't mean anything by it, It's legit every second word out of his mouth. We play a soccer game and he claims he's going to arrange the penalty kicks by the color of their skin, he calls Basketball players the n word, and when talking to his friend that is dating a black guy, mentioned this particular fact LITERALLY every 15 seconds. He also claims to have gotten an A in a class that we all had, despite none of our own grades being in.

He's also lying about a TV show he has in production at my school - which made me look like an idiot when I mentioned it at a meeting at said school.


So I tried to call him on some stuff, I was like, lets see that grade, lets see that message the hot chick sent you, what position did you play in football again? and I also started a drinking game so that every time Jay is racist we all shout drink. I'm the only one that plays.

I'm also the only one whose broached the subject of rent to him, since ya know he's living with us illegally. But no one seemed very keen on it since we're all Type B personalities and Jay hasn't had a real job in his life.



So, what do I do. Ideally I'd like to destroy him a little bit, dissovle him into clay and mud of bluthering confessions, but I don't know.

ANTVGM64 on

Posts

  • SipexSipex Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Get your roommates alone...without Jay.

    Talk to them about this shit.

    Report back when this is done.

    Sipex on
  • FiggyFiggy Fighter of the night man Champion of the sunRegistered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Stop being so god damned childish. You're going to college now, it's time to grow up.

    So this guy is a douche? Stop hanging out with him. Sit down with your roommates and discuss the situation. Say that you're not comfortable with him crashing the couch because you don't like him. You're paying rent. You're on the lease. You have a say in the goings ons of the house and who will be staying there.

    Also, there is no "casual racist." That's a pretty stupid remark.

    Figgy on
    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment
  • SipexSipex Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I think "casual racist" means kidding around but not meaning it.

    Like telling blonde jokes but not seriously thinking all blondes are dumb.

    Sipex on
  • FiggyFiggy Fighter of the night man Champion of the sunRegistered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Sipex wrote: »
    I think "casual racist" means kidding around but not meaning it.

    Like telling blonde jokes but not seriously thinking all blondes are dumb.

    Joke around enough and after a while you'll discover that you're no longer kidding.

    Also, blonde jokes vs black jokes? Really? You just made that comparison?

    Figgy on
    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment
  • SipexSipex Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I needed something where you wouldn't automatically respond with "OMG RACIST", some people take it differently than others so I thought blonde jokes were a good place to sit with a comparison.

    Can we please not turn this into a racist discussion?

    Sipex on
  • ANTVGM64ANTVGM64 Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
  • FiggyFiggy Fighter of the night man Champion of the sunRegistered User regular
    edited May 2010
    ANTVGM64 wrote: »
    I think there's a difference in the way family guy is racist compared to the way, say, The KKK is racist.

    In any event, this thread is about the thread title, not a D&D on the finer points of racism.

    Talk to your room mates. Stress the following:

    - Your don't like Jay
    - You are paying rent
    - He is not

    That is really all that you should need to say, but feel free to elaborate. Also, don't focus on Jay. Focus on why you don't want another person crashing on your couch the whole time. If you turn the discussion into a Jay Bashing Festival, some of your roommates might feel they need to stick up for him, and things will turn into a shit show.

    Figgy on
    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment
  • MalkorMalkor Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Figgy wrote: »
    Sipex wrote: »
    I think "casual racist" means kidding around but not meaning it.

    Like telling blonde jokes but not seriously thinking all blondes are dumb.

    Joke around enough and after a while you'll discover that you're no longer kidding.

    Also, blonde jokes vs black jokes? Really? You just made that comparison?

    Blondes have feelings too!

    Seriously though the first thing you need to do is get him off your couch. He's a liar. Fine. So you'll know not to believe his bullshit. Then you can tell him you don't believe whatever sob story he'll come at you with because of the lies he's told before.

    But also make sure your other roommates are on-board with whatever you do even if it's not my advice.

    Malkor on
    14271f3c-c765-4e74-92b1-49d7612675f2.jpg
  • FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD interior crocodile alligator ⇔ ǝɹʇɐǝɥʇ ǝᴉʌoɯ ʇǝloɹʌǝɥɔ ɐ ǝʌᴉɹp ᴉRegistered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Figgy wrote: »
    Talk to your room mates. Stress the following:

    - Your don't like Jay
    - You are paying rent
    - He is not

    Pretty much this.

    Also, it sucks to have a guy crash on your couch.

