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Pssst... What's The Answer To Number 1?

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Posts

  • DragDrag Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Is that something that only chemistry students would get?

    Or do they form words or something?

    Well, I guess it's not that funny, but I took it to mean that he had no clue what he was doing the whole time, but came up with some ridiculously long reaction mechanism that had nothing to do with the project. Or something.

    Drag on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • MegaMan001MegaMan001 CRNA Rochester, MNRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    It became a simple game of starting every line of notes with the correct answer (multiple choice / True/False) in a way to make them seem legitimate :) was a fun little game and we all got A's - not 100%s of course cause we didnt want to be obvious.

    This reminds me of the time that a few of the popular kids found in some public schools stole a the master copy of an Organic Chemistry test from a science class in highschool. However, they didn't know how to solve the problems - so I got a very weird phone call.

    "Hey, man, uh - could you come over and help us study for the exam?"

    Mind you, these were the popular kids. The athletes, the kids with cars, etc. I was your typical nerdy guy. You don't get phone calls like that.

    Anyway, I go over there and find out they didn't want me to help them study - but wanted me to do the test for them so they could memorize the answers.

    So, I did. However I kept some of the answers purposefully vague so they would get a few wrong. We got away with it; they all got different answers incorrect and ended up with low A's.

    Like I said, I don't usually cheat myself - I just facilitate it in others. On Monday I let everyone see my quiz answers - I study the shit out of my college classes, so I got a perfect and everyone surrounding me did as well.

    MegaMan001 on
    I am in the business of saving lives.
  • CrimsonKingCrimsonKing Registered User
    edited February 2007
    In junior year, all of my good stories are from hs, ap history the teacher was sick one day, so he had alot of paper clips and index cards. There was a contest to see who could build the strongest bridge.

    My bridge held three textbooks and one backpack before it started to sway.

    I just felt like bragging about that.

    CrimsonKing on
    This sig was too tall - Elki.
  • TreelootTreeloot Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Menace wrote:
    That reminds me that in Grade 7, two kids decided to see who could run headfirst, rhino-charging style into the whiteboard during a free-period.

    Man, that reminds me of this absolutely terrible kid named Michael I had in my kindergarten class. He was so bad, he had to go to a different school the next year. He'd been in trouble for taking a shit on the floor, running around the hall instead of going into class, showing off his dick, starting fights, stealing, and breaking stuff. He spent nearly every day in timeout. He went to my high school for awhile, but got expelled after getting caught with drugs a few times.


    Your story reminded of a somewhat similar incident he was involved in. When the teacher left the room in kindergarten, it was the cool thing to run around headfirst holding your hands to your head with pointer fingers extended. We called this game "bull". While everyone else sat back down as soon as the teacher showed up and pretended nothing happened, Michael continued running around. The teacher told him to quit, and he ran right into her. I don't really remember what happened after that, but I'm sure he spent quite awhile in time out for that one.

    Treeloot on
  • ToadTheMushroomToadTheMushroom Registered User
    edited February 2007
    We once had that 'tape the trst answers to the ceiling' thing that fun and exciting teachers like to do.

    The items we had to retrieve them were marshmallows and straws.

    In the end looking at all the other groups making complex eiffel tower type constructions with joists and girders and shit out of mallows and drinking straws.

    We just bunched all our marshmallows into one huge ball, squeezed it under the pile of books on our desk and threw this concentrated mass of mallow at the roof.

    Which turned out was made of plasterboard sheets, which snapped like twigs and brought half the roof down on top of the class, which as it turned out was a fucking old building and full of goop and bird shit and piles of mud and rainwater residue.

    Thinking about it now (was like 10 years ago) the guy that threw it in the air must have been doing a 'LEEEEEROOOOYYYY' time thing in his mind, because it was one of those spur of the moment 'OH SHI-' kind of things.

    We won of course, seeing as not only had we gotten the paper taped to the celing down, but the roof and two large beams too, as well as like a metric fuckton of sewage and shit which took weeks to clean up.

    We got in so much trouble though, but the teacher had a good laugh, shit, I still chuckle about it today.

    Remember, we had like a kilo of marshmallows, which everyone else had either eaten or split up to make bonds between drinking straw struts. We just balled it up and shot for the moon.

    ToadTheMushroom on
    He seems to project beyond himself, exerting a kind of Reggie Field that dogs and many birds find unpleasant. Hearing a man speak with this much drive and confidence about an imaginary plumber is sort of enthralling.
  • SepahSepah Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    High School Economics class. Big project, basically done over the entirety of the class, in which you had to have a stock portfolio. You were supposed to keep track of the stock prices and record them in spreadsheets, on a daily basis. At the end of the year, you graph the spreadsheets and do a presentation to the class, as if you were an investment company trying to sell your services.

    End of the year. I have done nothing.

    I throw together some random graphs, slap them on a posterboard. I then spend 30 minutes preparing my speech, which was, if I may say so, an artfully crafted edifice to bullshit. I drag a suit and tie out of mothballs, some very, very nice shoes that did not fit me at all, and a briefcase.

    This is all done the night before the presentations.

    Next day, I walk into the classroom in my getup, and everyone else is in normal clothes, casual stuff, etc, so I'm getting a number of stares. The order we go in was predetermined by the teacher, and I'm about the middle, so I sit through a number of presentations. Everyone is citing their numbers, basically just reporting what happened with their portfolio over the course of the project. Its obvious many of them put a lot of work into their posters, as they are very pretty.

