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Wont you be my neighbor?

13

Posts

  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2010
    That's not what he's saying. He's saying get to know his neighbors well enough that he'll know when his neighbors are ok with it. For instance maybe the neighbor who complained to him would be ok with it on a Sunday evening because he doesn't work Monday, etc.

    Druhim on
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  • finralfinral Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    It doesn't seem to me that anyone has done anything wrong here, and I can certainly understand being annoyed at the feeling of being treated like a child. Plenty of people may want quiet at 1030 on a Friday night, but at I think that just as many want to be able to play a game of bags or what have you. I think the best solution is try to get to know your neighbor a little and he may turn a bit more reasonable. Beyond that, be prepared to suffer under a yoke of silence or get into a lot more disagreements with said neighbor.

    finral on
  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    finral wrote: »
    It doesn't seem to me that anyone has done anything wrong here, and I can certainly understand being annoyed at the feeling of being treated like a child. Plenty of people may want quiet at 1030 on a Friday night, but at I think that just as many want to be able to play a game of bags or what have you. I think the best solution is try to get to know your neighbor a little and he may turn a bit more reasonable. Beyond that, be prepared to suffer under a yoke of silence or get into a lot more disagreements with said neighbor.

    Well, actually, noise ordinances and all that...

    Esh on
  • CognisseurCognisseur Registered User
    edited June 2010
    Man, I love you H/A. It's moments like these, when there's a near-unanimous voice of "grow the fuck up and quit being an inconsiderate dick" that make me confident that when I need advice, you're the reasonable and responsible people to deliver it.

    Cognisseur on
  • FyreWulffFyreWulff Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2010
    Seriously though, shouldn't you be able to fill the box with foam or something to muffle the sound?

    Or just make a flat board with the target (and a closed net of some sort) so there's nothing for a beanbag to make a loud noise with?

    FyreWulff on
  • .. Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2010
    Filling it with foam wouldn't help, the bag would still thump against the board. Using a lighter material would make the bags bounce on impact which ruins the game. Also, part of scoring is landing the bag on the actual surface and not having it slide off.
    The suggestion for Ladder Golf is a good one if the guy absolutely must play something outside while throwing things.

    . on
    Gimme stuff. Please. And I don't just mean my Secret Satan.
  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    FyreWulff wrote: »
    Seriously though, shouldn't you be able to fill the box with foam or something to muffle the sound?

    Or just make a flat board with the target (and a closed net of some sort) so there's nothing for a beanbag to make a loud noise with?

    Like I said, I'm willing to bet that it was more exuberant drunken chatter during a competitive game than beanbags against wood. People get fucking loud when playing darts/pool/whatever and they've had a few drinks.

    Esh on
  • desperaterobotsdesperaterobots perth, ausRegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    As someone who has lived above silly goose neighbours who wouldn't shut the fuck up until 2am every - fucking - night? Yeah, you have to shut the hell up. But I completely empathise; I work night shift and have to deal with noise during the day by turning on fans and running white noise machines and stuff, and I wouldn't presume to tell my neighbours to stop living their lives. Friends of mine lived above a night-shift worker who had the audacity to ask them to stop 'all that racket', which consisted of them walking around the house during the day...

    I recommend taking the advice of apologising and saying hello and try to get on good terms with them so you can communicate that you're intending to have people over often, and asking how you can do that without bothering him. You might just have to stay away from the outdoors after 10, and that's pretty fucking normal for higher-density living. The guy could apologise himself, maybe he had a migraine (or something) that caused him to snap, and he normally wouldn't mind a little talking and so on.

    The worst case scenario is that he confirms he's a grumpy asshole, which is sort of where you're at now anyway, but you could also get some concessions from him that might make you feel less like you're in a very expensive boarding school.

    desperaterobots on
  • SentrySentry Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    It's really really odd you are having such a viscreal reaction to being asked to keep it down. Like, really weird.

