The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.

Another Webcomic Thread...

PucuckPucuck Registered User regular
edited June 2010 in Artist's Corner
A friend and I recently started a webcomic last month and I wanted to share it and get some feedback. I've shown the comic to friends, people at work and family members, but I figure a good place to get some authentic feedback would be with people I don't know.

The comic is drawn during downtime at work and I hope we can turn out one every week. We don't really have a specific topic and pretty much anything is game at the moment. A few of the characters are based off of real people (friends) and some are completely fictional. I'm pretty happy with the style but I feel I need to improve on the characters.

Here goes...

The first one is based off of the new Scrabble rules including proper-nouns. I kinda wish I put a panel in that had the game box on the table showing something about the new rules. Plus, in the 4th panel, the guy looks excited instead of pissed off.
2010-04-12-Scrabble.jpg

Based on something that happened at work. I'm pretty happy with how this one turned out. Theres a few things here and there but I'll just try to improve on future comics.
2010-04-19-Jose%27s-Groceries.jpg

Another friend of mine wrote this one.
2010-04-26-Terror-at....jpg

And the one about the iPad. Just did this one yesterday. Put gradients in on this one.
2010-05-20-oPad.jpg

Pucuck on

Posts

  • amateurhouramateurhour One day I'll be professionalhour The woods somewhere in TennesseeRegistered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I love the art style, and overall they made me laugh. The f bombs seem a little forced though in the first and last, like they're just in there to be in there. That's my only crit though, I like it.

    amateurhour on
    are YOU on the beer list?
  • PucuckPucuck Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Thanks! Glad you like it! I'll take the f-bomb tip into consideration on future comics. As we make them, I'll keep posting them here.

    I suppose since this thread was my first post, I should have done a bit of an introduction. I'll try to make this short: I'm 24 and I have an associates in graphic design and have been working for a large grocery store doing circular ads for over 3 years now. (The second comic is based on something that really happened at work). Doing this comic is kind of an escape from my job and I don't expect it to turn into anything else other than a hobby.

    As for the drawing and coloring process, I draw the comics in pencil first, then I go over them with sharpie pen and scan them into Photoshop. I did the first comic in pencil and then someone gave me a sharpie pen to try out on the other comics (I think I'll go pick up some brush pens and give them a try. Any suggestions?). The Photoshop process is just me doing a few adjustments to get the lines to look the way they do and then I make a layer over top of it that is set to "multiply", and then I just color it in.

    Thanks for checking out the thread.

    Pucuck on
  • earthwormadamearthwormadam ancient crust Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I like that you seem to be inking traditional, and you have a nice style to your panels. Its simple but it works. Now you just need to work on making your simple shapes work together because your arms don't look like they're coming of the shoulders of a body, they look like they're pasted awkwardly to the body. I guess that is mostly only in the first comic, I'm guessing it older.

    That being said, the gradients don't look good, you might want to stick with flat coloring. Also the Ipad one was the only one that I could make any kind of sense out of.

    It seems like you could def work on improving your storyboarding so that the reader could have a better understanding of what is actually happening.

    earthwormadam on
  • chubschubs Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Pucuck wrote: »
    2010-04-26-Terror-at....jpg

    remove the second to last panel in this one and it is a solid visual gag

    edit: in fact, cut the first panel too.

    chubs on
  • PucuckPucuck Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I like that you seem to be inking traditional, and you have a nice style to your panels. Its simple but it works. Now you just need to work on making your simple shapes work together because your arms don't look like they're coming of the shoulders of a body, they look like they're pasted awkwardly to the body. I guess that is mostly only in the first comic, I'm guessing it older.

    Yeah, the first comic was just me trying to define the style. In the newer comics I tried to make the arms look like they were part of the body. I don't plan to use a tablet or anything so I'll stick to inking methods. I did borrow one and messed around with it, but I like drawing on paper and scanning it in. Someday I'll get one, but I don't plan to use it for the comic.
    That being said, the gradients don't look good, you might want to stick with flat coloring. Also the Ipad one was the only one that I could make any kind of sense out of.

