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Porn = Infidelity?

Marblehead JohnsonMarblehead Johnson Registered User
edited February 2007 in Debate and/or Discourse
Let's kick off my inaugural day here on the PA forums with a big one (although given that this forum is largely dudes, I think this may be a one-sided discussion.)

In the clearest possible terms:

Does porn equal infidelity?

Is it the same as cheating on your spouse?

Make me proud, guys.... and GO!

Magus` wrote: »
It's human nature to derive meaning from that something that actually lacks it in order to suit your goals.

Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
Marblehead Johnson on
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Posts

  • ElJeffeElJeffe Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited January 2007
    Let's kick off my inaugural day here on the PA forums with a big one (although given that this forum is largely dudes, I think this may be a one-sided discussion.)

    In the clearest possible terms:

    Does porn equal infidelity?

    Is it the same as cheating on your spouse?

    Make me proud, guys.... and GO!

    It's not the same as cheating on your spouse. It may or may not be something that you shouldn't be doing, depending on your spouse's views on the matter. If your wife thinks porn is horrible and would feel betrayed if you were looking at it, then it's wrong for you to be looking at it.

    ElJeffe on
    Maddie: "I named my feet. The left one is flip and the right one is flop. Oh, and also I named my flip-flops."

    I make tweet.
  • SheriSheri Resident Fluffer My Living RoomRegistered User regular
    edited January 2007
    . . . What? In what way might it even be considered cheating?

    Disgusting and offensive, perhaps, if your spouse considers it such, but infidelilty? What?

    Sheri on
  • BigJoeMBigJoeM Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    I don't consider it cheating but i agree with Jeffe that if your significant other doesn't feel comfortable with you viewing porn then you shouldn't.

    Generally that kind of thing should be talked over early in a relationship.

    BigJoeM on
  • SmasherSmasher Starting to get dizzy Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    No. Many couples aren't swingers and wouldn't be okay with each other sleeping with other people, yet still use porn as a sex aid/toy/whatever. Also, though I'm sure it's probably happened a few times, I've never heard of a couple breaking up because one of them watched porn.

    That said, if someone (let's say a woman for convenience and general applicability, though I'm not saying a man couldn't be) is uncomfortable with her SO watching porn, the SO owes it to her to take that into account and discuss the issue with her until they can reach some sort of compromise.

    Smasher on
  • LondonBridgeLondonBridge __BANNED USERS
    edited January 2007
    I had an ex that would give me a hard time for watching porn as I didn't save my spooge for her. I don't think its the same as cheating. Is masturbation considered cheating? I don't think so.

    LondonBridge on
  • Vincent GraysonVincent Grayson Frederick, MDRegistered User regular
    edited January 2007
    I can't think of any reasonable way you could see pornography, and the viewing of it, as infidelity.

    Thinking about other women, or even imagining fucking them, are not cheating.

    Those things might offend your wife/girlfriend, depending on the exact nature of your relationship, and her feelings on the matter...but they're never "cheating".

    Vincent Grayson on
  • BallmanBallman Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    A couple of years a girlfriend of a friend of mine told me that she satisfied my friend enough that he didn't need to watch porn and masturbate. She had "cured" him.

    I told her that I thought that she was full of shit.

    She said, "No, really, he has no need to do it now."

    "Suuuure."

    Ballman on
    JC of DI wrote:
    Mr. G wrote: »
    So, there's a video of Kurt Cobain in [Guitar Hero 5] out. I feel dirty watching this, he just looks wrong.