    Either somebody needs to volunteer to share a bedroom with him and divvy up rent to reflect that, or he can't spend the night anymore.

    As much as you're thinking in the back of your mind that Jay is a raging asshole, that shouldn't factor into the discussion. If somebody calls you on it, and tries to say, "Well, you just don't like him," the best response is, "It doesn't matter whether I like him or not. He's taking up space without paying rent. He needs to find a place to sleep that's not in a common area and he needs to pay his fair share."

    Feral on
    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.

    the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
  • Robos A Go GoRobos A Go Go Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    It might not be legal for you to accept rent from him if he isn't on the lease. Check your agreement.

    Also, are you the only person who isn't comfortable having him around?

    Robos A Go Go on
  • ANTVGM64ANTVGM64 Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I dunno, one guy seems to enjoying hang out with him, but my friend and I aren't huge fans after he dicked us over saying seats at Iron man 2.

    It's essentially the fact that none of them, but me, are going to get up the balls to actually say anything? And that's annoying.

    ANTVGM64 on
  • SipexSipex Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    You need to talk to them alone like we've said and get them committed to action. Even if you have to take the blunt of the talking as long as you can get a simple 'yes' or something out of them when bringing this to Jay you'll be fine.

    This is, of course, assuming they support your movement.

    Sipex on
  • UsagiUsagi Nah Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    It might be annoying, but you know what? That's life

    At some point one of the three of you is going to have to be the point guy and say "Hey douchebag, pay rent and clean up your mouth or get the hell out of here" and then actually back it up

    Usagi on
  • FiggyFiggy Fighter of the night man Champion of the sunRegistered User regular
    edited May 2010
    ANTVGM64 wrote: »
    I dunno, one guy seems to enjoying hang out with him, but my friend and I aren't huge fans after he dicked us over saying seats at Iron man 2.

    It's essentially the fact that none of them, but me, are going to get up the balls to actually say anything? And that's annoying.

    See, this right here is why you need to just man up. You're pissy with this guy for seemingly childish reasons, and you're going to split up your friendships with your roommates if you keep this up.

    Talk to them in private. Stress that you don't want someone living in the house like this. You don't like having him around. Don't turn this into an argument that forces them to choose who to be friends with. Just stress that you don't want another person living there.

    Figgy on
    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment
  • noir_bloodnoir_blood Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    You also might want to consider not making a thread every single time a bump in the road happens and seeing if you can handle this on your own.

    noir_blood on
  • VisionOfClarityVisionOfClarity Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    noir_blood wrote: »
    You also might want to consider not making a thread every single time a bump in the road happens and seeing if you can handle this on your own.

    Noir does have a bit of a point here. You seem to have a lot of trouble socializing and getting along with other people. Your thread about your class assignment is the first one that comes to mind.

    I don't know why you're bent on "destroying him". You don't like him, that's fine, talk to your roomies. It sounds like they're fine with having him around and you're the one with the problem, something that you should have spoken up about before he moved onto your couch.

    He's not hurting you or antagonizing you, he's lying obvious lies to you. Just let it go and either talk to your roomies about how you want him out then kick him out as a group or learn to live with it for the summer.

    VisionOfClarity on
  • Dark_SideDark_Side Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I've found two options when dealing with serial bullshitters (its seems like more of a guy thing, but these are the guys who will tell you ridiculous stories that usually have no basis in reality.) A. Call them out on it, or B.) just accept that they're bullshitters and never believe what they tell you. Option 2 is really the only thing that works, as if you're trying to call somebody out on a lie all the time, it usually only ends up making you look like a jackass to everyone else.

    As to the rest of it, seems like a simple problem to solve, serial moocher/bullshitter who annoys the piss out of you needs to go. And like said by another poster, pull the actual paying roomies aside and explain that you're over him being there, and either somebody puts him up in their room, or he's gone.

    And then man up and kick him out. If you want to solve the problem quick and clean, that's about the only way to do it, and yeah, you're going to get called all sorts of names and he's going to say bad things about you behind your back, doesn't matter.

    Dark_Side on
  • Blake TBlake T Do you have enemies then? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    ANTVGM64 wrote: »
    I'm also the only one whose broached the subject of rent to him, since ya know he's living with us illegally. But no one seemed very keen on it since we're all Type B personalities and Jay hasn't had a real job in his life.



    So, what do I do. Ideally I'd like to destroy him a little bit, dissovle him into clay and mud of bluthering confessions, but I don't know.

    Really lets read this.

