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Awful girl thing.
Beck
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Registered User regular
So, I'm a bit crushed, and not entirely sure what to do, and how to cope with this. Or just how to process it, really. Advice and input would be greatly appreciated.
I'm 20, she's 24.
We started dating I guess over a year and a half ago. It started here, she moved to Norway to be back with her family after school finished. We wanted to do a long distance thing. We're doing well, until I tell her I love her, and she tells me she doesn't feel the same way. I'm kind of taken aback by it, because at this point we had been going for a few months, and we'd been friends for months prior. I withdraw a bit, and she starts to get really negative towards me. Really mean. Eventually, we just stop talking. Skip ahead, man, I guess nine months or more, to a couple weeks ago, before Christmas.
We reconnected. We talked a lot. It was a bit like nothing had changed. I told her that over the months, I realized I didn't want to be with anybody else. I ask if she wants to pick up where we left off. She apologizes for being so hard on me and says, yeah, she'd like that. So we're back together, I'm happy. A day after Christmas we're talking, and sort of out of the blue I get an ominous message that she needs to talk, that apparently there's another guy in Norway that she's been seeing, and that the long distance thing is too hard, and that she just wants to be friends. So, in a really short period of time I go from, like,
to 
. And that sucks. She asks if I'm all right, and if we can still be friends, and I tell her yes. She tells me a funny story about her period and I laughed about it, but I hit a pretty hard low, and I couldn't really talk to her about it.
So I talk to one of my best friends, J.. J. also knows this girl, we'll call her S. I tell J. that I'm not doing well, but he's going through his own stuff, and he's just not really there. My other friends are still pretty highschool, or just too self-absorbed to really be any help, so I go over to my friend B's, and I do heroin with her. She's an artist, and really cool. I like her a lot. We don't really talk, but this gives me time to think, and cope, and it's actually pretty fruitful. I stay at her place. I come home and meet up with Justin a day after or so, I tell J. about it, because he's usually down to talk about this sort of thing. But I guess he wasn't this time.
He tells S., and a day later when I go to talk to S., to tell her I'm feeling better, she's pissed. I don't want her to feel responsible, but of course she does. Which was why I would never have wanted her to find out. I'm not especially angry with J, but definitely hurt that he wouldn't talk to me directly about how he was feeling. I talk with S about it, she doesn't really understand that sometimes drugs are not bad, and doing things an unorthodox way is fine for some people. She thinks I'm still lying to her about feeling better. I tell her that I couldn't really tell her any differently before, anyway. I think the concept goes over her head. She's pretty rigid about things, she's never taken drugs before, though she's very liberal. We don't speak for a while.
About a week later I get a message from S., out of the blue, something about me talking behind her back, calling her a bitch, and she asks that I not contact her anymore, because I'm not capable of being mature about things, and that being bitter won't make anything easier. I message her back saying that I didn't call her a bitch, and I have no idea what she's talking about. I did talk to a couple other people about this, but only for advice. They might not like S., I'm not sure...But I wouldn't call a lady, especially someone I still have a lot of feelings for, a bitch. Apparently this happened during a conversation I had with J. and someone else. I ask her to ask him. And if he says I said that, she can delete me from facebook, skype, everything. Because I can't bear to do it. I've never lost a friend before. She leaves saying she can't trust me, but she'll try not to be mad or judge me until she speaks with him. She has talked with him, and she hasn't removed me from anything. She hasn't spoken with me since then, it's been a few days. I feel like I'm in a Highschool drama, at this point.
Apparently I called her a bitch during a sentence I said to J. J wasn't the only person in the room, but I needed to talk to him. So I call him, and we talk. I'm not mad, because I don't know what happened. He says she just talked to him, and he told her I didn't say that. So someone must have been eavesdropping. A few people have feelings for this girl and a few people don't like me. I know J. wouldn't lie about something like that. He says she asked him earlier, and he said that he was "pretty sure" I didn't say that. But that he would talk to her again, and be very clear that "pretty sure" meant "absolutely did not." I thanked him. He asked me how I'm doing, I tell him. He goes on to tell me what's been going on, I guess S. identifies as Single. There's no other guy. And...I'm not sure how to take that. I feel really badly that she had to lie about something like that. I don't think she did it to hurt me, I think...Maybe she just felt like shit, I don't know. Maybe she did? Advice on that would be especially helpful.