    Sentry on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    wrote:
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    'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
  • DisrupterDisrupter Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Like I said, I'm willing to bet that it was more exuberant drunken chatter during a competitive game than beanbags against wood. People get fucking loud when playing darts/pool/whatever and they've had a few drinks.

    Definately not the case. We may have eventually gotten loud ourselves, theres no way to tell. But we definately werent at that point. We were out there for 10 minutes, we were standing next to eachother the whole time and had not gotten remotely excited yet. It was definately the bags hitting the wood.
    It's really really odd you are having such a viscreal reaction to being asked to keep it down. Like, really weird.

    My friends dont want to hang out before like 8 usually. I bought this house partly as a place to hang with my friends, so we could do the things we want to do in peace and not have roommates, family members, parents be bothered since theyd be in the same building as us.

    This guy being bothered at 10:30 means my social life that id like to have is impossible. Like, its not even close. If it were simply one night of not being able to do what I want I wouldnt care.What it means is I will no longer be able to, or be comfortable living the social life I want.

    Thats a pretty big deal.
    Man, I love you H/A. It's moments like these, when there's a near-unanimous voice of "grow the fuck up and quit being an inconsiderate dick"

    I honestly always hate when other H/A topics devuldge into this. Lots of times people have questions about living arrangements and people flood in with "grow up, move out of your parents house and stop being a freeloader." When, maturity a lot of times has nothing to do with it. Heck, its probably more mature to stay with your parents and save money if the oppertunity is there. Yet this forum sometimes likes to really shit on one person a lot and be unnessisarily judgemental and rude.

    Not saying its happening here. Though a few people with really agressive posts seem to be doing just that. Most of the opinions here were well delivered. Other people turned on the dick vibe wayyyyy too soon with no real reason.

    Note: its hard to take advice from someone when they are being a douchebag. Luckily non douchebags posted similar advice and made it easier to swallow.

    Disrupter on
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  • oldsakoldsak Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    I'm not sure why this is even a thing. It's not a common occurrence and you quieted down after your neighbor asked you to so he's probably forgotten about it already.

    Every community has its own "quiet time," and though you may be used to midnight on weekends, apparently where you live (and also apparently where most people on this board live) it is 10pm on weekends. You're pretty much just going to have to limit your loud noise after that time unless you want your neighbors to hate you.

    oldsak on
  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2010
    It's not a pretty big deal, it's growing up. As many of us have already said, welcome to being an adult. Deal with it. And feel free to call me a douchebag just because I'm not sympathetic to your unrealistic notion of how others should accommodate you. If you want to have friends over at night without worrying about noise, get a house in the country where no one's nearby, or get a place near a university where college kids are partying late all the time anyway.

    Druhim on
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  • BoomShakeBoomShake Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Two questions.

    Did you grow up in a city or in the suburbs?

    What made you think a townhouse would be a suitable place for the type of lifestyle you want to lead?

    BoomShake on
  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Disrupter wrote: »
    My friends dont want to hang out before like 8 usually. I bought this house partly as a place to hang with my friends, so we could do the things we want to do in peace and not have roommates, family members, parents be bothered since theyd be in the same building as us.

    This guy being bothered at 10:30 means my social life that id like to have is impossible. Like, its not even close. If it were simply one night of not being able to do what I want I wouldnt care.What it means is I will no longer be able to, or be comfortable living the social life I want.

    Thats a pretty big deal.

    Ok, then play your game between 8pm and 10pm?

    Maybe next house you buy you should consider the neighborhood as well.

    I can't remember how old you said you were, but the vast majority of people who are in the age range of buying houses are not outside playing games between 10pm and 1am. You're in a very small minority and that's something you have to account for. If you ever buy another house and you want to do whatever it is you do, you should probably do it in a less residential setting.

    Esh on
  • DisrupterDisrupter Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Growing up != not having fun. Where does this idea come from? If I was 40, lived in the country and wanted to play bags at midnight I wouldnt be less mature. So the act of giving up social activities you enjoy != growing up.