    Stating that you are a "Type B" personality is an excuse not to do things. Even people that get their shit done don't really like confrontation. They just put up with it because they know that shit works.

    Secondly that second paragraph makes you look like failed super villan from an episode of Ducktails. Destroy him a little bit? Grow up. Do you know what adults do in this situation? They don't talk to them! Do you know why? Because they don't like them!

    If your situation it's a little different because he's living with you. Talk to your roommates, tell them you would like him to leave. Tell them it's a place for three people not four and the lack of space is really very restricting. Plus you pay rent and he doesn't.

    So I don't spend this time completely yelling at you, yes, people like that can be annoying. The solution is to ignore it. I had a friend like that. So I stopped hanging out with him. I've seen him maybe five times in two years and have pretty much ignored him every time I see him. I don't have a problem with him now because I'm not dealing with his bullshit.

    Blake T on
  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited May 2010
    Figgy wrote: »
    - Your don't like Jay
    - You are paying rent
    - He is not
    - If the situation continues as is at least one part can be rectified should he not leave soon

    Tell them that you won't live with him staying there not paying rent, and if it comes to it you will find them another roommate and then move out. Then actually do all that stuff. Then they and the new roommate can laugh at his racist bullshit.

    Alternatively, tell HIM that YOU won't put up with his racist bullshit, and he needs to clean up his act or get out. And see you can kick him out because your name is on the lease because you are paying for it, where his isn't because he's not.

    You can also stick up for your friend. You can say things like "Who cares if she's dating a black guy? I don't, she doesn't, and the fact that you do makes you sound like a damn moron." You can actually repeat this exact sentence every 15 seconds if need be.

    Saying you're a type B personality does fuck-all to alleviate your responsibility toward this situation. One can go a step further and say that because you can do something about this situation which is deeply unpleasant to you, for every for second that you haven't tried to rectify it and instead sat in your room brooding you share a piece of the responsibility for its continuation. We aren't going to come to your house and do it for you, and it sounds like no one who actually lives with you cares enough to do it, so as it stands your options are 1) set your boundaries with your roommates and with him and then stick to them, 2) live with it, or 3) move out.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle let's keep it haimish for the peripatetic Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Best thing I ever learned: you don't have to talk to or be around people who suck.

    Crashing on your couch? I hate to be so flippant but: lol, lock the door and don't let him back in.

    Tell the guy who said yes a firm 'no'. Life is far too short. If he gets a bit sad, say to him "Life is too short." and perhaps buy him a bottle of cheap booze. You're in college, he'll love it.

    edit: I should add that life is really this simple. I am type B and as laid back as can be, but *almost* no situation in your life should make you uncomfortable. No need to get into the exceptions to that because this is not one of them in the slightest. Stiff upper lip, etc. Be firm.

    edit to the edit: Perhaps my two life rules would help you out since you sound like a younger me: do nothing that makes you uncomfortable ethically/mentally/emotionally and don't make plans that involve waking up on the weekends. Life rules when you follow those easy directions.

    OnTheLastCastle on
  • SojornSojorn Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    You could always get a whole bunch of black friends, tell them you have a racist that won't stop sleeping on your couch, and have them come over every day until he feels unwelcome or gets the shit kicked out of him and leaves, whichever comes first.

    Or you could, I don't know, not be passive aggressive about it and just tell him he needs to go because frankly you don't like living with a racist pathological liar who is consistently taking advantage of the collective good will of you and your roommates. Give him a couple weeks to get his shit together and get out, and let him know that is the extent to which your good will is limited.

    Taking the second option has the added benefit of potentially helping the both of you: It helps you learn to be assertive, and helps him learn that being a epic douche often has negative consequences.

    Edit: The first option is a joke. Seriously, don't do this. Assault is illegal, and not to be encouraged.

    Sojorn on
    XBox Live: NBKHavoc | Facebook | Sorry for the sig, it's just temporary. =)
  • DhalphirDhalphir don't you open that trapdoor you're a fool if you dareRegistered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Just to be clear, since the OP has shown a trend of not quite comprehending social situations fully by himself, the first part of Sojorn's post was not intended to be taken seriously.

    Dhalphir on
  • SojornSojorn Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Yep, thanks. Edited it for disclaimer. =)

    Sojorn on
    XBox Live: NBKHavoc | Facebook | Sorry for the sig, it's just temporary. =)
  • GungHoGungHo Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Going to say what I've said before in similar threads: Sounds like you need a better group of friends. Specifically, get ones that don't tolerate/encourage lying racist freeloaders. Especially, get ones that aren't lying racist freeloaders.

