Uwe Boll offends everyone! (Postal the movie)

FreddyD

cj iwakura wrote:

The most terrifying thing of all is, according to IGN's 'video game movie section', the man is showing no signs of stopping.

Bloodrayne 2, more Dungeon Siege, Alone in the Dark 2... and worse, he's actually getting good actors to work for him.

(What is Jason Turkish Statham doing in Dungeon Siege?)

Whatever unholy pact Boll made, it seems to be working like a charm.

The guy has to be stopped, somehow.

The word is that working on the set of a Uwe Boll movie is more like a vacation than a job. A career staining vacation.

Legacy

Xieflow wrote:

this has probably been posted, but this is how the Uwe Boll movie thing happens
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/issue/81/4
Basically, think of him less as a director / movie maker, and more as some sorta money launderer.

I thought that loophole was closed?

RoyceSraphim

As if being a black gamer wasn't hard enough, I got this shit coming down the pipe. *throws hands in air in frustration*

JJ

Legacy wrote:

Xieflow wrote:

this has probably been posted, but this is how the Uwe Boll movie thing happens
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/issue/81/4
Basically, think of him less as a director / movie maker, and more as some sorta money launderer.

I thought that loophole was closed?

Reading how that works fucks up my brain.

I've been up all night and I start work in 3 hours so I can't sleep for another 14 hours.

JJ

The Lovely Bastard wrote:

If it's going to be someone shitting on the camera, there at least needs to be an anal POV shot.

For art.

It's a metaphor. He's shitting on you, the viewer.

leaf

RoyceSraphim wrote:

As if being a black gamer wasn't hard enough, I got this shit coming down the pipe. *throws hands in air in frustration*

Only amusing post in this thread, with several pages of straw and hair splitting, along with breaking down semantics with a few people jockeying for the coveted "I'm right you're wrong" status.

Shit movie. Idiot 'director' (if you want to throw the term around loosely). Don't see it, and forget it exists.

core tactic

JJ wrote:

The Lovely Bastard wrote:

If it's going to be someone shitting on the camera, there at least needs to be an anal POV shot.

For art.

It's a metaphor. He's shitting on you, the viewer.

Again, the Imax version is going to be the most disgusting thing ever.

Johannen

Cardboard Tube wrote:

Johannen wrote:

Why can't I be put in the ring with him? I only weigh 11 stone, come on he's got the weight and probably the height advantage. Yet, i'd fight dirty and punch him in the nuts.

He'd kill you.

So yeah, good point, why can't you be put in the ring with him?

Well... that wasn't very nice.

Welcome our new admin everyone. :^:

Tube

I didn't get to admin by being nice. I climbed over the bodies of my enemies. Their skulls adorn my skull throne.

Skull Ottoman.

Look you need a lot of skulls for a throne alright shut up.

SageinaRage

Johannen wrote:

Well... that wasn't very nice.

Well...it IS ct...he's more of a 'brutally honest' kind of chappie.

darleysam

Cardboard Tube wrote:

I didn't get to admin by being nice. I climbed over the bodies of my enemies. Their skulls adorn my skull throne.

Skull Ottoman.

Look you need a lot of skulls for a throne alright shut up.

do you keep them whole, or grind them into more of a powder that could be mixed up and set into a variety of amusing or functional shapes.
I'd suggest a combination of the two.

Fencingsax

darleysam wrote:

Cardboard Tube wrote:

I didn't get to admin by being nice. I climbed over the bodies of my enemies. Their skulls adorn my skull throne.

Skull Ottoman.

Look you need a lot of skulls for a throne alright shut up.

do you keep them whole, or grind them into more of a powder that could be mixed up and set into a variety of amusing or functional shapes.
I'd suggest a combination of the two.

Well, he needs to grind some up for the bonding agent.

VaLiantine

RoyceSraphim wrote:

As if being a black gamer wasn't hard enough, I got this shit coming down the pipe. *throws hands in air in frustration*

I'm with you brother!

darleysam

VaLiantine wrote:

RoyceSraphim wrote:

As if being a black gamer wasn't hard enough, I got this shit coming down the pipe. *throws hands in air in frustration*

I'm with you brother!

"wait a minute.. are you black?"

edit: church or tucker picture works best? YOU DECIDE!

