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what is the hardest thing you've ever had to do

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    GoatmonGoatmon Companion of Kess Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    BEARD wrote: »
    It's like when we used to try and name all the black kids at our high school.

    Y'know, I used to attend La Quinta high for a while.

    So many Vietnamese kids there, whites were actually a minority.

    It's only really weird in retrospect, and I didn't think anything of it at the time.

    Although I remember laughing when one of my friends referred to walking the hallways between classes as "Wading through the asian sea".

    Goatmon on
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    first time i admitted to my therapist that i had been sexually assaulted and was still having nightmares about it years later was pretty difficult

    like, it was one of those things that i knew kinda had to come out in order to get help dealing with it

    but actually trying to talk it out and explain to her what happened like that

    fell apart into tears a couple of times, she was hella patient, even extended the usual hour session i'd get by an hour just to give me time to talk about it

    Pony on
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    AriviaArivia I Like A Challenge Earth-1Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Beasteh wrote: »
    Anjin-San wrote: »
    beasteh those aren't 98 degrees lyrics at all!

    thankyou for introducing me to this 'band'

    gee gee gee gee baby baby

    Arivia on
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    Calamity JaneCalamity Jane That Wrong Love Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    to turn around and walk away pretending i don't love you

    Calamity Jane on
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    LaCabraLaCabra MelbourneRegistered User regular
    edited December 2010
    man, everyone here has been through such worse shit than me

    i want to hug all ya'll

    LaCabra on
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    man, 98 degrees

    the 90's boy bands were weird

    all these largely identical fresh-faced youngsters with gelled hair and baggy clothes

    Pony on
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    AriviaArivia I Like A Challenge Earth-1Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    LaCabra wrote: »
    man, everyone here has been through such worse shit than me

    i want to hug all ya'll

    huuuuuuuuug

    GIANT DAISY CHAIN OF HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS

    Arivia on
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    L|amaL|ama Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Arivia wrote: »
    BEARD wrote: »
    I really would like to know why there's such a large proportion of transgendered folks associated with these forums, which (ostensibly!) have absolutely nothing to do with transgenderism. Are there some sorts of internet ley-lines converging here?

    60,000 members for what, 4 transfolk? not too off the "average"

    you
    kosh
    tfs
    whippy
    antimatter

    hmm it feels like there are more than 5


    oh and the number here probably isn't far from the global average, it's just that the whole place is pretty liberal and people have no reason to hide it

    you've almost certainly met at least one transperson in real life without knowing it

    L|ama on
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    Calamity JaneCalamity Jane That Wrong Love Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    that song references dr zhivago

    Calamity Jane on
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    i wish i could find a good therapist here

    you would think with living in literally the largest city in the country it shouldn't be that hard but nope

    and my old therapist is both in another city and actually has moved into an administrative role and no longer sees patients

    sorta rough

    could probably use a therapist

    Pony on
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    GoatmonGoatmon Companion of Kess Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Arivia wrote: »
    LaCabra wrote: »
    man, everyone here has been through such worse shit than me

    i want to hug all ya'll

    huuuuuuuuug

    GIANT DAISY CHAIN OF HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS

    I'm coming in, make some room.

    Goatmon on
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    L|ama wrote: »
    Arivia wrote: »
    BEARD wrote: »
    I really would like to know why there's such a large proportion of transgendered folks associated with these forums, which (ostensibly!) have absolutely nothing to do with transgenderism. Are there some sorts of internet ley-lines converging here?

    60,000 members for what, 4 transfolk? not too off the "average"

    you
    kosh
    tfs
    whippy
    antimatter

    hmm it feels like there are more than 5

    there were but both TFS and Oboro have been perma-banned

    Pony on
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    AriviaArivia I Like A Challenge Earth-1Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    I did not know about tfs

    I have never posted in the same room as tfs

    I am tfs-less

    also l|ama you are an adorable poster *hugs*

    Arivia on
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    Cosmic SombreroCosmic Sombrero Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    JC of DI wrote: »
    Hardest thing I've ever gone through was losing my 15 year old brother in a vehicle accident on icy morning roads just a month ago to the day.

    I'm 23, and most brothers I knew with that age difference had a noticeable disconnect because of it - but me and my bro were completely best friends because he was just that awesome. He was smart and witty and caring as hell and just basically had life in the palm of his hand. I mean, I can type words about how awesome he was all day and no-one reading them could be any closer to really understanding how much he would just brighten a room. Watching TV shows we used to watch together nowadays just isn't nearly as good. Not because I'm directly thinking about him and being sad, but he and I aren't just cracking wise about people and situations constantly anymore.

    There's just so many things that I wonder about even still. I really wish I could just have ten more minutes to ask him about his favorite song or what he was thinking about trying to be when he got older or if he ever felt bad after I tried explaining my depression to him because I thought he was old enough to know...

