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Wont you be my neighbor?
Disrupter
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So, I am a 25 year old male with a 24 year old fiance. We have friends in the 23-26 range. Last month we bought a town house in a nice neighborhood. For the month, my neighbors and I have had little or no communication. One set have waved to me, and I have waved back, smiled, etc. The other set just stared at us awkwardly while moving in and otherwise ignore us...
A few weekends I have friends over. Probably every other weekend. I am concious of noise. They go outside and smoke and I remind them to keep it down. Inside we dont blast music or do anything crazy. We may laugh loudly or get excited, but honestly, we do a fine job being courteous.
Last night I had one buddy over to watch the black hawks. My fiance managed to mess up my cable during the second period, so while waiting for her to reset it we went outisde and played a few rounds of bags. This was like 8ish.
After the hawks game, we went back outside to play another game or two. This is 10:30. I realize bags is sort of loud, and the noise isnt something that is consistant to get used to. However I also know its only 10:30 and its a friday. I figure midnight is too late, but before that, its a weekend.
10:40 rolls around and my neighbor who I never speak to or interact with comes out into his yard and says "dont you think its a little late for that?"
First off...he is polish or russian and like 40, I am 25 and neither of those things, so communication is a bit...awkward. He came down and talked to me like a child...I was unhappy. I however appologized and went inside.
Then I started getting upset. I dont want to have to be that cautious about my neighbors at 10:30 on a friday.
Every weekend, theres a house that has a fire out back and is up, outside, drinking until 4-ish. I dont mind, but im just setting the stage that its not like its all old fuddy dutties in the association.
So my question is, how do I handle the situation from here? Personally I feel as long as we are trying to keep it down, we can do what we want before midnight on friday or saturday. After midnight, we need to cut stuff out like bags and hanging outside and keep it inside.
That is my plan. Does that seem fair?
If no...ok, what is fair?
If so. How do I deal with this annoying grouchy pants neighbor? Do I simply prentend last night didnt happen? Do I wait for him to come out again and then explain that 10:30 doesnt seem too late for me and explain I will be done in a bit? Do I buy him earplugs, stick them in his mailbox with a note that reads "10:30 isnt too late, use these."?
Basically I want to be able to do what I want until midnight but I also want to keep things civil with this guy. What are my options?
A few weekends I have friends over. Probably every other weekend. I am concious of noise. They go outside and smoke and I remind them to keep it down. Inside we dont blast music or do anything crazy. We may laugh loudly or get excited, but honestly, we do a fine job being courteous.
Last night I had one buddy over to watch the black hawks. My fiance managed to mess up my cable during the second period, so while waiting for her to reset it we went outisde and played a few rounds of bags. This was like 8ish.
After the hawks game, we went back outside to play another game or two. This is 10:30. I realize bags is sort of loud, and the noise isnt something that is consistant to get used to. However I also know its only 10:30 and its a friday. I figure midnight is too late, but before that, its a weekend.
10:40 rolls around and my neighbor who I never speak to or interact with comes out into his yard and says "dont you think its a little late for that?"
First off...he is polish or russian and like 40, I am 25 and neither of those things, so communication is a bit...awkward. He came down and talked to me like a child...I was unhappy. I however appologized and went inside.
Then I started getting upset. I dont want to have to be that cautious about my neighbors at 10:30 on a friday.
Every weekend, theres a house that has a fire out back and is up, outside, drinking until 4-ish. I dont mind, but im just setting the stage that its not like its all old fuddy dutties in the association.
So my question is, how do I handle the situation from here? Personally I feel as long as we are trying to keep it down, we can do what we want before midnight on friday or saturday. After midnight, we need to cut stuff out like bags and hanging outside and keep it inside.
That is my plan. Does that seem fair?
If no...ok, what is fair?
If so. How do I deal with this annoying grouchy pants neighbor? Do I simply prentend last night didnt happen? Do I wait for him to come out again and then explain that 10:30 doesnt seem too late for me and explain I will be done in a bit? Do I buy him earplugs, stick them in his mailbox with a note that reads "10:30 isnt too late, use these."?
Basically I want to be able to do what I want until midnight but I also want to keep things civil with this guy. What are my options?
