The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Thing in butt. ...Yep. [NSFW] {~FIN}
Aoi Tsuki
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Just got off the phone, and finished laughing.
So. My friend (not me--I am neither this stupid, nor inclined to have to tried it in the first place) has a dildo stuck up his ass. It has been there since about 2:30 or 3 a.m., which makes it two to three hours in this time zone.
He has pooped right past it, tried shooting lube up in there, and only now been persuaded to not try using a bigger dildo to - direct quote - "roto-rooter" the first dildo out. It has gone past a bend, he says, which Google tells me is about eight inches up in the anus.
I am pretty damn well certain he has to go to the hospital to get it out now. Am I correct? And can it wait till I've gotten some sleep, or is this an emergency, for which I should immediately drive him over? He says it doesn't hurt, but I'm highly weirded out that he could crap right around it.
So. My friend (not me--I am neither this stupid, nor inclined to have to tried it in the first place) has a dildo stuck up his ass. It has been there since about 2:30 or 3 a.m., which makes it two to three hours in this time zone.
He has pooped right past it, tried shooting lube up in there, and only now been persuaded to not try using a bigger dildo to - direct quote - "roto-rooter" the first dildo out. It has gone past a bend, he says, which Google tells me is about eight inches up in the anus.
I am pretty damn well certain he has to go to the hospital to get it out now. Am I correct? And can it wait till I've gotten some sleep, or is this an emergency, for which I should immediately drive him over? He says it doesn't hurt, but I'm highly weirded out that he could crap right around it.
Aoi Tsuki on
0
This discussion has been closed.
Posts
Just.
Yeah.
He would probably be stupid not to go to a hospital, I would think. Unless he knows someone with tiny hands.
My mom worked as an ER nurse and has told me many a story of stuck dildos in butts, shampoo bottles, sprite bottles.
Go now.
I shall report back shortly with whatever the doc says, for the edification of all mankind, and because Jesus Christ my gut hurts from laughing. It may be a bit cruel, but I just got off a 12-hour work shift and...yeah.
Ow, man...my butt hurts just thinking about it.
hospital. now. not later.
(It's in his colon.)
See, I know you're supposed to use one with a string or a loop or a big ol' base, and the fucktard even has some anal beads with a handy loop for pulling out. But no, he had to work up a tiny dildo with a broken vibrator with potentially deadly batteries still in it, and now there's no way to keep his parents from knowing their son incurred thousands of dollars in emergency services via thing-in-ass.
Just to reinforce this, in case anyone hasn't listened to the rest of the thread: if anything gets stuck up there, go to the ER. If this dumbass comes out of the whole affair without infection or rupture or a colostomy bag, it will be because I made him get it treated ASAP. And if he does, it's because he was fucking stupid.
I hope he is okay.
I mean... wow.
But seriously. i hope he is going to be okay.
This cannot be limed enough.
Let this thread stand as a warning to others.
"If you're going to stick it in your pooper, make sure it's intended for it."
"What, you are in the hospital!? why whats wrong?! "
"I um..er..ah.uh..ah..have a dildo stuck in my ass "
...rookie...
Switch: 6200-8149-0919 / Wii U: maximumzero / 3DS: 0860-3352-3335 / eBay Shop
That's too obvious a cover up. The correct response is "my friends thought it'd be funny to stuff a dildo up my ass while I was sleeping. Then I woke up and ... well the rest is history." That's even more believable if you hang out with a bunch of assholes who do shit like write on your face with marker.
Toys for butt-stuff have a base just so this doesn't happen
go NOW
the longer it is in there, the worse it'll get, the deeper it'll get, and the more complications can arise
did you know that some materials degrade inside the colon and with prolonged exposure to feces and the ass? why you haven't gone to a doctor ALREADY is astounding, I realize it's embarrassing, but A LOT OF DOCTORS RUN INTO THIS SORT OF THING MORE THAN YOU'D THINK
too busy thinking about dildos in butts rane
:V
I never thought much about it, but I always sort of figured that would fix the problem.
Anyway. I want to know what happened!
A rapture colon is not a fun thing!
Wow.
Get him to a hospital, they've dealt with this kind of thing a million times. You can agonise over what story to tell them, but the reality is no matter what you say - they know exactly what was going on, and it wont shock them.
It happens automatically whenever someone hits 100,000 posts. Tube will reverse it eventually.
Anyway
One side of my family (dad's) are all doctors and nurses and the stories they have are...interesting, to say the least. Of course they feel the most appropriate time to discuss these tales is in a large, crowded restaurant.
Yeah, the escatic feeling of your colon being probed and invaded is a crippling effect.
Though, a ruptured colon is a very serious thing.
Heh, and I was picturing a Libertarian utopia city free from the meddling hands of government hidden very very deep in someone's ass.
I hope your friend does not need surgery but unless he's a minor his parents don't need to know why he's in there. Theoretically he could always say he had some stomach troubles and it turns out a fish bone ruptured his colon (according to wikipedia this is something that could cause a ruptured colon.)
...Matrix-style, straight up, there was no dildo. They were ready to cut him open if the coloscopy revealed it anywhere inside him, but it was not inside him. Anywhere. The mass they saw in his colon turned out to actually be a wad of...whatever the hell is supposed to pass through your colon, I fail at doctor right now.
Upon being pressed to retrace the poor dildo's last moments on Earth, my moronic friend did suddenly recall how very prodigiously he shat right before calling me, so prodigiously as to possibly conceal a small sex toy. Sadly, this makes more sense than him shitting right around it and then just not feeling it stuck up in there.
Now - a full week later - he has not had any pain whatsoever, once his asshole recovered from such an almighty series of up-shovings. His parents were told it was a combination of abdominal pain and a panic attack, which is pretty close, and which they bought wholesale; the sympathy is making him feel like an immense prick.
And now, he tells me, his toilet is mysteriously refusing to flush.
Dipshit.
Thanks for the friendly LOLs, regardless. (Wave to the nice people, Friend! And be glad you have no account here, or I'd've outed you faster than a pink prom tuxedo. :P) This can safely be re-locked.
Hah, so now he gets to explain the whole thing to a plumber as well
This insult, used against him, becomes GLORIOUS!
(glad he's ok though