    Finally, its my turn. I stand up, walk to the front, and click open my briefcase. I take my time setting up my lackluster poster, with its labels and huge blank spaces and its tiny, forlorn little graphs. I then square myself, turn to the class, and slowly run my eyes over them, making careful eye contact with each person before I look at the teacher. Smiling confidently all the while.

    "Good morning, Mr. Chairman, ladies and gentlemen of the Board."

    Lets just say that the first thing the guy after me said was, "Fuck, man, why couldn't you have gone last?"

    110%.

    [spoiler:4d2eddebd8]The other perk to this little project was that one of the girls in the class became almost magnetically attracted to me for a while after that. Too bad she turned out to be a crazy bitch.[/spoiler:4d2eddebd8]

    Sepah on
    Minerva_SC wrote:
    I don't think I've ever raged as hard as I just did. The amount of stupidity was so intense I couldn't eben think of words venomous enough to insult my team mates. I was literally choking on my own rage. I can only hope they all live in the same city and die in a tragic bus accident today, or tommorow. I'll pray to whatever dark god I have to.

    ah yes another night of LoL.
  • MorninglordMorninglord Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    I don't have particularly good stories but I do have some stories. In high school in my 11th grade, I had for reasons involved with transferring schools after year 10 some free periods. I could choose any class I liked, it really didn't matter. So I chose two computer courses, on the basis that I liked computers and the work is easy, it was all about visual basic.
    I would spend all my time playing Chuck Yeager's Air Combat which I had on 3.5inch floppy. The teacher would walk past, go "Interesting" or "Shouldn't you be doing work?" and then continue on. I'd do all the work at the last minute and still got an A, although I got a comment for "unsuitable work ethic". I probably should have done the work straight away first, but I had north korean migs to shoot down with p-51 mustangs

    The other class was awesome, and was even easier, it was about "using computers", ie word etc. The teacher was the stupidest guy I've ever seen. Both me and my friend broke the laughably easy login restrictions and logged in as administrators and installed games, then relooged as our accounts and played quake 2 deathmatch versus each other on tiny windows that we could hide down in the corner of the screen so our bodies would block the view to the teacher. The teacher would sit in one spot and never move so we rarely had to alt tab. We'd always finish the class work in about 2 minutes then blow the fuck out of each other with bfgs.
    Eventually we got this thing called netbuster or whatever, that lets you do stuff to other computers by installing a trojan. You can open their cdrom drive, start up programs on it, type stuff in their word document ("I'm watching you") etc etc. My friend opened up some porn sites on the library computers with it in class. The teacher never figured out what we were doing, even when students would blame us because they knew we were the biggest nerds. (Close all programs, innocent blank faces, work is completed and onscreen.) Eventually it got too risky though, as everybody knew it was us and would tell the teacher and we didn't want thim to catch on and spoil our fun.
    So we started doing it to each other. First few lessons it was whoever got logged in first fucked with the others computer while laughing (softly) insanely, and the only way to stop them was to shut down their netbuster program with another netbuster program, or shut down their computer entirely. But then he found a netbuster-buster program. It then escalated to who could boot up this program first and totally cut off the others netbuster, having complete control over the others computer and they couldn't retaliate.
    Then I found a netbuster-buster-buster and things got silly. ( I kid you not)
    FINALLY, I got caught while logged in as the administrator (he saw the background wallpaper was a different shade of blue to the student account wallpapers, I mean, wtf, he was a total idiot but noticed that?) and got into deep fucking shit because apparently doing that meant I could have logged in and changed my grades. I had no idea I could do that, because I'm not actually malicious and was just having fun.
    Basically, I managed to pull "I had no idea I could have done that I just did it to install games to play" innocent mug mug line (truth) and managed to convince him I'd gotten the admin password from a password capturing program we'd found "already installed" on the computer (untruth).
    I am a competent actor, and he was very stupid, so he believed me. I can produce scared tears on demand which probably helped. I agreed to never do anything like that again and for the final 3 weeks of class we did the lessons then didn't touch the computers at all.
    I don't think he mentioned it to anyone important, I believe he discussed it with the head of the it department (the teacher who used to say "interesting" while I was nailing nazis in the other class, which I actually still did afterwards), but nothing bad happened to me.
    After that, I graduated and finally got my own computer bought for me (for graduating) so I didn't give a shit about school computers at uni and never did anything except play cs on them when I first heard about it.
    Man, this was like 8 years ago now.

    Morninglord on
    (PSN: Morninglord) (Steam: Morninglord) (WiiU: Morninglord22) I like to record and toss up a lot of random gaming videos here.
  • RohaqRohaq Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    I remember walking into class late once in primary school, and the teacher had asked us to draw a table.

    So I drew a table.

    Apparently she meant the kind used to display data. They thought I was trying to be a smartarse. Whoops.

    It was a damned fine table though.

    Rohaq on
    Dhalphir wrote: »
    Don't ever try to sit down on the toilet in the morning.
    Not even after reading my post and thinking "hey, I'll give it a go".
    It might work fine the first time. it may even work fine the second, or third, or subsequent times.
    But eventually, while holding your morning glory down with your hand, you will slip and piss on your own face.
    AND IT IS NOT NICE.
  • Dee KaeDee Kae Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Ah high school, if one class stood out, it was Furniture in my sophomore year. Yup, you had to have taken Construction before hand which was just wood shop pretty much. Furniture was a class where you were graded on whatever you made. Honestly, all you had to make was something, and you'd get an A, but after seeing a classmate saw off his thumb on the table saw, I was reluctant to use it, aside from the other that basically shot another kid with a nail gun. So, I bought some wood there, and pretty much just did nothing the entire year slowly going from an A to a D, but still passing before this though I ended up being banned from the tiny computer room that we could also use in the class.

