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How do I get over the death of a dear pet?
Shanadeus
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Background:
Found a lovebird that had been attacked in my garden, took it to a vet and nursed it back to full health.
Birdie was a bit mischevious and bossy but I loved him for his gutsyness and his amazing brainyness - he could speak more than a dozen words and was quite frankly the most intelligent bird I've ever seen.
Then he died suddenly out of some unknown reason a week before christmas - with my girlfriend's parents being the one's to notify me and my girlfriend that he had died.
And what makes things even worse is that I was almost going to send him off for cryogenic storage but changed my mind as I didn't want to cause more suffering for my girlfriend by potentially losing his body during shipping and due to the fact that his brain was probably beyond any future repair as he had been dead for hours in room temperature before I managed to cool him down.
I dread the day someone manage to resurrect a person or an animal from cryogenic freeze because I'll wonder if maybe my bird could have been thawed had I just gone ahead with it in the first place.
Found a lovebird that had been attacked in my garden, took it to a vet and nursed it back to full health.
Birdie was a bit mischevious and bossy but I loved him for his gutsyness and his amazing brainyness - he could speak more than a dozen words and was quite frankly the most intelligent bird I've ever seen.
Then he died suddenly out of some unknown reason a week before christmas - with my girlfriend's parents being the one's to notify me and my girlfriend that he had died.
And what makes things even worse is that I was almost going to send him off for cryogenic storage but changed my mind as I didn't want to cause more suffering for my girlfriend by potentially losing his body during shipping and due to the fact that his brain was probably beyond any future repair as he had been dead for hours in room temperature before I managed to cool him down.
I dread the day someone manage to resurrect a person or an animal from cryogenic freeze because I'll wonder if maybe my bird could have been thawed had I just gone ahead with it in the first place.
Shanadeus on
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Whatever you do, don't replace the pet right away. You're very likely to make an impulse buy and end up stuck with a pet you may not be prepared to deal with - it's actually how I got the puffer to begin with, after I lost my favorite Jack Dempsey and felt the need to fill his tank before the filter bacteria started dying off. It cost me a lot to convert the tank over to the environment that little guy needed and the first few months were very stressful as I tried to figure out exactly what he ate before he starved - his species was almost unknown in the aquarium hobby.
With this last bit, I do hope I don't make things worse, but it's probably best you didn't opt for expensive preservation. Even if the technology ever comes into existence, there've been investigations that have found most people and animals stored in cryogenic centers aren't properly preserved for it to be possible, even the ones that were frozen in a timely manner. Most of them are heading towards bankruptcy anyway, at which point the humans will be buried, I don't know what would be done with pets.
The best thing to remember is that your pet loved you, and it sounds like you did all you could for your bird. It's hard, especially with birds because they live longer than a lot of pets, can talk (which really does build the attachment up, especially if they say 'love you' which charlie[my bird] did all the time), and they also tend to have cardiovascular issues, so they can die very suddenly. The last thing I heard out of charlie was 'lights out, love you' very sad.
I spent a week or so pretty sad about him dying, quite down, I ended up adopting a feral kitten. It might sound kinda wierd, since birds and cats are natural enemies and all, but having something to take care of really did help me feel better.
It doesn't build resentment or anything like that, it just gives you the chance to take the mind off your loss, a new pet won't really fill the void, and you'll always know that, there is no real replacement for the pet you lost, but having a new animal friend really does help take the edge off the loss.
I'm a firm believer that animals have a good emotional sense about them, and can tell if you are in pain and sad, if you adopt a kitten like I did, they don't want you to be sad, and will curl up, purr, make biscuits, rub, pretty much bother you until you don't feel so bad anymore.
As far as cryogenic freezing, I wouldn't do that to yourself, the best way to deal with the loss is to accept it, then get your mind off it as fast as you can. It's not a disservice to the pet, you know it wouldn't want you to dwell on sadness. I know when my bird died, but I kept some of his feathers and put them in a dream catcher. Deep down you know that particular bird isn't going to come back, even if frozen, and having him frozen is only going to make it more painful to deal with the loss I think. Keeping a memento though, isn't bad, and will help you remember him fondly.
Hope it gets better for you, losing a pet you are very close to is one of the toughest things to deal with when you have a lot of empathy for animals. From your post I can tell you had a lot of love for your bird, and you gave it the best life it could have had nursing him back to health when he was injured.
While growing up, we had many pets. some died, some disappeared. Sadly, the only advice I can give you is "Time". Now that I'm older though, I have my very own pet. Not just a family pet. He is a cat, and he's getting up there in cat years and I worry about what I'll do should he pass away. Even the thought of it will make me tear up. I may just cremate him, or have him turned into a diamond. I don't know if having him in an urn or as a piece of jewelry would make grieving any easier, but those are the two ideas I've considered. Even now it's making me start to tear up. I'm such a silly goose when it comes to my cat.
Just give it some time, cry it out, remember the good times, and if it helps maybe volunteering at some sort of animal shelter could be beneficial. Turning the grief into well meaning help for animals less fortunate who do not have good homes, while focusing on something besides the sadness of having lost a pet.
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But you can't cryogenic freeze your pets. So don't beat yourself up about that. Serious brain damage would've occurred in an extremely short span of time. Cryonics is still mostly science fiction, but the only successful way to do it involves replacing the blood with a form of anti-freeze and flash freezing to -200. Just freezing a body would destroy the tissue via ice crystals forming. I'm explaining this because you seemed to blame yourself for not preserving him.
Sorry for your loss.
I also agree that you need time. Losing a pet can be harder than losing a person sometimes, because it's harder to find people to talk about it. So many people will think you're crazy for getting upset about an animal. Try to keep busy. A donation, or volunteering, is a great idea. Your awesome little bird died, but you might be able to make someone else's awesome little bird healthy.
I know I'm dreading when my dog passes (she's around 10 years old, so who knows when that will happen). My wife is going to take it worse than me, I think, but it's hard to say for sure because Liza is more closely bonded to me than her.
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It is true that most people I know seem to consider the loss of a pet as just a "sad" thing rather than something that can be devastating, I did consider him to be a person and it does makes me feel worse off when people can't wrap there heads around him being as valuable to me as any other member of my family.
I will just give it time for now and keep a couple of his favorite toys that I know he would have wanted kept whole and safe.
Yeah - just time. I moved to RI from AK at the end of July. A few days before I was going to move I had my 11 year old dog at the vets undergoing a procedure. I get this voicemail telling me he is just fine and made it through and he should be ready to pick up in a couple of hours. Right after that I hear a tech in the background of the VM saying he's not breathing and the vet says be right there and hangs up. I felt dread. Sure enough, a half hour later he calls back and says, "I'm sorry to tell you...". That dog was given to me as a gift from my parents after my last dog and my best friend died in the same week. I was torn up for a while. Anyhow, enough of my pity party...
Time will heal the wounds. I kept my dogs collar around and for the most part I am okay, I only get nostalgic once in a while.
Sorry to hear about your loss. Most of us have been there, man.
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Listen, not everyone takes it the same way. You should be glad that you truly cared and loved him. Celebrate his memory, but remember that all things pass on, especially animals.