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What to do about a friend and his revenge pranks
DarkDragoon
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Okay a little bit of backstory: A month back, one of my friends confided in me that something mildly embarrassing had recently happened to him. I told him it really wasn't a big deal and we just kind of left it at that. Then, around New Years, a couple of our friends and I were sitting around drunkenly shooting shit when I let what happened slip. We kind of ribbed him for a little while and then just kind of let it go, just like every other time we all found out something embarrassing about each other. It's kind of a thing between us all.
Well, he put two and two together and figured I had said something and confronted me about it. I admitted to having let it slip and didn't try to hide what happened. I figured that he would just ask for the usual free punch or whatever, but then he revealed that, had my admission not gone that way, he had planned a revenge prank for me.
I'm a student teacher/grad assistant at a local university. His plan was to hop on my computer whenever I left the room, find my lecture slides and presentations, and splice in footage of an embarrassing video of me that he has been holding on to for "just the right occasion" (one which I keep asking him to get rid of).
Now, he is really prone to planning out these various revenge pranks for all sorts of things people have done to him. In the past, we either just laughed them off, though tried to talk him out of it. The furthest he had ever admitted to wanting to take one of these pranks was stealing the tires off a friend's car for bending his car antenna. This time, his prank was involving me and my academic career. When I stopped and asked him if he didn't see how far he was going, he just said "No, it'd be funny. Everybody would get a good laugh out of it."
Were we all still younger and working entry minimum wage jobs (which he still does, I guess), these revenge pranks of his would have just been laughed off for being funny but harmless. Now that we are in our mid-to-late 20s and some of us are getting into our long term careers, it seems like him doing these things are starting to become somewhat of a liability. I mean, if he doesn't see screwing up my lecture in front of a class room of students (and any professors observing me) as going to far, I'm concerned about just how far he's actually willing to take these pranks.
He's been a great friend over the past few years, but I'm really starting to think that perhaps he's starting to become somewhat of a liability. We've talked to him in the past about these things, but he just writes them off and/or tries to justify them. Even the fact that he feels it necessary to keep embarrassing videos of us for the "right occasion" is starting to worry me even more that he's going to do something stupid, and things are going to go very wrong for anybody involved.
Admittedly, I did screw up in telling his secret, but it seems like his ideas for punishment are starting to far outweigh their crimes.
So, H/A, what do you have to say on the situation?
Well, he put two and two together and figured I had said something and confronted me about it. I admitted to having let it slip and didn't try to hide what happened. I figured that he would just ask for the usual free punch or whatever, but then he revealed that, had my admission not gone that way, he had planned a revenge prank for me.
I'm a student teacher/grad assistant at a local university. His plan was to hop on my computer whenever I left the room, find my lecture slides and presentations, and splice in footage of an embarrassing video of me that he has been holding on to for "just the right occasion" (one which I keep asking him to get rid of).
Now, he is really prone to planning out these various revenge pranks for all sorts of things people have done to him. In the past, we either just laughed them off, though tried to talk him out of it. The furthest he had ever admitted to wanting to take one of these pranks was stealing the tires off a friend's car for bending his car antenna. This time, his prank was involving me and my academic career. When I stopped and asked him if he didn't see how far he was going, he just said "No, it'd be funny. Everybody would get a good laugh out of it."
Were we all still younger and working entry minimum wage jobs (which he still does, I guess), these revenge pranks of his would have just been laughed off for being funny but harmless. Now that we are in our mid-to-late 20s and some of us are getting into our long term careers, it seems like him doing these things are starting to become somewhat of a liability. I mean, if he doesn't see screwing up my lecture in front of a class room of students (and any professors observing me) as going to far, I'm concerned about just how far he's actually willing to take these pranks.
He's been a great friend over the past few years, but I'm really starting to think that perhaps he's starting to become somewhat of a liability. We've talked to him in the past about these things, but he just writes them off and/or tries to justify them. Even the fact that he feels it necessary to keep embarrassing videos of us for the "right occasion" is starting to worry me even more that he's going to do something stupid, and things are going to go very wrong for anybody involved.
Admittedly, I did screw up in telling his secret, but it seems like his ideas for punishment are starting to far outweigh their crimes.
So, H/A, what do you have to say on the situation?
DarkDragoon on
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Also - probably wouldn't ruin your career unless it was really bad. There are plenty of people around my office that have some TERRIBLE things floating around about them.
Its one thing to be all "Oh I could totally put a condom in your car so your wife finds it and accuses you of cheating!"
and actually doing it.
I come up with crazy plans all the time. I usually dont follow through because...well its dicky and hard work.
Compounding it, he's also saying that he wants to force the friend to embarrass himself in public to get his tires back.
Pranks are childish and if he has a problem then have him talk to you like a man.
3DS FC: 5343-7720-0490
It's also not a prank, it's a crime. Depending upon the value of the wheels & tires it could qualify as grand larceny.
Seems like your friend is a few steps from becoming this.