    Saying, "uh, well, we're all Type B" isn't good enough. Someone's giggling every time he says the n-word. Someone's believing him every time he lies. Someone's letting his ass stay without rent. And, if you're tolerating their toleration, then you're part of the problem.

    GungHo on
  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Regardless of his other behavior, the room thing pretty much shuts him down from living with you.

    You need to talk to your other roommates first, and tell them "look, if he wanted to live with us, we could have gotten a four-bedroom, but then he bailed on us and decided he didn't want that, then we had to scramble to find a three-bedroom. So, now he's shit outta luck, and that's his problem, not ours."

    Also, you are going to need to be the one to nut up and be the asshole. That's frequently how life works; get used to it.

    Thanatos on
  • SipexSipex Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Good advice, I wonder if the OP will read it?

    Sipex on
  • MrMonroeMrMonroe passed out on the floor nowRegistered User regular
    edited May 2010
    The only thing you need to talk to your roommates for is to let them know you're kicking him out. You live there, you're sick of his shit, you don't need their permission to put him out on his ass.

    Tell him, if you're feeling generous, "you've got one week to find a new place, and after that you can't stay here."

    You say you're a B-type personality. Well. Be an A. It's just fucking acting.

    MrMonroe on
  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    MrMonroe wrote: »
    The only thing you need to talk to your roommates for is to let them know you're kicking him out. You live there, you're sick of his shit, you don't need their permission to put him out on his ass.

    Tell him, if you're feeling generous, "you've got one week to find a new place, and after that you can't stay here."

    You say you're a B-type personality. Well. Be an A. It's just fucking acting.
    There is no reason to be unnecessarily starting shit with your roommates before the year has even begun.

    Thanatos on
  • CasualCasual Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Flap Flap Flap Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I'm going to mirror a lot of the good advice you've been given here,

    1) Stop being petty and childish
    2) Man up and stop letting this guy walk all over you
    3) At least as far as other rent payers are concerned, try to handle the matter with some tact

    He doesn't pay rent so he doesn't have a right to be there it's as simple as that. If your flatmates have that much trouble getting rid of the sponger remind them they can get in deep shit if your landlord discovers you have a perminant guest.

    Casual on
  • Casual EddyCasual Eddy The Astral PlaneRegistered User regular
    edited May 2010
    don't let him live with you over the summer. you're going to be trying to enjoy yourself over your break, not worry about your racist lying room mate on your couch.

    Casual Eddy on
  • DiannaoChongDiannaoChong Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I had a similar situation in college, only we were all aquaintences in a suite type dorm room system. We all got along except 1 guy.

    We all moved our beds into 1 room so the other room would be like a hangout place. As soon as we do this, that guy starts sleeping in the other room because of whatever reason he can come up with, and is just a general douchebag all around. They call him on his bullshit and he kind of just responds "I don't care actually, so get over it". He was supposed to be my roomate, so they force us back into our side the next semester, and I just moved out and cut contact and got other friends to move in with.

    I am not quite sure how to handle it differently. It's a bigger problem if 1 of the guys likes him.

    DiannaoChong on
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  • AvicusAvicus Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I had a similar situation in college, only we were all aquaintences in a suite type dorm room system. We all got along except 1 guy.

    We all moved our beds into 1 room so the other room would be like a hangout place. As soon as we do this, that guy starts sleeping in the other room because of whatever reason he can come up with, and is just a general douchebag all around. They call him on his bullshit and he kind of just responds "I don't care actually, so get over it". He was supposed to be my roomate, so they force us back into our side the next semester, and I just moved out and cut contact and got other friends to move in with.

    I am not quite sure how to handle it differently. It's a bigger problem if 1 of the guys likes him.

    Technically the situations aren't that similar. Your roommate had every right to stay in his specified room and there is nothing you can do about it. In this situation the guy shouldn't even be living there and the OP should kick him out immediately. Tell the other housemates that he has to go and that it may be illegal (some leases prevent people not on the lease to reside there or sometimes subletting too). Then kick him out. This is not a voting situation .This is a situation where if anyone has any problems with it, it has to go. Think of it like in court where the jury has to come to a unanimous decision. You need to come to a unanimous decision to allow him to stay there and if oyu don't fucking boot him to the curb.

    Avicus on
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