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I am having a lot of difficulty getting off through traditional intercourse
lab7
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
And by "traditional" I mean "vaginal" (I'm a twenty year old guy). And I'm not trolling here, I'm seriously worried.
I'm sorry if this becomes sort of TMI, so I'll leave out the gory details unless they really need to be known.
Basically, my girlfriend and I are into the rougher side of things. She likes to be thrown around and humiliated, and I'm pretty into the throwing. But I have been having to fake a lot of orgasms during vaginal intercourse, even during rough sex, which has been making me feel pretty damn ashamed. I'm at a complete loss of what to do. I feel like I can't get her off without making it worthless for me, which in turn makes me feel ridiculously guilty for being selfish. I think she might know, and she might feel like she isn't good enough or something terrible like that.
I have no fucking clue what to do
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I'm sorry if this becomes sort of TMI, so I'll leave out the gory details unless they really need to be known.
Basically, my girlfriend and I are into the rougher side of things. She likes to be thrown around and humiliated, and I'm pretty into the throwing. But I have been having to fake a lot of orgasms during vaginal intercourse, even during rough sex, which has been making me feel pretty damn ashamed. I'm at a complete loss of what to do. I feel like I can't get her off without making it worthless for me, which in turn makes me feel ridiculously guilty for being selfish. I think she might know, and she might feel like she isn't good enough or something terrible like that.
I have no fucking clue what to do
. lab7 on
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Edit: Don't forget that you have other things you can please her with rather than your penis.
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but they're listening to every word I say
Next, I recommend finding a sex store near you and finding some neat sex toys you both would like. Fuzzy handcuffs are a popular choice, as is stuff to tie her up with.
If you're finding it hard to get off with vaginal intercourse, obviously there are other options. Try anal! You might like it. Of course, buy lots of lube and use it liberally. Ask the internet (google!) or people at the local sex store about any newbie tips for anal intercourse.
If you feel like you're being selfish trying to get yourself off, spend the first part of your lovemaking getting her off specifically. Use foreplay to your advantage and satisfy her before you even stick your penis in there. Then you won't feel guilty about getting off because you made her orgasm already.
If she needs penetration to get off, go back to what I was saying earlier about the sex store. Buy a vibrator and use that on her, it's fun!
That's all I can think of for now, but that should get you started.
HE can't get off. Not her.
Something I heard, which I think is a good way to think about, is that if you make that your end goal is to orgasm, then you set yourself up for disappointment if that does not happen. Make your goal something simpler like having fun with someone you care about, and then when you do not finish, it's fine.
Also realize the more and more you worry about whether or not you are going to finish, the harder it will be and more disappointed/agrivated you will feel when you do not.
We're pretty open about sex, and we've both established our compatible fantasies (she's not into strangulation very much, for example). But I guess I could tell her about what's happening. It would be pretty damn difficult, but I could try.
As for the rest -- I actually can get off through anal intercourse, but not really through vaginal, which is weird. And as I mentioned before, I'm plenty good at foreplay, but she isn't satisfied at all until I stick it in her, to be blunt. I'm anything but selfish, believe me.
Maybe I will buy a vibrator, if I'm not too embarrassed. That's a good idea.
Does she just not enjoy anal then? Why is there a problem? And if there is a problem with anal, what is it about anal that allows you to get off and how can you get that elsewhere?
There's no problem with getting off through a specific means, I was with a girl a while back who, while she enjoyed penetration, simple could not ever get off by it. And therefore we worked other ways to get her off, and that was fine... it wasn't a problem.
If you can't get off with just vaginal intercourse then figure out what does get you off and do that. There's nothing wrong with having specific needs.
You've apparently found what gets you off, what's the problem?
She really, really enjoys vaginal sex, anal not so much. I get what you're saying and it makes sense, but I still feel bad. Maybe I should just talk to her.
Oh, and to make things even worse, I'll be leaving for the summer and won't see her for quite a while -- we have actually talked about breaking up at the end of the summer as we go to different schools. So now I'm also worried about fucking up future relationships, should they occur at all
Oh, and to make things even worse, I'll be leaving for the summer and won't see her for quite a while -- we have actually talked about breaking up at the end of the summer as we go to different schools. So now I'm also worried about fucking up future relationships, should they occur at all
Nothing wrong with only being able to get off from anal sex.
Having a relationship with someone is not based on sex alone. If you think it is you have your priorities way screwed up.
Switch: 6200-8149-0919 / Wii U: maximumzero / 3DS: 0860-3352-3335 / eBay Shop
Oh, no no no no. We waited nearly a year to have sex. I want to say that I really do love her, but I'm probably too young to actually mean that. And I know that she is absolutely devoted to me. There is plenty of snuggling going on afterwards too. But sex is very important to her these days.