    Well Cobain's mo-cap session was completely useless, so you can't blame them.
  • The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    ElJeffe wrote:
    It's not the same as cheating on your spouse. It may or may not be something that you shouldn't be doing, depending on your spouse's views on the matter. If your wife thinks porn is horrible and would feel betrayed if you were looking at it, then it's wrong for you to be looking at it.
    I'll go ahead and say that while I agree couples need to work out between them what behavior each other finds acceptable, I think it's completely unreasonable for a spouse to say the other shouldn't view porn. Some stuff is maybe in poor taste and I could see it causing problems (I have a pretty funny story about some enema porn just randomly being dropped off at my video store's return box), but if a wife really has no good reason to get mad at a husband simply viewing the majority of porn (or vice versa). If you're at the strip club every Friday, okay, that's one thing, but if you're just at a bachelor party? The wife has no right to complain (or vice versa, this can go both ways, but I mean...).

    The Green Eyed Monster on
    wisdom wrote:
    if knowledge is power and power corrupts, be smart, be evil
  • redxredx I(x)=2(x)+1 whole numbersRegistered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Smasher wrote:
    No. Many couples aren't swingers and wouldn't be okay with each other sleeping with other people, yet still use porn as a sex aid/toy/whatever. Also, though I'm sure it's probably happened a few times, I've never heard of a couple breaking up because one of them watched porn.

    I have. Well, watched porn gives a bit of the wrong image. Massive internet porn addiction would be more apt.

    redx on
    This machine kills threads.
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited January 2007
    I can't think of any reasonable way you could see pornography, and the viewing of it, as infidelity.

    My thoughts exactly.

    For there to be 'cheating' there needs to be at least one other person involved. Can phone sex be considered cheating? Cybering? In my opinion yes, as there are at least 2 people involved in stimulating one another for sexual gratification. Pornography, however, is purely one sided. It's no more cheating than masturbating while fantasizing about a hot little store clerk you talked to, or a romp with the new office personnel. It's more akin to voyeurism, at least in my mind, which many might classify as 'wrong', but not 'cheating'.

    Forar on
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  • TankHammerTankHammer Atlanta Ghostbuster Atlanta, GARegistered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Only if viewing porn with your significant other = group sex.

    TankHammer on
  • ArtoriaArtoria Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Well it depends.

    If you are watching porn and well... taking care of business I would not see that as cheating at all.

    Unless.. your spouse has already told you that they view porn as a horrible thing and/or considers looking at it cheating. and considers masturbation a form of cheating. (in that case they are very fucked up and you need to stay far..far away from them)

    Or...

    you are staring in the porn yourself and you know your spouse is not coll with you doing that kind of thing.

    Artoria on
  • ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS
    edited January 2007
    A lot of people think masturbation is a sure way to die in a fire forever. Play it up as something naughty/evil/bad/unnatural, and a large section of the population are going to just equate it with the rest of sexual behaviour and go ahead and apply the "if it's not missionary and within a marriage, coming is immoral" filter to it as well.

    ViolentChemistry on
    DAMM
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  • RichyRichy Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    If watching a movie with sex in it is cheating, then watching Reservoir Dogs makes you a murderer, and watching Trainspotting makes you a drug addict.

    Richy on
    sig.gif
  • NerissaNerissa Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    To play devil's advocate (I do NOT agree with, or even necessarily understand, this position)...

    Some people (in my experience, women) view porn as a "gateway" activity. Apparently, porn leads to strip clubs, which inexorably leads to cheating.

    Nerissa on
    Personally, I like D&D because I find OCD much more interesting than ADD.
  • Marblehead JohnsonMarblehead Johnson Registered User
    edited January 2007
    Wow, 14 replies in the time it took me to post in "Writer's Block".... damn, don't you people have jobs to go to?

    Still, the points made here are mostly points I have thought about (and made). In my own personal view, it isn't cheating (especially since I'm not 'taking care of business', to use someone's apt terminology). In my wife's view, it is. Keep in mind, this is the same woman who played "what wierd porn can we find?" back when we were just dating (note: midget amputee porn won).

    Marblehead Johnson on
    Magus` wrote: »
    It's human nature to derive meaning from that something that actually lacks it in order to suit your goals.

    Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
  • Vincent GraysonVincent Grayson Frederick, MDRegistered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Nerissa wrote:
    To play devil's advocate (I do NOT agree with, or even necessarily understand, this position)...

    Some people (in my experience, women) view porn as a "gateway" activity. Apparently, porn leads to strip clubs, which inexorably leads to cheating.

    Those people, however, are only about as right as the ones who think smoking weed leads to shooting up heroin.

    It's likely that men who cheat start with porn, but if someone said "Hey, don't watch that", odds are, they'll still become cheaters. People that're going to do fucked up things, are going to do them, and I think blaming the not-so-fucked-up things for their later actions is a mistake.

    Hell, even going to strip clubs doesn't lead to cheating, at least in my experience.

    I love a good strip club...but would I fuck a stripper? Hell no.

    Vincent Grayson on
  • The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Nerissa wrote:
    Some people (in my experience, women) view porn as a "gateway" activity. Apparently, porn leads to strip clubs, which inexorably leads to cheating.
    There definitely is a distinction to be made between "viewing porn" and "porn addiction." It's difficult to comment except on a case-by-case basis, but I definitely think porn addiction is dangerous to any relationship.

    There's also the idea that allowing a partner to view porn provides a release, which in turn deters cheating because they are able to dabble in sexual fantasy without crossing the line. Sans porn, they might go out on their own to settle some of their cravings, which would obviously be considerably worse than just watching some freaky sex footage.

    The Green Eyed Monster on
    wisdom wrote:
    if knowledge is power and power corrupts, be smart, be evil
  • Vincent GraysonVincent Grayson Frederick, MDRegistered User regular
    edited January 2007
    celery77 wrote:
    Nerissa wrote:
    Some people (in my experience, women) view porn as a "gateway" activity. Apparently, porn leads to strip clubs, which inexorably leads to cheating.
    There definitely is a distinction to be made between "viewing porn" and "porn addiction." It's difficult to comment except on a case-by-case basis, but I definitely think porn addiction is dangerous to any relationship.

    There's also the idea that allowing a partner to view porn provides a release, which in turn deters cheating because they are able to dabble in sexual fantasy without crossing the line. Sans porn, they might go out on their own to settle some of their cravings, which would obviously be considerably worse than just watching some freaky sex footage.

    I've never understood this concept of porn "addiction".

    Are there people out there passing up sex in order to watch porn?

    I'll grant that I watch porn on a near-daily basis, to accompany "taking care of business" as it were, but certainly never in place of sex. Being married, and with kids, sex on a daily basis is far from a guarantee, and hell, even when I do get some, I often will still handle things on my own later in the evening, if only because it helps me get to sleep.

    Luckily, this is totally a non-issue with my wife, but if it had been, I imagine our relationship wouldn't have gotten far in the first place.

    Vincent Grayson on
  • TankHammerTankHammer Atlanta Ghostbuster Atlanta, GARegistered User regular
    edited January 2007
    If I didn't watch porn, I would never be as creative a lover as I am today. I wouldn't know how to preform proper oral, wouldn't know a single thing about foreplay and I'm pretty sure I'd have no idea what I was doing in the bedroom. Therefore I think porn has more potential to help a relationship than hurt it. I don't think of porn starlets while I'm having sex with my girlfriend, and I don't turn down time with her to watch pornography, so it doesn't interfere at all.

    It's an insecurity thing. Some (most) women are at least somewhat insecure in their appearance, just as men are insecure in their masculinity. For this reason, a woman ideally wants zero competition when it comes to a man she likes. This is the reason porn would be described as "cheating" because women are intimidated by each other and could see themselves having to compete with the porn stars, making them uncomfortable.

    This is an issue that should be addressed and worked through in a relationship and a compromise decided upon. Personally, I don't see porn stars as "real" people anyway. I'm interested in the action, not the individual.

    TankHammer on
  • The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    I've never understood this concept of porn "addiction".

