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Dick Problems (NSFW?) + Girl Problems
problem
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
UPDATED Page 4
Using an alt for obvious reasons.
I've never ejaculated.
I've also never told anyone this, because I grew up in a very religious family where such topics are taboo, and have only had access to a family doctor. I was discouraged from touching myself from an early age and was an extremely late bloomer where girls are concerned--didn't kiss a girl until junior year in high-school.
The thing is, I wasn't furiously masturbating and wishing I could talk to girls during this time. I barely noticed girls existed. When peers asked who I "had my eye on" I would always just make something up. Porn disgusted me for the longest time, and I'm still squeamish about watching anything hardcore at all. I've only recently been okay with topless women, and I don't find it particularly appealing.
I do not get a periodic urge to masturbate. I fondle myself occasionally, just to make sure I can get a hard-on, but there is little to no sexual element.
I have been living as if I do, of course. I make all the masturbation jokes that teenagers love. I know what it involves. But I've never done it, or had the desire to do it. I've tried looking at dirty pictures and masturbating, but I've never "climaxed" or anything. I'm just hard for a while until it goes away.
There has been absolutely no way to breach this topic with my family, and now that I am at college I find out that there are ONLY female doctors on staff. I came close, but couldn't tell a perky blonde about this. Just couldn't.
Using an alt for obvious reasons.
I've never ejaculated.
I've also never told anyone this, because I grew up in a very religious family where such topics are taboo, and have only had access to a family doctor. I was discouraged from touching myself from an early age and was an extremely late bloomer where girls are concerned--didn't kiss a girl until junior year in high-school.
The thing is, I wasn't furiously masturbating and wishing I could talk to girls during this time. I barely noticed girls existed. When peers asked who I "had my eye on" I would always just make something up. Porn disgusted me for the longest time, and I'm still squeamish about watching anything hardcore at all. I've only recently been okay with topless women, and I don't find it particularly appealing.
I do not get a periodic urge to masturbate. I fondle myself occasionally, just to make sure I can get a hard-on, but there is little to no sexual element.
I have been living as if I do, of course. I make all the masturbation jokes that teenagers love. I know what it involves. But I've never done it, or had the desire to do it. I've tried looking at dirty pictures and masturbating, but I've never "climaxed" or anything. I'm just hard for a while until it goes away.
There has been absolutely no way to breach this topic with my family, and now that I am at college I find out that there are ONLY female doctors on staff. I came close, but couldn't tell a perky blonde about this. Just couldn't.
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She came back a second time, and I tried my best to do it. Sneakily tried stimulating myself while still making out with her. Couldn't get hard. There was no alcohol or nervousness involved. It's almost a clinical detachment. She was definitely turned on (getting wet) but I wasn't at all.
Third time was, of course, the same story. There must be something wrong with me, either physically or psychologically, and I am really fucking worried that I waited until I was eighteen to even broach the subject.
Yea, I think an MD would help but a shrink would be better. You're still getting over the crazy shit you were told growing up. I wouldn't try to rush it. If you really like this girl let her know you're a virgin and you're not ready for sex yet. Trying to jump headfirst into something like this will only make it more difficult I think.
Anyway, do you WANT to ejaculate? It seems like it doesn't really interest you other than a "I should probably be able to do it". If sex doesn't interest you, it doesn't interest you. Other than getting checked out by a doctor to see that its not something medical, you shouldn't be phased by it. Society tells us we should be very interested in sex because by and large people are very interested in sex. If you arn't, theres nothing wrong with that (pending your medical exam).
The fact that you never noticed girls is not likely a factor of your upbringing. How old are you now? You should be having that sexual feeling by the late teens at the latest. Your hormones put that pretty much on autopilot. Just ask my formerly religiously home schooled student, who ahs become a bit of a connoisseur of the short skirts. Mom most certainly would not approve, but nature is taking its course.
Are you unhappy not being able to masturbate? Are you unhappy not wanting to date? If you're fine, roll with who you are. If you're conflicted about it, find someone of the not internet stranger variety you CAN talk to. Most universities will have some sort of counseling staff in addition to MDs. Besides, that perky blonde doctor is a professional. She's heard worse. Hell, write down your concerns on paper and hand it to her.
If I can drop drawers and get a prostate check from the hot PA at my primary care place without blushing, you can do this - I'm not saying it will be easy, but if it's bugging you, this forum won't be able to give you more than a nudge in the right direction.
Edit: heh, hat-trick.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Yeah, agreed. He's be having sexual feelings - confusing considering his background - but feelings nonetheless.
