What Now?

lsukalel

Hey H/A I come to y'all seeking advice.

Background:

Professional : In 2009 I completed Law School, passed the Bar, and found a job. I really like my job most days and it is rewarding on a personal level.

Personal/Relationship: Got out of a 2 1/2 year relationship in March of 2009. Was upset/angry/sad about it for about the entire time since it ended. Doing a lot better now, but still a bit upset about it. I suppose that small kernel of sadness will always be there. Single since then.

Have great friends, and can make friends pretty easily.

Problem: I am bored. Like all the time. It feels like I am on a tread mill. I am putting money away in savings, paying off loans, gaining experience, and all that jazz but omg I am always bored.

I am wondering if I need to do something drastically different. Maybe go teach overseas. lol I don't know. All I know is I am i a bit of a redundant cycle that I don't like. I just don't see the point of my routine. I work then work out then call the parents, then watch a movie or two then sleep and repeat. I then hang out with friends on the weekend. Its boring. Any ideas, or is this just being an adult? What makes all this worthwhile? Should I just appreciate that my life is pretty awesome and count my blessings?

Thanks in advance.

TL/DR : Worked hard to get through school, things are going okay, but have no idea what to do with my life now. I am looking for advice, suggestions, and perspectives.

Iruka

My advice would be to get a hobby. Either creative or active, something challenging that takes a long time to master. Drastic changes are fun, but so is Urban exploration, geocaching, Building bikes, taking photos... Having side projects in your garage workshop is pretty healthy, and there are different ways to fulfill that. What kind of things do you like?

Traveling is pretty great though, if you are making bank treat yourself to a trip, drag your friends with you. If your friends always do the same stuff (hang out at a bar) try and get them to do something different. Hell, even do touristy stuff together.

zombiefriend

Yeah, I'd say get a hobby. Reading, exercising, and video games are pretty common.

Or other stuff like collecting things or learning a skill (draw, write, learn a language, etc.). Hope that helps.

Joe Camacho MKII

Do you have any vacation retreats or resorts near your current location? You could try talking your friends into spending a weekend at the beach or at some relaxing place, just to change the setting a little.

Sometimes, my friends and I take a small trip, during the weekends and holidays to a beach 40 minutes away from our town, just to have some beers sitting in front of the sea; we also go to a friend's farmhouse, just to change our setting.

You are still spending time with your friends, but sometimes changing the setting helps the boredom or monotony feeling, and being someplace else might help in encountering new stuff too.

MrMonroe

give me your job

you've graduated law school, have a paying job, you're doing well

and now you're worried about your personal situation

This is how we all feel, all the time, only you don't have to deal with the anxiety of looking for work. Don't expect your professional life to fulfill the gaps in your personal one.

My "perspective" is this: you have a JD. You can do basically anything in the business world. You want more responsibility and personal fulfillment from your work?

make it for yourself

Varian

Where do you live?

Dunadan019

Honestly, as a single dude in a sometimes fulfilling and sometimes grinding job, I think it's the fact that my job involves travel that keeps me sane.

If you aren't able to travel for business, I suggest taking 2 weeks off (after 3 years you should have at least that for vacation time) spending 1500 bucks (you should have at least that in the bank if not in your savings) and go on a vacation. you seem to be interested in other countries so go tour europe or some other continent. you could always get a few guys together and go to vegas as well. just go somewhere.

saving, while admirable, is only worth it if you are saving for some reason. Saving for retirement is not a very good reason. splurge a little and live while you can.

Thanatos

This confuses me, because all of the lawyers I know spend any time they would otherwise be "bored" running up their billables.

OnTheLastCastle

You should read the articles from Slate, The New York Times and Gawker about how there are no law jobs for graduates but way more graduates than normal. That'll keep you in your job. Seriously, the law market is THE WORST of all the markets right now.

My job is kind of grinding my soul out of me, but you need to set a goal. Mine is to move in a year to a place just because I want to. So I'm saving, paying off my debts and going to my job that is super getting on my nerves even if it's a good job.

edit: Also dating a criminal defense attorney and holy god she is working 80-100 hours a week. It is not healthy. I think dating me has made her work less though so that's cool.

lsukalel

A bit of clarification, right now, where I work is not concerned with the billable hour. As long as I get my work done, I only must work 40 hours a week. I make a lot less than other attorneys but it is completely worth it.

