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what is the hardest thing you've ever had to do

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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    i have encountered more monosexism directed at me personally in my life than i have homophobia directed at me personally.

    now, to put that into some kind of perspective, generally speaking if i know a person is a homophobe, i'm not going to draw that onto myself by confronting them with my sexual orientation and picking an argument or fight over it.

    usually, i let it slide. depends on the situation and all that but rarely am i in a position where i feel it's worth it to try to confront someone's homophobic comments or views that aren't even being directed at me personally (becasue they don't even know it applies to me)

    but

    there's been many, many times in my life where i've been around friends and acquaintances and environments where people have openly expressed tolerance for gay people, and then my own sexual orientation comes out and suddenly everybody's not so cool

    that fucking sucks on a level that is hard to express. when some big redneck stereotype is going on about dem dere faggots, you might be dismayed but you aren't shocked. when someone you think is a pretty liberal and open-minded person who has openly been accepting of gays suddenly turns out to be an ignorant monosexist, there's this incredible feeling of shock and betrayal that's really hard to equate to anything else.

    Pony on
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    AriviaArivia I Like A Challenge Earth-1Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    one of the hard things about coming out as trans is that you are not only going "hey I am kind of this socially uncomfortable thing" you are saying "I am sort of a totally different person from what you thought I was." Like I am always sort of terrified someone will call me out on my necessary deceptions to survive.

    Also people going "I wish you'd trusted me enough to tell me earlier"

    welp uh trust me there's a lot of trust involved in telling you this right now if I'm not out to a lot of other people

    Arivia on
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    DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) What's up, bootlickers?Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    I can not comprehend how someone can be tolerant of homosexuality while, at the same time, be a butt about bisexuals

    does not compute

    maybe this is one of those times where being raised on a religious black and white morality turned out in my favor, in a weird and twisted way

    Doobh on
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    BucketmanBucketman Call me SkraggRegistered User regular
    edited December 2010
    In all seriousness losing weight is the hardest thing for me. I am always hungry and food is sort of a THING for my family. We eat a lot.

    Bucketman on
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    FrankoFranko Sometimes I really wish I had four feet so I could dance with myself to the drumbeat Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    lol....butt

    Franko on
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    MeissnerdMeissnerd Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Losing weight sucks bad

    Meissnerd on
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Dubh wrote: »
    I can not comprehend how someone can be tolerant of homosexuality while, at the same time, be a butt about bisexuals

    does not compute

    maybe this is one of those times where being raised on a religious black and white morality turned out in my favor, in a weird and twisted way

    it doesn't seem like the sort of thing that should happen!

    it's hypocritical and illogical and crazy!

    yet it does

    there's a lot of homosexual hatred of bisexuals, for example, for a bunch of reasons

    most of them having to do with stereotyping and bitterness

    but even amongst straight people i know, i've encountered it

    there was a woman who at one time was one of my best friends

    then she found out

    and over time the sort of comments and viewpoints she's expressed on the subject are just so passive aggressively judgmental that she's no longer one of my close friends and is really more of an acquaintence

    Pony on
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    BEARDBEARD Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    I think my parents think I'm gay


    hmmmmmm

    BEARD on
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    UlisesUlises Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    no, it's just the perception that bisexuals are either hedonistic, dabblers, or self-deceivers

    e: the one relevant experience i've had in my life was when a friend came out gay to everybody, then began dating a girl a couple months later

    he was lightly ridiculed in the old social circle for being indecisive and that was that

    Ulises on
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    DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) What's up, bootlickers?Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    If anything, I envy bis

    purely on the virtue of variety

    Doobh on
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    MeissnerdMeissnerd Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    That's kind of like saying you're a vegan and then eating a stake though isn't it

    Meissnerd on
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    ZonugalZonugal (He/Him) The Holiday Armadillo I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    I don't like the negative qualifiers attached to hedonism in conjunction to bisexuality.

    You are opening yourself to more options of love. This is not a bad thing.