    There are plenty of adult, mature people who simply dont care about others. Manners != maturity. Being considerate != growing up. I would not be more or less mature or adult either decision here. I would be more or less of a inconsiderate possibly dicky person though.

    Also, not sure if you are one Id consider a douche or not, id have to re-read through the entire thread. Not agreeing with my activities didnt make people douchey, lots of folks posted here disagreeing. The manner of doing so is what constitutes douchebaggery.

    Theres no reason to be agressive when saying "hey your neighbor has every right to want you to stop by 10, so, sorry buddy, but your gunna have to."

    Instead people came in being all "hey you immature, inconsiderate dick, keep being a prick like that and i hope they call the cops on you."

    Yeah...so, if you were one of the latters, then maybe, douchey.


    City when I was young, suburbs for there on.

    Townhouses are about the only thing selling that is remotely affordable, not a peice of crap or not 30 minutes away from anything.

    Disrupter on
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  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2010
    Actually yes, being considerate of others as well as respecting local noise ordinance is more mature than not.

    Druhim on
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  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Disrupter wrote: »
    Growing up != not having fun. Where does this idea come from? If I was 40, lived in the country and wanted to play bags at midnight I wouldnt be less mature. So the act of giving up social activities you enjoy != growing up.
    Townhouses are about the only thing selling that is remotely affordable, not a peice of crap or not 30 minutes away from anything.

    Growing up means playing your games at appropriate times in appropriate places.

    You can't have your cake and eat it too.

    Esh on
  • ShogunShogun Hair long; money long; me and broke wizards we don't get along Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Disrupter H/A is famous for its kneejerk reactions. This is one of those situations. Also keep in mind that because the people of this forum are basically looking at this objectively they are extremely blunt about it. That is why the vast majority of relationship threads end up with 'break up with him/her.' Because we get limited information and we are thinking logically. As anyone who has been in a relationship knows logic can quickly go out the window, but I digress.

    Disrupter I completely agree with you. We're in the same age group and frankly we just don't think like other boring ornery old fucks. However you purchased a condo/townhouse and not a house. You, whether you like it or not, are still sharing a residence. Maybe that old polish fuck doesn't sleep in your bed, but the only thing between you guys is two extra layers of drywall.

    I'm with you here man and it sucks. If you had purchased a house on a lot you would never have made this thread. I think you should be allowed to do as you please, but truthfully you can't. That's part of the deal with a condo/townhouse. The true advice here is if you want your free reign buy your own house.

    Shogun on
  • DisrupterDisrupter Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    I dunno, maybe. But I have no real desire to be more mature, I do have a desire to be a decent, nice human being. In my book they are not one in the same. Being more mature would likely involve not enjoying fake mustaches as much, but doing so wouldnt make me a better person. Either way, its semantics, just people toss maturity around like some holy grail or brass ring that I have no desire to reach.

    Not being a dick, that I do have a desire for.

    Also...not that it matters much, but the property IS mine. Its not a condo, its not taxed as such. The insurance I have to pay is for a home. We were using community lot simply because it was further from the houses, but we could easily do it on my patio which is my property. Again, that wouldnt change anything other then maybe making me feel like i can do whatever I want because its MY property (which is not the correct way to go about this :))

    Disrupter on
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  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Disrupter wrote: »
    I dunno, maybe. But I have no real desire to be more mature, I do have a desire to be a decent, nice human being. In my book they are not one in the same. Being more mature would likely involve not enjoying fake mustaches as much, but doing so wouldnt make me a better person. Either way, its semantics, just people toss maturity around like some holy grail or brass ring that I have no desire to reach.

    Not being a dick, that I do have a desire for.

    Maturity has many different aspects. It's not a catch all. No one is saying that you have to all of a sudden start watching Masterpiece Theater and going to bed at 10pm. They're saying that part of being mature is not infringing upon others.

    And please don't say that the neighbor is infringing upon you. You made a conscious choice to move into a townhouse and you need to accept all the privations that your decision has imparted to you.

    EDIT: It doesn't matter whether you're doing it on your property or community property. Your noise is encroaching on your neighbors at an (according to the law) inappropriate time.

