It's Getting Boring by the Sea [TFTD LP]

chiasaur11

X-Com internal report

Bad news.

We've got hostiles. Cruise liner.

Good news.

Five of you will be taking this opportunity to test the experimental MC Disruptor weapon technology on hostile combatants in actual field conditions.

Good luck.

Librarian's ghost

To summarize:

Bad News.

You are all going to die.

Good News.

You may die spectacularly.


Director, permission to sit in on the ops. I want to make sure I don't get cheated on the betting... er I mean take notes on the usage of this new equipment.

SkutSkut

It's about time you guys went into the field, I was getting bored.

Now go, go and die like champs!

Decius

It's an oldie but a goody.

THE BEST WAY TO DIE WAS STARTED TONIGHT!

elliotw2

Oh my, a cruise liner mission, again.

Well, he said testing the MC, so that means I don't get to go on a pleasure cruise

Caulk Bite 6

timspork's ghost wrote: »

Director, permission to sit in on the ops. I want to make sure I don't get cheated on the betting... er I mean take notes on the usage of this new equipment.

I'd like to sit in on this as well. I'll even bring some of my private reserve.

The Pilot can drink your piss-water whiskey if he likes.

Librarian's ghost

Caulk Bite 6 wrote: »

timspork's ghost wrote: »

Director, permission to sit in on the ops. I want to make sure I don't get cheated on the betting... er I mean take notes on the usage of this new equipment.

I'd like to sit in on this as well. I'll even bring some of my private reserve.

The Pilot can drink your piss-water whiskey if he likes.

Hey now. I happen to know your spread on the betting pool is really very similar to my own.

Mvrck

Sweet. Cruise Liner mission. Looks like I'll be seeing active duty real soon.

SkutSkut

if by active duty you mean eating a grenade in the sub, then yes.

Mvrck

SkutSkut wrote: »

if by active duty you mean eating a grenade in the sub, then yes.

I'm not picky I'll take what I can get. Besides, there's a 50/50 chance I won't be completely useless at MC.

Mr. Mojo Risin

Director sir I'd like to point out that I only wet myself when I'm reminded of the things I've seen Rank do to Aliens, and Newbies, the food, the desk in your office... oh god I've done it again.

Also fuck yeah second highest MC strength and highest skill.

chiasaur11

X-Com Aquatic Division assessment: MC Disruption technology field tests

Director Chiasaur11, Doctor Caulk Bite Six, Lt. RisenPhoenix, Lt. Timspork's Ghost attending.

Command: Understood, Lieutenant. Keep us informed of any further developments.

RisenPhoenix: So, what's the over/under this time?

Ghost: New tech, cruise liner, and unknown enemy forces? Smart money's on a total wipe.

Phoenix: Put me down for five.

Caulkbite: Seven.

Command: Remember, this is just an equipment test. If the odds get bad, pull out and go scorched earth. We can't afford a disaster.

Ghost: Killjoy.



Phoenix: So, I missed the lecture. What's the new tech this time?

Caulkbite: An advanced neuro-chemical disruptor that interrupts the connection between the "sleeper" and his agents, allowing a strong willed operative to fire an electrical signal disguised as a legitimate order. If successful, it will be interpreted and acted on without question.

Ghost: Mind control.

Phoenix: I understood it from somewhere around "neuro". Thanks for the condescension anyway, Ghost. This sounds rife with terrifying moral implications.

Command: It is. One word to any non X-Com personnel, and you will be dead. Your family will be dead. Your friends will be dead. Everyone you could have even hypothetically discussed it with will die in atomic fire if that is what we need to keep it secret. We cannot afford for this technology to become widespread.

*silence*



Phoenix: So, we got a hostile. Anyone recognize?

Command: Tasoth, I think.

Phoenix: They bad?

Caulkbite: Apparently they're some kind of psychic land shark or similar. I never found biology particularly fascinating.

Ghost: Hot damn. Total wipe is back on the table.

Bursar

There's a stairway leading up from the helipad on that cruiseliner? And it has rooms that share a wall with said helipad? Whatever line runs that disaster of a ship, they deserve whatever eldritch horror happens to it.