    Zonugal on
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    most of the monosexism i encounter blindsides me

    that's why i get hit with it more often than conventional homophobia

    because it's generally pretty obvious when a person is homophobic, they're pretty swift to comment on it if it comes up

    so when i know that i am like "okay let's avoid this topic"

    but with monosexism it can be sneaky because you can see someone express an open-minded view of sexuality and a statement of acceptance of gay people and just be like "oh okay that means you are probably cool with me too" and then it comes up and

    nope

    Pony on
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    AriviaArivia I Like A Challenge Earth-1Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Meissnerd wrote: »
    That's kind of like saying you're a vegan and then eating a stake though isn't it

    well stakes are wooden

    so it works

    it would just hurt

    a lot

    also you'd better not be a vegan vampire or an Edward Cullen or whatever

    @Zonugal: pony hates hedonism it is a thing

    Arivia on
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    MeissnerdMeissnerd Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Arghhghgg my iPhone wouldn't edit it in time

    Meissnerd on
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    BucketmanBucketman Call me SkraggRegistered User regular
    edited December 2010
    BEARD wrote: »
    I think my parents think I'm gay


    hmmmmmm

    My parents think I'm gay because I haven't had a girlfriend in over a year. When really I'm just fat.

    Bucketman on
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    ZonugalZonugal (He/Him) The Holiday Armadillo I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Arivia wrote: »
    @Zonugal: pony hates hedonism it is a thing

    Haha that would bring us to odds because I'm a big supporter of it.

    Zonugal on
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    BEARDBEARD Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Why are you having conversations about your sexual orientation with people though, Pony? If they aren't homophobic, and they aren't heterophobic, do you really need to go into further detail?

    BEARD on
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    AriviaArivia I Like A Challenge Earth-1Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Meissnerd wrote: »
    Arghhghgg my iPhone wouldn't edit it in time

    i got so city girl on you
    i went
    so crazy i didn't know what to do

    Arivia on
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Zonugal wrote: »
    I don't like the negative qualifiers attached to hedonism in conjunction to bisexuality.

    You are opening yourself to more options of love. This is not a bad thing.

    the root issue of monosexism is, in my observation, the perception by monosexists that bisexuals are intrinsically incapable of long-term monogamy.

    it's not the idea of a person being potentially capable of being attracted to either sex that bugs people, it's this idea that somehow a person who is bisexual will inevitably have an urge for sex with someone of a different gender to the person they are in a relationship with and there's no way a monogamous relationship can truly satisfy them in the long-term.

    this idea is fucking retarded. Maybe there are bisexual people it is true of, but i've never met them and they sure as fuck don't represent me.

    it is by far the most offensive idea a person can present to me on the subject and most people don't even realize how offensive it is

    infuriating.

    Pony on
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    AriviaArivia I Like A Challenge Earth-1Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Zonugal wrote: »
    Arivia wrote: »
    @Zonugal: pony hates hedonism it is a thing

    Haha that would bring us to odds because I'm a big supporter of it.

    hifive

    hedonism and incredible hulks erryday

    Arivia on
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Arivia wrote: »
    Meissnerd wrote: »
    That's kind of like saying you're a vegan and then eating a stake though isn't it

    well stakes are wooden

    so it works

    it would just hurt

    a lot

    also you'd better not be a vegan vampire or an Edward Cullen or whatever

    @Zonugal: pony hates hedonism it is a thing

    uh excuse me, go fuck yourself

    don't fucking express whatever you fucking think my opinion is on my behalf in order to somehow turn people against me

    go back to D&D with your bullshit, please.

    Pony on
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    UlisesUlises Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    pony this is nuts

    it's like you want to feel persecuted by something

    Ulises on
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    BEARDBEARD Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    It's sorta like being a furry. Nobody is actually going to give a shit unless you bring the subject up, because for the majority of society, it's such a niche aspect of sexuality that they haven't given any thought to formulating an opinion on it.

    this is re: monosexism vs the thing pony is

    BEARD on
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    AriviaArivia I Like A Challenge Earth-1Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    pony I can pote quosts from earlier if you'd like

    but okay!

    and yes koshi it is terrible

    Arivia on
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    MeissnerdMeissnerd Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    hehehe

    Meissnerd on
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    VALVEjunkieVALVEjunkie Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Dubh wrote: »
    If anything, I envy bis

    purely on the virtue of variety

    something that makes me mad(?) is the notion that bisexuals are lucky because they have double the chances of finding someone

    it just doesn't sit right with me for some reason but I'm not sure why

    E: not that I'm saying that's what you're saying or anything, it just made me remember is all

    VALVEjunkie on
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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited December 2010
    Dubh wrote: »
    I can not comprehend how someone can be tolerant of homosexuality while, at the same time, be a butt about bisexuals

    they're probably secretly jealous of bi people because they get to have it all.

    The Geek on
    BLM - ACAB
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    ZonugalZonugal (He/Him) The Holiday Armadillo I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    BEARD wrote: »
    It's sorta like being a furry. Nobody is actually going to give a shit unless you flaunt it, because for the majority of society, it's such a niche aspect of sexuality that they haven't given any thought to formulating an opinion on it.

