Uwe Boll offends everyone! (Postal the movie)

Marlor

Blaket wrote:

What movies has he made anyway.

The only one I know of is BloodRayne. (which I have not seen)

From IMDB:

Gaming movies:
# BloodRayne (2005) - Awful
# Alone in the Dark (2005) - Pitiful
# House of the Dead (2003) - Dreadful

Non-gaming movies:
# Heart of America (2003)
# Blackwoods (2002)
# Sanctimony (2000) (TV)
# Erste Semester, Das (1997)
# Amoklauf (1994)
# Barschel - Mord in Genf? (1993)
# German Fried Movie (1991)

As well as a couple of completed movies which haven't been released yet:
# In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007)
# Seed (2007)

And he is currently in the pre-production or filming stage for:
# Far Cry (2008)
# BloodRayne II: Deliverance (2007)
# Postal (2007)

Ah_Pook

Marlor wrote:

# German Fried Movie (1991)

oh my god

Xusder

AbsoluteZero wrote:

It all makes sense now... he's a fucking terrorist.

Man, these terrorists have high tech hardware. G36's everywhere!

[EDIT] And an AK-47. And Maybe MP-5's. I don't really know...

Blakout

Senor Fish wrote:

Blaket wrote:

What movies has he made anyway.

The only one I know of is BloodRayne. (which I have not seen)

Movies? No, they are not movies. They are atrocities. They offend every single one of your senses(even smell and touch). Avoid House of the Dead(the Sci-Fi original movie sequel was better. SCI-FI!), Alone in The Dark(new game looks good. Just aviod the movie), Bloodrayne(...I can't say anything about that), Far Cry(still in production), and of course, Postal.


And Postal is already baaaaad(in the goodway.) Uwe will fuck it up. He will. No doubt about it.

He's making a massively epic Dungeon Siege movie too, right? Starring Jason Statham as "Farmer"?

Marlor

Blakout wrote:

He's making a massively epic Dungeon Siege movie too, right? Starring Jason Statham as "Farmer"?

Yeah, "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale". According to IMDB, it is supposedly finished filming.

Gabriel_Pitt

I imagine that he's going to do 'controversy' as competently as he does horror. It's going to be controversial but fail to be edgy, cutting, pointed, or amusing - the things that would make it controversial, but good and enjoyable. Hopefully, we won't see him hopping around in the background too much shouting, 'look how extreme I am!!"

Dashui

The Dungeon Siege movie looked terrible from the trailers. No surprise, of course. And the Bloodrayne movie was the worst thing I've ever seen. I dared to watch it and my eyes bled. The writing is terrible and the actors were clearly bored. I'm going to spoil one scene, because you have to know how stupid this is.

[spoiler:06158190c9]The main villain, Ben Kinsley (he was just reading his lines and not acting; you could tell he didn't give a shit about this movie), was going to extract an eyeball from our heroin. Apparently, that would kill her instantly. She escapes, and our friend Kinsley wants the powerful heart inside of her (it had special powers or some shit), so he says: "Give me the heart and I will let you live." Do you see what's wrong with this? Do you?[/spoiler:06158190c9]

And my God, the gore was terrible. Terrible in that there was so much of it and the actors getting slaughtered looked like they were... you just have to see it. They didn't look like people getting their cuts spilled out and a poker stuck through their face.

And I love how Madsen came to the set every day drunk. You could tell. The only good thing was being able to see Loken's tits.

MikeRyu

House Of The Dead has got that well and truely beaten my friend. The twelve minute sequence of the teenagers blowing away the "zombies" to the sounds of a terrible rock/hip-hoppy track (I'm pretty sure the only song they had in the movie that was just repeated) with full and inexplicable 360 slow motion views of each character shooting. The "Game Over" screens for each character's death, and of course the notorious game footage just thrown in randomly in the edit.

My favourite is the pnuematic "springboards" that the zombie actors used to leap over hedges are clearly visible.

It's pretty bad, but it's also quite a good laugh if you've got some friends with a good sense of humour.

Mr_Grinch

House of the Dead IS a fantastically entertaining film. I found both that and Alone in the Dark "so shit they were good". Bloodrayne was utterly awful and I barely managed to get through the first 15 minutes.

Also, I loved how in Alone in the Dark he was never actually...alone... in the dark.

Gabriel_Pitt

A copy of House of the Dead 2 has been shitting on the new release rack at the local store for a couple of weeks, but it's always out, and I'm mildly curious about it.

I'll disagree about Alone in the Dark. I was hoping it'd be so bad it was good, but it wasn't just mediocre, it was aggressively mediocre. Everything that could've been amusingly bad was just so boring...

Oh yeah, and New FOWNDland.

Robo Beat

I predict this movie will go out of its way to offend everyone EXCEPT radical islamists.