I considered the idea that I might be gay, but gay pornography held no interest for me at all. Didn't like it.
I desperately want to be able to ejaculate and have sex, but it is for social reasons more than anything else. I want to be able to sleep with beautiful women so I can say that I have slept with beautiful women. I want to be normal.
I'm extremely conflicted about the whole thing. I wish I hadn't waited so long to bring this to light. It's been a dirty little secret for a long, long time. My best friend guessed a few years ago that I hadn't actually masturbated, but he has probably forgotten about that.
Thinking you have to have sex with women because society tells you to have sex with women is not a good thing.
I think it might be good to talk to other Asexual people. A quick google search found:
http://www.asexuality.org/en/
Seems pretty active to me.
If I read you correctly, you're currently in college. I would talk to one of the many councilors there.
Though, do you have any sexual response? Maybe you couldn't get your mojo going cause you were nervous?
Or maybe I did have some kind of response, but I don't know how to interpret anything as a sexual response apart from a hard-on?
You'll eventually figure everything out for yourself, but just from my perspective reading this passage... you sound pretty much asexual.
There's nothing really wrong with that. Most asexual people feel some conflict in that society sends them pretty strong messages that they should be having sex. It's especially problematic for men in that we're told that having sex is some kind of achievement, and that not having sex is a form of failure. But that's an unhealthy message for everybody, and we all have to get over it somehow.
And a lot of asexual people do have sexual feelings on occasion, or they might have an aesthetic but nonsexual appreciation of beauty, fashion, the human body, etc. And most asexual people desire human companionship on an emotional level. Again, it's not really a bad thing.
And remember that everybody's sexual desire waxes and wanes throughout their lives. Just because you're not feeling a whole lot now doesn't mean you never will.
Think about it this way: some people have very strong attraction to women but no attraction to men. Some people have very strong attraction to men but no attraction to women. Some people have very strong attraction to both sexes. Some people have medium attraction to both sexes. Everybody's sex drive, everybody's level of attraction to other people, is different. It wasn't that long ago that we were telling men who were sexually attracted to other men that they were sick (and that message is still strong in some places). And it wasn't that long before that that doctors were telling women who had high libidos that they were sick (and, again, that message is still strong in some places).
So you'll need to sort out what you want to feel for yourself from what society is saying you should feel. A therapist is really the best person to help you do that.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
You should go to a doctor first. And while I don't want to fear-monger, it absolutely needs to be pointed out that absence of a sex drive at your age is not normal. It might not be something serious, but it could also be something more serious and medical such as a hormonal deficiency. No counselor or therapist is going to be able to diagnose that.
And small-town religious conservative whatever, no one with a medical degree is going to castigate you for wanting to know why you do not have a normal sex drive. It is a completely legitimate question that has nothing to do with fornication, pornography, sin or what have you.
Dude, trust me, you'll know when your mojo is on.
But, it's also a mental thing (despite what people would claim). If your mindset isn't right, then it just not gonna happen.
I certainly agree he should go to the doctor, but to tell him hes more or less a freak isn't helping.
The wikipedia article on Asexuality said that the percentage seems to be about 1.5%
If that holds true, then theres approximately 9million+ asexual people hanging around Earth. It doesn't seem like its something to freak out about.
If he had a sudden drop in sexual drive, then that would be a hell of lot larger cause for alarm, but it having never been there, means he should probably get it checked out, but its probably just not of interest to him. Either way, see a doctor, and then also probably see a counselor.
So is it possible that I'm just not attracted to this particular girl? (This girl is pretty, but I honestly wanted to lose my v-card more than anything else.) And if I was with a girl who I am genuinely attracted to, I would get turned on?
Agree with everything said above. Go to a doctor, and give an honest explanation as best you can.
I wanted to point out that even though I'm one of the people advising you to go to a therapist, RF here has a valid position too.
There is currently a little bit of a controversy in healthcare over whether very low (or nonexistent) sex drive should be considered a medical condition to be corrected through hormones or pills, or if it should be treated more like a sexual orientation.
Chances are it's a little bit of both. Or, more accurately, some people who appear "asexual" may simply have a low sex drive to a hormonal problem... or other people who think they have low sex drives due to a hormonal problem turn out to have an asexual orientation.