    I think the fair majority of American men are furries because after watching Space Jam who wouldn't tap Lola Bunny?

    I mean come on!

    Zonugal on
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    DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) What's up, bootlickers?Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    The Geek wrote: »
    Dubh wrote: »
    I can not comprehend how someone can be tolerant of homosexuality while, at the same time, be a butt about bisexuals

    they're probably secretly jealous of bi people because they get to have it all.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOdWxf1tRmI

    Doobh on
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    BEARD wrote: »
    Why are you having conversations about your sexual orientation with people though, Pony? If they aren't homophobic, and they aren't heterophobic, do you really need to go into further detail?

    Generally speaking, I don't!

    It's actually remarkably easy to avoid any discussion at all of one's sexual orientation if it doesn't come up in conversation.

    However, there are times when I will tell anecdotes

    everyone knows how much I love a good anecdote

    and there are some of those anecdotes that involve times when i was dating dudes

    now, I sometimes am able to tell the story while playing the "pronoun game" but sometimes it is also inevitable.

    alternately, there are times when sexual orientation and sexuality is the conversation topic, especially amongst close friends you trust and all that

    so, from time to time, it does come up, and unless i want to be deliberately and consciously avoidant of the subject or not participate in the conversation, i end up disclosing it

    thaaaat said

    i've become so accustomed to things like "pronoun games" and avoid labelling that

    well

    just take a look over the last couple pages and count the number of times i actually said what my sexuality is instead of just inferring or implying it.

    it's a habit i have to make a choice to break.

    Pony on
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    AriviaArivia I Like A Challenge Earth-1Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Zonugal wrote: »
    BEARD wrote: »
    It's sorta like being a furry. Nobody is actually going to give a shit unless you flaunt it, because for the majority of society, it's such a niche aspect of sexuality that they haven't given any thought to formulating an opinion on it.

    I think the fair majority of American men are furries because after watching Space Jam who wouldn't tap Lola Bunny?

    I mean come on!

    me

    owai not a man

    nvm

    Arivia on
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Ulises wrote: »
    pony this is nuts

    it's like you want to feel persecuted by something

    okay fuck you man

    just

    fuck you, alright

    i can't really have a mature conversation with you on the subject when this is your approach.

    Pony on
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    DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) What's up, bootlickers?Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Dubh wrote: »
    If anything, I envy bis

    purely on the virtue of variety

    something that makes me mad(?) is the notion that bisexuals are lucky because they have double the chances of finding someone

    it just doesn't sit right with me for some reason but I'm not sure why

    E: not that I'm saying that's what you're saying or anything, it just made me remember is all

    yeah, that's not my thought process at all

    mostly, it's about people appreciating a wider variety of aesthetics than I can

    Doobh on
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    AriviaArivia I Like A Challenge Earth-1Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    one time I kissed a frog
    and I liked it :oops:

    Arivia on
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    ProhassProhass Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Gonna be an oldie with me, breaking up with a girl who i still loved because the situation wasn't working out and breaking up would work out best for both of us. She was devastated and its the first time ive ever initiated breaking up with someone and I handled it less than well.

    All worked out well though in the end. And im pretty grateful its the hardest thing ive had to do.

    Prohass on
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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited December 2010
    Arivia wrote: »
    one time I kissed a frog
    and I liked it :oops:
    Naveen-Frog-prince-naveen-10629079-852-480.jpg

    The Geek on
    BLM - ACAB
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    BEARDBEARD Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Okay

    I don't think people are intolerant of bisexuality in the same way you see intolerance of transgendered or homosexual people though, unless they are all of these things, in which case they're just intolerant of everything. "Monosexism" isn't a belief people are going to have much conviction in.

    BEARD on
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    DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) What's up, bootlickers?Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Prohass wrote: »
    Gonna be an oldie with me, breaking up with a girl who i still loved because the situation wasn't working out and breaking up would work out best for both of us. She was devastated and its the first time ive ever initiated breaking up with someone and I handled it less than well.

    All worked out well though in the end. And im pretty grateful its the hardest thing ive had to do.

    yeah, I had to go through something like this years back

    still getting over it- which bothers the hell out of me because it's been so long, and it's screwing with my ability to get intimate with other people

    hugs, duder

    Doobh on
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    AriviaArivia I Like A Challenge Earth-1Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    as pony has glowingly and lovingly informed us, the bi chance of finding a partner is probably like the same to a quarter what with all the monosexism

    but yes everyone is cuuuuuuuuuute~ (that means you lurker post post post)

    Arivia on
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