However, sex is a super-important part of relationships. If there is a problem that essentially makes sex a chore for one or both partners, that's very clearly a problem. There's nothing wrong with wanting sexual compatibility and suggesting otherwise is ridiculous.
I don't see anything here that says "ALL THAT'S IMPORTANT IS SEX", but rather that sex is an important part of a relationship. Which it is.
However, to the OP.... Look, sex should be mutually enjoyable. If it's not, then it's not so good for anyone anymore. Sure, if you're in a future relationship with a girl who refuses to do anything that would get you off, and only will have vaginal sex then ok there could be a problem if that doesn't get you off, but similarly it would be a problem if you would only do anal and refuse to do anything to get her off. Sex is a really awkward and touchy subject, but talking about it, being clear, and making sure everyone enjoys themselves is important.
Either way, you shouldn't feel embarrassed ever about having a specific need. One thought exercise I like is to reverse the roles. Which you've essentially already done. You get off on anal but not vaginal, and your girl gets off on vaginal but not anal. Do you still have vaginal intercourse? Does she dislike anal more than you dislike vaginal? Or hell, do you even really dislike vaginal as much as it just doesn't really work for the orgasm? Would she still enjoy anal but it wouldn't get her off? Unless she has some aversion to anal or she thinks of it like a chore you should have no more aversion to asking for anal to get off than you think she should for asking for vaginal to get off.
Do you enjoy vaginal sex at all? If yes, then why do you feel bad? You're making her feel great. Stop feeling bad.
Aside from anal, what else has gotten you off? Have you ever been penetrated?
As for future relationships, its always different. Some women I need to be more aggressive with to get off, others far from it.
It sounds like theres a lot of emotional blocks happening for you.
Improvolone, the stuff that has always gotten me off has always been the very roughest. I guess anal is kind of part of that. As for being penetrated -- dear sweet Odin, no. Ew.
Truth. Some people enjoy anal and can only get off from that, some others can't, or don't enjoy it. If you like anal, and she likes anal, try and do it more often!
Also, the bit about foreplay? DO THAT. Ger her off, and then focus on you.
Also, try and be more honest about getting off. I know you mean the best about faking orgasms, you don't want to make her feel bad, but it's pretty deceptive. You're effectively lying to your girlfriend about something important.
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As for foreplay -- I always make sure to spend plenty of time on her before every session, but she can't really orgasm until we actually have sex.
A2V is so so so bad for her.
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:O
EEEEEEWWWWWWWW.
I mean, I'm into some pretty kinky stuff but that's just... wrong.
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I've had a lot of success with kind of stopping mid-sex, still penetrating and then sloooowly starting again. Kind of reminds you of the nice feelings. Generally, the tip of the penis is more sensitive than the other parts. Slow and stimulate that part slowly.
You could try that.
Are you on any medications currently? Have you started or stopped taking anything recently?
But you do have to stop faking it and let her know that you aren't getting off. If she cares about you, she will understand and you'll both come to a more enjoyable arrangement for both parties
Try different positions and different condoms (thinner ones or heat gel ones might work).
It needs to be emphasized, though, that you need to stop faking it. Talk to your girlfriend about this issue but...you may want to leave the faking part out. That might just hurt her feelings and not add anything useful.
Secret Satan
Stop masturbating for a few weeks and then start again with a feather-light touch if this is the case...
I actually had a friend who this just happened to within the last few months. He ended up doing the same thing, no choking the silly goose for a few weeks.
Now, if you are still having the same problem, I highly suggest a career in porn.
This seems truly plausible. Not the porn part, the other bit.
buy warhams
and then
talk to her some more
No I'm serious, especially since you made it seem like you're borderline BDSM people, there is a never a point where you've been communicating too much. Tell her that you need to do some different things and talk about what the two of you are willing to try.
Don't feel pressured to cum when you have sex, its totally possible to not cum and still have a very enjoyable experience.
Except that some women take offense if you don't finish. Hell, I've been married to my wife for 10 years and she still gets annoyed if I don't get off. She takes it that there is something wrong with her.
Well, it's very common to think that there's something wrong with yourself if your partner can't get off. It's usually the first conclusion that most people jump to when their SO doesn't cum. You just need to explain to her that it's DEFINITELY not her and you absolutely find her sexy, it's just something you need to work on.
Anyway, like others said, don't feel pressured to orgasm. Relax and everything will come easier (Pun totally intended).
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I guess I'll have to give that a shot... as I said before, we're plenty open about sex (you kind of have to be if you don't want to get in trouble, in our case), but this is going to be a new one for her.