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Friend is looking at a potentially ugly divorce
Raekreu
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So a good friend of mine officially declared 2010 the year of the buttfuck back in January, and sure enough - he has been (metaphorically) buttfucked.
The short story: buddy started dating this chick when they were both working at the same job. She gets pregnant not long after they start dating. Kid is born, courthouse marriage occurs, and then some time in late 2009/early 2010 she starts seeing another guy on the side. Buddy finds emails with a lot of damning conversations in them. He gives her the ultimatum of him or me. She agrees to stop cheating but in fact goes right on doing what she was doing.
So I don't know what to tell my friend. He's been unemployed for over a year and in February is shipping out for basic training with the national guard. His fear at this point is that if he seeks out a no-fault divorce, she's going to flip her shit and turn it into one hell of a legal donnybrook, which pretty much guarantees that he'll be kicked out of basic until things are settled with the courts.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? What can I do to help my friend, aside from buy him drinks and say things like 'fuck that bitch, you're better off without her'?
The short story: buddy started dating this chick when they were both working at the same job. She gets pregnant not long after they start dating. Kid is born, courthouse marriage occurs, and then some time in late 2009/early 2010 she starts seeing another guy on the side. Buddy finds emails with a lot of damning conversations in them. He gives her the ultimatum of him or me. She agrees to stop cheating but in fact goes right on doing what she was doing.
So I don't know what to tell my friend. He's been unemployed for over a year and in February is shipping out for basic training with the national guard. His fear at this point is that if he seeks out a no-fault divorce, she's going to flip her shit and turn it into one hell of a legal donnybrook, which pretty much guarantees that he'll be kicked out of basic until things are settled with the courts.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? What can I do to help my friend, aside from buy him drinks and say things like 'fuck that bitch, you're better off without her'?
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It sucks that he's unemployed and probably not able to pay top dollar but if she's going to take a turn for crazy town he needs to be prepared
he needs to talk to a lawyer registered with the bar in the state in which he was married
all you can do is tell him that, and if he feels uncomfortable with it, remind him that it will be cheaper to get a lawyer now than to deal with this woman for the rest of his life
also?
paternity test
Dangit...I read up on the laws in our state and that's exactly what all of the marginal legal advisers recommend. I guess he was thinking no-fault because it can expedite the process if both sides come to an agreement on how to settle everything.
Second, this could be a pretty smart move even if he's fairly sure the kid is his
Crazy women (people) don't agree to non-crazy terms.
He reeeeeally needs to ask himself if she is a good mother and a bad spouse or a bad mother and a bad spouse. If she is a good mother, this can be easy because he won't need to fight for custody (a long and drawn out battle). If she is a bad mother and he needs to get his child away from her, well, this is going to be a shitstorm of a time and he needs to make some serious decisions. The first of which is probably post-poning his military service.
He needs to start communicating with her only in writing and to be careful about what he says. He needed a lawyer back in January to say the least.
edit: I'll admit, I'm bit jaded when it comes to crazy exes taking you to court and having a kid involved etc etc.