    Ugh, I could go on about this forever I'm sure. I've already typed and deleted multiple paragraphs. The hardest "thing" I had to do is a tie between any of a plethora of events all tied to losing my bro, but the most unexpected one would probably have been setting a table for dinner with one less plate the evening after it happened.

    This post is incredible. The fact that you can talk about your brother's death at all is inspiring. I think you did an excellent job conveying what he meant to you.

    (i feel kind of schmaltzy but i really admired how you wrote with clarity and skill there)

    Cosmic Sombrero on
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    arivia be thankful oboro was before your time

    she would've driven you nuts

    as an aside she's also part of why you get a bit of shit sometimes that is unfair

    she really soured D&D's chat thread on trans-issues and transpeople in general

    sometimes it only takes one

    Pony on
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    L|amaL|ama Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Arivia wrote: »
    I did not know about tfs

    I have never posted in the same room as tfs

    I am tfs-less

    also l|ama you are an adorable poster *hugs*

    :3

    tfs is neat if you agree with her about most things but is really good at being insufferable when she wants

    L|ama on
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    ProhassProhass Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    In retrospect I was very lucky with my depression. I would be miserable and furious with myself because I had such a great life and nothing bad has ever happened to me and I've got a great family. Luckily as soon as I bucked up and actually opened up to a doctor about it the medication had almost immediate effect and has pretty much eliminated my depression. I understand this isnt the case for everyone, and I get the usual placebo stares, but for me the effect could only be described as chemical, like a fog being lifted.

    I want to hug all you guyses problems into myself, take them on and condense them into a black core, from which a foul liquid will leak and create an army of death and undead ala Malazan Book of the Fallen

    Also I was super lucky that Australia has facilities for free mental health care that are actually awesome (that of course the government wants to destroy and underfund into oblivion), and basically free medication for students

    Prohass on
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    AriviaArivia I Like A Challenge Earth-1Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    oh why

    why would she have driven me nuts

    i am cu-riou-s

    Arivia on
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    k-pop avatar=crazy person

    Pony on
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    JC of DIJC of DI I think we're fucked up. I know I am.Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Despite having a bad experience with a therapist that made me frown at the whole concept for awhile, I am completely open to one now. There's just so much I could ramble about that would probably help, but I feel like I'm burdening people when I do it in a public thing like this forum or bar, and when I'm just hanging with my friends in a more private setting I don't want to drag things down to where I'm at. If they ask I'll get into it but otherwise I just feel like a selfish downer.

    JC of DI on
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    AriviaArivia I Like A Challenge Earth-1Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    L|ama wrote: »
    Arivia wrote: »
    I did not know about tfs

    I have never posted in the same room as tfs

    I am tfs-less

    also l|ama you are an adorable poster *hugs*

    :3

    tfs is neat if you agree with her about most things but is really good at being insufferable when she wants

    yeah, I've been working on the latter after my bf took me to task for getting ascerbic and sarcastic when I feel hurt

    I do that really well

    Arivia on
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    FrankoFranko Sometimes I really wish I had four feet so I could dance with myself to the drumbeat Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    uncool

    Franko on
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    AriviaArivia I Like A Challenge Earth-1Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    my current therapist is eh, but it's good to see someone so I'm glad I'm going

    Arivia on
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    Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    another hard thing to handle was when my dad had a seizure in the kitchen on account of his fucked up brain and whacked his chin on the corner of the counter and i had to keep the blood in his face with a washcloth while i held the phone i dialed 911 with in the other hand.

    i actually kept pretty calm, it was just weird.

    Metzger Meister on
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    LaCabraLaCabra MelbourneRegistered User regular
    edited December 2010
    i don't actually know what the largest city in your country is

    edit: that was to pony, this thread moves fast

    LaCabra on
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    Calamity JaneCalamity Jane That Wrong Love Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    trans-war economy

    Calamity Jane on
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    AriviaArivia I Like A Challenge Earth-1Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    LaCabra wrote: »
    i don't actually know what the largest city in your country is

    edit: that was to pony, this thread moves fast

    teranah

    also pony camh maybe?

    Arivia on
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    GoatmonGoatmon Companion of Kess Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    JC of DI wrote: »
    Despite having a bad experience with a therapist that made me frown at the whole concept for awhile, I am completely open to one now. There's just so much I could ramble about that would probably help, but I feel like I'm burdening people when I do it in a public thing like this forum or bar, and when I'm just hanging with my friends in a more private setting I don't want to drag things down to where I'm at. If they ask I'll get into it but otherwise I just feel like a selfish downer.

