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Sooo... depression

AvicusAvicus Registered User regular
edited August 2010 in Help / Advice Forum
Its been 3 months since my girlfriend of 4 years and I broke up. For the first month I was pretty broken. I hardly left the house, didn't eat much, etc. Then for the next 2 months everything was fine. I was happy, met new people, even met a couple of chicks :winky:. But in the past week or two everything has fallen apart completely. I have no motivation to do anything. I feel as shitty as I did 3 months ago. I've stopped going to the gym, stopped eating properly, stuffed it up with the girl I was dating, everything. I don't think it has much, if any, to do with the breakup though. I hadn't thought about her at all recently until I was already depressed. But in the last day or two I have gotten stuck in a bad mental loop just thinking about her and the past and its just making everything even worse.

I've never really received any therapy or medication for depression even though I've gone through large stages of it over the past 6 years. I wouldn't know where to start with that though. I guess I just need general advice. Why would I get depressed over nothing (it seems)? Why do I suddenly, out of nowhere, have this rush of feelings towards my ex when I know it will never work?

Thanks guys. I guess I just needed somewhere to vent as well...

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Avicus on

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    NightDragonNightDragon 6th Grade Username Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Depression doesn't necessarily need a solid trigger. I've actually been experiencing this exact same thing for a few months, seemingly out of nowhere. I've also recently stopped going to the gym and eating properly, and felt random waves of sadness over a guy from my past. I've told myself that today I won't make any excuses, and I'm going to go to the gym. Maybe not for the full amount of time I usually go for, but at least 45 minutes. If you can push yourself to head back to the gym, just for a little bit in the beginning...do so. Working out is great for the mind and body!

    If you've never gone to therapy, you really should try it out. Look into counseling/therapy centers around you. If cost is an issue at all, sometimes places have fees on a sliding scale, based on your financial situation. Getting yourself to actually *go* the first time, or even the first few times, may feel like a pain...but if you stick with it, it can be really helpful. If there are lots of centers/psychologists/therapists available in your area, look into their credentials, and if they specialize in anything. Some therapists will be better suited to you than others. If you do try one, and it doesn't work out so well...don't hesitate to speak with somebody else.

    I've also noticed that when I'm feeling really miserable, I'll start thinking about things from my past that have upset me......even if I'm not really bothered by them anymore, and haven't thought about them in awhile. I think it's more of an effect of the depression, than it is something causing the depression. Depression tends to make you focus on miserable things, and that helps to keep you depressed.

    I'd cut out dating for a little while, and just try to focus on hanging out with friends, getting back to the gym, and eating healthier...all of which should help you in some degree. Also, again, looking for a therapist would be a great idea.

    NightDragon on
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    mysticjuicermysticjuicer [he/him] I'm a muscle wizard and I cast P U N C HRegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    What the poster above me said. Also talk to someone about whether medication would be suited to your situation/issues. My girlfriend went on them after several years of coping with OCD, and the improvement in her mental health and her attitude about life is significantly improved.

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    FellhandFellhand Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    If this continues you might want to see a professional. In your past if you have had incidents like this or incidents where you have a crippling low and then a rampant high you might have something else going on.

    A little over three years ago I split up with a girl I was living with for almost 4 years and was in a slump for a few months kind of like you describe, so it could be just a 'normal' thing.

    Fellhand on
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    badger2dbadger2d San FranciscoRegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I wouldn't ever expect anyone to be fully recovered from the breakup of a years-long relationship within three months or less.

    And NightDragon hit a whole box of nails right on each of their heads several posts up.

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    laboonlaboon Registered User new member
    edited July 2010
    Yeah NightDragon did a great job. I know it sounds cliche especially if you've been in therapy before but friends, good food, and excercise help way more then you think they should. Also if your spending entire days inside thats also a problem. If you spend at least 15 min outside it helps a lot too. I know it's hard to get motivated to do all this stuff but do it with you friends and find a workout buddy and things will improve.

    laboon on
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    HermusHermus Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Hey, yeah, everything that's already been said. While I've never broken off a relationship as long as the one you had, I can say that I've had pretty serious depression as well. Talking with a professional can be SO helpful. The whole idea of it is kinda silly to think about (at least in my case--it seemed funny paying to pour out all my concerns/worries to someone who I don't really know and sees people like me all the time), but for whatever reason, after every therapy session, I left feeling a whole lot better. I would definitely give it a shot.

    Hermus on
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    AvicusAvicus Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    My luck continues! Slept for 16 hours last night (was up the whole night before) and had many dreams all with one constant (my ex). Then later in the day I get a message from her. The general gist of it is that she feels bad with how she treated me and feels guilty. Way for everything to happen at once right when I was already feeling shitty.

    Does anyone know the best way to contact/go to a professional in Brisbane, Australia?

    Avicus on
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    guacamolegirlguacamolegirl Registered User new member
    edited July 2010
    If you have a GP go and see them. They can offer a mental health care plan where you can receive a Medicare rebate for psychology visits and/or psychiatrist referral if needed. Some GP's also have counseling degrees, you could ask your GP if they could recommend someone with a mental health special interest. Tell your GP everything, how long and how bad over these six years, what you have tried to help yourself, etc, they need to know to figure out the best treatment for you.

    If you don't have a regular GP or would prefer private sessions, you can search for a registered psychologist at www.psychology.org.au. Also, either Beyond Blue or The Black Dog institute have location searches for psychology professionals and reading material to start you out.
    www.beyondblue.org.au
    www.blackdoginstitute.org.au

    Good luck and never be ashamed to get help!

    guacamolegirl on
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    CryogenCryogen Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    I also went through the same thing as you Avicus. After the breakup I was a ruin for about a week, fantastic for a month or two (including going on a couple of dates with a girl) and then everything literally collapsed and I was a complete wreck.

    And surprise, during that time my ex-gf said the same thing about the guiltiness. Now in my case, she didn't want to get back together (I don't know if thats the same case with you) and it actually made things much much worse to be in increased contact with her. Basically all I could think about was what I had lost with her, and how I could win her back. Eventually I had to just tell her that continuing to talk to her was destroying me, and I needed time to myself. It was HORRIBLE for a while, but it was definitely the right thing to do.

    Now in my instance I did go to my GP about this, and ended up being prescribed an anti-depressant. I was dead against that at first, and went a few weeks without filling the prescription. Things were not getting better and eventually I decided to give them a try. I can say they gradually improved my moods, and I felt much more stabilised. Once my life had gotten back to normal (which took almost a year) I stayed on them a few more months then went off them, and I've been fine since then. The biggest fear most people seem to have about medication is that they will 'change who you are'. I didn't find this to be the case at all. I was still me, just without the ridiculous emotional extremes. (which I only had during depression anyway, so I'd argue that wasn't me either)

    The GP also recommended a psychiatrist, who I did go for one consultation, but I personally felt he was a quack who only cared about money so I never went back. But in the past I went to a different doctor who also worked as a counsellor, and he was pretty great. So if you decide to go the therapy route, definitely don't feel that you are locked in to one person. Find the one that suits you.

    Cryogen on
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