    Esh on
  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2010
    No, there's nothing immature about enjoying a fake mustache. You're just being ridiculous by suggesting there's any correlation between respecting your neighbors (and again, local noise ordinance) and being able to also enjoy silly things. I'm mature and I totally love being silly. Sorry princess, you're just wrong.

    Druhim on
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  • VisionOfClarityVisionOfClarity Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Druhim wrote: »
    No, there's nothing immature about enjoying a fake mustache. You're just being ridiculous by suggesting there's any correlation between respecting your neighbors (and again, local noise ordinance) and being able to also enjoy silly things. I'm mature and I totally love being silly. Sorry princess, you're just wrong.

    As someone who has bought your girlfriend a package of several fake mustaches this is something I can attest to. Usagi manages to wear fake mustaches and be incredibly mature.


    I don't know why the OP doesn't turn the garage into a hang out place (unless there's a bunch of crap in there). You can leave the door open to enjoy the fresh air and set up some chairs and a table and maybe even the game in such a way that it would be less likely to hear anything. It's doubtful the neighbor would hear it in the garage with the walls muffling the noise and if they can then closing the garage door could help. Odds are you probably set up a fridge filled with beer in there even. The people I know who still have beer pong tables set up put them in the garage (if they don't have a basement) and this has worked pretty well for them.

    VisionOfClarity on
  • BEAST!BEAST! Adventurer Adventure!!!!!Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Wow, where do you people live that 10:30 on a weekend is considered too late for any type of noise? Ridiculous.

    I see nothing the OP did wrong here. Just the usual H/A overreacting to everything.

    The best bet you've got is to just introduce yourself to the neighbor, apologize for getting off on the wrong foot and see if there's something you can work out. Explain to him that you guys don't get a chance to do things until later, it's your only chance to see friends, etc. Maybe he'll have a soft spot for that.

    BEAST! on
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  • DisrupterDisrupter Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    This is digressing. I would agree, respecting the neighbors or not may be "maturity." However the issue here wasnt in respecting them, it was in agreeing what a reasonable time was. That had nothing to do with maturity and everything to do with social etiquette.

    I mean we all agree that I can be outside, being reasonablly quiet as I was then, at like 6pm. And that if he came out then and requested me to stop, it would be a lot less reasonable of him, and that depending on the specifics, I would be well within my rights to continue.

    Thus, the issue here was realizing that in this neighborhood, 10pm was that cut off point. Which was difficult to conclude by itself due to the fact people were outside, making plenty of noise well passed that point.

    It wasnt until everyone here told me that 9-10 is common, that I learned that.

    Disrupter on
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  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    BEAST! wrote: »
    Wow, where do you people live that 10:30 on a weekend is considered too late for any type of noise? Ridiculous.

    I see nothing the OP did wrong here. Just the usual H/A overreacting to everything.

    The best bet you've got is to just introduce yourself to the neighbor, apologize for getting off on the wrong foot and see if there's something you can work out. Explain to him that you guys don't get a chance to do things until later, it's your only chance to see friends, etc. Maybe he'll have a soft spot for that.

    It doesn't matter what we think. It's the law. There are things called noise ordinances and most of them kick in around 10pm. While I may stay up till 12am most night, not everyone around me does and that's the issue. So yes, the OP is definitely in the wrong here for what matters.

    His friends not hanging out till late is their decision. If they don't like it, they should change up their habits.

    Esh on
  • DisrupterDisrupter Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Well, we hang out inside MOST of the time, garage is too small for bags. And really, the thud of the bag would likely be annoying from inside the garage as well. There really is no solution for bags passed 10 around here. Which makes me sad, but whatever, I can deal.

    This wont help my maturity case, but we do play beer pong, and we do so inside, and when we do so I am concious of noise and making sure we dont get out of hand.

    It is difficult to tell how loud we would be to them. However my fiance says when she goes upstairs and shuts the door she cant hear much of anything, so I assume the walls would muffle it even more so.

