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COMING THIS SUMMER: A BABY [UPDATE]

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    Zen VulgarityZen Vulgarity What a lovely day for tea Secret British ThreadRegistered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Beasteh wrote: »
    i am dealing with a baby that has reflux, thrush and diarrhoeah

    there are

    so many fluids

    A b-rate comedy

    Zen Vulgarity on
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    I'd Fuck Chuck Lidell UpI'd Fuck Chuck Lidell Up Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    don't forget to pick him up some of my personal favorite books
    18859_229950883378_654153378_3234735_4137340_n.jpg

    now you too can read your baby to sleep with such classics as "Genocide, for children"

    the nightmares never end

    I'd Fuck Chuck Lidell Up on
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    SolarSolar Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Epidemics and plagues looks like good bed time material.

    Solar on
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    BeastehBeasteh THAT WOULD NOT KILL DRACULARegistered User regular
    edited July 2011
    every time i visit these babies i get infected by some awful virus that makes me shit my insides

    Beasteh on
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    Lord_AsmodeusLord_Asmodeus goeticSobriquet: Here is your magical cryptic riddle-tumour: I AM A TIME MACHINERegistered User regular
    edited July 2011
    You should get that looked at. You might be allergic to babies!

    Lord_Asmodeus on
    Capital is only the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if Labor had not first existed. Labor is superior to capital, and deserves much the higher consideration. - Lincoln
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    EdcrabEdcrab Actually a hack Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Children are germ factories

    Seriously when I started working at a school it took me a month before my immune system toughened up

    Edcrab on
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    Lost SalientLost Salient blink twice if you'd like me to mercy kill youRegistered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Saaame here. Herds of 4, 5, and 6 year olds plus having moved to an entirely new country across the world = I was basically dying of the plague for seven straight months.

    Then I got better!

    Of course, you still get the "HAHAHA I COUGH IN YOUR FACE TEACHER," moments...

    Anyway I was actually posting in this thread because I hadn't said congratulations to Quoth yet. Congratulations Quoth! On the baby and on not having to summon butt-wiping assistance in this case!

    Lost Salient on
    RUVCwyu.jpg
    "Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
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    FAQFAQ Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    how often do you guys scratch your heads and then freak out about lice

    FAQ on
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    BeastehBeasteh THAT WOULD NOT KILL DRACULARegistered User regular
    edited July 2011
    the schools here in belgium are bastions of filth

    Beasteh on
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    Lost SalientLost Salient blink twice if you'd like me to mercy kill youRegistered User regular
    edited July 2011
    FAQ wrote: »
    how often do you guys scratch your heads and then freak out about lice

    Actually we had a lice scare at our school last year when one kid's older brother got it at his elementary school and then the kid brought it to our kindergarten. Basically my coteacher and I checked our scalps compulsively every time we had the slightest itch for abouuuut three weeks.

    E: But you have to act like it doesn't totally horrify you and gross you out to even consider the possibility of catching lice because then the kids who have it will feel bad about themselves. So you have to act casual, like "Haaahahaa Miss Sandra has to stroll quickly to the bathroom mirror every few minutes and stare at her head for no reason guys don't worry about it!"

    Lost Salient on
    RUVCwyu.jpg
    "Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
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    QuothQuoth the Raven Miami, FL FOR REALRegistered User regular
    edited July 2011
    I am a cow

    Moo

    But not a very good cow

    Or this kid wants to be fat

    Quoth on
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    TamTam Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Who knew you'd get such wonderful posts from a new mother

    Tam on
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    BeastehBeasteh THAT WOULD NOT KILL DRACULARegistered User regular
    edited July 2011
    i didnt know you could get thrush from babies

    this is fun

    Beasteh on
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    LarlarLarlar consecutive normal brunches Moderator, ClubPA Mod Emeritus
    edited July 2011
    Tam wrote: »
    Who knew you'd get such wonderful posts from a new mother

    That's the baby typing.

    Larlar on
    iwantanswers3.png
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    Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Koshian wrote: »
    mlyb

    So, I Googled what this acronym might be.

    First link points to two possibilities.

    1) Mike Laga Youth Baseball

    2) Might Like You Better

    The first is kinda hilarious.
    The second just doesn't make sense in this context.