    Are there people out there passing up sex in order to watch porn?
    It's an addiction same as people can get addicted to anything. It's not that they're passing up sex as much as they're just letting their porn-viewing poison their view of relationships and debilitate them socially.

    I worked at a porn rental shop and I saw what porn addiction was. There was one guy who would come in every single day and rent at least two tapes. There was another guy who came in near daily and rented 8 tapes. Actually there were two of those guys, the 8-tape-a-day guys. There were lots of customers coming in once or twice a week and getting 4-8 tapes. It was always the same customers, too. There really weren't that many customers who just rented a tape here and there.

    I'm sure most men have known another man who got sucked in to strip clubs at some point in their life, going out every weekend, budgeting out weekly expenses and saving small bills so they can make a good night of it, etc.

    It's not that different than like an MMORPG addiction, for example. It's only as harmful as the addict lets it become, but it can become really toxic. I mean, I think many people here would instantly recognize the problems in social relationships if a person can't get off the computer and leave their guild mates alone for the weekend or whatever. It's like that.

    The Green Eyed Monster on
    wisdom wrote:
    if knowledge is power and power corrupts, be smart, be evil
  • ElJeffeElJeffe Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited January 2007
    celery77 wrote:
    ElJeffe wrote:
    It's not the same as cheating on your spouse. It may or may not be something that you shouldn't be doing, depending on your spouse's views on the matter. If your wife thinks porn is horrible and would feel betrayed if you were looking at it, then it's wrong for you to be looking at it.
    I'll go ahead and say that while I agree couples need to work out between them what behavior each other finds acceptable, I think it's completely unreasonable for a spouse to say the other shouldn't view porn. Some stuff is maybe in poor taste and I could see it causing problems (I have a pretty funny story about some enema porn just randomly being dropped off at my video store's return box), but if a wife really has no good reason to get mad at a husband simply viewing the majority of porn (or vice versa). If you're at the strip club every Friday, okay, that's one thing, but if you're just at a bachelor party? The wife has no right to complain (or vice versa, this can go both ways, but I mean...).

    I don't really find porn-viewing to be unreasonable either, but in a marriage, it's customary to give a shit what your partner thinks. If she thinks porn is horrible, don't watch it. If she thinks eating Cheetos in your underwear while watching the Superbowl is disgusting, put on some pants. And so on.

    ElJeffe on
    Maddie: "I named my feet. The left one is flip and the right one is flop. Oh, and also I named my flip-flops."

    I make tweet.
  • redxredx I(x)=2(x)+1 whole numbersRegistered User regular
    edited January 2007
    celery77 wrote:
    Nerissa wrote:
    Some people (in my experience, women) view porn as a "gateway" activity. Apparently, porn leads to strip clubs, which inexorably leads to cheating.
    There definitely is a distinction to be made between "viewing porn" and "porn addiction." It's difficult to comment except on a case-by-case basis, but I definitely think porn addiction is dangerous to any relationship.

    There's also the idea that allowing a partner to view porn provides a release, which in turn deters cheating because they are able to dabble in sexual fantasy without crossing the line. Sans porn, they might go out on their own to settle some of their cravings, which would obviously be considerably worse than just watching some freaky sex footage.

    I've never understood this concept of porn "addiction".

    Are there people out there passing up sex in order to watch porn?

    yep. Or at least sex witht thier boring worn out wife.

    redx on
    This machine kills threads.
  • Marblehead JohnsonMarblehead Johnson Registered User
    edited January 2007
    It's customary to give a shit what your partner thinks. If she thinks porn is horrible, don't watch it. If she thinks eating Cheetos in your underwear while watching the Superbowl is disgusting, put on some pants. And so on.
    I both agree and disagree. Yes, it's customary to give a shit what your partner thinks. It's not quite as customary to stop doing something you enjoy because one's SO has an irrational hatred of something that doesn't affect her in the slightest.