    Disrupter on
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  • DisrupterDisrupter Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Esh wrote: »

    His friends not hanging out till late is their decision. If they don't like it, they should change up their habits.

    Not...really.

    Some people work retail jobs. They get off work at 10-10:30 on weekends.

    Just as some people work at 6am.

    IMO its a bit unfair to cater towards group B and not consider group A, but the law is what the law is.

    Disrupter on
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  • VisionOfClarityVisionOfClarity Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    That sucks about the garage, that's the best place for these kinds of things usually.

    VisionOfClarity on
  • useless4useless4 Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Word of warning ... Garages are noise amplifiers at best especially with the door down and any type of bass (like a stereo)

    useless4 on
  • DisrupterDisrupter Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Well...I suppose this is solved as best as it can be. No bags for me passed 10.

    The other step, about establishing a relationship with him, Im not sure if I even have much of a desire to. I mean, I dont want it to be hostile, but I never had any allusions about becoming friends with my neighbors. I am really bad at small talk and forcing conversations with someone i dont know. A BBQ would be...awkward to say the least.

    I may make the effort, but really, I plan on being here 3-5 years and I can deal with a small bit of awkwardness when we both manage to cross paths if thats what it comes down to. Hopefully when said events occur I can make a bit of small talk and slowly ease the uncomfortableness.

    If the guy is reasonable, he will understand that we appologized and stopped when he asked, and if he is holding a grudge thats on him.

    Disrupter on
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  • The Crowing OneThe Crowing One Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Disrupter wrote: »
    Esh wrote: »

    His friends not hanging out till late is their decision. If they don't like it, they should change up their habits.

    Not...really.

    Some people work retail jobs. They get off work at 10-10:30 on weekends.

    Just as some people work at 6am.

    IMO its a bit unfair to cater towards group B and not consider group A, but the law is what the law is.

    I think you're getting way too caught up in both the "what if..." and in this obsession with "maturity" and "noise ordnances".

    You've really had one, maybe two interactions with this guy. If he were in here he'd be doing his best to portray himself as mature and not as a grumpy, yelling man.

    So if you're really worried that your lifestyle is too "crazy" for your neighbors, make them co-conspirators.

    I have a friend who lives near some noisy folk. They're reasonable, but they also have a tendency to hang out until early mornings almost every weekend. They don't cause a "disturbance", but it was something that people got used to. Every month or so (especially in the summer) this house hosts a big get-together for friends and neighbors. It doesn't go too late, but believe me once you get to know someone who's a little loud and they turn out to be fun, good people you'll find more leeway for things like making a little noise at 10:30 or at the least a more productive and pleasant relationship when things get a little too loud.

    I mean, you have zero idea of anything aside from a 15 minute window of activity. This isn't habitual, and it barely counts as a conversation with this guy. Stop worrying about what you think he thinks and see this for what it was: a single, small interaction that will most likely not dictate the rest of your residence.

    The Crowing One on
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  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Disrupter wrote: »
    Esh wrote: »

    His friends not hanging out till late is their decision. If they don't like it, they should change up their habits.

    Not...really.

    Some people work retail jobs. They get off work at 10-10:30 on weekends.

    Just as some people work at 6am.

    IMO its a bit unfair to cater towards group B and not consider group A, but the law is what the law is.

    I think you're getting way too caught up in both the "what if..." and in this obsession with "maturity" and "noise ordnances".

    You've really had one, maybe two interactions with this guy. If he were in here he'd be doing his best to portray himself as mature and not as a grumpy, yelling man.

    So if you're really worried that your lifestyle is too "crazy" for your neighbors, make them co-conspirators.

    I have a friend who lives near some noisy folk. They're reasonable, but they also have a tendency to hang out until early mornings almost every weekend. They don't cause a "disturbance", but it was something that people got used to. Every month or so (especially in the summer) this house hosts a big get-together for friends and neighbors. It doesn't go too late, but believe me once you get to know someone who's a little loud and they turn out to be fun, good people you'll find more leeway for things like making a little noise at 10:30 or at the least a more productive and pleasant relationship when things get a little too loud.