WotanAnubis

chiasaur11 wrote: »

Caulkbite: Apparently they're some kind of psychic land shark or similar. I never found biology particularly fascinating.

I would have expected my weapon-obsessed colleague to be slightly more interested in knowing the enemy.

After all, how can one design a good weapon when one is ignorant of the intended target's strengths and weaknesses?

Perhaps I should invite Caulkbite to an alien dissection.

Which reminds me, try to take some of the enemy alive, will you?

AnteCantelope

WotanAnubis wrote: »

chiasaur11 wrote: »

Caulkbite: Apparently they're some kind of psychic land shark or similar. I never found biology particularly fascinating.

I would have expected my weapon-obsessed colleague to be slightly more interested in knowing the enemy.

After all, how can one design a good weapon when one is ignorant of the intended target's strengths and weaknesses?

Perhaps I should invite Caulkbite to an alien dissection.

Which reminds me, try to take some of the enemy alive, will you?

You can tell he has no interest in studying the weaknesses of enemies and designing weapons to exploit them, because his latest weapon is designed to vapourise a 100m radius. Oh, lobstermen have flanges running down their claws to open human stomachs easier do they? Tasoth have an unarmoured section at the back of their left knee? Who gives a fuck, they're all liquid now.

That's right, sleeper: we've got guns that can kill even you now.

Iron Weasel

Argh, fucking Tasoths. Why couldn't it be gilmen or something squishy?

Elvenshae

[At a lone table in Charon's mess hall, a recruit pours over XCOMINST 145.21]

*flip. flip. flip.*

"Tasoths? Gillmen? Lobstermen? Man, I haven't seen names like this since Gygax stopped writing Monster Manuals. Amirite, guys?"

*flip. flip.*

"... Guys?"

*flip. flip.*

"Huh. Coulda sworn I wasn't the only one in here."

Nerivant

Elvenshae wrote: »

[At a lone table in Charon's mess hall, a recruit pours over XCOMINST 145.21]

Funny, I could have sworn that Charon didn't have a mess hall. o_O

see317

Nerivant wrote: »

Elvenshae wrote: »

[At a lone table in Charon's mess hall, a recruit pours over XCOMINST 145.21]

Funny, I could have sworn that Charon didn't have a mess hall. o_O

Looks like somebody got into the cleaning chemicals again...

Jaramr

Go Sleeper forces go!

Or is X-com that im supposed to be a part of?

I don't know. Those robed guys said they would show me the true meaning of mind fuck if they caught me disrupting the glorious return of the sleeper.

Go Sleeper Aliens Thing Go!

Librarian's ghost

By the way Director, I wanted to report that the investigation into the deaths of those sleeper followers has stalled. The murder weapon was a Laser Pistol but I'm the only one with a Laser pistol in the base and obviously I had nothing involved. I think we should just drop the case since I'm on kinda on the guy's side. I mean I do bet on the deaths of our ground teams, but I'll be damned if I see them go down from the inside.

chiasaur11

Transcript continues

Command: We have contact. MC disruptors are free.





Ghost: Yes, these terrifyingly effective new weapons will certainly turn the tide. I am in awe.

Phoenix: How much did these cost again?

Caulkbite: In total, accounting for parts and labor? About a million American dollars. Which, on a global scale, isn't that much money to waste on an entirely fruitless endeavor.

Phoenix: Rank seems to be managing something. The look of terror on the Tasoth's face is fairly distinctive. No, wait. Gone.

Command: And Rank's heartrate is rising. Seems he's... swearing at the device.

Ghost: Which would scare the fuck out of anyone without psychic warfare. Writing off the project?

Command: Not...



Command: yet.

elliotw2

Uh oh, Rank controlling an alien that's armed to the gills.

Duck and cover!

Mvrck

elliotw2 wrote: »

Uh oh, Rank controlling an alien that's armed to the gills.

Duck and cover!

That's Raneados, not Rank, that MCed it.

elliotw2

Oh.

Someone should notify the command staff then

Nerivant

elliotw2 wrote: »

Oh.

Someone should notify the command staff then

They had their cyanide capsules in hand.