    I could insist that she stop knitting, and it would make about as much sense.

    Marblehead Johnson on
    Magus` wrote: »
    It's human nature to derive meaning from that something that actually lacks it in order to suit your goals.

    Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
  • The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    ElJeffe wrote:
    I don't really find porn-viewing to be unreasonable either, but in a marriage, it's customary to give a shit what your partner thinks. If she thinks porn is horrible, don't watch it. If she thinks eating Cheetos in your underwear while watching the Superbowl is disgusting, put on some pants. And so on.
    Right, I agree couples need to work with each other to make a relationship work.

    BUT

    I also think some things are just plain unreasonable and be labeled as such. As an example, if a guy thinks it's unacceptable for his wife to skip making his pancake breakfast on Sunday morning because she feels like doing something else, well, I think that guy can fucking shove it, no matter what interpersonal standards they had established. I know that's not directly comparable, but I still think if a partner gets upset over simply viewing porn, that's similarly unacceptable. I mean, we all know the cliche fight a couple has when a guy comments that he finds some Hollywood star attractive. I wish for this fight to never happen again, and I think it begins by stating the obvious -- it's simply not acceptable to attempt to put a leash on your partner's daydreams and fancies. Ever. That's the position I'm coming from.

    The Green Eyed Monster on
    wisdom wrote:
    if knowledge is power and power corrupts, be smart, be evil
  • The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    I could insist that she stop knitting, and it would make about as much sense.
    This is what I was trying to say, but much more clear and succinct.

    The Green Eyed Monster on
    wisdom wrote:
    if knowledge is power and power corrupts, be smart, be evil
  • Marblehead JohnsonMarblehead Johnson Registered User
    edited January 2007
    celery77 wrote:
    I mean, we all know the cliche fight a couple has when a guy comments that he finds some Hollywood star attractive. I wish for this fight to never happen again, and I think it begins by stating the obvious -- it's simply not acceptable to attempt to put a leash on your partner's daydreams and fancies. Ever. That's the position I'm coming from.

    Ah, also another thing. She gets pissed if I mention something along those lines... and she makes a huge deal about how she wishes she still smoked, so she could have a cigarette after watching Wentworth Miller in "Prison Break".

    Ok, yes, this thread is about me, and mostly me and my wife have dealt with this issue. I'm not looking for more arguments I can use, or for people to be 'on my side'. I'm just trying to better understand this, since she won't talk to me in terms which make the slightest bit of sense.

    Marblehead Johnson on
    Magus` wrote: »
    It's human nature to derive meaning from that something that actually lacks it in order to suit your goals.

    Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
  • Vincent GraysonVincent Grayson Frederick, MDRegistered User regular
    edited January 2007
    redx wrote:
    celery77 wrote:
    Nerissa wrote:
    Some people (in my experience, women) view porn as a "gateway" activity. Apparently, porn leads to strip clubs, which inexorably leads to cheating.
    There definitely is a distinction to be made between "viewing porn" and "porn addiction." It's difficult to comment except on a case-by-case basis, but I definitely think porn addiction is dangerous to any relationship.

    There's also the idea that allowing a partner to view porn provides a release, which in turn deters cheating because they are able to dabble in sexual fantasy without crossing the line. Sans porn, they might go out on their own to settle some of their cravings, which would obviously be considerably worse than just watching some freaky sex footage.

    I've never understood this concept of porn "addiction".

    Are there people out there passing up sex in order to watch porn?

    yep. Or at least sex witht thier boring worn out wife.

    Thinking of your wife as "boring" and "worn out" seems like it would be a much bigger piece of the "why we're not having sex" issue than "You like porn too much".

    I dunno though, because my wife occasionally enjoys porn, and is anything but boring, even if it is hard to find time for intimacy with so little free time on our hands.