    Like any other day, I was in there just playing games, on a computer that faced the main door to the class, in order to not be caught playing games pretty much. So, I show a few classmates some unblocked gaming sites, and just play a flash version of space invaders for half the class. Some student behind me then asked what I'm doing, so I just boast about getting past the school's internet nanny programs and playing some games. It goes on for awhile till he asks, "What will Mr. Pendergrass think if he catches you?". I say to him, "Eh, whatever he's got #@$% for brains anyways." At this point it suddenly grows even more silent and I come to a sudden realization. "He's right behind me isn't he?" That's when I hear him laugh and order me to get out, and I was forever banned from the said room well, at least for a week, after another kid hot glued himself to a block of wood. Turns out he had come in from the other classroom we bordered into this one.

    Dee Kae on
  • TaximesTaximes Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    For my senior AP Literature class, we had a series of short essays due on the first day of class relating to three books we were supposed to have read over the summer.

    We'd been doing the same thing every year I'd been in high school, so I knew how it would go: The teacher would collect the papers on the first day, put the giant stack somewhere, and not get around to grading them for at least three months.

    I read everything, did it and turned it in, but I also thought I'd have some fun.

    So, I typed out a full-length paper full of shitty gag responses such as:
    In The Great Gatsby, setting could hardly be used to emphasize social classes any more effectively. West Egg and East Egg are shaped like eggs, and thus Fitzgerald shows us that the rich people can afford eggs unlike the peasants who are forced to eat dirt and their own excrement. I like eggs. I like them much more than I like dirt, and thus I suppose I am like Gatsby. I highly identify with the scene in which Gatsby eats an entire carton of raw eggs, I feel it was the best part of the movie. Overall, Led Zeppelin is probably the best band of all time.

    Most responses quickly degenerated into tirades about something I didn't like or some movie I had seen recently.

    I put a fake name on top of it, slipped it into the pile, and waited.

    I'd forgotten about it by the time she actually found it, but I do wish I could have seen the look on her face when she began to realize the whole thing was a bunch of shit (or, alternatively, when she was wondering who the hell had written it because she'd never heard of him).

    Edit - Story 2

    Also in my senior year the administration started instituting some bullshit writing requirements on every single class in order to "prepare" students for some new standardized test. Well, I and my classmates were the last class before these tests were instituted, but yet we were not immune from the wrath of the shitty writing requirements.

    Most teachers blew them off and didn't require writing if it wasn't relevant to the course, but my AP Computer Science teacher was a stickler for the rules and had us write a five paragraph essay each week about a different job opportunity in the computer science field.

    It was a pain in the ass, but I soon realized what he was grading the essays for: introduction, conclusion, education requirements, job responsibilities, etc. It was quite formulaic. So...I thought, why waste my time on it?

    I wrote a mad-lib style program that would churn out a five paragraph essay for me after I inserted the necessary details.

    It was glorious.

    Taximes on
  • Crimson KingCrimson King Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Last year I made the discovery that in my high school English class, the metaphor is king. No matter what the writing subject is, if you can work in a ridiculously exaggerated metaphor you are guaranteed an A. So in every writing assignment I work in the worst possible metaphor I can think.

    I wrote my favourite during an analysis of a short John Safran film where he sneaks a tiny Saddam Hussein doll into the It's A Small World ride at Disneyland. I compared the Disney company to a ferocious vampire, which Safran slays using the pointy stake of satire. I got an A+, but I have never written anything else so terribly in my life.

    Crimson King on
  • ZythonZython Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    I think this fits in with the topic at hand perfectly.
    KalTorak wrote:
    "Maeenjee Restoration (didn't even remember the spelling)"

    You mean the Meiji Restoration? Which gives me a great idea for something. Do a report on the Meiji Restoration, citing Rurouni Kenshin as a source. :D

    Anything I've done? Not really. I've always wanted to hand in a paper typed entirely in Wingdings, but never have gotten around to it yet.

    Zython on
    Switch: SW-3245-5421-8042 | 3DS Friend Code: 4854-6465-0299 | PSN: Zaithon
    Steam: pazython
  • #14#14 Registered User
    edited February 2007
    I've got a good story.

    High school. My mate Thomas is horrible at history. He absolutely sucks at it. If he'd muck up his exam, he wouldn't graduate. I happen to be very good at history.

    Now, over here it's like this: you get one final exam for every subject which determines 50% of your final grade. Thomas was hella nervous for his history exam, so he pulled a sickie.

    For some strange reason, they just let him take the exam the next week. I smuggled a copy of our exam out of the class and handed it to him. He just memorized every answer.

    So, the day comes, and they hand him a complete different version of the exam. And all Thomas has got is answers to questions they weren't asking. And he didn't even understand what the hell these answers were about.

    Luckily, Thomas was dyslexic, over here, this gives him the right to have an enlarged version of the exam, so that it's easier to read. They gave him the normal version. It didn't really matter to him, but to buy some time, he demanded an enlarged version.

    So the teacher went and got him one. Thomas was about to cry now because he didn't know shit about the exam. And if he fucked it up, he wouldn't graduate. He was about to fuck it up. A teacher was sitting outside, in the hall, to monitor him.

