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I don't really know how to preface this effectively. NOTE: I do not consider myself a racist. I do not hate, judge, or entertain preconceptions about anyone based on race (or gender or religion). I myself am 1/2 Cuban, 1/2 Cajun but I was, throughout my childhood, raised as white. I don't speak Spanish or otherwise identify strongly with my Cuban side.
However, I was browsing D&D like two days back and there was a whole thread discussing privilege. I started reading through it but found I could not stomach it and quit. No, the post weren't horrible or anything. I actually became physically sick contemplating race/gender privilege.
The week got worse. It was a one-two punch: guess what we're on in my Cultural Anthropology class? Yeah, race and racism. Awesome. Once again I got an upset stomach.
I don't know what to do. I'm experiencing a major crisis. If my whole culture has this white dominance "habitus" about it, am I somehow racist, even though I try extremely hard to behave in a post-racial manner? Furthermore, I feel like there's nothing I can do to change a whole culture's worth of attitudes of normatives - white, male, heterosexual, etc. And privilege. How do I forsake what I didn't even realize I was receiving? Do I receive privilege, or am I labeled Hispanic? I hate the idea of it, but I can do nothing to abolish it.
Plus there's an issue of perception of behaviors as white or non-white. I love rap. Is that some sort of cultural appropriation? Am I automatically a stupid white kid high-fiveing his bros to Li'l Wayne? What about the way I greet people. I greet everyone with an enthused " 'Sup dog?!" and a knuckle bump. When I do it to a black person, do they perceive it as racist? Should I instead say "Hello" and shake hands, or isn't that perpetuating a white public space, a white-as-normal one?
What the fuck?
(Also yes my stomach hurts even now.)
... They ate, slept and worked. Some of them found uninteresting partners at work who they married and came home to. Sometimes they would half-heartededly thrust into each other and children were made. They lived a middle class existence until their deaths to heart disease and cancer.