He asks me if I'm over her, and I tell him, yeah. He asks me if I'd be interested in a relationship if she offered me one. I tell him yes. I guess I feel like a piece of shit, really lonely, but mostly...Regretful. I wanted to come into this relationship with a truthfulness I didn't before, an honesty. I didn't want to bottle things up. And I think that kind of fucked me over.
I'm 20, she's 24.
We started dating I guess over a year and a half ago. It started here, she moved to Norway to be back with her family after school finished. We wanted to do a long distance thing. We're doing well, until I tell her I love her, and she tells me she doesn't feel the same way. I'm kind of taken aback by it, because at this point we had been going for a few months, and we'd been friends for months prior. I withdraw a bit, and she starts to get really negative towards me. Really mean. Eventually, we just stop talking. Skip ahead, man, I guess nine months or more, to a couple weeks ago, before Christmas.
We reconnected. We talked a lot. It was a bit like nothing had changed. I told her that over the months, I realized I didn't want to be with anybody else. I ask if she wants to pick up where we left off. She apologizes for being so hard on me and says, yeah, she'd like that. So we're back together, I'm happy. A day after Christmas we're talking, and sort of out of the blue I get an ominous message that she needs to talk, that apparently there's another guy in Norway that she's been seeing, and that the long distance thing is too hard, and that she just wants to be friends. So, in a really short period of time I go from, like,
to . And that sucks. She asks if I'm all right, and if we can still be friends, and I tell her yes. She tells me a funny story about her period and I laughed about it, but I hit a pretty hard low, and I couldn't really talk to her about it.So I talk to one of my best friends, J.. J. also knows this girl, we'll call her S. I tell J. that I'm not doing well, but he's going through his own stuff, and he's just not really there. My other friends are still pretty highschool, or just too self-absorbed to really be any help, so I go over to my friend B's, and I do heroin with her. She's an artist, and really cool. I like her a lot. We don't really talk, but this gives me time to think, and cope, and it's actually pretty fruitful. I stay at her place. I come home and meet up with Justin a day after or so, I tell J. about it, because he's usually down to talk about this sort of thing. But I guess he wasn't this time.
He tells S., and a day later when I go to talk to S., to tell her I'm feeling better, she's pissed. I don't want her to feel responsible, but of course she does. Which was why I would never have wanted her to find out. I'm not especially angry with J, but definitely hurt that he wouldn't talk to me directly about how he was feeling. I talk with S about it, she doesn't really understand that sometimes drugs are not bad, and doing things an unorthodox way is fine for some people. She thinks I'm still lying to her about feeling better. I tell her that I couldn't really tell her any differently before, anyway. I think the concept goes over her head. She's pretty rigid about things, she's never taken drugs before, though she's very liberal. We don't speak for a while.
About a week later I get a message from S., out of the blue, something about me talking behind her back, calling her a bitch, and she asks that I not contact her anymore, because I'm not capable of being mature about things, and that being bitter won't make anything easier. I message her back saying that I didn't call her a bitch, and I have no idea what she's talking about. I did talk to a couple other people about this, but only for advice. They might not like S., I'm not sure...But I wouldn't call a lady, especially someone I still have a lot of feelings for, a bitch. Apparently this happened during a conversation I had with J. and someone else. I ask her to ask him. And if he says I said that, she can delete me from facebook, skype, everything. Because I can't bear to do it. I've never lost a friend before. She leaves saying she can't trust me, but she'll try not to be mad or judge me until she speaks with him. She has talked with him, and she hasn't removed me from anything. She hasn't spoken with me since then, it's been a few days. I feel like I'm in a Highschool drama, at this point.
Apparently I called her a bitch during a sentence I said to J. J wasn't the only person in the room, but I needed to talk to him. So I call him, and we talk. I'm not mad, because I don't know what happened. He says she just talked to him, and he told her I didn't say that. So someone must have been eavesdropping. A few people have feelings for this girl and a few people don't like me. I know J. wouldn't lie about something like that. He says she asked him earlier, and he said that he was "pretty sure" I didn't say that. But that he would talk to her again, and be very clear that "pretty sure" meant "absolutely did not." I thanked him. He asked me how I'm doing, I tell him. He goes on to tell me what's been going on, I guess S. identifies as Single. There's no other guy. And...I'm not sure how to take that. I feel really badly that she had to lie about something like that. I don't think she did it to hurt me, I think...Maybe she just felt like shit, I don't know. Maybe she did? Advice on that would be especially helpful.