    I was waiting for Thomas on the schoolyard. He told the supervisor he was going to the bathroom, but he actually snuck to the schoolyard to hand me the non enlarged version. He begged me to write down all the answers and sneak it back in. So I do it and answer all questions. Now, the tricky part. I had to sneak the piece of paper containing the answers past the supervisors.

    I went in fucking Solid Snake style, and I don't know how, but somehow I snuck past and handed him the paper. This was 10 minutes before Thomas was out of time. I had to wait for my chance to sneak past.

    So, in 10 minutes, Thomas writes all the answers I gave him down on his exam paper and hands it in.

    He got a 9 out of 10 and passed. He graduated. If he'd gotten anything less than 9 out of 10, he'd fail. If the teacher had seen us, we both would have been suspended from taking final exams.

    But we succeeded, and we fucked over the entire national exam comission, committed fraude and were actually being illegal.

    But at least my good friend Thomas graduated. High school was hell ti him. But now he is now studying art in college. I've never seen him this happy.

    #14 on
    apotheos wrote: »
    I hear its opening on like 16 screens total. If you don't live in a gigantic US city you're fucked.

    Well except for the part where you don't have to deal with the soul crushing monotony of living in a gigantic US city.
  • delphinusdelphinus Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    this thread lacks more pics
    batman61rbbj4.jpg

    delphinus on
  • Ninja BotNinja Bot Registered User
    edited February 2007
    Right now I'm in an honors level Algebra 2/Trig class. Normally this is a class taken by hardworking juniors, but I seem to have gotten into it as a lazy sophmore. I've decided that I hate math and that my teacher is a douche who doesn't deserve the time of day, so I haven't done a lick of work or even paid attention outside of quizzes and tests. Luckily , these are few and far between, and he's too much of a lazy asshole to do homework checks, so he gives everyone fully credit for homework.

    On the first semester final I filled in A, C, D, C on the scantron portion for every question I didn't understand (75%). Then, on the free response section I had no idea where to even start, so instead of just leaving it blank, I wrote detailed expository essays about the Boston Tea Party, fall of the Berlin Wall, and the assassination of JFK. Through the magic of the grade curve, I got a D on the final and a C- for the semester, the lowest I could get to recieve Honors credit.

    On the last quiz, I again realized I didn't even know where to begin, so I wrote a philosophical essay that presented a third side to the "If a tree falls in the forest" question.

    Ninja Bot on
  • Rear Admiral ChocoRear Admiral Choco Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    On one occasion Cass has helped me get through an assignment by commandeering her computer as I was typing on it and insisting she do the assignment. I was slightly embarrassed, especially since it was done several times better than I could have ever done it, but ultimately glad it was over with.

    Other than that, I've never really cheated on an assignment, but one hilarious incident in Grade 7 involved a boy named Malcolm in my class. He said he knew how to breakdance. The rest of us are fairly interested, and this interest is heightened when the teacher urges him to demonstrate.

    So he psyches himself up, gets himself ready to do his routine. Everyone is watching intently.

    He starts spinning rapidly on his head. The class is impressed and amazed.

    He violently spins directly into a bookcase like some sort of human Tasmanian Devil, sending it crashing hard into the floor with books flying everywhere.

    Rear Admiral Choco on
    2WJtdLD.png
  • GoslingGosling Looking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, Probably Watertown, WIRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    On one occasion Cass has helped me get through an assignment by commandeering her computer as I was typing on it and insisting she do the assignment. I was slightly embarrassed, especially since it was done several times better than I could have ever done it, but ultimately glad it was over with.

    Other than that, I've never really cheated on an assignment, but one hilarious incident in Grade 7 involved a boy named Malcolm in my class. He said he knew how to breakdance. The rest of us are fairly interested, and this interest is heightened when the teacher urges him to demonstrate.

    So he psyches himself up, gets himself ready to do his routine. Everyone is watching intently.

    He starts spinning rapidly on his head. The class is impressed and amazed.

    He violently spins directly into a bookcase like some sort of human Tasmanian Devil, sending it crashing hard into the floor with books flying everywhere.
    Was the class still impressed and amazed?

    Gosling on
    I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
  • ArcticXCArcticXC Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Back in high school, I was in a Greek mythology class. About halfway through the semester, we had to act out a scene from Antigone using our own script. Anyway, my group is composed of 4 guys and a girl. Now, this girl... she is dumb as hell. She didn't really pay any attention in class or do any of the homework or anything.

    So the night before we have to do this play, all of us get together (aside from the girl) to crank something out. We spend a while just screwing around and watching TV while not thinking about the assignment. By the time we actually started, there was basically no motivation to make it the least bit good, so we do the next best thing and basically make it as dirty and euphemistic as possible. Almost every line was filled with cock and dick and sex jokes, and most of them were to be directed to or said by the girl.

    So when we actually have to give the presentation to the class, we don't let her see the script until right before we actually start, so she has no clue what's going on. Amazingly, for the first few minutes, while we're barely stifling laughter, she is completely oblivious. Eventually we get to one of the lines like “O God, I am sick with fear. Are there no swords here? Has no one a blow for me?” which was pulled right from the story I believe. Anyway, she gets down on her knees and says something like "I'm here for you sir!" and gets back up, STILL not realizing what was going on. A few seconds later, after we had already moved on, she turns bright red and gasps and freaks out. She starts yelling "OH MY GOD I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THAT OH GOD!" ad we just stop for a second then continue.

    The best part is that the teacher thought it was hilarious. She thought it was some clever mix of South Park or something.

    edit - typos bleh.

