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First Date Vote

snorepezsnorepez Registered User regular
edited July 2010 in Help / Advice Forum
First date. We 'met' online. We have never met face-to-face. We have spoken for months through messages and once on the phone today, for about 1 1/2 hrs. Which date is best for the first one? Also, days could play a role here (haven't yet asked her which day she's free). Feel free to mix and match things. What I'm going for here is dinner + show/drinks where we can still talk somewhat.

First,
Small Italian restaurant dinner (this I'm set on, as it's supposedly good food and private/good ambiance)

After choices:
Tuesday) A show by a musician who I've never heard (Tommy Tucker) in a small, classy bar http://redroomtucson.blogspot.com/

Wednesday) A show by a bluegrass musician and a jazz musician, in The Red Room

T-Sun) Dinner theater (comedy)

Thursday) An outdoor patio show by a flamenco musician (drinks available)

Saturday) Piano happy hour with George Rosenburg (she likes jazz, piano)

snorepez on

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    PerpetualPerpetual Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    It should be something where:

    1. You can have a conversation (eliminates music stuff)
    2. The conversation is built-in to the environment

    For instance, I take my first dates to a part of town where there are many small, interesting shops that sell fun stuff. That way we get to roam around, talk about each other, and when we run out of things to say, comment on something around us to re-initiate the conversation.

    Perpetual on
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    EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    The only one I would absolutely nix is the dinner theater.

    Esh on
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    MaruMaru Registered User new member
    edited July 2010
    We have never met face-to-face.

    Go for a quick 1-hour or less coffee date at Starbucks or an equivalent really normal cafe. In my most humble of opinions, you should know what someone looks like and acts in (in RL) before going to dinner with them.

    Maru on
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    cabsycabsy the fattest rainbow unicorn Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Perpetual wrote: »
    It should be something where:

    1. You can have a conversation (eliminates music stuff)
    2. The conversation is built-in to the environment

    For instance, I take my first dates to a part of town where there are many small, interesting shops that sell fun stuff. That way we get to roam around, talk about each other, and when we run out of things to say, comment on something around us to re-initiate the conversation.

    This is a great first date idea, with the added bonus that if either of you is uncomfortable or decides they aren't happy with continuing in a romantic manner, you don't absolutely have to look at each other and it's easy enough to get out of it.

    cabsy on
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    CryogenCryogen Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Honestly? I'd pick whichever one is going to be the shortest. Face to face is usually VERY different than exchanging messages, and you don't want to start with something that is pretty much locked in to be a few hours long. It's easy to extend a great date that was originally planned to be short, it's not so easy to bail in the middle of some kind of show.

    I'm not saying that it WILL be bad, I really hope it works out awesome for you! I just personally feel you're picking some pretty great SECOND date places. I agree with the quicker suggestions already mentioned for a first date.

    Cryogen on
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    BartholamueBartholamue Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Yeah, a first date shouldn't really be a big thing to will blow her away, since you haven't met in person yet.

    Bartholamue on
    Steam- SteveBartz Xbox Live- SteveBartz PSN Name- SteveBartz
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    Chases Street DemonsChases Street Demons Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    As someone who did the internet meeting thing several times and is now very happily married because of it, I have to say that meeting without exchanging pictures is A Bad Idea.

    Seriously, there's a ton of things that could go wrong, ranging from "Wow, I didn't know you were 300 lbs and bald!" to "Wow, you're really a guy with a petite voice!"

    If a person doesn't give you an accurate picture it's a free license to walk away. Exchange pictures. :)

    As for the date thing, Perpetual has a great idea. Maybe some kind of carnival?

    Chases Street Demons on
    "Sometimes things aren't complicated," I said. "You just have to be willing to accept the absolute corruption of everybody involved."

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    DusT_HounDDusT_HounD Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Uh, do we know that Snorepez has not exchanged pics with the date?

    Anyway, i don't have helpful suggestions, but here's wishing you the best of luck!

    DusT_HounD on
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    DeebaserDeebaser on my way to work in a suit and a tie Ahhhh...come on fucking guyRegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Yeah, a first date shouldn't really be a big thing to will blow her away, since you haven't met in person yet.


    ^This. Oh God This.

    (Coffee AND dessert) --Italian Restaurant
    OR a drink (or three)

    Deebaser on
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    blakfeldblakfeld Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I've been on a few online dates ( Met my current lady that way) And I find it works best to pick something simple, because if y'all don't mesh in person, even half hour at a coffee shop can be the most awkward thing ever.

    My favorite first date is actually a book store. There is usually a cafe present, it sparks intelligent conversation about literature, or even movies or music, you can discuss authors or stories you like, and, as my first date did, it can degenerate into replacing one word in the title with 'penis'. It's a great way to get to know someone, and kind of figure out how their mind works.