Both avenues are valid paths to follow right now. There's no clear right answer. Either way, I just want you to know that it doesn't reflect on your character or your value as a human being, and that this is a question that a lot of people deal with, and both doctors and therapists are used to hearing about. Just go easy on yourself, and you'll get it figured out.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Yeah this is a possibility. I myself can't have sex with people who are 'attractive' but I don't feel strong attraction to. Have you ever been infatuated with anyone- boy or girl?
https://medium.com/@alascii
Absence of sex drive is not normal, it is a cause for concern. You do not have the credentials or the information to pronounce the OP asexual.
The OP is already concerned and wants his issue addressed. The sooner he makes an appointment with a GP the sooner this will happen. If there is no medical reason for the lack of sex drive, he will be referred to a therapist.
No one said anything about being a freak or what not. The OP seems perfectly mature so I don't imagine he will read a bunch of dramatic non-existent subtext into my statement like you obviously are doing.
Could possibly be the case. There are women out there that so so unattractive to me (personality or physically) that no amount of liquor could turn me on to them. It's really hard to say without proper training in this sort of thing, which is why I recommend seeing a councilor or maybe a doc.
Maybe go on a porn binge? Maybe you haven't find the right kind of porn? There are porn out there that disgusts me from 'hard' to 'soft' damn near instantly.
You're presuming that a hormonal deficiency causing a lack of sex drive is necessarily a discrete thing. It is not necessarily the case. If the only effect is on the sex drive, then no, it is not a serious problem as long as the person in question is fine with the situation, but a hormonal deficiency could have other unseen effects or could even be the result (unlikely, I don't want to scare the OP) of a tumor or something to that effect.
The proper way of addressing this issue is to rule out the most serious possibilities first, which can only be done by seeing a physician.
Therefore advice suggesting a therapist first rather than a physician is simply wrong.
Secondly, how about you sit down tonight, put on some porn, and make an effort to jack off for a while. Actually make an effort. Or does the act make you uncomfortable?
Well, you also have to remember that a trip to a physician can be a rather costly thing. While talking to a campus shrink is free.
Unless, your campus offers free shrink and docs, then hell go see them both.
It should not cost very much at all to set the OP's mind at ease if there isn't a serious problem. IANAD but they test people's hormone levels all the time, it's not a CAT scan or MRI or some kind of seriously costly diagnostic.
A checkup from a doctor when you don't have insurance will probably run you about a hundred bucks. It's really not so bad.
Go to the counselor tomorrow, tell him I was not honest with the doctor (I told her about my problem with the girl, and she chalked it up to nervousness) and then tell him everything I can. And see if he can't tell that to the doctor.
The jacking off thing is a good idea. It's basically been very difficult for a long time, in that the family computer is in a very busy location, there is blocking software on it, and, as I said, I never just spontaneously get the urge to masturbate. Now that I am at college hopefully I can get away with it when I know the roomies are out.
What's the worst that could happen?
For me personally, it takes more than stimulation. I've gotta at least be imaging something or I won't get off.
(for the ops benefit)
Also this. You have to go tell the doctor. The doctor will have questions to ask you. They won't freak out. They've probably seen people with vacuum cleaners stuck up their asses before.
You should do that anyway regardless of the sexual desire issue that prompted this thread.
But don't freak out or anything, the chances of this being a sign of some health-threatening medical disorder are pretty slim.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Second, there's a previous post a month ago about a guy who's trying to do the deed the first time as well and also is having trouble doing it, and it's not like he hasn't spank the monkey before. Performance anxiety is also at play here when it comes to having sex the first time because ppl tend to get nervous and thus cannot perform.
However it is quite possible that the guy never got off in his first time... and is usually encouraged by his supportive girlfriend. Eventually the guy learn to relax and do things right. Not being able to perform and being discouraged and not knowing what's going on can be quite traumatizing.
There's quite possibly only two roadblocks to your problem.
1. Psychological
2. Physical
From the way you describe it... it seems that you got a rare case of having both these problems at the same time. You never ejaculate before on your own and now you are expect to do the deeds to a girl? It's quite a huge step... like a guy expecting to ride a bike with no training wheels and expect not to crash and burn.
I would say.... try to ejaculate on your own first. It'll remove the psychological barrier that blowing your load is disgraceful. Think really long and deep about what turns you on, forget about your morals and ethics and let it come. (prepare some tissue or towels, btw)
Also sex isn't just about you ejaculating into a girl... in fact the beautiful thing about sex is that both the person involve derive the great pleasure they can give to each other. Its an extremely spiritual experience when the two person doing it together are in love. It transcends the flesh. But we'll leave that discussion for another time.
Yes, don't panic or anything. Just see the doc and tell him about your issue.