Social Life in College

Zek

I'm a sophomore in college, living in the dorms with a roommate that I don't really care for(he's alright, just the little things that add up after a while). Basically I've always been a person who isn't really active in a social sense. In high school I had a small circle of friends that I saw during lunch and after school, and then I went home and very rarely did anything with them for the rest of the day. Similarly, in college I'm friendly with people in class but afterwards I don't really interact with them - I spend most of my free time in the dorms and often just go out and bring food back. Long story short, I'm sick of acting like a loner and would like to do something about it.

The dilemma is, I really don't enjoy that many common social activities. I don't like going to parties or hanging out with drunk people. I looked at the club selection and none of them sounded very appealing(except the gaming club, which only meets once a week). I understand by now that I have to change my habits if I'm going to be able to improve my situation, but at the same time I really don't know how to go about doing that. I realize that my computer is acting as a crutch, but I still don't know what I'd do without it.

It's also worth mentioning that I'm in the co-op program at my school, meaning I'm working 9-5 off-campus this semester, and taking classes in the summer. I just have one weekly night class(Political Science), so for starters I'll probably try to be more active in class debates, but for the time being there isn't much else I do with other students. I'd like to try to work this out at least by this summer for when I have a more regular class schedule. Anyone have any particular pointers/advice for this situation?

AmanoUsagi

I am the same exact way. I grew up an only child so i enjoy my alone time too. Parties, drinking, and pointless hanging out isn't my thing. The way I get out there is playing D&D once a week. We meet on Saturdays from noon to 11pm. It's something to look forward to.

Munro

You probably looked at the list and didn't see anything you were good at. You've got to get out of that mindframe. Look again and see if there's anything that interests you at all. Politics? Sports? Art? Music? If you don't want to meet people at parties (This has been a huge part of my social network, personally), then you should look to get involved with a club or organization of some sort.

Blake T

*sigh*

Yes all people at parties are rampaging drunk and we all have giant orgies whenever you're not looking.* Go to one, heaven forbid you may even find someone who isn't addicted to some kind of foul drug and have a conversation!

So the gaming club only meets once a week? Do you think if they are friends they only see each other once a week? Friends then schedual other times whenever they feel like. Me and my friends play hockey together, I mean we all like hockey and stuff but it means that if we are busy seeing other people we will make time to hang out with each other.

*I have never been to one of these parties, if you know where they are please tell me.

nexuscrawler

Unless you make a serious effort the Co-op thing is going to cripple your social life at school. You'll never be around when people are free and will have few chances to meet people in class.

Your myopic opinion of parties is something to lose. Not all parties are rowdy. In college most people are just as content to get a little buzzed and play video games as they are to get totally drunk and stupid. If you go to all parties with that attitude I promise you will never ever have fun at one. The guy at every party that does nothing but complain about how drunk other people are is like a shining beacon of negative energy. Give people a chance sometimes they'll surprise you.

Zek

I never said all parties were rowdy or full of drunks. I still don't really enjoy them. I've always preferred smaller groups. Save the alcohol debate for another thread please. I have no issue with people who drink in moderation, but drinking is a pretty heavy past-time in this town. I wouldn't be totally opposed to attending parties, but only if I already knew people there beforehand.

As for co-op, I'm back by 6, I still don't really have any shortage of free time. You might be right about that, but at the very least I'm locked in for this semester.

MasterDebater

You sound exactly like I was (and am). I much prefer hanging out with a small group of good friends doing things I like (Halo 2, wargaming, going out to eat) than going out to party with a bunch of people I sorta-know, or even some people I know and some I don't.

I met 1 of my friends because of DDR and 2 because of Halo 2. I think the key is to just find people like you. Try going to the gaming club - if you're really interested find a gaming shop and ask about gaming nights or anything like that. The point is just find an activity that you really enjoy doing, be friendly, and you'll meet people.