    Shows are awesome second dates, because they allow the opportunity to coyly slip your arm around her waist (hey, just keeping that big guy next to her from knocking her over right? ;) ), but they're bad for getting to knwo someone

    blakfeld on
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    noir_bloodnoir_blood Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Yeah, I would actually nix all your ideas, (including the italian place) and just keep it really casual. Don't think it of it as a first date as much as "you're not a crazy psycho that's been masquerading as a sane person".

    noir_blood on
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    underdonkunderdonk __BANNED USERS regular
    edited July 2010
    I've had quite a few first dates recently. I would stay away from "romantic" and stay away from anything that's going to kill conversation (movie, show, etc.). Honestly, one of the best "dates" I've been on recently was a baseball game. It was casual (which I think is important for a first date), gave us something to focus on while the conversation was slow, gave us talking points (the game, announcements, ads, people, etc.), and allowed for easy and natural after game fun ("grab a beer after the game?") if things were going well.

    Whatever way you decide to go, good luck!

    underdonk on
    Back in the day, bucko, we just had an A and a B button... and we liked it.
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    Dr. FrenchensteinDr. Frenchenstein Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I'm sure you are just trying to impress her, which is commendable, talking online is way different from in person.

    Piano Happy Hour (no dinner) sounds like a good call. as the music is probably not too loud that you can't talk. If you hit it off, then do the big romantic actual date.

    Dr. Frenchenstein on
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    FellhandFellhand Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Do lunch at a non expensive cafe for about an hour or two. Go dutch. If things are going well after the lunch then do a walk. Don't pick a date like a movie because those suck and you don't interact with each other.

    Fellhand on
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    witch_iewitch_ie Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Honestly, I think the Italian restaurant idea sounds like a good one. It sounds like you have already gotten to know each other to some extent and that you're interested in each other. Making it a clearly romantic setting without going over the top is a good way to start - it makes intentions clear and isn't so fancy that it sets a high bar for other dates.

    If I were you, I would wait to see how that goes and what your date's interests are before going out on the second date. The second date can absolutely be more entertainment focused (i.e. music, activities to do together that don't allow for as much discussion) since you'll have a better idea of what each other ilkes and just be able to relax and have fun.

    witch_ie on
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    badpoetbadpoet Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Fellhand wrote: »
    Do lunch at a non expensive cafe for about an hour or two. Go dutch. If things are going well after the lunch then do a walk. Don't pick a date like a movie because those suck and you don't interact with each other.

    I pretty much agree with all of this, but I'm a bit old school on this. If you ask her our, you offer to pay. If she asks if you can split the bill, then go dutch.

    About some of the above responses. While the baseball game isn't a bad idea, some people just aren't into sports. If you've talked to her and she isn't, that's not a great idea. But, it's a great concept. You want to find something that is interesting enough to talk about, but not loud enough to drown out conversation. So, I think a glass of wine and desert at a jazz bar type place would work fine, as the music is usually meant to be background, not the focus. The shopping in a cute area of town or bookstore ideas are okay and unusual enough that they don't seem contrived, provided there are enough interesting things going on around there.

    badpoet on
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    RobmanRobman Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    The split bill vs asker pays for askee debate is ancient and unresolved and both sides find the other offensive and stupid for various goosing reasons.

    The best first dates for internet people are simple ones though... meet for coffee and if you both feel comfortable, go for a walk and then maybe dinner. Meeting for coffee gives you both an easy out if you don't feel any attraction. Don't set up an elaborate dinner date... long expensive dates will leave you both feeling trapped if you're not hitting it off well right off the bat.

    Robman on
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    JokermanJokerman Everything EverywhereRegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I'll usualy pay for the first "meet up" date (mostly because it's usualy coffee and coffee is dirt fucking cheap) and if she protest i'll say she can pick up the bill next time.

    Jokerman on
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    tsmvengytsmvengy Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    badpoet wrote: »
    Fellhand wrote: »
    Do lunch at a non expensive cafe for about an hour or two. Go dutch. If things are going well after the lunch then do a walk. Don't pick a date like a movie because those suck and you don't interact with each other.

    I pretty much agree with all of this, but I'm a bit old school on this. If you ask her our, you offer to pay. If she asks if you can split the bill, then go dutch.

    This. Just offer and she'll probably offer to split.

    tsmvengy on
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    snorepezsnorepez Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Great advice. I'm agreeing with those who say 1st dates for internet folk should be casual. I'm liking the bookstore idea as she has over 400 books and it's our strongest common interest. I bet she would be into that idea. I'll go with that and then a walk downtown if we click.

    snorepez on
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    UnderdogUnderdog Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Coffee is the best in these situations. Quick, social and casual. Meet at 5 or so and if you hit it off, it's super easy to switch over to any of the things you mentioned. If it does go well and you two choose to upgrade to an evening, I still would choose something that had an interactive element to it.

    Underdog on
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    PerpetualPerpetual Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Underdog wrote: »
    Coffee is the best in these situations. Quick, social and casual. Meet at 5 or so and if you hit it off, it's super easy to switch over to any of the things you mentioned. If it does go well and you two choose to upgrade to an evening, I still would choose something that had an interactive element to it.

    The downside of coffee is that a lot of coffee shops tend to be noisy, especially if they have coffee grinders and it's crowded. Try to find one that has seats outside AND not right in front of the street.

    Or maybe you can find a bookstore that has a coffee shop attached. Best of both worlds.

    Perpetual on
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