    Donovan Puppyfucker on
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    JansonJanson Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    As one of six children, growing up once a year at least one of us would catch lice from school and then we'd all have to be treated asap

    lice like clean hair! so that is one good thing to remember (we were always pretty clean!)

    most of the time, a fine-toothed comb and lots of conditioner do the best job of removing as much as possible; in fact, when some lice started to become resistant to the lice shampoos, this is what was recommended. We'd still use the shampoos as well, though

    Also, flea shampoo does the job just as well! Which is good, because my dad could get free flea shampoo from work

    bottom line: Lice are not really that scary and are really pretty easy to get rid of (just might take a few dedicated hours of combing for really tough cases)

    Janson on
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    skettiosskettios Enchanted ForestRegistered User regular
    edited July 2011
    My mom freaked out when one of us (I have 2 sisters) got lice once.
    Everything was washed, had my hair shampoo'ed and brushed so many times, etc.

    I was told if I ever got lice again, she would shave my head D:
    (I had frizzy/wavy/crazy hair at the time.. now it's curly)

    But her reaction to that made me react very poorly during my future run ins with fleas
    I'm a lot better nowadays, but my first reaction is always to:
    PEW0f.png

    skettios on
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    PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Koshian wrote: »
    mlyb

    So, I Googled what this acronym might be.

    First link points to two possibilities.

    1) Mike Laga Youth Baseball

    2) Might Like You Better

    The first is kinda hilarious.
    The second just doesn't make sense in this context.

    much like your butt

    PiptheFair on
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    Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    dang kids and their slang

    Centipede Damascus on
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    Indie WinterIndie Winter die Krähe Rudi Hurzlmeier (German, b. 1952)Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Quoth wrote: »
    I am a cow

    Moo

    But not a very good cow

    Or this kid wants to be fat

    is that my cow?

    it goes Baa!

    it is a sheep!

    That's not my cow!

    Indie Winter on
    wY6K6Jb.gif
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    Darth WaiterDarth Waiter Elrond Hubbard Mordor XenuRegistered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Congratz, Quoth!

    Young Mister is surely plotting your downfall as we speak, Stewie Griffin-style.

    This is also somewhat relevant:
    Stewie-Wallpaper-family-guy-3088667-1024-768.jpg

    As the oldest diaper-changer in a demon-brood of four, I wish you many happy hours with your new poopy-factory. And yes, cover him with a towel when you change him to avoid the Golden Shower of Defilement.

    Darth Waiter on
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    Lord_AsmodeusLord_Asmodeus goeticSobriquet: Here is your magical cryptic riddle-tumour: I AM A TIME MACHINERegistered User regular
    edited July 2011
    FAQ wrote: »
    how often do you guys scratch your heads and then freak out about lice

    Actually we had a lice scare at our school last year when one kid's older brother got it at his elementary school and then the kid brought it to our kindergarten. Basically my coteacher and I checked our scalps compulsively every time we had the slightest itch for abouuuut three weeks.

    E: But you have to act like it doesn't totally horrify you and gross you out to even consider the possibility of catching lice because then the kids who have it will feel bad about themselves. So you have to act casual, like "Haaahahaa Miss Sandra has to stroll quickly to the bathroom mirror every few minutes and stare at her head for no reason guys don't worry about it!"

    Lice only concern me insofar as they spread disease.

    I mean, I know that the bubonic plague is treatable now and most people who catch it don't die unless they live in a place without sufficient medical care (or they ignore the symptoms too long)

    But I mean. It's STILL the plague, you know?

    Also congratulations on the baby. I am an uncle to a 2 year old and that's about it as far as being an older relative goes, especially since I am the youngest of my brothers.

    Lord_Asmodeus on
    Capital is only the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if Labor had not first existed. Labor is superior to capital, and deserves much the higher consideration. - Lincoln
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    FAQFAQ Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    what about the fact that you'd have a colony of insects living in your hair

    FAQ on
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    Sara LynnSara Lynn I can handle myself. Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    I got lice in 8th grade so unfortunately I remember it all too well. You definitely notice when you have lice, because they crawl in your eyebrows and shit. I was basically grounded my entire summer vacation because my best friend happened to be from a really gross family. They also had tons of roaches but never did anything about it. I don't remember why we were friends, we liked the same things but I was always constantly grossed out by her.

    Sara Lynn on
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    AneurhythmiaAneurhythmia Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Well, that's certainly racist.

    Aneurhythmia on
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    JansonJanson Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Are American lice some kind of mutant strain of lice?