    I mean, you have zero idea of anything aside from a 15 minute window of activity. This isn't habitual, and it barely counts as a conversation with this guy. Stop worrying about what you think he thinks and see this for what it was: a single, small interaction that will most likely not dictate the rest of your residence.

    There's not an obsession with "noise ordinances". They are what they are. The law. That is what if enacted will dictate the situation.

    And as for your idea about the neighbor getting used to his noise, I'm pretty sure the old man is not going to want to come over and throw beanbags through a hole after he realizes that his neighbors are just wacky kids having a good old time.

    Esh on
  • The Crowing OneThe Crowing One Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Esh wrote: »
    Disrupter wrote: »
    Esh wrote: »

    His friends not hanging out till late is their decision. If they don't like it, they should change up their habits.

    Not...really.

    Some people work retail jobs. They get off work at 10-10:30 on weekends.

    Just as some people work at 6am.

    IMO its a bit unfair to cater towards group B and not consider group A, but the law is what the law is.

    I think you're getting way too caught up in both the "what if..." and in this obsession with "maturity" and "noise ordnances".

    You've really had one, maybe two interactions with this guy. If he were in here he'd be doing his best to portray himself as mature and not as a grumpy, yelling man.

    So if you're really worried that your lifestyle is too "crazy" for your neighbors, make them co-conspirators.

    I have a friend who lives near some noisy folk. They're reasonable, but they also have a tendency to hang out until early mornings almost every weekend. They don't cause a "disturbance", but it was something that people got used to. Every month or so (especially in the summer) this house hosts a big get-together for friends and neighbors. It doesn't go too late, but believe me once you get to know someone who's a little loud and they turn out to be fun, good people you'll find more leeway for things like making a little noise at 10:30 or at the least a more productive and pleasant relationship when things get a little too loud.

    I mean, you have zero idea of anything aside from a 15 minute window of activity. This isn't habitual, and it barely counts as a conversation with this guy. Stop worrying about what you think he thinks and see this for what it was: a single, small interaction that will most likely not dictate the rest of your residence.

    There's not an obsession with "noise ordinances". They are what they are. The law. That is what if enacted will dictate the situation.

    And as for your idea about the neighbor getting used to his noise, I'm pretty sure the old man is not going to want to come over and throw beanbags through a hole after he realizes that his neighbors are just wacky kids having a good old time.

    Oh, come on. You know about as much about this situation as everyone else, which is as close to nothing. That's the biggest point.

    The Crowing One on
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  • cabsycabsy the fattest rainbow unicorn Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Disrupter wrote: »
    Well...I suppose this is solved as best as it can be. No bags for me passed 10.

    The other step, about establishing a relationship with him, Im not sure if I even have much of a desire to. I mean, I dont want it to be hostile, but I never had any allusions about becoming friends with my neighbors. I am really bad at small talk and forcing conversations with someone i dont know. A BBQ would be...awkward to say the least.

    I may make the effort, but really, I plan on being here 3-5 years and I can deal with a small bit of awkwardness when we both manage to cross paths if thats what it comes down to. Hopefully when said events occur I can make a bit of small talk and slowly ease the uncomfortableness.

    If the guy is reasonable, he will understand that we appologized and stopped when he asked, and if he is holding a grudge thats on him.

    You don't have to be bffs with him, or throw a barbecue or anything like that to make him friendlier with you. Stop by sometime when he's home and not sleeping, knock on his door, and say "Hey, I know we were kinda noisy the other night, is there a better time for me to have friends over and not disturb you?" He'll either give you a better time/day of the week, or he's a Scooby Doo villain and he'll yell DAMN KIDS at you and slam the door in your face, at which point you'll know your neighbor is either an alright guy or an insane dick. Then you know when is a good time and you aren't resentful about never being able to make noise after 10, and he knows you're not a disrespectful jerk and he doesn't have to worry about you waking him up again on a work day.

    cabsy on
  • FeatherBladeFeatherBlade Registered User
    edited June 2010
    Disrupter wrote: »
    The other step, about establishing a relationship with him, Im not sure if I even have much of a desire to. I mean, I dont want it to be hostile, but I never had any illusions about becoming friends with my neighbors. I am really bad at small talk and forcing conversations with someone i dont know. A BBQ would be...awkward to say the least.