Zek

Blaket wrote:

So the gaming club only meets once a week? Do you think if they are friends they only see each other once a week? Friends then schedual other times whenever they feel like. Me and my friends play hockey together, I mean we all like hockey and stuff but it means that if we are busy seeing other people we will make time to hang out with each other.

Of course I understand that, the point is that I don't really have contact with them afterwards so that doesn't happen. That's why I made this thread. For whatever reason, organizing stuff with friends was just never something that I really learned to do in middle/high school. I've met plenty of people I've gotten along with since I started, I guess the issue is that actually doing things with people after school was a habit I never really picked up.

MasterDebater wrote:

I met 1 of my friends because of DDR and 2 because of Halo 2. I think the key is to just find people like you. Try going to the gaming club - if you're really interested find a gaming shop and ask about gaming nights or anything like that. The point is just find an activity that you really enjoy doing, be friendly, and you'll meet people.

Just to clarify, I do go to the club. See above.

Blake T

Zek wrote:

Blaket wrote:

So the gaming club only meets once a week? Do you think if they are friends they only see each other once a week? Friends then schedual other times whenever they feel like. Me and my friends play hockey together, I mean we all like hockey and stuff but it means that if we are busy seeing other people we will make time to hang out with each other.

Of course I understand that, the point is that I don't really have contact with them afterwards so that doesn't happen. That's why I made this thread. For whatever reason, organizing stuff with friends was just never something that I really learned to do in middle/high school. I've met plenty of people I've gotten along with since I started, I guess the issue is that actually doing things with people after school was a habit I never really picked up.

Try the following words. "Hey on saturday do you want <insert an activity here, sorry I can't do all the work for you>?"

Unless you are organising flights for people to a different country there isn't alot of effort in orgainising a meetup.

ChopperDave

First off, you aren't abnormal for acting the way that you do. My parents have always been loners - they still have trouble making and maintaining close friends - and I've always been pretty bad at going to all those "follow-up" actuvities after club meetings/classes to get close to people too. Simply put, some people are perfectly capable and actually more comfortable of being alone most of the time and relying on no one, and you very well may be one of them. I'll say that this has definitely been a hindrance for me; I'm not the type that ever needs anyone to lean on, and people can be really intimidated by that.

Anyway, go to the gaming club, even if it meets once a week. Like people said, it will open up other opportunities to hang out with guys who are interested with gaming. Not enough clubs that interest you? Try forming one of your own. Maybe a sci-fi movie or board game or whatever club, sky's the limit. All it takes, usually, is an exploratory "would you join this club?" poster on the dining hall bulletin board and an easily completed one-page application form.

And please, don't discount the parties. You'll said that your student body is pretty heavy into drinking, but that's being awfully general and sterotypical. I just spent the weekend at UF with some friends - and this was the weekend after they won the national football championship. Crazy drinking parties galore. A few of us went to one on Friday. But you know what we did on Saturday? We sat around in one friend's apartment, ate pizza, and took turns playing Katamari Damacy and Guitar Hero. That's it. Three people got high, but they were in the minority with 8 people there (I passed, myself). No drinking whatsoever. At UF after the NCAA championship game.

You're putting your student body in a box. I guarantee that there are people out there who party sometimes and play videogames others. I guarantee you that there are people out there who just play video games and don't do much else - they tend to be the harder ones to find, seeing as they don't leave their rooms much. Really, you just gotta put yourself out there and find them.

ChopperDave

Also, a really, really great way to meet cool people is to organize a console gaming tournament. I'll guarantee you a 30+ turn-out with any of the following games:

Super Smash Bros
Super Smash Bros Melee
Mario Kart 64
Goldeneye
Halo
Guitar Hero I/II

Lots of people love these games, and if you advertise well enough they WILL come. My classmates have put on SSBM tournaments every semester or so, using a lecture hall's projection hall and wavebirds, and the results are fantastic. People turn out in droves!