    ArcticXC on
  • Dublo7Dublo7 Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Oedipus was a fucking douche bag.

    Dublo7 on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • WalterWalter Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    My english teacher junior year decided we needed to learn how to use apostrophes because there were so many dumbfucks at my public school. I was so offended that when she passed out the quiz I traced my hand giving the middle finger and turned it in (try it, it looks really funny). I got a 0 but didn't get in trouble.

    The year before that, we spent three quarters of the year doing African-American literature. Every assignment was some kind of "How would this feel if you were African American?" Seriously, the same assignment in different forms every week. Finally, I got tired of it and the writing prompt was "You are an African American who just moved to America, write back home to your family describing your experience." I wrote my letter in ebonics and talked about the man always putting me down. I was nearly suspended.

    My latin teacher one year gave us Latin II students the Latin IV AP exam for a final. He handed out the study guide for it the week before and we didn't think he was serious until we saw the test. I remember almost being in tears and one kid screaming "YOU NEVER TAUGHT US THIS...I SHOULD KILL YOU!" Turns out it was all just a big joke, he had already made up the grades with a generous curve and just wanted to mess with us.

    For a speech class, we had to give someone an award. My buddy was taking the class with me and this is the first part of my speech.
    "Softest man in the world award
    This award goes to Fish who, with exceptional delicateness, embodies all that is soft. This is a man who has no qualms about admitting he wants the type of love he saw in "The Notebook". The ladies down at the salon all agree, Kyle is a sweetheart who knows his cuticles. Whether its scoring front row tickets to Celine Dion or picking out just the perfect scented candle…Fish makes the Snuggles bear look like Rambo on a steroid binge." It went on like this with charts comparing his estrogen levels with the mestrating females. Best speech ever.


    On the MCAT, the writing prompt was "A politician's lifestyle should reflect his political beliefs." I decided to use the story of the senatorial candidate who said he believed in family values but it was discovered he had taken his wife to a sex club. I couldn't remember his name so I decided to just make one up and hope I got away with it. I don't know if it was subliminal or not but I chose Jack Ryan because I was reading a Tom Clancy book the night before. The congressman's real name? Motherfuckin' Jack Ryan.

    edited because I finally found part of the speech I wrote.

    Walter on
  • Si SenorSi Senor Registered User
    edited February 2007
    Dublo7 wrote:
    Motherfucking Oedipus.

    Si Senor on
    sigging2.jpg
  • SamiSami Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Dublo7 wrote:
    Motherfucking Oedipus.

    ohohohoho clever

    Sami on
    Preacher wrote:
    That's the kicker, not only is our healthcare not cutting mustard we are overpaying for shitty healthcare. We have the olive garden of healthcare.
  • BigDesBigDes Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    At school I got hit with a real bad case of the flu, I was off for about a month because it almost killed me, my history teacher at the time kept sending me essays to do so I wouldn't miss out. Due to the medication I was on at the time the third essay he sent me went a little wrong. It started out as as a hypothetical where he asked us to justify Louis XIVs treatment of the Huguenot population if France and ended up as a rant as to why that part in Terminator 2 where Arnie miniguns the police but none of them die, was highly unrealisitic due to the unpredictable nature of the bullets bouncing.

    I didn't do so good in that one.

    BigDes on
    steam_sig.png
  • Rear Admiral ChocoRear Admiral Choco Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    mtvcdm wrote:
    On one occasion Cass has helped me get through an assignment by commandeering her computer as I was typing on it and insisting she do the assignment. I was slightly embarrassed, especially since it was done several times better than I could have ever done it, but ultimately glad it was over with.

    Other than that, I've never really cheated on an assignment, but one hilarious incident in Grade 7 involved a boy named Malcolm in my class. He said he knew how to breakdance. The rest of us are fairly interested, and this interest is heightened when the teacher urges him to demonstrate.

    So he psyches himself up, gets himself ready to do his routine. Everyone is watching intently.

    He starts spinning rapidly on his head. The class is impressed and amazed.

    He violently spins directly into a bookcase like some sort of human Tasmanian Devil, sending it crashing hard into the floor with books flying everywhere.
    Was the class still impressed and amazed?
    When I think on it, it was pretty cool to actually be able to do that, but as soon as the bookcase smashed to the ground there was laughter and cheering all over. :P

    Rear Admiral Choco on
    2WJtdLD.png
  • ALockslyALocksly Registered User
    edited February 2007
    I just recalled in HS on April first I got into my computer class early and turned all the moniters contrast knobs to black
    It took the teacher and the rest of the class fifteen minutes to figure out why the moniters refused to turn on.

    I freely confessed to doing it and the teacher didn't seem to upset or anything; I thought it was a harmless April fools joke and I never heard anything about it form the teacher after that day.

    Several years later my mom was asking me if I remembered that one time I almost got kicked out of class in HS, I'm all,... uh, no

    The teacher had called my parents threatening to kick me out of the class. My mom had promised to give me a stern lecture and that placated the teacher but she also felt the teacher was overreacting and that the prank was funny besides so she never told me and I went on blissfully unaware of how much I'd pissed off my instructor.

    ALocksly on
    Yes,... yes, I agree. It's totally unfair that sober you gets into trouble for things that drunk you did.
  • GoodCitizenGoodCitizen Registered User
    edited February 2007
    University starts up monday, been enjoying this thread, so here's a few stories from my highschool/middleschool days.