My job is for a term and depending on circumstances may not be around in September , which means I may start the job search soon. With this and being single I have a lot of options ahead of me, so I am trying to figure out what to do next.

So , let me change the question, are there any good sources, (books, literature, etc.) when you need to make a decision that will drastically shape your life? Something that will take you through a decision making process or get a good perspective on things?

It just seems like I got so wrapped up in finishing school and I was almost married that until the break up I never stopped to think, WHY i was going in this direction or that. So , now that I have the LUXURY (believe me I know I how lucky I am) I want to be careful and make my next decision carefully.

So any thoughts on good books or works to consult to help me through this would be greatly appreciated.

I am sorry if this is a bit jumbled or unclear I am somewhat confused myself, at the moment, and it probably shows on the post.

schuss

From the above, I'm guessing mid-to-late twenties?

I'm in the same category, and the sudden need of more meaning is tough. I do highly recommend traveling, getting a new hobby etc. to give yourself perspective. You'll likely be like this for a while until you figure out what meaning is to you. Don't worry, it happens to a lot of us. I still haven't found mine, but I do find happiness quite often. Focus on that while growing yourself and thinking of broader goals.

CrossBuster

I'm glad you appreciate how fortunate you are (don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you didn't work hard and earn it, I'm sure you did) to be a recent law school graduate and have a decent job. You're really, really lucky.

Is your firm hiring?

Seriously, though, there are a bunch of self-help books that claim they can help you find direction in your life, but I don't put much stock in them. Your mileage may vary, of course. I really don't know if there's any book or program that can help you with this particular problem. It just takes a lot of soul-searching, along with plenty of trial and error.

I'd suggest doing anything you possibly can to break up your daily routine. Do you live in a big city? If so, just go exploring. When you would otherwise be sitting at home watching a movie, go to a bar or club. If you live in a city, there's probably a local alternative weekly paper that lists upcoming events. Find an event that looks like it might be interesting, and go to it.

You should probably try something that doesn't involve a huge commitment before you make a major change to your life, like teaching overseas, not that you shouldn't do that - it's just a big decision that shouldn't be made lightly.

milehigh

So yeah, you hit the wall where you've "arrived." But that doesn't really mean much, the whole professional growth this is great, but it has to supplement things you actually enjoy. Not that you can't enjoy your job, but there's a limit to the fulfillment it can provide (in most cases at least)

So yeah, just try stuff, new stuff. Eventually (and this can take some time) you'll find something that drives you to bolt out of work so you can get home, change and go do "x". I did some volunteering and found it there because not only was I socializing, but also helping people and changing lives. Travelling (with friends if you have like minded friends), cooking, pursuing a mate....Just start trying things you haven't done. Wish I knew some good books that could help us all in regards to this, but what I've listed here (just getting out of my routine/comfort zone) is all that's really helped me.

lsukalel

I just want to say thanks to everyone. Over the long weekend I have had a lot of time to think about all this. Your suggestions were VERY helpful.

As was your feedback itself. It really helps to know that I am not alone in feeling this way.

I find that throughout thinking about this I have come back to this quote from the Avatar TV series

"Life happens wherever you are, whether you make it or not." - Uncle Iroh

I have come to the conclusion that no matter what I do, or how hard I think I am probably not going to discern the meaning of life for me, anytime soon. That doesn't mean I don't stop trying to find out, but that also doesn't mean I put my lfie on hold.

After the break up I was so focused on proving the ex wrong, etc. That I never considered what else to do and WHY. Before that I was so focused on getting through school. This time where I have a decent job and am single is a blessing to have this time to try and figure all this out.

Here is what I have come to so far. I want to be happy, proud of myself, and have a family. Those three facets of my goals have alot of different underlying and COMPETING goals. I am going to take the next week to go through and map all of this out.

I figure if I can honestly asses what will get me to that point I will get to a good point. Thats what I have so far. Thanks again. Before this gets locked, any thoughts on the plan H/A?

schuss

Hey, thankfully those 3 are in good order as steps. Making yourself happy is a fun discovery: What makes you happy? Do it. Also a huge part of it is making the decision to be happy. Sounds weird, but if you decide you're going to be happy each day, it's pretty damn tough to be too down.
Pride in yourself will come from being happy and doing useful, challenging things. Those things usually make you happy and are fun.
Plus hopefully you'll stumble across someone who'd be awesome to have in the family along the way.

Also - climb a mountain. It helps, seriously.