Matthew

I don't know if this is really off topic or not, but...

Is anyone else here sick of "controversial, ground breaking" movies? does anyone else think that all "controversial, ground breaking" movies started looking the same a long time ago? Or that the only way they were controverisal was by making fun of christians, Jews, people on the Right side politically, etc (you know the usual targets)?

Perhaps it's just me.

Johannen

darleysam wrote:

VaLiantine wrote:

RoyceSraphim wrote:

As if being a black gamer wasn't hard enough, I got this shit coming down the pipe. *throws hands in air in frustration*

I'm with you brother!

"wait a minute.. are you black?"

edit: church or tucker picture works best? YOU DECIDE!

I've got a Church t-shirt and a Caboose hoodie. God damn that series is good.

I'd go for the Tucker picture seeing as he's the one being asked if he's black.

darleysam

Johannen wrote:

I've got a Church t-shirt and a Caboose hoodie. God damn that series is good.

I'd go for the Tucker picture seeing as he's the one being asked if he's black.

i'll end the derailment here, but i have to say that's the bit that made me laugh the most, followed closely by "what's a pacifist?".

Which neatly brings us back to controversial jokes :rotate:

AbsoluteZero

It all makes sense now... he's a fucking terrorist.

PiptheFair

AbsoluteZero wrote:

It all makes sense now... he's a fucking terrorist.

hahahhaa oh my god this is perfect

cloudeagle

Being "provocative" only works if it's done with some talent.

Being shocking simply for the sake of being shocking without any creativity/originality/flair can make a mediocre attempt seem 10 times worse than regular mediocrity.

But when it's attempted by a hack and a half? Wow, this movie is going to cement his position as worst director ever.

By the way, when does his crappy Dungeon Seige movie come out? I wanna read the reviews.

Pata

AbsoluteZero wrote:

It all makes sense now... he's a fucking terrorist.

Call the Marine Corps now.

Crashmo

I saw an interview with him on Spike about this. The only useful information I gleaned was that

a.) [spoiler:8c819a484f]Uwe Boll himself gets shot in the penis in the movie and dies.[/spoiler:8c819a484f]
b.) He couldn't get Rob Schneider on board for this movie. That's right, a male gigolo/manimal was too good for him.

MiSTieOtaku

Crashmo wrote:

I saw an interview with him on Spike about this. The only useful information I gleaned was that

a.) [spoiler:f56afd86fe]Uwe Boll himself gets shot in the penis in the movie and dies.[/spoiler:f56afd86fe]
b.) He couldn't get Rob Schneider on board for this movie. That's right, a male gigolo/manimal was too good for him.

That tricksy, strange, little man. Still, tempting as it would be to buy the movie just to see that, I'll wait for the eventual arrival of the clip on YouTube after the movie has come out.

Couscous

Pata Hikari wrote:

AbsoluteZero wrote:

It all makes sense now... he's a fucking terrorist.

Call the Marine Corps now.

We've arrested people with less evidence before.

Neva

Crashmo wrote:

I saw an interview with him on Spike about this. The only useful information I gleaned was that

a.) [spoiler:917a7c7aeb]Uwe Boll himself gets shot in the penis in the movie and dies.[/spoiler:917a7c7aeb]
b.) He couldn't get Rob Schneider on board for this movie. That's right, a male gigolo/manimal was too good for him.

Not really much of a spoiler. Apparently that's what all his older movies were about.

And I don't think as many people care about it being "controversial" as they do it being really really stupid. That, and I kinda liked postal. The demo anyways; it had pretty fun physics for the time.

OtakuD00D

RichardTauber wrote:

So, what you're saying is that Uwe Boll has perhaps finally made a good movie?

It sounds like Postal's the ONLY damned thing Uwe Boll's made that won't suck, for obvious reasons.

Because.. you really can't make something based off -that- source material suck, unless you were really, really gifted.

The movie won't be great either way, but is it going to honest to god suck? Doesn't look like it this time.

Dashui

OtakuD00D wrote:

RichardTauber wrote:

So, what you're saying is that Uwe Boll has perhaps finally made a good movie?

It sounds like Postal's the ONLY damned thing Uwe Boll's made that won't suck, for obvious reasons.

Because.. you really can't make something based off -that- source material suck, unless you were really, really gifted.