    Fixed that for you.

    Fair enough. Talking with strangers can be kind of nerve-wracking.
    On the other hand, it could be a valuable opportunity to learn new skills and expand your social horizons.

    Or both. Hope you manage to sort it out.

    FeatherBlade on
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  • useless4useless4 Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Esh wrote: »
    Disrupter wrote: »
    Esh wrote: »

    His friends not hanging out till late is their decision. If they don't like it, they should change up their habits.

    Not...really.

    Some people work retail jobs. They get off work at 10-10:30 on weekends.

    Just as some people work at 6am.

    IMO its a bit unfair to cater towards group B and not consider group A, but the law is what the law is.

    I think you're getting way too caught up in both the "what if..." and in this obsession with "maturity" and "noise ordnances".

    You've really had one, maybe two interactions with this guy. If he were in here he'd be doing his best to portray himself as mature and not as a grumpy, yelling man.

    So if you're really worried that your lifestyle is too "crazy" for your neighbors, make them co-conspirators.

    I have a friend who lives near some noisy folk. They're reasonable, but they also have a tendency to hang out until early mornings almost every weekend. They don't cause a "disturbance", but it was something that people got used to. Every month or so (especially in the summer) this house hosts a big get-together for friends and neighbors. It doesn't go too late, but believe me once you get to know someone who's a little loud and they turn out to be fun, good people you'll find more leeway for things like making a little noise at 10:30 or at the least a more productive and pleasant relationship when things get a little too loud.

    I mean, you have zero idea of anything aside from a 15 minute window of activity. This isn't habitual, and it barely counts as a conversation with this guy. Stop worrying about what you think he thinks and see this for what it was: a single, small interaction that will most likely not dictate the rest of your residence.

    There's not an obsession with "noise ordinances". They are what they are. The law. That is what if enacted will dictate the situation.

    And as for your idea about the neighbor getting used to his noise, I'm pretty sure the old man is not going to want to come over and throw beanbags through a hole after he realizes that his neighbors are just wacky kids having a good old time.

    Oh, come on. You know about as much about this situation as everyone else, which is as close to nothing. That's the biggest point.

    Seriously, almost 100% of places that aren't Dukes of Hazzard of Deliverance ... it's the law.

    I think you are missing this point. Universally in this country, if you make lots of noise at night you are the douche neighbor to everyone trying to sleep. Now this might not be since the dawn of mankind but it's one of the basic tenants of civilization . This would be like saying "My neighbors get pissed at me because I run stop signs... I don't get it." and you agreeing that we are all hung up on traffic laws.

    Now discussing HOA ordinances are one thing (ask me about the missing corners of my deck!) but here this is a basic enforceable law.

    useless4 on
  • eternalbleternalbl Registered User
    edited June 2010
    Esh wrote: »
    eternalbl wrote: »
    I stopped reading after page 1 of the whipping your getting, OP, so if this has been suggested, I'm sorry.

    What you should do is go to your neighbour during the day and apologize again. Try to get to know all your neighbours and you'll know when you can more easily get away with stuff like bags at 10:30.

    I think this is the sort of behavior we should be ridding the OP of, not encouraging. He doesn't need to think "Hey, I'm kinda on good terms with my neighbors, I can go back to my bad behavior now."
    Druhim wrote:
    That's not what he's saying. He's saying get to know his neighbors well enough that he'll know when his neighbors are ok with it. For instance maybe the neighbor who complained to him would be ok with it on a Sunday evening because he doesn't work Monday, etc.