    In middleschool science we had a teacher that obviously had some issues. He'd just read out of the book all class long and always seemed like he was MILES away. Well, the guy in front of me spent 90% of every class just taking apart his mechanical pencil and putting it back together, over and over and over. I have to admit, it almost had me hypnotised. Well, one day I was just kinda half asleep watching him go through his routine. Instead of putting it back together this time, though, he straightened out the spring, wrapped it around the end of his pencil, and STUCK IT IN THE DAMN POWER OUTLET! Sparks flew everywhere, the power went out, and the teacher who had never broken his monotonous low tone all semester launched into the most brutaly loud swearing fit I have ever heard. No one else in the class let out a sound.... The next day we found out the kid got suspended for like a week. A substitute started teaching the class for a few days, and then we heard the teacher wouldn't be coming back. The whole thing was just amazing.


    Next there was high school history. I had the teacher that was generally accepted to be the easiest. So, when we got a project that told us to do a biography of a 20th century figure, I chose Kurt Cobain. I just plagiarized the whole thing off an internet biography. I read the entire thing off the internet and just cut and pasted... didn't even reread it after I cut and pasted. I printed out 2 copies; one to give to the teacher and one to read in front of the class, since it was an oral report. When my turn came I gave the copy to the teacher and started reading the other in front of the class. I got halfway through the paper, just reading off the sheet without really paying attention, and said "ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED!" outloud, since it apparently put that after a hyperlink when I copied it. I looked up and saw the teacher just hanging his head in his hands. I decided to keep reading... but about 2 sentences later he told me to just go back and sit down. That one didn't turn out so well...

    Another time in the same history class we had to do a test where we got a map of the united states and had to write in all the states and capitols. There was alot of weight to it, and I wasn't particuraly good at memorizing things, so it had me worried. A week or 2 before the big test I was working in the computer lab when I noticed that the mousepad had a map of the united states on it, saying "Can you name all the states and capitols? (turn over for answers)". At the time it seemed like a damn messege from god himself. I flipped over the mousepad and there on the back was every state and capitol listed on a 3x5 sticker. I immediately ripped it off and stuck it in my sweatshirt. I told my friend about it, though, and he told like EVERYBODY. The teacher didn't notice that half the class cheated, but he DID notice that the grades were abnormaly high, so he redid the test and made everybody take it again. By that time I'd memorized em all, though.

    I never really cheated in college. There was one math class that I was failing BADLY in, though. I mean, REAL bad. I got behind in Calc2 and eventually just decided to cut off the leg to save the body, and focused on my other classes. Well, 3-4 weeks before the final the teacher tells the class that many of the people there couldn't possibly pass at this point, so he decided that if you score higher on the final than your current average is, he'd just give you the final grade as your grade for the class. For the next three weeks I did an INHUMAN amount of math. It was all I thought about. I would get change from the pizza guy and my brain would be doing calculation based on the amount of change he'd given me, feeding the numbers into integrals and such. It got ugly. My dorm mate told me I would randomly start spouting off calculus terms in my sleep. In the end my experiment in total emersion actually paid off though and I got an A- in the class. The knowledge didn't stick with me when I got to the next class and that caused a few problems... but it saved my ass at the time.

    GoodCitizen on
    Benjamin Franklin used foil covered window glass to create a capacitor. He then attempted to kill a turkey with the stored charge. Instead, he knocked himself out. Franklin later wrote, "I tried to kill a turkey but nearly succeeded in killing a goose."
  • DrakmathusDrakmathus Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    I wrote a paper on who would win in a fight between wolverine and the green lantern. This was for english 101.

    Also, all you guys saying that employers don't care about grades and stuff, what field are you in? Every single employer I am interviewing with or have the opportunity to interview with have minimum GPA requirements and have requested that the interviewee bring a copy of their transcript for review. This is for post graduation jobs.

    Drakmathus on
  • chronoboundgearchronoboundgear Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Drakmathus wrote:
    I wrote a paper on who would win in a fight between wolverine and the green lantern. This was for english 101.

    Also, all you guys saying that employers don't care about grades and stuff, what field are you in? Every single employer I am interviewing with or have the opportunity to interview with have minimum GPA requirements and have requested that the interviewee bring a copy of their transcript for review. This is for post graduation jobs.

    I actually go to UC, and it's the same with me. Thankfully I already have a job for after graduation, but I'm still having trouble passing at this point.

    Quick Story:
    Last quarter I took an Analytical Chemistry class, and I didn't go to class for the last 8 weeks except to take our two tests. The final has a problem that went something like this:

    a) Describe the basic process of a galvanic cell.

    b) Give an example of a cell of this type used in daily life as discussed in class.

    Now, I was fairly confident the answer to part b) was a car battery, but I answered stem cell anyway. I went from an A to a B after this test, and I'm fairly confident it was only because I answered this way. My teachers suck.

    I also just wrote a letter to my engineering design professor telling him that we should be working on projects rather than economics shit, but he hasn't answered me back. Hopefully he doesn't stab me in the face on Monday.

    chronoboundgear on
    Xbox 360 Tag: Earthbound King

    Every fights a food fight when you're a cannibal.
  • ArikadoArikado Southern CaliforniaRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    This was in middle school.

    I'm a procrastinator when it comes to projects and reports. In 7th grade, our History teacher was a bitch. Her mannerism was something of a 50 year old widow from the deep south who thinks of only making everyone's day worse. Everyone hated her (myself included) but she seemed to think that I was her little angel-honor student. I did like 80% of my homework and I suppose, since people hated her, the rest of the class did less than half of it.