    The gradients were kind of a test. I thought about doing some shading to make it look less flat but I kinda like how the solid colors look.
    It seems like you could def work on improving your storyboarding so that the reader could have a better understanding of what is actually happening.

    I agree. Were very much in the learning process of everything right now. I actually have a few Scott McCloud books to go through in hopes to learn more about comics.

    And on a different note earthwormadam, I checked out your site and went through some of your art. I really like your art style. Makes me want to take on some other projects and start drawing more.

    Pucuck on
  • earthwormadamearthwormadam ancient crust Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    You definitely should, you've already made quite a leap from your first comic to your newer ones!

    Oh, and I should have said the airplane one made sense also. But chubs has a valid point there too. Sometimes a little snip here and there can make a comic that much more cohesive and effective.

    Thanks for taking the time to look at my stuffs!

    earthwormadam on
  • PucuckPucuck Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Here is the new comic my friend and I just did. This took forever but luckily I had nothing to do at work today so I did the rest of the coloring.

    2010-06-04-Brotherly%20Love.jpg

    We have a temporary website at the moment, but eventually we'll get a more permanent place. The site is http://www.non-entity.net/downtime Are the images too big for anyone? I'm sure the 56kers out there may not appreciate the large size. Is there a "safe" size that people use for comics, or should I even care?

    Pucuck on
  • DeeLockDeeLock Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Wait...was that supposed to be funny?

    What was the punchline?

    That Luigi pissed himself?

    That's not funny that's juvenile.

    DeeLock on
  • EncEnc A Fool with Compassion Pronouns: He, Him, HisRegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    You and your team should sit down with your ideas a bit more before drawing them. I was thinking your first few seemed rather train-of-thought in execution, but this one was seriously lacking in polish. Unless you need additional time to establish a pacing or beat requirement, a gag comic shouldn't go that long from intro to finish.

    This is how I figure this comic would be pitched:
    "Koopa commissions the hardest level ever, Mario chickens out"

    Joke delivery should go something like this:
    Situation: Koopa is pissed and commissions a level.
    Action/Expectations: Mario encounters and reacts to the level/koopa/etc in an expected way.
    Punchline: Mario/Koopa/the level does something we don't expect which causes the humor.

    I'd suggest trying to rework this one down to three panels and see if you can improve it, then add any additional panels you think would make agreeable pacing elements that are missing from the comic. While the idea is there, you need to mess around with it in theory before putting it on paper.

    Enc on
  • JLM-AWPJLM-AWP Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    I think the last panel would work TONS better if you didn't already reveal the craziness Mario had to run through. Seeing that for the first time in the last panel gives more of a punch to the joke.

    EDIT: And listen to what Enc said.

    JLM-AWP on
  • EncEnc A Fool with Compassion Pronouns: He, Him, HisRegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Pucuck wrote: »
    Is there a "safe" size that people use for comics, or should I even care?

    Sorry, missed this question. The general idea is to assume the lowest resolution to make as many visitors welcome. For page-length comics, usually pages run from 500-600 px wide and about 700-800 px tall, though there are plenty larger and smaller. The important idea is to make as little unwanted scrolling as possible. Scrolling is also a pacing thing, so scrolling down causes eyes to linger on each frame longer, which can be good. Scrolling left to right usually isn't as good if its a letter format rather than landscape.

    Enc on
  • earthwormadamearthwormadam ancient crust Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Panels 6 8 and 9.

    That would make for a much tighter and more effective comic. It sucks that you spent that much time on it cause, you really could've saved a lot of time trying to storyboard an effictive comic.

    earthwormadam on
  • PucuckPucuck Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Going back, I shortened down the mario comic to only 3 panels. It changes the story but leaves the gag in place. At least, I thought so. I still like the long one but I understand that it and the other ones could be shortened down a bit. Were still learning and any feedback here is greatly appreciated!

    I don't intend to actually change the long one "officially", but I'll keep the suggestions here in mind for our future comics when we plan them out.

    shortened_mario.jpg

    @earthwormadam here is the one you mentioned. I made it so I could actually see it instead of visualizing it in the full comic.

    quickie.jpg

    Thanks again!

    Pucuck on
Sign In or Register to comment.