Disrupter on
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He has a different bed time than you and you should respect that
Bags is a silly game to play late at night and thinking you can do what you want until midnight is pretty selfish.
If they're single units, then he really shouldn't have a problem, depending on how loud you guys were. I wouldn't say 10:30 on Friday during summer is too late to be outside if you were trying to keep it at a reasonable level and not screaming drunks.
Check your HoA rulebook to see what the rules on parties are before you talk to him. When you do, I'd stop over during the weekend or whenever he's home; don't wait till it happens again. Go to his house so he'll have home court advantage and try to work something out.
Since you're in a townhouse, chances are there are places that are close enough to walk to, but far enough away not to bug your neighbor where you can play bags at night. Possibly near the people with the bonfire.
If not, you may want to talk to your neighbor during the day about what are and aren't acceptable noise levels at what time. You're both adults, treat him like one and respectfully make it clear that you expect the same consideration. The key word here is "respectfully".
And yea where I live by county ordinance a: noise is what ever the neighbors deem noise and b: after 9pm you got to be quiet regardless.
Our bedtime on a normal weekend is usually around 10:00.
Just to say that believing that 10:30pm on a Friday is "early" doesn't really tend to jive with the larger world, out there. Generally speaking, after 9:00pm has been the "quiet down" time in most situations.
Of course, this is never a hard and fast rule. People throw parties, have events, etc. that lead late into the night often. In most cases a respectful neighbor in this sort of noise-conscious situation would give some advanced notice to those around when an event is planned to go later/be loud.
The general rule of thumb is to keep it inside once the sun goes down, or if you're outside to be conscious and aware of noise. If this guy gives you grief again, talk to him. Promise to keep it inside, or to keep noise outside down. As long as you're not being an ass about it, you'll find most people are very willing to compromise and talk it out when you can put your best foot forward and show that you're more than some guy making noise. Hell, it could even be a good opportunity to get to know your neighbor a little better. Not everyone has weekends off, and this guy could be as simple as having a 5:00am shift on Saturday mornings.
I dunno, selfish would be to not remotely consider his side of things. I think its selfish to dictate other people's lives because you are sleepy at 10:30 on a friday. There are ways to handle it, shut the window, buy ear plugs. It was 10 minutes in, so its not like we had been playing all night or anything.
Unfortunately we are sharing a wall, but the patio area is decently sized and the house is really not much closer then a non-townhouse would be. We were trying to play in the more communal area to keep away from the houses.
haha, maybe! If so, lets work this thing out!
Also, to re-iterate. It wasnt a party, it was me and one friend, casually hanging out.
I will check the books to see what the rules are. But regardless, even if they are in my favor, I dont want to just be a dick. All my friends and fiance, who are not usually dicks or bad people, and are usually very curteous are telling me to just ignore him, and that we both pay our morgage and why favor his happiness over my own.
Talking to him would be...awkward to say the least. This was the first interaction in a month.
Also, the issue is, my friends and I are all late night people. I get up at 5:30 every day, but id still probably want to be hanging out on weekends until 3-5 in the morning. For me, cutting it at 12 or so is definately compromising compared to the 2-3 id prefere to be out there. I dont get home from work until 7, by the time I eat dinner and get ready its already 8, I dont really have options to do things I want to do outside much earlier. So if I am to quit it at 9, i simply just dont get to have the life I want, which doesnt seem fair.
Right here is where you started acting like a dick. I don't blame your neighbor for being annoyed. If you continue doing this kind of crap don't be surprised if he calls the HOA/cops on you for noise complaints. You probably shouldn't have moved somewhere with shared walls if you knew you were going to be up late out side likely disturbing your neighbors who keep normal hours. This isn't favouring his happiness it's not being a shitty problem causing neighbor.
Once it became what I considered too late for it, which would have been far earlier then I would like, I would have stopped.
Having a disagreement about what is "late" and what isnt, is far from just saying fuck it and not caring or being a dick.
Keep doing it, go all passive-aggressively childish and send him ear plugs and see what happens since you seem to just be looking for people to tell you that you're totally right and can do whatever you want until whatever time you want and that the rest of the world should totally just deal with it.