He asks me if I'm over her, and I tell him, yeah. He asks me if I'd be interested in a relationship if she offered me one. I tell him yes. I guess I feel like a piece of shit, really lonely, but mostly...Regretful. I wanted to come into this relationship with a truthfulness I didn't before, an honesty. I didn't want to bottle things up. And I think that kind of fucked me over.
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Cut it loose.
Anyway, in this thread, we learn that people are bad at ending relationships.
Neither of you sound particularly mature. She broke up with you (albeit awkwardly.) Time to move on.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
Right here. ^^
I'd agree with you if you were like, "sometimes drugs are okay, so I smoked some pot" or "sometimes drugs are okay, so I did some shrooms" or something
Heroin will fuck up your life. It is highly addictive in a way that you may think you're alright, then your hooked. No one I know that has done it has ever said "Glad I did that". It messed up all their lives, without exception.
Scruff McGruff was right about this one.
but they're listening to every word I say
And yeah, cut it out with this S person.
Ive been completely fucked out my mind since last sunday for similar reasons, but even that wont push me back onto the h train. As good as it feels, no girl is worth destroying your body and your soul over, theyre just not. I know it seems hypocritical, but i mean, the problem with using heroin to make yourself feel better (and i know you feel great while using) is that by the time your over your original problem, youve got a brand new problem to deal with. Quitting heroin is soul crushing, and not a day will go by for the rest of your life that you dont think about using again. All that over a girl? Its really entirely not worth it, despite the amazing temporary feelings you will get.
I know it sucks man. It hurts a lot, especially when its not mutual. The only thing you can do at this point is to cut all contact. Remove her from your phone, email address book, facebook, whatever. Stop talking to her, prolonging it in the hopes she will come back will only make it worse when 5 years from now you realise youve wasted 5 years on a hopeless fantasy, and your life is completely stalled exactly where it is right now. And thats the shittiest feeling in the entire world, even shittier than what youre feeling now.
Right now, just do whatever you want though. If you feel like sitting at home alone, do it. If you feel like drinking your face off for a week straight, do it. If you feel like sleeping 72 hours, do it. Whatever you need. And then in a week or so, get back out there. Go hang out with your friends. Go to parties, go to bars, whatever. Meet someone new. There are hundreds of girls within a 50 mile radius of you that are just as amazing as the girl that left you. I know it doesnt seem that way right now, but its true. Believe it.
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The thing is, I don't know if I can stop wanting to be with her. I guess that's the shitty thing. I still feel very much in love, though I know she's not in love with me. I think she wants to be my friend though, J said she's said wants to be my friend, things are just really acrid right now, and messy, and someone starting some really shitty rumor doesn't help.
I don't like the idea of not talking to her anymore. I'll consider that advice, though. I'll try not to initiate contact.
Thanks for the advice, everybody. Zeon, though, this is the thing.
I'm hard to get along with. Not because I'm mean or weird, I'm just critical, I guess. I'm an artist and I like being surrounded by other artists, and I don't get along with people my own age so it's hard to connect with people years older than you, so I feel pretty lonely most of the time. I meet people, I can fuck, I just hate them. And I don't know how to get over that feeling of resentment towards people. I feel like I'm becoming really unforgiving. I like S. because she gets it, regarding art.
This might not seem like much coming from an internet stranger, but I am 100% positive that, yes, you will stop. I'd wager that every single one of us here on this forum has felt this way in the past. And I can tell you that one day you will wake up and be like, "What the fuck was I doing?"
It's tough now, but it will end.
xbl - HowYouGetAnts
steam - WeAreAllGeth
You really need to look at how Sandy (I'm calling her Sandy because I can't stand this "S" bullshit) treated/treats you and see how it's just...fucked up. You said yourself that she became mean at one point, then she cut off contact, then she strung you along, and then she told you about this dude who she was seeing who apparently didn't even EXIST. That is just...really unhealthy, dude. Seriously, I wouldn't even want to be friends with someone like that, and she makes it clear that she doesn't even really want to be friends with you, whether you think she does or not.
You know what will make this whole "I'm in love with her" thing easier to get over? Not talking to her. Just cut off contact, she's poisonous to your health.