    Vincent Grayson on
  • Vincent GraysonVincent Grayson Frederick, MDRegistered User regular
    edited January 2007
    celery77 wrote:
    I mean, we all know the cliche fight a couple has when a guy comments that he finds some Hollywood star attractive. I wish for this fight to never happen again, and I think it begins by stating the obvious -- it's simply not acceptable to attempt to put a leash on your partner's daydreams and fancies. Ever. That's the position I'm coming from.

    Ah, also another thing. She gets pissed if I mention something along those lines... and she makes a huge deal about how she wishes she still smoked, so she could have a cigarette after watching Wentworth Miller in "Prison Break".

    Ok, yes, this thread is about me, and mostly me and my wife have dealt with this issue. I'm not looking for more arguments I can use, or for people to be 'on my side'. I'm just trying to better understand this, since she won't talk to me in terms which make the slightest bit of sense.

    I dunno, you'd be better served talking to women, honestly. I've met very few men who take issue with it, and a woman who does might be able to better explain to you why, without the personal bias your own wife would obviously have.

    However, I have to advise discussing it with her more than anything else. A buddy of mine had this issue with his wife for a long time, but eventually she came around, and she's ok with it now.

    Vincent Grayson on
  • VortigernVortigern Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    A friend of mine periodically mentions that "happy wife=happy life".

    The bachelor in me thinks he's just whipped, but perhaps there's a shred of truth buried in that little nugget.

    Vortigern on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Marblehead JohnsonMarblehead Johnson Registered User
    edited January 2007
    I dunno, you'd be better served talking to women, honestly. I've met very few men who take issue with it, and a woman who does might be able to better explain to you why, without the personal bias your own wife would obviously have.
    I discussed it on one of her all-female boards, and generally I was equated to Hitler, and told that she should divorce me and take all my stuff if I can't stop being disgusting. Surprised they didn't think I was killing babies.

    I have talked to her about it, repeatedly, and nothing ever changes. She keeps explaining that 'It's her fault', and everything else under the sun to make me feel bad about something that used to make me feel good.

    Marblehead Johnson on
    Magus` wrote: »
    It's human nature to derive meaning from that something that actually lacks it in order to suit your goals.

    Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
  • MalkorMalkor Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    I don't think its cheating, but I think that like anything there needs to be balance. That means keep it classy if you do convince her to watch with you. It also means you don't flaunt it in front of her or buy a new DVD or whatever every week. If she sticks to her guns and just doesn't like the idea of you watching porn or going to the strip club or talking on IM to that '18 year old in Nicaragua' then tough cookies.

    Malkor on
    14271f3c-c765-4e74-92b1-49d7612675f2.jpg
  • The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    I dunno, you'd be better served talking to women, honestly. I've met very few men who take issue with it, and a woman who does might be able to better explain to you why, without the personal bias your own wife would obviously have.
    I discussed it on one of her all-female boards, and generally I was equated to Hitler, and told that she should divorce me and take all my stuff if I can't stop being disgusting. Surprised they didn't think I was killing babies.

    I have talked to her about it, repeatedly, and nothing ever changes. She keeps explaining that 'It's her fault', and everything else under the sun to make me feel bad about something that used to make me feel good.
    Well, like ElJeffe says it's on you to do what you can to please your spouse, as she is the one you chose to marry, but your spouse should also be forthcoming in some ways as well. If it's really a major issue, it's something you might want to see a counselor about.

    As for why it's an issue with her, well -- I'd guess it's mountains of cultural baggage and psychological conditioning which really might not be as simple as just laying out a cogent argument and giving it to her. That's why if it's a serious issue in the relationship, counseling (for the two of you) might be a good idea.

    The Green Eyed Monster on
    wisdom wrote:
    if knowledge is power and power corrupts, be smart, be evil
  • FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD along with you if I get drunk well I know I'm gonna be gonna be the man whoRegistered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Cheating is violating whatever agreements about extracurricular activities you've made in your relationship. If you've agreed not to look at porn, and you go look at porn, you've cheated. If you feel that your partner has unreasonable expectations for you, find a new partner.