What you should do is recognize that you're not the only person who can hear your loud-ass antics and that at night you should cut it out because not playing a loud game outdoors at night is the reasonable thing to do.
A lot of dickish things aren't a big deal to the person who does it. That doesn't make them less dickish.
10:00 is pretty much the accepted limit for loud outdoor activities in most communities. Maybe your neighbor wouldn't have said anything if it was only 9:50 at the time. Don't assume he's a completely unreasonable person based on a single interaction.
Dude, whats your deal? In the situation described I appologized and immediately stopped.
I am looking for a way to figure out a compromise so I can still enjoy my life while not being a dicky neighbor.
So far the answer has been no comrpomise, just give up your fun. Which, may be the only option, and that sucks. But I havent been a dick or refused to budge. So, stop acting all higher then thou and insist that im the horrible drug dealing badass neighbor that everyone hates.
Further more, theres tons of other people out at the time I was playing bags, and much much later. So its not as simple as 10:30 is too late in this area. Its more, 10:30 is too late for my specific neighbor. Perhaps I should go mingle with the people lighting fireworks off at 3am, or drunkenly yelling at 2:15 and see if they mind my bags set being set up near them until 12.
Lots of people in my association dont think 10:30 is too late. This one guy does. Im trying to figure out a way to have both our desires met. But since Im not just saying "your right, I will completely give up what I want without compromise" im being a dick in your eyes. Quit being so agressive, no good will come of it.
the general guidelines for a lot of apartments are 7-7, and even then be careful because some people have jobs or lives that require less noise at certain times
also you're completely overreacting by calling him grouchy and etc
he doesn't seem grouchy from your post
he seems like he doesn't want you making loudass noise at 10:30 at night
i'm 25 and I share that sentiment completely
edit: it might be because you're RIGHT next door to him rather than several hundred feet away
That said, if you plan to have people over another Friday or Saturday night, just give your neighbor a heads up about the shindig, and let him know what time it'll be over and that if he has problems just to ask you and your friends to quiet down and you will.
It's not "giving up your fun" it's having your fun at a reasonable hour so that you're not waking up your neighbor at night. There is unlikely going to be a way you can be loud until midnight outside that won't bother your neighbor, that's something you should have considered before buying a home that shares a wall with someone.
I could see if we had been at it for a while. But honestly, would anyone here immediately respond that way? I would assume most people would have to have a slight build up of "ok this is too much, I cant sleep like this" before acting.
It was like, instant. The 10 minute time table I gave was stretching it, I believe we threw a total of 3 rounds. So, it was likely more like 2-4 minutes.
I feel like he has every right to come and talk to us about it. I feel like doing it as quickly as he did shows he didnt make any effort to be ok with it. Again, that doesnt change much about the situation, but it does adjust my viewpoint towards him.
Dude, compromise means we both give something up. If I want to play till 12, he thinks its too late at 10, compromise 11.
Instead your idea is that we coddle those who are offended first. Its the same idea as if I say "stupid" at work and someone gets offended even though 99 percent of the people dont think the word is bad, we have to make sure not to hurt that one persons feelings.
You have clearly taken the stance of "even daring to make noise at 10:30 makes you a bad person" so, duley noted, your...advice has been taken but this isnt debate and discourse. I will consider it, but I would like to find an alternate solution I find more appealing.
Should I complain because the neighbour is mowing his lawn at 8 am on a saturday morning because I am still sleeping? Of course not, the same applies for night noise. 10:30 is not late, just like I can't consider that 8 am is too early for noise.
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I'm going to agree with pretty much everyone else in here. Just because other neighbors don't complain doesn't mean your neighbor can't complain. 10:30PM is late for noisy outdoor activities. Some people go to bed at reasonable hours, some people work on saturdays, et cetera. This neighbor who complained seemed quite reasonable as far folks in that can be. I doubt you'd get any complaints if you were just sitting outside late, talking at a low volume, like many people often do on summer nights.
Furthermore, you are the new guy here, remember that, and one who hasn't taken the time to meet his new neighbors. I know I'd be much more lenient with a friendly acquaintance making noise at night (or whatever else) than some douche just doing it. Something tells me this is your first real place out of college.
