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Pookiepoo
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Steam: Pookie GG Now Playing: BattleTech, Divinity Original Sin 2, MechWarrior 5
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I mean, not to be too harsh on you but dumping a woman because they don't like video games like you do seems sort of petty. There are almost certainly other factors at play here though. Was that previous relationship your first? You may just be having a hard time letting go of that first relationship feeling, or more likely you are simply scared of this new level of commitment and are viewing your past relationship with rose colored glasses. It isn't as though a fear of commitment is that exotic.
Personally, I've been in love with many people in my time, and I've found that it never feels the same way with two different people, because I love different things about them. Are you worried that this doesn't feel the same to you, or are you doubting that you love her at all?
So you do what 95% of the rest of us do?
After you start spending every day with this woman, you will thank god that you have a hobby/activity that is just yours and she wants no part of.
I certainly look at the relationship with my past fiancee through rose-colored glasses, though it wasn't my first relationship. It was my first very serious relationship, though and at the time, I couldn't wait to marry her. Now, marriage just seems ..meh.
Fear of commitment may be at play here, or maybe some other psycological issues.
Thank you for your input.
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I met one couple, the poor guy was forced to sell all his video games by his fiance as soon as the ring went on. I've seen other couples where the poor guy has his game time strictly controlled by their significant other. If all she is, is disinterested, consider yourself lucky. But if she insist you never play them around her, and you two are about to move in, or she pulls the "It's either video games or me" act, then yeah, be weary.
Although frankly I've never failed to get a woman interested in games when I show them things like Flower, Katamari Damacy, Flow or other artsy and/or stylish games which look fascinating and are accessible.
I do love her and want nothing but the best things in life for her. She feels the same about me. It amazes me that we can talk about this issue openly without horrible things happening. The one thing that she doesn't understand is that sometimes I want to be alone or do my own thing. She doesn't understand the partitioning of people/time etc. To her, to exclude her is hurtful, because she would never do that to me.
Really, scared is probably what I am feeling the most. Scared of the additional responsibility that comes from living with a really responsible individual, scared of shutting the door on what I thought love is "supposed" to feel like, scared of ..growing up?
I guess I need to suck it up. I hope that I can be less apathetic about marriage once these cold feet go away.
Just make sure you are both financially capable of moving right back out if you have to. Nothing sucks worse than when you move in, and then one partner or the other can't afford to move back out when the relationship goes tits up.
More than likely, she enjoys the alone time as much as you, and having you in the next room is a bonus for after alone time.
Yes, it is possible. Relationships can often require a kind of suspension of disbelief. The little mental trick that lets you see a story playing out the screen instead of backdrops, actors and costumes is very similar to the one that sees (or feels) a relationship instead of little emotional games, biofeedback loops, physical responses and mutual endeavours.
If that SoD has been shattered, it may not really come back in the same way. Bits and pieces will, but with some aspects of the next relationship, one cannot help but see strings and wires instead of high flying heights. It is much like watching a play, and perspective will shift back and forth; in good times the story becomes all you see and in rough patches all you see is dudes in black shuffling around bits on the set.
Important to note though, that even though it is possible, it doesn't mean its happened. You may just have your eyes open because you don't feel all that involved in your relationship. You are correct in thinking that maybe if you found a better story you'd get more wrapped up in it, but perhaps there is some wiggle room in thinking that simply getting wrapped up in a story is really the be all and end all of being.
Then maybe you're just not that into her. You've already made the call, in that your gaming will be a constant friction point forever, and that you've had to divide up your life in order to be with her. I want you to think about that because what you have described is not complete acceptance or mutual appreciation, but rather a fairly extensive compromise on both your parts to continue a relationship.
What ever parts of you grows forward together won't include those mutually exclusive aspects, and it will undoubtedly be a source of stress. Whether or not its worth it anyway would be up to you, and at the moment you seem to be teetering towards 'not worth it', and looking for some validation either way.
You're certainly not a bad person for wondering if there is more, or trying to get more, or trying to feel more. But there are, as you are seeing, risks and chances and losses and gains all over the place- you know what you have, you don't know what you might have.
Welcome to the world, bud. It's rewards are proportionate to the size of your balls. Well, heh. Mostly.
I really don't know that video games are that big of an issue, especially if she concedes that it's "your" hobby and you need time for it, that makes it a non-issue in the long term.
I have similar thoughts in regards to other women I've dated or even women I know now for various reasons. However I'm coming to the conclusion (in my situation of course) that I'm experiencing "grass is greener" syndrome. There's never a 100% perfect mate, especially once you start comparing someone to "the field."
I eventually decided that, well, I have a wonderful relationship and astounding chemistry with a smart, beautiful woman who has all the qualities I admire...Yeah, there may be someone else out there who can be better in regards to x, but overall? This situation is pretty sweet and it doesn't come along every day.
Of course if you're having doubts that you really care about this girl like that, that's a whole different story. For me it was partially the above, as well as fear of commitment. Either way it's tough.
I don't think that she would force me to give up anything that I enjoy. And she did like Flower and Little Big Planet.
Typing this stuff out is really helping to clear my head.
I'm talking about you JRPG, MMO or competitive FPS.
Yes these can be good games, but only to gamers. Being able to realize this helps you relate to non-gamers much better, and frankly, is just a good social skill to have. It will also help you get people involved in gateway games.
The last girl I dated (while crazy) I was able to get substantially involved in games. She'd always been a zelda fan which helped. But I started her on Flower, moved her onto Portal, then Half-Life. Last I heard she was hardcore in Minecraft (but we don't talk anymore, the aforementioned crazy).
If you can respect each other boundaries in terms of me time and hobbies, you're good.
Win win.
Maybe she doesn't really care that you have an interest that she doesn't share? Pretty much every couple is in a similar boat. There's really no expectation in a (healthy) relationship that you'll share all the same interests or want to spend all your free time together.
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You summed it up pretty well. I think I am going to just take the plunge as Demerdar said. The worst thing that could happen would be I move back out and life goes on. Hopefully, seeing each other every day will help us decide if we are meant to be together.
It is actually a little of both. She wants to be involved with all the things I do and tries to force interest in the nerdy things. It works when it comes to some games like LBP, and similar co-op things. Unfortunately, I also like to play some really competitive games with my friends that she would hate. I partition that time off.
So I don't think you're all that off base, it's just that the issue isn't really about video games specifically so much as it's that you two need different amounts of personal time and she feels hurt when you need time to yourself.
Better this than getting married and finding out.
Still a big commitment relationship-wise. The fact that she is supportive is a fine sign, and you do have common interests and activities outside gaming stuffs right? Having overlap for together time and distinct interests for alone time is the healthiest system, imo.
Would you feel more comfortable if you thought about moving in together as the next step in getting to know your girlfriend better?
Personally, I think being unsure about marrying someone you have never lived with is pretty reasonable. I know in some places marrying people without living with them is the norm, but it isn't something I could ever do.
Also, general advice for moving in together: Sort out as many of the financial decisions as you can AHEAD OF TIME and make sure you know who is paying how much of what into where. You will save yourself so much angst this way.
Now, if your interests don't overlap at all? That's an issue. But as long as you both enjoy that time apart, that seems a-okay to me. My wife has zero interest in games or, say, football - so she does other stuff when I do that. But as I have no real interest in knitting or Photoshop, it works out just fine.