Uwe Boll might be a jackass, but I don't think he's dumb enough to put himself in the same spot as Theo van Gogh.


Then again, one can only hope...

cloudeagle

Robo Beat wrote:

I predict this movie will go out of its way to offend everyone EXCEPT radical islamists.

Uwe Boll might be a jackass, but I don't think he's dumb enough to put himself in the same spot as Theo van Gogh.


Then again, one can only hope...

No, he's that dense. He honestly doesn't care what people think, and that likely includes terrorists.

Leitner

cloudeagle wrote:

Robo Beat wrote:

I predict this movie will go out of its way to offend everyone EXCEPT radical islamists.

Uwe Boll might be a jackass, but I don't think he's dumb enough to put himself in the same spot as Theo van Gogh.


Then again, one can only hope...

No, he's that dense. He honestly doesn't care what people think, and that likely includes terrorists.

No he's not dense. He's got a PHD in English and managed to find a way to make bad movies make money, whilst not a great director he certainly doesn't strike me as stupid.

cloudeagle

SC wrote:

cloudeagle wrote:

Robo Beat wrote:

I predict this movie will go out of its way to offend everyone EXCEPT radical islamists.

Uwe Boll might be a jackass, but I don't think he's dumb enough to put himself in the same spot as Theo van Gogh.


Then again, one can only hope...

No, he's that dense. He honestly doesn't care what people think, and that likely includes terrorists.

No he's not dense. He's got a PHD in English and managed to find a way to make bad movies make money, whilst not a great director he certainly doesn't strike me as stupid.

I didn't say he was stupid, I said he was dense, in that he doesn't like to listen to perspectives that disagree with him. Very, very intelligent people can be dense and do things that seem stupid.

Substance6

Gabriel_Pitt wrote:

A copy of House of the Dead 2 has been shitting on the new release rack at the local store for a couple of weeks, but it's always out, and I'm mildly curious about it.

I'll disagree about Alone in the Dark. I was hoping it'd be so bad it was good, but it wasn't just mediocre, it was aggressively mediocre. Everything that could've been amusingly bad was just so boring...

Oh yeah, and New FOWNDland.

What somebodies talking about Newfoundland?

Where?

Also, yeah, Boll sucks etc. The trailer for Postal is terrible. They got the guy who played the brother in Tidus for the protagonist. Buh?

Drez

Dashui wrote:

The Dungeon Siege movie looked terrible from the trailers. No surprise, of course. And the Bloodrayne movie was the worst thing I've ever seen. I dared to watch it and my eyes bled. The writing is terrible and the actors were clearly bored. I'm going to spoil one scene, because you have to know how stupid this is.

[spoiler:84aa762699]The main villain, Ben Kinsley (he was just reading his lines and not acting; you could tell he didn't give a shit about this movie), was going to extract an eyeball from our heroin. Apparently, that would kill her instantly. She escapes, and our friend Kinsley wants the powerful heart inside of her (it had special powers or some shit), so he says: "Give me the heart and I will let you live." Do you see what's wrong with this? Do you?[/spoiler:84aa762699]

And my God, the gore was terrible. Terrible in that there was so much of it and the actors getting slaughtered looked like they were... you just have to see it. They didn't look like people getting their cuts spilled out and a poker stuck through their face.

And I love how Madsen came to the set every day drunk. You could tell. The only good thing was being able to see Loken's tits.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Oh lord I need to see this.

Crashmo

Every time I read about Uwe Boll making a movie, my eyes preemptively start bleeding and I vomit a little in my mouth. It's like a Pavlov's dog thing with me now.

Houk

Gabriel_Pitt wrote:

A copy of House of the Dead 2 has been shitting on the new release rack

freudian slip? or a message from god?

Gabriel_Pitt

Substance6 wrote:

Gabriel_Pitt wrote:

A copy of House of the Dead 2 has been shitting on the new release rack at the local store for a couple of weeks, but it's always out, and I'm mildly curious about it.

I'll disagree about Alone in the Dark. I was hoping it'd be so bad it was good, but it wasn't just mediocre, it was aggressively mediocre. Everything that could've been amusingly bad was just so boring...

Oh yeah, and New FOWNDland.

What somebodies talking about Newfoundland?

Where?

Tara Reid, when reading off a list of places where bad things linked to ancient evil, mentions something that happens in New Found Land.

Also, I loved the guy who was injecting himself with monster blood to help him achieve control over the great power of the ancient evil, when in fact, the great power was actually just a cave full of monsters who ran around and killed people.

Oh yeah, and then the monsters ate San Diego. Just because.

Houk wrote:

Gabriel_Pitt wrote:

A copy of House of the Dead 2 has been shitting on the new release rack

freudian slip? or a message from god?

It's hilarious because it's unintentional.

AbsoluteZero

Where's that "Look what you've done, now my brains are coming out!" picture?