Also, stop being so damn picky with friends. I'm an artist, and I get along with people older than me better as well, but sometimes you just need to stop being so picky, get to know people and realize that not all people suck. I'm sorry to be so blunt, and I'm sorry if I sound mean, I don't mean to, but you need to wake up a little bit. She treats you poorly, so obviously you two are not meant to be, or whatever. If you two were supposed to be together (and if she cared) she'd at least make some sort of effort. She's not. You need to cut contact, as hard as it may seem.
Also, drugs are bad.
Edit:
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If you had any idea how many times I've heard this from people who later became junkies. Especially with whatever fragile emotional state you're in.
You'll get over it with her. I know you feel like you won't, but you're 20. This isn't uncommon for people in your age range. In a few years you'll look back and think, "Boy, I was an idiot." Take her off your Facebook, messengers, whatever you use to communicate with her. She's in another country, it's not like it's going to be tough to not talk to her anymore. And honestly, don't worry about hurting her feelings, because she doesn't care. That doesn't make her a bad person, just someone who figured this out way before you will.
It just sucks, I guess. For months I was really trying to meet other people, and I just couldn't. I didn't go into things thinking I couldn't, I just really resent people after a while.
Maybe I do need therapy, or something. I'm afraid something like that would affect what I write and what I play. There are a lot of people I do like. They just all seem to be in relationships already, or much older, or something lame like that. It's frustrating.
But, no, you don't sound mean and I appreciate your candor.
Man, I don't think I'm capable.
I can try out some selective blindness, though.
Maybe, though! I'll let you know.
Stop being a drama queen. You can. This might be why she's not interested in you.
Man, what? Not capable of cutting off contact? It's easy. Highlight her name in whatever medium you choose, such as phone or messenger, and press 'delete.'
I dated a manipulative, soul-draining hose beast at your age. At the time, she was the love of my life. I mean the absolute, she is the one, love of my life. But my friends and family couldn't stand her, and pretty much stopped hanging out with me. When she finally moved away, I was crushed.
Until that faded and I realized what a manipulative, soul-draining hose beast she was.
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steam - WeAreAllGeth
The thing about being an artist....if you're a good one, no amount of drugs or therapy will take that away from you (save for maybe a lobotomy, but I don't think you need that :P ) I hear so many people at my school say "I can't create art unless I SUFFER, MAAAAN" or "I can't create art unless I'M HIGH, MAAAAAN"...no, they can't create art because they suck.
I'd try out therapy. Resenting people for..pretty much just existing isn't good.
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You might not have said it but goddamit if she isn't a huge bitch.
She cheated on you and emotionally toyed with you.
This is not a nice person at all.
Any time you get emotional about how you miss her think of this. Because while it isn't fun to think about this is a pretty good reason not to be with her.
(just please don't get into the mindset that all women are bitches it's just a select few)
Satans..... hints.....
I'm going to be kinda on the girl's side on this one. I think the signs were pretty obvious. You've got an ocean between them, some weird shaky internet dating thing going on, he drops the "L bomb" on her a couple months in, she doesn't reciprocate. I wouldn't call her a bitch, I'd just say she probably didn't want to deal with the drama that was going to ensue if she "dumped him" so she probably just "out of sight, out of mind"ed him. That's just from what I'm taking from his "Oh, I can't get over her" rhetoric, and I think it's something the OP should take a look at it if he wants to find himself in successful relationships in the future. No one likes emotionally needy significant others.
LDR's are hard but if you don't want to be in one you need to have the common decency to say that you do not want to be in one.
Satans..... hints.....
Dude. This statement? This is a scary statement. I'm gonna say something, but first I'm going to quantify myself as a valid source. I was at one point a heavy addict. Heavy. I did every drug under the sun, and all practiced all kinds of intake methods. I was mostly a meth addict, but, I did love heroin. I have since recovered, thanks to some awareness, consciousness, and good friends.
Now. What you said there, along with your cavalier attitude about "doing heroin" in the initial post. You need to take a real quick look at things. The "I haven't done it for a year prior!" is not a proud statement. It's an addict statement. No time lapse between usage of a highly addictive terrible drug like heroin allows its continued use.
You don't plan on using it again? Did you plan on it this time? Probably not. Examine that thought. Also, drugs? Even pot! is not an emotional aid. They make you emotionally blank, or emotionally explosive. It does not make you emotionally aware and solve your problems. Drugs, no matter the drug, do not and can not help you solve problems.