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/pranksters/2704/
I constantly tease my friends that I'll do something horribly embarrassing to them, things that would be downright awful if I actually did any of them. But it's just teasing. I'm sure he knows the limits of good taste.
The fact that he would try and punish you for a slip up is a really bad sign when it comes to his maturity level. If a friend accidentally embarasses you, you don't "punish" them by potentially harming their career. You talk to them and try to straighten out the situation.
If you have an interest in remaining friends with this guy, you should talk to him and tell him that his pranks are no longer acceptable. If he isn't okay with that, then it's time to stop being friends with him.
Rigorous Scholarship
Also learn to lock your workstation when you walk away.
This. Someone getting access to your official email is way more troublesome than stupid videos in your presentation.
So these things don't sound like the sort of things friends do. Has he ever followed through with one of the pranks he plans out days/months/weeks in advance?
I think it is kind of scary that he stockpiles stuff just in case you cross him one day.
Mostly just the harmless ones so far, though he's seriously waiting for the window of opportunity to do the wheel jacking.
He's also presently conspiring to hide gigs of gay porn on another friend's (who is a straight edge hardcore christian) computer, having his girlfriend (who is supposedly in on it) find it, and record the reaction. He said he'd do it tonight if he had all of the material ready, so he's probably going to do it next weekend.
This... wow. A prank of this nature would be some sort of homosexual wallpaper or screensaver. This has the potential to damage a persons relationship.
Cut this guy out, this is the kind of thing 16 year-old's think is funny.
Hey dude, how about giving your friend a heads up about crazy pants and then start distancing yourself from crazy.
If this is a very common thing than it might be worth ditching him. But if he doesn't do it that much and you'd like to keep him as a friend, don't just "laugh it off" or try to reason with him next time he brings up a prank. Just straight out tell him he's being an immature asshole and to grow the fuck up. Chances are he thinks everyone else tacitly supports his pranks, and if he really values the friendship/is not a total douche, the social castigation will stop him.
This is immature for even 4 year olds to do. So uh, stop being friends with him.
I'd stop asking him to get rid of the video, as it's giving him attention for continuing to hold onto it. If he brings up again, just say "Yeah, and?"
Also, lock up any computer you are working on. Learn Windows key + L (Everyone playing at home can try that one now!). Set Windows to password prompt before it will let you get back out of a screensaver. If you think he can get at your thumbdrives, use Truecrypt (this might be a good idea anyway with the field you are going into).
If he ever asks you to go down to the basement to help him bring up some bitchin' Amontillado, just call the cops.
For me, I think if you do get deadly serious with him and make a big deal about it, he won't do it. If he knows that the fallout of his prank will extend to things which negatively affect him (specifically you hating him for an extended period of time and the many negative consequences that entails) he'll realize that even if it is a hilarious and harmless prank, the amount of anger you would feel towards him will make the whole thing not worth it.
That he not only thinks it's ok to get revenge but that these things are "pranks" really is an indicator of what kind of person he is, and the OP should think seriously whether he wants to deal with that in a friend
The first step for the OP, however, is to confront his friend about it in a direct way. His friend's response will let him know how seriously he is actually taking his prank ideas.
If I was you I'd look into securing your computer and your files as soon as you can and before you confront your friend. Considering his twisted perception of what's justice and what's right and wrong I wouldn't be surprised if he did.
They are neither hilarious nor harmless when they are actually carried out. They can be both when they're just joking around.
I think many of the people in this thread are making their decisions based on the idea that these threats would definitely be carried out, when from my perspective, they sound more like teasing.
First try I'd tell them to knock it the hell off, but as it seems to be an ongoing and evolving process my reaction would be to not be friends with them anymore. I don't have time for high school bullshit.
Well that's just awesome.
Honestly, even if its jokes, I wouldn't want some one who was making jokes about ruining me professionally "HAHA I'm going to put porn in your portfolio before your interview!" Is not something I'd be cool with. I hang out with dudes and teasing is par for the course, but it doesn't cross lines that would put some one in serious jeopardy, even with just verbal ribbing.
If this dude needs to be constantly talked down from the schemes, he seems to me have major problems adjusting. Even if he was just joking, eventually a few serious conversations would equal "oh, no one is laughing with me." Its well within your right to breakup with him friendship-style. Tell him you aren't going to hang out with a dude that pulls this shit, stick to your guns, and advise your friends that are tired of the crap to do the same.
Obviously, this guy isn't Tony Soprano. But the suggestion that he will commit his "pranks" don't seem to be all that funny to anyone other than him. Which leads me to conclude that he's either (a) completely unaware of the consequences of what he's saying; or (b) he's an asshole who enjoys seeing his friends uncomfortable.
The OP comes off as a grownup, while his "friend" comes off as an immature weirdo. It's not uncommon to reach a point in your life where certain friends need to be cut loose. Unless this guy is willing to end his immature and potentially destructive behavior (and this includes just "joking around" about potentially harmful pranks), I think it's time for the OP to cut him out of his circle of friends.
Rigorous Scholarship