GoodOmens

If your college is anything like my experience, the simples first step is this: when you are in your room hanging out or whatever, and if you're not doing something that you actively want to avoid interruption (sleeping, important homework, wanking, etc.), leave your door open. It's like an open invitation; someone will poke their head in and say hi. Commence conversation, doesn't really matter what about. See what happens.

Sure, there's a chance that the person is a jerk, but you'll figure that out quickly enough.

Godfather

ChopperDave wrote:

Also, a really, really great way to meet cool people is to organize a console gaming tournament. I'll guarantee you a 30+ turn-out with any of the following games:

Super Smash Bros
Super Smash Bros Melee
Mario Kart 64
Goldeneye
Halo
Guitar Hero I/II

Lots of people love these games, and if you advertise well enough they WILL come. My classmates have put on SSBM tournaments every semester or so, using a lecture hall's projection hall and wavebirds, and the results are fantastic. People turn out in droves!

Not to derail the thread or anything, but you might want to cross off the first two from the list. While Mario Kart through Guitar Hero I and II is universally accepted, I know a lot of places that don't really give two shits about smash bros due to the poor reception of the cube in that area. I've been to tournaments, and the turnout is piss poor from my side of the block (Texas).

I guess what i'm saying is that the OP should do a little research on some of these titles to see if they're a hit with the local area to get the best possible turnout.

Marravica

I think you need to look at why you're feeling the urge to socialize all of a sudden. Could it be that you happen to be on campus among others your own age and since everyone talks about how great college is you should probably work to make memories?

I too am a lone wolf, and I felt the same way when I first moved to college. I tried socializing and found I despised it. So I threw that all into the wind and started playing WoW.

Don't worry about being someone you really aren't. Make certain that if you go through with these changes they're what YOU want, not what others say you SHOULD want.

VeritasVR

Marravica wrote:

I think you need to look at why you're feeling the urge to socialize all of a sudden. Could it be that you happen to be on campus among others your own age and since everyone talks about how great college is you should probably work to make memories?

I too am a lone wolf, and I felt the same way when I first moved to college. I tried socializing and found I despised it. So I threw that all into the wind and started playing WoW.

Don't worry about being someone you really aren't. Make certain that if you go through with these changes they're what YOU want, not what others say you SHOULD want.

True, however if he wants to change, he should do it. I was in this same situation, and then felt I needed change. Now I enjoy those parties because I found great people to hang out with, instead of the first idiots who decided to say "dude you should totally get wasted at our party."

Change your mindset if you want, but don't change your personality. And if you don't want to either, that's perfectly fine.

crake

Hang out in the social rooms, for starters. Presumably your college has a room or two with a tv for public use, maybe some games.

Try looking outside the college for clubs too. Book clubs, hiking clubs, etc. Could even start your own informal one too. Ie, say you really like biking, so you put up a couple posters saying that you're looking for some biking partners. Boom. You've got mail. I mean friends.

drinkinstout

I think you need to ask yourself why you purposely don't interact with the people you have common interests with outside of your scheduled meetings. The clubs are there for you to meet people with similar interests and you're supposed to go on from there - it's a stepping stone, not the entire pathway.

Unless you don't enjoy the company of the people in the clubs you are in, not interacting with anyone outside of them makes the entire experience moot.

I was similar to you my first year or two but when I found people who I had similar interests with, I and others made it a point to go out and do things... and we became friends and still get together today.

Go out as a small group to play pool, or raquetball, or grab lunch and shoot the shit, or play card games, or watch movies, or wander around downtown (if you have one) or just... something.

Chorazin

crake wrote:

Hang out in the social rooms, for starters. Presumably your college has a room or two with a tv for public use, maybe some games.

Try looking outside the college for clubs too. Book clubs, hiking clubs, etc. Could even start your own informal one too. Ie, say you really like biking, so you put up a couple posters saying that you're looking for some biking partners. Boom. You've got mail. I mean friends.

Social rooms made my social life the last few years of college, after boozing 4 nights a week got old. Met lots of great people that way.