    Yeah, that's what I meant. Times that you know your neighbours would be more ok with you playing bags because, for example, they don't have to get up early for work the next day or something.
    I don't know why the OP doesn't turn the garage into a hang out place (unless there's a bunch of crap in there). You can leave the door open to enjoy the fresh air and set up some chairs and a table and maybe even the game in such a way that it would be less likely to hear anything. It's doubtful the neighbor would hear it in the garage with the walls muffling the noise and if they can then closing the garage door could help. Odds are you probably set up a fridge filled with beer in there even. The people I know who still have beer pong tables set up put them in the garage (if they don't have a basement) and this has worked pretty well for them.

    If you mean temporarily setup your garage as a hang out joint, then that's not a bad idea. I dunno if all townhomes are setup so the garage is the farthest from the bedrooms, but that's how it is in mine and it'd make sense for most of them to be like that too.

    However, it seems like an idea that's catching on as a permanent thing for some people to the point where my friends often have trouble finding parking in my complex because visitor's parking is full of other owner's cars.

    Edit: OP, you don't have to be friends with your neighbours. They don't have to come to bbqs or even have a beer with you once in a while. The only thing you have to do is speak your mind and maybe nod or say hi once in a while. I'm sure that polish guy doesn't think he has anything in common he wants to share with you either, but that doesn't mean you 2 can't have respectful conversation about issues like this.

    eternalbl on
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  • DibsDibs Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    I'm in your age bracket and completely understand where you're coming from, even the part about cheering for the 'Hawks.

    You need to establish a relationship with your neighbour. The BBQ idea is obviously ridiculous, but I do have a suggestion. Next time you're having friends over, knock on his door and just say "Hey, I'm having a few friends over tonight -- is there any specific time you'd like things to quiet down? If it gets too noisy, feel free to come by/call me and let me know". Anything along those lines goes a long, long way in straightening this shit out. My girlfriend's neighbour (townhouse) came by the night after they had a huge party and they were immediately able to establish ground rules. He understood they're young and want to have fun, but he's got work -- no music after 11.

    I'm sure you can work something out with the guy. It's in both of your best interests. He may have only come out and told you to keep it down because he was worried that you were going to be a noisy-ass neighbour for the next 10 years. You don't need to make small talk or 'shoot the breeze', just talk to the guy and let him know that you *are* a decent human being, but you have a certain lifestyle.

    Dibs on
  • HypatiaHypatia Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    This isn't habitual, and it barely counts as a conversation with this guy. Stop worrying about what you think he thinks and see this for what it was: a single, small interaction that will most likely not dictate the rest of your residence.

    This whole thread seems to be blown way out of proportion. It was one interaction and while I understand your concerns, stop obsessing over it until it becomes a habitual problem. Maybe it was a one time thing, maybe it was the worst day of his life, maybe you aren't regularly going to be doing it, maybe maybe maybe!

    The issue here isn't the time, it isn't his reaction, it isn't your reaction, it isn't that you think he hates you, it isn't that he's from "forn" parts. The issue is that this happened once and you're using that as a basis for your view of your relationship with the neighbor, the neighborhood, and your house for the next 3-5 years.

    If it happens again, then apologize again, tell him you aren't trying to be an asshole, and ask him what his schedule is so that you can work around it. Working as you are with no real information and ascribing all kinds of "he's a jerk, I'm a jerk, he hates me, he must work over the weekend, this whole place sucks" whatever crap to this isn't going to fix anything and is generally just making this silly.

    Hypatia on
  • noir_bloodnoir_blood Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    The thing is, that if he takes this as a one time occurence and goes out and plays Bags again at the same time, there's a chance the guy is going to be even more pissed. I know I would be, basically because I already went over once before at the same time for the same reason and they seem to be ignoring me.

    Now, I don't think the OP did anything wrong in the moral sense. It's not like he knew how this would bother his neighbors or did this on purpose. So he knows now, and if he continues to do so, then that's when he's doing something wrong.

    And OP, unless your entire social life consists of Bags, you're overreacting.

    noir_blood on
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