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Steam Friend code: 45386507
I didn't want to say anything, but it really does sound like this is partly due to the transition from more "youth-oriented" housing situations into a more "adult" setup.
Talk to this guy, but know that the majority of the world considers 9-10pm to be the "quiet-time".
Compromise, as well, doesn't mean immediately coming to the mid-point. It's about coming to a mutually-agreed upon settlement, and that rarely means cutting the problem in half.
I just honestly cant believe everyone in here lives such a life where they go quiet at 9-10pm.
To me, rude isnt 20 minutes over the legal limit, rude is hours passed that amount and just not remotely caring what others think.
I suppose I can see if I can take it to the garage to keep it down. Not sure if itll work both for noise muffling and for actual play, but its worth a shot.
I just havent met anyone in real life with such stingy views on what is late night before. Not from my family, friends, co-workers. Ive been raised that 12 is late, before that you dont need to worry much. I have never really met anyone other then my neighbor who feels strongly differently.
I literally regret buying this house so much right now. Its a great place, but I cant stand to not feel like I can live my life. I feel like i have to walk on eggshells because I have a neighbor who responds in 2 minutes to any sort of noise he dislikes...
I disagree with the timetable, vehemently. But since the opinion is "you are wrong" I guess ill move it to my garage.
you may not realize it but you're being very obnoxious about this whole thing
you think you're not, and you think you're trying to compromise with the guy but what you're saying is basically
"I'm going to punch you in the face, you don't want me to punch you at all, so we'll compromise and I'll punch you in the gut. WHAT? YOU DON'T WANT THAT COMPROMISE? UGH YOU'RE A BAD PERSON!"
10:30 pm is late, even for a weekend. If someone was being loud outside my house at 10:30, and I was trying to sleep, you better believe i would get up, get dressed and tell them to stop
that's just weird, man
This has happened once, correct?
So be a little more self-aware and most likely there won't be another problem.
You're acting like every time you sneeze or run the blender he runs out of his house yelling and screaming calling the cops and trying to get you evicted by the HOA.
I would say... try inviting the complaining neighbor (and his family, if applicable, and maybe a couple other neighbors) over for a BBQ sometime. People are far more willing to cut you some slack regarding the noise if they know you personally.
It would also be a good way to get to know you neighbors better.
I can tell you right now, nobody is going to respect that like they're telling you to respect someone's 10pm bedtime, so in my opinion, fuck 'em. In a situation like that there is always somebody who lives near you who is sleeping, so whenever you go outside and make tons of noise and let your kids screech at the top of their lungs and play your stupid loud game, SOMEBODY thinks you're an asshole and wishes you would fucking move already. You were at least trying to be reasonable, and you don't do it all the time, and the only thing I'd say is that if you're going to do it again try to chat more quietly.
You're making a big deal over nothing. The guy felt you were being too loud, he asked you to stop, and you did. As far as he's concerned it's over, and if it should happen again all you have to do is say "Sorry, we'll try to be quieter" and then try to be quieter when you play.
Also old immigrant guys always talk to other adults like they are children. My landlord does it to me. That's just what they do, he didn't meant to put you down or anything.
You've started out on the wrong foot with him and you'd probably be really smart to go over and apologize and have a decent not-noise related conversation with him so he knows you outside of being irritated with you.
Well, its a starter home, I plan on being here for 3-4 years. So, my young adult years. I wanted it to be a place where my friends and I could hang out and not worry about stuff like keeping family members up and what not.
We are not loud or obnoxious people. Bags is, inherently a loud game. And perhaps there is a way to modify the holes so they make less noise. I think the garage will help since that thing muffles noise like crazy.
I think you all misunderstand where Im coming from. I do honestly care a lot about not making noise. So much that when my friends went out and smoked 2 weeks ago, I had my fiance go upstairs, and listen to see if it was remotely audible.
I just, honestly didnt think people gave a shit before like 12. I figured, yes they may be annoyed, but would realize that people live different schedules and put up with it. I guess that was a bad assumption. One that leads me to regret buying a townhome.
No. I didnt think the noise would bother them. However, I also assumed that since I usually suck up a bit of annoyance to let people do what they want, that others were the same. Apparently thats not how it works either. Lesson learned.