    I am weird; I actually really like letting people tell me about whatever's bothering them. I suppose it feels good doing this because I like getting to know people better on a more intricate level, about what really irritates them, and figuring out how to help them understand what they're not aware of about themself, or even just letting them vent about things that have stressed them out lately, so they can work a bit of recent stress out of their system.

    I've thought about going into psychiatry or counselling, but I have no confidence that I'd ever get through the necessary schooling.

    I'm extremely cautious about giving out actual advice to people I don't know very personally, however; mostly I just try to help people see another perspective of things to better understand the bigger picture. That's usually help enough.

    Goatmon on
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    feebsiclefeebsicle a feebs Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Being myself. Being myself is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
    I still don't think I'm doing it right.

    Because right now

    I am Batman

    feebsicle on
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Arivia wrote: »
    oh why

    why would she have driven me nuts

    i am cu-riou-s

    well for starters, Oboro had a lot of life issues that were completely unrelated to being trans

    like drug problems and shit

    and she was out and out an attention-whore that would post about the way she was fucking up her life just to get people to tell her to stop or whatever

    but she'd also bring up being trans a whole lot, even when it had nothing to do with the conversation, and would get incredibly aggressive and confrontational about it, to the point of calling anyone transphobic if they disagreed with her about any subject

    in general she was an awful, irritating person obsessed with internet drama and always playing the victim and she used her being trans as an excuse as for why people hate her

    Pony on
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    L|amaL|ama Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    witnessing seizures really is awful

    just sitting there, waiting for it to finish, not being able to do anything

    L|ama on
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    MereHappenstanceMereHappenstance Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Everytime someone writes therapist on here my mind automatically capitalizes the R.

    Television has poisoned me.

    MereHappenstance on
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    Frosty the Snow PlowFrosty the Snow Plow Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Therapists are weird things.

    I had one that was a christian mom who told me I had to believe in god to solve my problems. Bless her restraint on not openly chiding me for being gay, but my lord did her treatment of me change when that came out.

    But now I have an awesome therapist who helps me plan practical steps on bettering my life and is someone I look forward to talking to.

    Kinda an even keel, the benefit/damage therapy has caused.

    Frosty the Snow Plow on
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    AriviaArivia I Like A Challenge Earth-1Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Koshian wrote: »
    largest city in canada more like most poopfarts

    this

    this is the trained and cynical voice of anyone outside of a 100 km radius of toronto

    Arivia on
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    L|amaL|ama Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Pony wrote: »
    k-pop avatar=crazy person

    takes one to know one

    L|ama on
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Arivia wrote: »
    LaCabra wrote: »
    i don't actually know what the largest city in your country is

    edit: that was to pony, this thread moves fast

    teranah

    also pony camh maybe?

    dunno, haven't tried them

    my old therapist referred me to some people and i checked them out and they were awful

    i haven't made a real effort to like into CAMH or other therapists because to be honest it's extremely difficult for me to actually cajole myself into going to see a therapist despite knowing i should

    Pony on
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    AriviaArivia I Like A Challenge Earth-1Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    fun pony

    I think she would have been fun to debate with

    also I am sort of learning I am an attention whore too :3

    Arivia on
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Arivia wrote: »
    fun pony

    I think she would have been fun to debate with

    also I am sort of learning I am an attention whore too :3

    no kidding?

    Pony on
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    Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    L|ama wrote: »
    witnessing seizures really is awful

    just sitting there, waiting for it to finish, not being able to do anything

    yyyyep.

    my dad got pretty buff from having them all the time though, it was kind of weird.

    i guess like four minutes straight of your muscles going shit-house will do that.


    and you know what's fucked up? he had seizures because of medical errors. they OD'd my dad on some steroidal medication and his blood pressure shot up like a fucking rocket and he had a goddamn stroke and it caused sufficient enough damage to his brain that he started having fuckin seizures.


    and my dad refused, and refuses to this day, to sue his doctors because "people make mistakes, son. they didn't do this maliciously, and it would be wrong to punish them. they're good people, who made poor decisions. hopefully they'll learn from them."

    i'm paraphrasing because my dad is a northern californian hill-billy who curses like a sailor but you get the gist.


    edit: also admitting to myself that i'm a dirty pervert was kind of hard as well. i am no longer ashamed of my peculiar fetishes, and even talk about them around here, but maaaan did i have some confusing boners in my teenaged years.

    Metzger Meister on
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    AriviaArivia I Like A Challenge Earth-1Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Pony wrote: »
    Arivia wrote: »
    fun pony

    I think she would have been fun to debate with

    also I am sort of learning I am an attention whore too :3

    no kidding?

    no seriously

    it is fun as I get myself together to realize the crazy outgoing person I want to be and how my confidence is totally transforming me

    it is fantastic

    Arivia on
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