You might want to examine your friend pool, if you have friends who enable your drug use, and you are not/do not want to be/know it's a bad idea to be a drug user? you need to get rid of them.
But! these things are unrelated to the thread, I just am scared for well being. Heroin is not some "fun good times" drug. If you've used it, then come back and used it again after a period of sobriety? You are an addict. That is not just a sign, that is addiction. It means you either never realized how bad it is for you, or are unable to prevent use. That is hard drug addiction.
Onto the thread. Drop her. She lives in Norway. Regardless of how things went down, look at one thing: Are you planning on moving to Norway? No? Is she planning on moving to you? No? Then it would never work. Ever. You can't do long distance without a plan of reconnection. If you have no plan, it is pointless. Any future you would have would be pure fantasy. Just move on and move up with your life. It wouldn't work, no reason to stress about it bud. It's no big deal. She's a girl, you liked the girl, the girl is unreachable and not a realistic life goal. You can move on and literally lose nothing.
This is not the point I am trying to make. He made mistakes yes. But dwelling on the mistakes that he made in this relationship will make him think that the relationship's failure was his fault. And if he focuses on X Y and Z he will magically get back together.
He admits that he still has feelings for this lady. And lets be honest here, there is a bit of a pedastal situation going on here. By thinking of her in a negative light he will take her off the pedestal and eventually get him thinking into, boy, I'm glad that relationship is over.
Satans..... hints.....
A lot of H/A threads end up with the help being for something the OP didn't really intend to, in this case it's not your girl troubles. She's gone, the end. It's the drug use and how you feel isolated and unable to connect with people. Get some help for those, you'll feel a lot better.
This is really unhealthy. He needs to focus on his problems rather than attempting to lay the blame on other people.
This is currently not the case and will only lead to him thinking he can fix himself in order to win her back.
Satans..... hints.....
Eh, I worry when people talk about using hard drugs. Pot and stuff is a non-factor. They are gateway drugs, yes, but most people never cross that gateway anyway.
It's those that do, they never realize how hard this stuff is until it's to late. And you're right, most people are not willing to talk about it, or not able. It's no big deal.
To the OP, man, if you want some sage advice on getting clean and getting that stuff out of your life? I'd be glad to offer up what I can (and anyone else that wants advice/simply questions). I will say, I'm not religious, I'm not going to tell anyone to do some crazy ass recovery method. I ended my addiction without going to drastic ends. And you can too.
As for the girl, you're probably feeling shitty about her saying there was someone when according to J there was no one. I'm guessing she didn't want to basically say "not interested". The breaks is this, kid: she's in Norway (nor-where?) and you're 20. The l-word was a big step she didn't feel like she could take under these circumstances, and it's hard to blame her.
I agree with prior posts saying she doesn't really even want to be friends - and why do you? That's only salting this ugly wound under the guise of a one-sided friendship. You need to move on like whoa.
* = I'm not going to pretend I have a shit-ton of experience here. I personally know 9 and heard 3 others talk about using.
I just don't want it to change too much right now, until I have enough for an LP.
Maybe I'm fooling myself or just being a bit of an asshole, though. I'll have to sleep on it.
I don't mean to be one of those suffering people, though! Yeah, they're awful. I guess it's just a kind of stimulation, one that doesn't come around a lot. It's kind of new to me, going from really happy to really sad really fast. It's stimulating, kind of like traveling or visiting a new place is. I write a lot of songs when I do those things, too.
Well, I left her the first time. Sorry, I wasn't very clear on that, I couldn't handle how cold she was. The second time I asked her out, and we switched roles.
I think I could have been more communicative, but S is pretty closed sometimes. It's hard to get anything out of her. I guess I'm remembering why things didn't work out before, and those things are still a problem with her. She apologized for them, but...They still exist. They're still there. She still lies to me, and I guess the only real difference was that this time, I didn't lie to her. I feel good about that, I guess. I wish she trusted me, though.
She seems to care a lot about what I think about her, though. I guess...It just bothers me. I really wanted it to work out. Maybe I'm just too lonely to think straight right now.
Regarding heroin,
Anon I appreciate your concern and your post was really thoughtful. I'm just not...I'm not doing heroin anymore. I don't think I'll do it again for years. But I'll probably do it again. I really like it. It's the best. At the same time, I know it's super dangerous and I know I'm playing with fire. But I'm far too unhappy to eliminate the idea of doing heroin again. Even if I never did it again.