    People make this shit much harder than it should be. Most people assume that these agreements are universal, and for the most part they are (don't fuck somebody else) but they don't get that the grey areas (porn, having fantasies about celebrities) aren't universal. So most people sort of fumble around, until either they find somebody whose implicit expectations match their own, or they change their own expectations to match their partner.

    Feral on
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  • Premier kakosPremier kakos Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2007
    Giving a shit what your SO thinks is not a matter of "Oh, my girlfriend thinks <foo> is bad. I'll stop doing <foo>." There is this little thing called compromise which successful relationships are supposedly based on. If your SO doesn't like porn, then you compromise. I don't know... maybe something like "I know you don't like porn, but I do. However, while I won't say that I'll stop looking at it, I'll make sure you never have to be confronted with it. I'll never ask you to watch it with me, nor will I watch it while you're around, and I'll clean up."

    Premier kakos on
    SuperKawaiiWillSig.jpg
  • Marblehead JohnsonMarblehead Johnson Registered User
    edited January 2007
    Counselling has been mentioned before by people in this discussion (different board), but it sort of backfired. When I mentioned counselling, she got INCREDIBLY mad that she thought that I loved porn more than her to the degree that we should spend money on a psychiatrist to see who's right.

    Which is, you know, sort of NOT the reason I suggested it.

    The fact is, I married her. I picked her, out of all the women out there, for many reasons, but mostly because mentally she was by a long shot the most stimulating female I've ever come accross. She's smart, she's opinionated, she's argumentative, she's funny, and all around awesome. I mention this for a few reasons:

    1.) I didn't marry someone from the world of porn, I married her, and

    2.) She never had a problem with porn at all until we got married.

    3.) I thought she'd be smart and confident and capable enough to accept that the 30 minutes a week I spend looking at niche-porn women I'll never meet is possibly outweighed by the 50+ hours a week I spend working to support our family.
    "I know you don't like porn, but I do. However, while I won't say that I'll stop looking at it, I'll make sure you never have to be confronted with it. I'll never ask you to watch it with me, nor will I watch it while you're around, and I'll clean up."

    Didn't work. She hops on my computer, and rummages around in temp files until she finds proof, then gets mad at me.

    Marblehead Johnson on
    Magus` wrote: »
    It's human nature to derive meaning from that something that actually lacks it in order to suit your goals.

    Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
  • The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Feral wrote:
    Cheating is violating whatever agreements about extracurricular activities you've made in your relationship. If you've agreed not to look at porn, and you go look at porn, you've cheated. If you feel that your partner has unreasonable expectations for you, find a new partner.
    Which is fine and all, but like the brief hypotheticals raised above, don't you think there are "agreements" that are never appropriate? Because I would say there are, and that this form of "infidelity" is one of them*.


    *completely dependent on just how much and what porn we're talking about here, but like picking up a Maxim at a magazine stand should always and forever be fair game.

    The Green Eyed Monster on
    wisdom wrote:
    if knowledge is power and power corrupts, be smart, be evil
  • nexuscrawlernexuscrawler Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Ig you decide to marry someone that controlling it's your own problem

    nexuscrawler on
  • MalkorMalkor Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    I thought she'd be smart and confident and capable enough to accept that the 30 minutes a week I spend looking at niche-porn women
    1. That's bad juju right there.
    2. How 'niche' are we talking about. Maybe she's just wierded out.

    Malkor on
    14271f3c-c765-4e74-92b1-49d7612675f2.jpg
  • Marblehead JohnsonMarblehead Johnson Registered User
    edited January 2007
    The #2 most common one, behind jailbait girls (which wierds me out, especially since it's #1).

    And why is it bad juju to assume that?

    Marblehead Johnson on
    Magus` wrote: »
    It's human nature to derive meaning from that something that actually lacks it in order to suit your goals.

    Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
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