    Anyways, towards the end of the year, it's rather obvious that a lot of the class is now clamoring for extra credit to pass her class. She announces that the last project will be a group + model + speech presentation about an obscure country and it would be worth 30% of our grade. People start grouping with their friends and stuff while I stick to my own. Since the class was an odd number, I ended up being alone. I guess everyone hated the fact that I was actually doing my work and allowed that to jade them from the fact that I was an easy A+.

    This didn't really motivate me. We had the last month of school to prepare for it with presentations taking place on the last week. I procrastinated my ass to the point where I literally forgot until the night before. I even forgot what country I had (she had assigned me New Zealand originally) so I ended up picking Ireland because I was watching the news about some IRA stuff. I bust out the encyclopedias and history books and copied down some of the facts. Then for the model, I ended up making a castle out of trashed cardboard box, styrofoam cups and markers. For the flag, I found a nice atlas from the school library but it was only on Africa. Plus, we weren't allowed to check out books because it was the last week of classes. So, I tore out Ivory Coast's flag and flipped it upside down for my presentation. Then for bonus, I took a potato and a whiskey bottle to class.

    I figure if I'm gonna bomb this, I might as well make everyone look better than mine so I volunteer to go first. I explain that I had seen some interesting stuff about Ireland recently and I thought it was more important than covering New Zealand (no offense to you kiwis). I start reading off of my index cards (out of order, of course), I explain the potato famine, history, etc. It was horrible, from my perspective. Especially since I had crushed the whiskey bottle in my backpack since I was late for class and I rode my bike. I didn't even bother to mention my model, which also suffered from shitty Elmer's glue smeared all over it.

    After the Q & A, I sit and put my head down thinking I've at least clipped a B- for the class. After class, tells the people who presented to come up and get their scores. I decided to go up last this time. She straight up tells me that she thought I did really great research despite my shit model. She gives me a 95% on account that I did it alone and because SHE IS IRISH. She asks me to type out all the stuff on my index cards and give it to her so she can use as an example for other classes, which in turn would give me another 5% for the project.

    CHA-CHING!

    Arikado on
    BNet: Arikado#1153 | Steam | LoL: Anzen
  • jpegjpeg Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    I had a mentally unstable Honors Advanced Algebra teacher last year. She was extremely obsessive compulsive and constantly rearranged things in the room so they were just right, and she also ended nearly every phrase with "okay?". (I once counted how many times she said it in one class, it was over 400). She also had a severe lisp. My class took this as a sign to never take her class seriously, myself included. I am well aware this is horribly mean. Among other things, we started playing heads up, 7 up while she was trying to teach, and when she eventually started playing we just fucked everything in her room up when her head was down, like moving file cabinets and erasing her notes, etc.

    For example, here is a question off of one of my quizzes:

    mathquizrh9.jpg

    If I can find more I will scan them, if I remember right there was a short answer section on the final where I put "Bob Dole was here" as all of my answers. I got a B+ in this class because almost 50% of the class grade was an ambiguous category called "class participation" which basically means "attendance".

    jpeg on
    so I just type in this box and it goes on the screen?
  • GoslingGosling Looking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, Probably Watertown, WIRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Man, "class participation". About 3/4ths of my teachers use that one (though nobody goes to 50%). Basically as long as you don't mysteriously vanish after the first class, you'll get the points from just about all of them.

    Gosling on
    I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
  • wenchkillawenchkilla Registered User
    edited February 2007
    Last quarter I took a completely bullshit class Architecture 350: History of Architecture. It covered history starting with the early settlement of Banpo Village in Xian, 3,500 BC, to Rome. Subject matter was enthralling. Lecturer was this shittiest teacher I've ever had. She made high school PE instructors look like they deserve a Nobel prize.

    My awesome friend James came to this class sometimes because he was fucking bored, and played his DS. One time he came on midterm day. HILARITY ENSUES. The following is a paraphrase: we never got the test back.

    Name: Dirk Thundercock, Student #0696969

    What is a Megaron: Megatron is the leader of the Decepticons, and the most powerful Transformer, Megatron could kick Optimus Prime's ass any day. (This went on for at least 5-6 lines)

    What is a Citadel: The Imperial Palace on Terra is an example of a citadel. The palace contains the Golden Throne of Our Emperor, the savior of mankind. The Palace had been under siege once, by the traitorous forces of Horus, in the Horus Heresy...(etc etc etc)

    We can't remember all of them, but they were goddamn brilliant. Sadly he did not attempt the essay question.


    In the same class another friend of mine, when writing about the utilization of building space in the nearest non-university library commented that the parking garage was very small, limiting the utility and effectiveness of the building in several ways. This was underlined by the grader, saying "This is not relevant to the paper in any way".

    wenchkilla on
    gamingsig.jpg
    PSN/XBL: dragoniemx
  • desperaterobotsdesperaterobots perth, ausRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    I have cheated for another.

    My friends little sister had a poetry assignment due the next day and she was
    a) kinda stupid
    b) kinda talentless
    and c) yet to start.

    So I sat down in front of a computer and spat out a page of the most meaningless shite you would have ever read in about 5 minutes. Not only did it get an A+, but all the teaches were throwing compliments and encouragement her way, and it was eventually published in their school annual. I love that my cheating has been archived for posterity, and that she had to awkwardly smile through kudos that she didn't deserve.