    1. They don't spread disease...
    Head lice (Pediculus humanus capitis) are not known to be vectors of diseases, unlike body lice

    2. They're really tiny; really hard to see unless you're staring right at that spot, looking for it, and they also favour the darker areas of the scalp - nape of neck and behind ears, as they are repulsed by light

    3. They're really quite easy to get rid off, and it never took my family more than 2-3 days for everyone to be louse-free

    Janson on
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    SyphyreSyphyre A Dangerous Pastime Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Congratulations (Latish) And I'll throw some of the best toddler books I know into the mix:

    618BGKJN9QL.jpg

    Syphyre on
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    MaceraMacera UGH GODDAMMIT STOP ENJOYING THINGSRegistered User regular
    edited July 2011
    don't forget Go Dog Go

    Macera on
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    QuothQuoth the Raven Miami, FL FOR REALRegistered User regular
    edited July 2011
    doctor said the baby is in good shape

    he's already up to 8 lbs and grew almost an inch

    today he almost peed on my husband, who has the reflexes of a jungle cat and managed to get a hand over the exposed part in time to avoid a golden shower

    Quoth on
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    AbracadanielAbracadaniel Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    just remember to teach him what is best in life and everything else will fall into place

    also force him to push a wheel in the middle of nowhere for a few years. that'll learn'em.

    Abracadaniel on
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    PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Quoth wrote: »
    I am a cow

    Moo

    But not a very good cow

    Or this kid wants to be fat

    is that my cow?

    it goes Baa!

    it is a sheep!

    That's not my cow!

    THAT
    IS
    NOT
    MY
    COW

    PiptheFair on
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    HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Quoth wrote: »
    doctor said the baby is in good shape

    he's already up to 8 lbs and grew almost an inch

    today he almost peed on my husband, who has the reflexes of a jungle cat and managed to get a hand over the exposed part in time to avoid a golden shower

    Oh, he's on his game now. Rested, excited to be doing things for the first couple of times. It's still all cute and fun.

    But soon, he will be not so rested. It will be hundreds of times. A late night, quick change and hopefully get 2 to 3 hours of sleep before the next thing arises. Then his ninja skills shall be tested. Babies are natural born predators and will smell the weakness.

    Also, my son was violently nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt. If I put on a clean shirt I was basically destined to be spit up on like I was in the Exorcist.

    Hunter on
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    LednehLedneh shinesquawk Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    I love that goddamn book

    Ledneh on
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    Darth WaiterDarth Waiter Elrond Hubbard Mordor XenuRegistered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Quoth wrote: »
    doctor said the baby is in good shape

    he's already up to 8 lbs and grew almost an inch

    Just like Hulk Hogan.
    Hunter wrote: »
    Babies are natural born predators and will smell the weakness.

    Yes, this is the way of the ninja baby. Your Pee-Fu must be strong.

    Darth Waiter on
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    HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    No, seriously. I had baby spittle on me in some way, shape, or form for like a year. It was insane. My kid could hit corner shots. It was like the bullet curving in Wanted. Serious stuff.

    Hunter on
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    LednehLedneh shinesquawk Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    So he's either a born pool player or a physicist

    Ledneh on
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    HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    It's like the crazy shit classic Cyclops would do in X-Men comics. 27 bounces and a hit in the back like a boss. Only with puke.

    Hunter on
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    PeenPeen Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    My girl's a spitter too but her specialty is the stealth kill. She can spit up extraordinary amounts at any point before or after a feeding, with no warning and no change of expression. Like you'll be carrying her and she'll be smiling and your first impulse is awwww and the second is whelp, better check me/her/the floor for what probably just came out of her.

    Peen on
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    apricotmuffinsapricotmuffins Angry Bee Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    very belated congratulations on a spiffing son.

    you must buy him these books:
    each-peach-pear-plum-400x300.jpg

    hairy1.jpg

    they are wonderful books. I can still recite most of each peach pear plum.

    apricotmuffins on
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    Darth WaiterDarth Waiter Elrond Hubbard Mordor XenuRegistered User regular
    edited July 2011
    True Story That Some of You Fine Folk May Have Read Before:

    When I was less than six months old, my mother took me to visit some relatives for the afternoon, nothing major, just across town. One of the relatives present was a woman she didn't like very much, an aunt by marriage.

    My mother kept telling her, "He's been sick for the last two days with an upset stomach, he can't really hold down the first and last meals of the day very well unless he just relaxes and goes to sleep right after. You shouldn't hold him or bounce him too much."

    Of course, nimrod-aunt is in her best new dress, ready to go dancing with her husband. The woman simply MUST assert that she is a better parent than my mother by far and states, "Oh, don't be silly, he just needs to be burped properly, that's all."

    *GLORPH-UH-MUGH-URFTHUGH-STRAINEDBEETSDOWNYOURBACK-RIGHTDOWNYOURBACK-UNDERTHECOLLAR*

    33 years later, my mother still likes telling that story with the punchline of:

    "Son, I knew that I was required to love you by federal statute, but at that moment .... I really liked you."

    REMEMBER:

    Babies can be your cunning allies in the endless war against family who pisses you off.

    Darth Waiter on
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