The movie won't be great either way, but is it going to honest to god suck? Doesn't look like it this time.

You haven't seen any of his movies, have you?
Trust me, he'll find a way to make it really, really terrible. It'll be so bad, even the makers of the game will be disgusted.

OtakuD00D

Dashui wrote:

OtakuD00D wrote:

RichardTauber wrote:

So, what you're saying is that Uwe Boll has perhaps finally made a good movie?

It sounds like Postal's the ONLY damned thing Uwe Boll's made that won't suck, for obvious reasons.

Because.. you really can't make something based off -that- source material suck, unless you were really, really gifted.

The movie won't be great either way, but is it going to honest to god suck? Doesn't look like it this time.

You haven't seen any of his movies, have you?
Trust me, he'll find a way to make it really, really terrible. It'll be so bad, even the makers of the game will be disgusted.

It just feels like Postal's something that not even Boll can screw up. My mind cannot comprehend that feat.

I mean come on. It'll take a really special mind to pull that off.

AbsoluteZero

OtakuD00D wrote:

Dashui wrote:

OtakuD00D wrote:

RichardTauber wrote:

So, what you're saying is that Uwe Boll has perhaps finally made a good movie?

It sounds like Postal's the ONLY damned thing Uwe Boll's made that won't suck, for obvious reasons.

Because.. you really can't make something based off -that- source material suck, unless you were really, really gifted.

The movie won't be great either way, but is it going to honest to god suck? Doesn't look like it this time.

You haven't seen any of his movies, have you?
Trust me, he'll find a way to make it really, really terrible. It'll be so bad, even the makers of the game will be disgusted.

It just feels like Postal's something that not even Boll can screw up. My mind cannot comprehend that feat.

I mean come on. It'll take a really special mind to pull that off.

He has screwed up everything else to date.

OtakuD00D

AbsoluteZero wrote:

OtakuD00D wrote:

Dashui wrote:

OtakuD00D wrote:

RichardTauber wrote:

So, what you're saying is that Uwe Boll has perhaps finally made a good movie?

It sounds like Postal's the ONLY damned thing Uwe Boll's made that won't suck, for obvious reasons.

Because.. you really can't make something based off -that- source material suck, unless you were really, really gifted.

The movie won't be great either way, but is it going to honest to god suck? Doesn't look like it this time.

You haven't seen any of his movies, have you?
Trust me, he'll find a way to make it really, really terrible. It'll be so bad, even the makers of the game will be disgusted.

It just feels like Postal's something that not even Boll can screw up. My mind cannot comprehend that feat.

I mean come on. It'll take a really special mind to pull that off.

He has screwed up everything else to date.

But... but.. It's... Postal.

My mind is falling apart.

MikeRyu

Roshin wrote:

Did Postal (the games) really cause "endless controversy"? I know they wanted them to (badly), but did anyone really care? I mean, the first had it's moments, but the second one looked and played like a bad Unreal mod and was pure eye torture.

Not as far as I could tell. The only reason I know of the game Postal is because it was mentioned on a gaming show on Bravo. Other than that I don't think I've ever heard of it mentioned.

I used to dislike Boll, and I still don't like his films, but the thing that gets me is how he gets films made. There are so many would be film makers out there that would kill to get studio backing and distribution and Uwe Boll gets this over and over. It's kind of like the paparazti problem, they aren't very likeable but it's the magazines, newspapers and their readers that endorse their activity. Anyway it's just a film in the end and I'm sure that once the dust has settled it'll find it's rightful place in the world, wherever that is.

Marlor

MikeRyu wrote:

Roshin wrote:

Did Postal (the games) really cause "endless controversy"? I know they wanted them to (badly), but did anyone really care? I mean, the first had it's moments, but the second one looked and played like a bad Unreal mod and was pure eye torture.

Not as far as I could tell. The only reason I know of the game Postal is because it was mentioned on a gaming show on Bravo. Other than that I don't think I've ever heard of it mentioned.

I recall it causing controversy here in Australia. It may even have been banned.

But games causing controversy here isn't new. The evils of videogaming is one of the regular staples of the popular "Current Affairs" shows here, along with segments on miracle diets, shady tradesmen, lying spouses, overweight kids, government incompetence and the moral decay of society.