Cut it loose and cut the drugs. You build up a tolerance to that stuff, and it requires more and more heroin to get the same 'high' each time you use it. This is a very bad road to go down.
Don't do that.
And staying friends with a girl after a serious relationship is almost impossible unless you wait a few months after a clean break and become friends once you have a new girlfriend.
Spending a month on your own will end up with you brooding and going in mental circles. Go out and do stuff, just anything, make sure you meet real live people often, being social is probably the best defense against any kind of depression, addiction, etc.
Since she doesn't even consider that whoever was saying that you had called this woman a bitch might be lying and she should check with you and instead she should just cut off all contact with you right away I'd say your chances of ever getting together again with this Norwegian girl are NULL. Who's "J" to say if she has a boyfriend or not anyway, why would you think that he, who doesn't meet this woman IRL any more than you do now - that is, not at all - would know better than she does whether she has a boyfriend or not? If by "status" you mean you asked him what her status on Facebook or whatever was, I've found it's quite common for people, here in Scandinavian countries at least, to not change their relationship status right away because they don't want all these rumors going around or because the relationship isn't so stable that they want to announce it to everyone.
You said your heroin experience supposedly was 'fruitful' and helped you to deal with this somehow, have you considered that a simple day of hanging out with someone without doing heroin could have been just as effective? That the mere fleeting of time was the main factor in why you felt a bit better afterwards? There's also the matter of placebo effect - it's possible you just registered this as something special and good and so you're telling yourself that it had a lasting positive effect on you when really you could have been sipping sugarwater telling yourself it soothes your soul and it would have made you feel better.
As for your artistic ambitions, what I've learned if anything (speaking as a non-professional musician and overall creative person) it's that in the long run, and to be a great artist the short run will never do, stability is what gets you forward. Have you heard about the 10000 hours rule? If you are in good health (mental as well as physical), have good, working relationships - and actually, I find that having friends is more crucial than any kind of romantic interest in most cases - and are determined to get better at your art, you have a good foundation to work with. Travelling, love, books/movies etc. and yes, even drugs can be a source of inspiration, that's true. However, there are very very many different kinds of inspiration that you're only fooling yourself if you say that you desperately NEED one particular stimulation. You can pick in this ocean of experiences. Therefore, if you really do want to make it somewhere, it's only sensible to pick the ones that are safe enough that they will not fuck up the aforementioned foundation. There have been many artists who ruined themselves with love interests that were obviously bad for them as well artists who over-used drugs, many of which ultimately killed themselves (and wasted a lot of their potential in doing so). However, there is an incredible amount of artists who haven't done that and still succeeded and many artists, for example Eric Clapton, who think these self-destructive behaviors were downright harmful to their creativity. Moreover, many of the artists that fall into pointless relationships that take a toll on them as well as the ones who use drugs don't make it anywhere. There's a guitar guy in my hometown who plays on the street begging for money all day long, and he's good, sadly it's painfully obvious that everything he earns goes into drug acquisition. He even got some kind of contract going some years ago in spite of being in his mid-thirties and doesn't look too great but he fucked it up because he couldn't get himself in order, his mind was constantly focused on drugs. People like him are everywhere, you just don't hear about them because they're noones, the ones who did make it somewhere where DAMN lucky and if anything I'd say in most cases it was in SPITE of their addictions, not thanks to them.
In short, if you have any respect for your talent, not to mention your own life and the people who care for you, there are plenty of reasons you should work towards getting out of your reclusion, leaving this woman behind and deciding that there is incredible amount of things you still enjoy in life other than both her and heroin that you can't let either of them fuck it all up.
It would probably be a good idea not to keep in touch with this 'B' either because if she has the habit of hanging out at home and just doing heroin, I'd wager that she is quite a long way down a negative spiral and in the state you're in now, there's no way you could help her and any further contact with her is likely to only have a bad effect on you both.
This strikes me as a very worrisome paragraph.
As someone who has been in your situation before, please believe me when I say that you're verging on some very dangerous territory.
You may actually want to be there at the moment (I know I did). I think you need to see someone about this right away.
It's not a good state of mind to be in.
I think hanging out with people is important, too. I just wanted to smoke some heroin. And it was cool. And I haven't done it since, and don't plan on doing any more. I know it sounds weird, but I can't be high a lot. My artistic output dies. I can't smoke often, I can't drink often, I can't. I really appreciate everyone's concern on that, but it's really a non-issue. I don't plan on doing it for at least six months. But I doubt I'd do it again for another year or more.