And their firearms in the other, just to make sure.

chiasaur11

Command: Interesting. It patches the target right into the communications grid. Used one hostile to spot another, leaving them both marked. Lieutenant, see if we can repeat the success.

Phoenix: So, let's be clear. Rane has terrifying mind control powers.

Ghost: Yep.

Phoenix: Thank God it ain't Rank.

Ghost: Hell yes.



CaulkBite: It seems this one is more resilient. Ah well. Still as vulnerable to liquefied organs as its weaker willed brother.

Command: Hostile is untouchable. Weapons hot.



Ghost: Blue on blue. Nice.

Phoenix: What were the odds on that?

CaulkBite: Low. Some idiot placed a piece of alien alloy on it.

Ghost: Rich idiot.

Command: Discuss it on your own time. We have unidentified motion.



Ghost: Huh. I may not go broke after all.

Virgil_Leads_You

Worst thing about alien grenades?
ALIEN FIRE SKULLS

Nocren

Ghost... That's dangerously close to the sub might have use those winnings to get a new paint job.

Caulk Bite 6

So far, the only one out of the sub is the tank, and it looks like they slammed the door as soon as it was clear.

I think their survival instincts are improving.

chiasaur11

Command: Triton 1, report status.



Command: Good news. No injuries reported.

Ghost: hoorah.

Phoenix: And now I remember why I never bet heavily.

Caulkbite: And why I diversified the portfolio.

Command: Alright, let's get back to work. English, the subverted hostile has outplayed his utility, you are cleared to neutralize.



Phoenix: Smooth shooting there. How much we owe if nobody dies?

Ghost: Not much. Just one asshole bet on casualty free, so costs are split up.

Command: Focus, people. Alright, could you repeat that last bit?



Command: "It seeps everywhere. The dreams, the dreams"? Oh. Shit.

Phoenix: Looks like payout gt a bit more likely.

Rizzi

I'm going to hazard a guess and say that's not a good thing?

EnglishBob

Could be worse, I could have gone Berserk.


Still, Rahhhhh and all that.

Librarian's ghost

Is he still in the sub with everyone else? because this could be hilarious.

Phoenix-D

Beserk in the sub? Yeah, trooper puree coming up unless command had em unarmed.

SkutSkut

Looks like they all have that new sonic cannon. Woo TKWipes!

RisenPhoenix

timspork's ghost wrote: »

Is he still in the sub with everyone else? because this could be hilarious.

Says you. You're not the silly git who has to get in and scrub all the gunk out from between the seats. Brain matter is like ants - the fuckers get everywhere.

Uh, I mean.... Onward! To glory everlasting!

chiasaur11

Ghost: Not getting my hopes up. Burned too many times before.



Command: No fatalities or injuries? Excellent. No, chanting "Fear is the mindkiller" does not sound a good deal more stable, but if it prevents serious injuries, I'll take what I can get.

Ghost: See what I mean?



Phoenix: Bio-drone. And Bursar is cut off. Well, can't say I knew him terribly well.



Caulkbite: And more grenades. This is getting rather interesting.

chiasaur11

Phoenix: So, wait. Call me crazy, but I had an idea. Maybe the aliens sending their best troops to attack an insignificant tourist ship, deploying all around the Triton, and coming far more well armed then they'd need to be to kill any non-X-Com army... was a trap.

Ghost: No, obviously cruise liner food is a key component to the alien war machine. We should stay and get massacred, until exactly seven people have died horribly.

Phoenix: Hey, no need to be sarcastic.

Command: Evacuation is approved.



Phoenix: So much for the retirement fund.

Ghost: Hell, the odds on the alien blue on blue wrecked the whole damn pool. Might be weeks before I get it running again. Unless the nobody collects the winnings, of course.

Command: I'm reasonably certain he'll be collecting. Feel free to review the footage at your leisure, as the alien in question will cease to be killed in an orchestrated friendly fire incident, with payout odds approximating 100-1, sufficient to tempt even the most prudent of individuals to a moderate wager. Dismissed.

Bursar

Wait, what? Did I get murdered by EnglishBob inside the sub? My ghost needs to know whose name to shriek while stalking the halls of the research labs.