    Also, I cheated on an art essay (or rather, copied and pasted from a website without citing sources). This was in highschool, before we'd really been taught how to properly reference shit. Anyway, my art teacher found the paragraph I'd copied and failed me, citing plagiarism. I hated that fucking bitch, because virtually every other person in the class I knew had done pretty much exactly the same god damn thing. She also bitched about my art behind my back to my classmates. Damn. What a fucking cow. ... Er. Tangent

    desperaterobots on
  • Si SenorSi Senor Registered User
    edited February 2007
    jpeg wrote:
    mathquizrh9.jpg

    :lol:

    well played.

    Si Senor on
    sigging2.jpg
  • milathmilath Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Unfortunately, I have no photographic evidence of either of these. In the first case, a friend who was taking the AP Physics test wrote the full lyrics to Baby Got Back as an answer to one of the questions. In another case, another friend on the AP Calculus exam actually wrote a long, rather intricate proof in which the end result was 1 = 2.

    In both cases, the humor of the joke was lost when they got back their scores. I, on the other hand, took the cowards way out and got my free college credits from my AP classes.

    This thread is great though. Keep 'em coming!

    milath on
    steam_sig.png
    "No.. I was wrong. This must be what going mad feels like."

  • ElJeffeElJeffe Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited February 2007
    ArcticXC wrote:
    Hilarious play rewrite blah blah blah

    I did something like this in Jr. High. We had to rewrite a scene from Midsummer Night's Dream in "modern prose". I don't recall the details, but there were a whole lot of blowjobs in our version.

    We were utterly shocked that we were allowed to act it out to completion, and that we got an A.

    ElJeffe on
    Maddie: "I named my feet. The left one is flip and the right one is flop. Oh, and also I named my flip-flops."

    I make tweet.
  • gamtgamt Registered User
    edited February 2007
    Freshman Year
    Spanish 1

    We had to do this 2-page paper about something that somehow relates to the Spanish-speaking culture. My choice: The Aztecs, and how they influenced modern day Mexico. We had almost a month to work on it, so naturally I didn't start it until the night before it was due. I was laying on the bullshit, "paraphrasing" Wikipedia and such for my info, since actually doing the research would be WAY to much work. I finish the second page, mid-paragraph. Since it was late, I didn't want to bother finishing the paper properly, so I just erased the last line, and typed "So, in conclusion, All Your Base Are Belong To Us."

    I got an A+


    Also, Sophomore Year Biology:
    When grading homework, my teacher would just come around, check that you had it done, then stamp the front of it with the date. And when I say check, I mean "see if there was something which vaguely resembled writing of some sort". Half the time, we didn't even write stuff. We just put *scribble scribble* pandas *scribble scribble* cheese *scribble scribble*.
    The other half of the time, we just flat out wrote bullshit answers.

    "What is a gamete?" "A scuba diver in pajamas"
    "What are the stages of mitosis?" "Twinkies>you"

    We always got full points

    gamt on
  • Look Out it's Sabs!Look Out it's Sabs! Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    gamt wrote:
    Freshman Year
    Spanish 1

    We had to do this 2-page paper about something that somehow relates to the Spanish-speaking culture. My choice: The Aztecs, and how they influenced modern day Mexico. We had almost a month to work on it, so naturally I didn't start it until the night before it was due. I was laying on the bullshit, "paraphrasing" Wikipedia and such for my info, since actually doing the research would be WAY to much work. I finish the second page, mid-paragraph. Since it was late, I didn't want to bother finishing the paper properly, so I just erased the last line, and typed "So, in conclusion, All Your Base Are Belong To Us."

    I got an A+


    Also, Sophomore Year Biology:
    When grading homework, my teacher would just come around, check that you had it done, then stamp the front of it with the date. And when I say check, I mean "see if there was something which vaguely resembled writing of some sort". Half the time, we didn't even write stuff. We just put *scribble scribble* pandas *scribble scribble* cheese *scribble scribble*.
    The other half of the time, we just flat out wrote bullshit answers.

    "What is a gamete?" "A scuba diver in pajamas"
    "What are the stages of mitosis?" "Twinkies>you"

    We always got full points

    I had a math teacher who did that, but since I always did my homework the first week or so, he just started to glance at it and thats it.

    So I used my homework from the first week to show him for the rest of the year.

    Look Out it's Sabs! on
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  • OnionknightOnionknight Registered User
    edited February 2007
    My first year in college I took an intro to business course. Since there was a state funding issue the college was short on teachers so the class was taught by one of the IS professors. For the end of the semester we were assigned 2 projects that made up most of your grade. A group business project and an individual business plan. I worked with my group for the group plan and we did our presentation and got A's. The next class session the teacher was walking around telling people what their grade were on the individual plans. I didn't do it. I knew I did not do it and I will never sit here and say that I did do it. When she got to me she looked in her binder to give me back my report and the conversation went something like this

    Teacher: Hmm, I don't see your report in here.
    Me: Really, That's odd..
    Teacher: Maybe it's in my other pile from my other class. What was it about again?
    Me: [Some BS about a web design based business]
    Teacher: I remember reading that. I believe you got an A. Let me go write that down so I don't forget.

    With that she walked off, and I got an A in that class.

    Onionknight on
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  • Jason ToddJason Todd Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    I was doing a writing prompt in a pre-calculus course. I didn't understand the word problem. I only knew it was about an airplane. So in the space where we were to show our work, I drew an airplane being attacked by a dragon. Near the end, I began to realize how easy it was, and started working it, but didn't finish. So I clipped a dollar to the front and turned it in. The next day she gave us more time, and I fixed it to A-quality. More importantly, I got by dollar back.

    Jason Todd on
    filefile.jpg
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