But, no, B does not do heroin a ton or anything. She does it more than me but it's not a constant in her life. She likes it as much as I do but she kind of has the same thing going, constant drug use kind of kills her ambition to do much of anything, though I think she's a pretty big stoner. I can't smoke without sitting around without the will to do much of anything. She does stuff.
I've never heard of the 10,000 hour rule, but I don't think it would be possible for me. I'm never in good health. I have a severe pain problem, which is mostly why I like heroin so much. The only drugs that actually eliminate pain in my body (or close to eliminate it) are drugs like heroin, Fentanyl (which is much stronger, and I used to have a prescription for), etc.. Unfortunately, the prescriptions for those knock me out, so I'm stuck on morphine, which is...Pathetic. And there's no solution to that problem. But stress makes pain management a lot harder, and I just needed some relief, and once that was gone it was a lot easier to cope and deal with my emotions and thoughts on the matter. It didn't help that I was also going through a flare up (they last weeks sometimes), so I figured I may as well just hit up some h and be done with it, because taking dangerously large amounts of morphine not only sucks physically, but really fucks me up, emotionally, for a while.
You're right about locking myself up, though. That's a bad idea. I just don't feel like going out, and I'm not much fun right now. I'll give myself a week and then I'll go out again. I just need a little more time to myself, and my games, and work, and school. I just need to be away from people right now, I don't feel like I can go out without being a jerk right now. That's good advice, though, I won't stay in for much longer.
But, regarding her single status, she tells people she's single, apparently, but only when I'm not around. She also got weirdly quiet when I complimented her on finding someone. I thought it was weird at the time. There's some history there, I kind of fucked around a lot when we were apart, and I guess she didn't. I think she feels inferior. She's never felt very wanted in Norway. I think she probably resents me for it.
She treated you like shit and yet you're complimenting her on finding someone else so quickly? Whether or not she actually has, that's some pretty fucked up shit on your part. You need to move on, pack it up and find some friends that have a healthy interest in getting out and doing things. Delete her on FB/skype, get her out of your phone, and for the love of god stop hanging out with her.
Also, heroin is not "The best". And saying that "I'm far too unhappy to eliminate the idea of doing heroin again" is very troublesome. You're using a highly addictive drug as a crutch to make you feel better, as a safety blanket, as an escape from your real world troubles. Go and talk to a professional about your emotional state because that really isn't healthy, even if you never do that particular drug again the attitude of escapism is going to lead you down paths you don't want to go.
Get yourself some help, although I doubt that's going to happen.
And part of his problem is that he's putting her on a pedestal. The remedy is partially to realize that she isn't the angel princess he glorifies her as.
I mean, I understand what you are saying, and you aren't wrong, but I don't think BlakeT is that wrong either. I'm not suggesting that the OP lock himself in his room and brood, changing his mind about the girl from love/infatuation/whatever down to hatred - that isn't healthy, no - but a good dose of reality about the girl might be helpful. And that's still more about him than it is about her.
So let me tell you what's going to happen if you keep trying to "be friends" with this girl. She will always smile at you when you're around and give you just enough "friendship" so that she doesn't have to think of herself as a mean person. You'll spend months or years thinking that maybe if she sees how you're cool with just being friends, you'll have a shot with her. She'll bitch about you always hanging around her at social events to her friends, who will roll their eyes at both of you. You'll bitch to your friends about her, and how you can't get her out of your head, and they'll roll their eyes at both of you.
She'll try to avoid hanging out with you by making excuses to get out of any social gatherings. You'll jump at the chance to see her whenever the opportunity presents itself. Eventually one of you will do the smart thing and cut off all contact or leave the country, and you'll both be better off for it. Be the mature one and be the one to do it, but don't wait five years for it to happen. Don't make your friends put up with the annoying goose you'll become if this continues. Stop trying to be friends. Friendship isn't a consolation prize for a failed relationship.
Also: re: Heroin: Sounds like you're self-medicating. See a doctor with whom you have a good rapport. If your pain-management regimen isn't up to snuff, tell them. Occasional heroin use doesn't strike me as a viable long-term strategy, especially if it has potential to lessen the effects of less dangerous pain management medication in the long run.