OtakuD00D

Marlor wrote:

MikeRyu wrote:

Roshin wrote:

Did Postal (the games) really cause "endless controversy"? I know they wanted them to (badly), but did anyone really care? I mean, the first had it's moments, but the second one looked and played like a bad Unreal mod and was pure eye torture.

Not as far as I could tell. The only reason I know of the game Postal is because it was mentioned on a gaming show on Bravo. Other than that I don't think I've ever heard of it mentioned.

I recall it causing controversy here in Australia. It may even have been banned.

But games causing controversy here isn't new. The evils of videogaming is one of the regular staples of the popular "Current Affairs" shows here, along with segments on miracle diets, shady tradesmen, lying spouses, overweight kids, government incompetence and the moral decay of society.

But... Australia bans everything. Like Germany.

Blake T

OtakuD00D wrote:

Marlor wrote:

MikeRyu wrote:

Roshin wrote:

Did Postal (the games) really cause "endless controversy"? I know they wanted them to (badly), but did anyone really care? I mean, the first had it's moments, but the second one looked and played like a bad Unreal mod and was pure eye torture.

Not as far as I could tell. The only reason I know of the game Postal is because it was mentioned on a gaming show on Bravo. Other than that I don't think I've ever heard of it mentioned.

I recall it causing controversy here in Australia. It may even have been banned.

But games causing controversy here isn't new. The evils of videogaming is one of the regular staples of the popular "Current Affairs" shows here, along with segments on miracle diets, shady tradesmen, lying spouses, overweight kids, government incompetence and the moral decay of society.

But... Australia bans everything. Like Germany.

But yet we can see tits and hear swearing on comercial tv.

I've always wondered the double standard of videogames.

Marlor

OtakuD00D wrote:

But... Australia bans everything. Like Germany.

Not really. Just the occasional game. Our censorship laws are more relaxed than most countries in all other respects.

Only a dozen or so games have actually been banned, and most of them have been re-released with minor changes to keep the censors happy.

I used to be hopeful that the laws here would be changed to allow R-rated games (since R-rated movies are fine), but the tabloid media likes to rant about how videogames are corrupting kids (after all, only kids play games), so no politician has the balls to bring game censorship in-line with other media. If they tried, then there would be a panic amongst tabloid pundits, and the politician would be crucified for "not thinking of the children".

Ah_Pook

OtakuD00D wrote:

It sounds like Postal's the ONLY damned thing Uwe Boll's made that won't suck, for obvious reasons.

Because.. you really can't make something based off -that- source material suck, unless you were really, really gifted.

quite to the contrary, i find it hard to imagine anyone being able to make anything even remotely nonshitty based off postal. let alone Uwe Fucking Boll.

Blackjack

OtakuD00D wrote:

Dashui wrote:

OtakuD00D wrote:

RichardTauber wrote:

So, what you're saying is that Uwe Boll has perhaps finally made a good movie?

It sounds like Postal's the ONLY damned thing Uwe Boll's made that won't suck, for obvious reasons.

Because.. you really can't make something based off -that- source material suck, unless you were really, really gifted.

The movie won't be great either way, but is it going to honest to god suck? Doesn't look like it this time.

You haven't seen any of his movies, have you?
Trust me, he'll find a way to make it really, really terrible. It'll be so bad, even the makers of the game will be disgusted.

It just feels like Postal's something that not even Boll can screw up. My mind cannot comprehend that feat.

I mean come on. It'll take a really special mind to pull that off.

You forgot. This is the man that thought Tara Reid could play a convincing scientist.

Blake T

What movies has he made anyway.

The only one I know of is BloodRayne. (which I have not seen)

Couscous

Blaket wrote:

What movies has he made anyway.

The only one I know of is BloodRayne. (which I have not seen)

House of the Dead.

Gorilla Salad

Blaket wrote:

What movies has he made anyway.

The only one I know of is BloodRayne. (which I have not seen)

Movies? No, they are not movies. They are atrocities. They offend every single one of your senses(even smell and touch). Avoid House of the Dead(the Sci-Fi original movie sequel was better. SCI-FI!), Alone in The Dark(new game looks good. Just aviod the movie), Bloodrayne(...I can't say anything about that), Far Cry(still in production), and of course, Postal.


And Postal is already baaaaad(in the goodway.) Uwe will fuck it up. He will. No doubt about it.