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Mother dealing with a suicide
The Black Hunter
The key is a minimum of compromise, and a simple,unimpeachable reason to existRegistered User regular
The key is a minimum of compromise, and a simple,unimpeachable reason to existRegistered User regular
My mum met a young girl (15~) at the veterinary clinic she worked at a couple years ago. The girl's had a rough upbringing, no mother and a fairly poor (harsh, though fairly loving) home situation.
My mum began giving the girl lifts to school and spending time with her. She became something of a daughter to my mum.
The girl was involved in a terrible car accident in which her grandfather was killed and her father permanently disabled, she also suffered some injuries. I think she lost many of her coping mechanisms during this ordeal.
She began becoming quite troubled. Lots of attitude and generally being a teenager, though this was being bolstered by her issues. She began seeing psychologists and went on medication. She was becoming fairly distanced and pushed many people away, often by pretending to have fits and at one point telling her psychologist she was worried about her sister purchasing a gun. (Long story short, there was no reason for her to be afraid of this, her sister is fine). Though saying this brought out an incredible shitstorm. Due to having a disabled father, I believe her sister was considered a guardian, so the threat of her being taken away came up. This later dissipated, but it provide some context for how everything was all quite messed up.
The girl began wandering for hours on end, and around the 3rd January this year, disappeared for a couple of days, and they found her later, she'd committed suicide on the vet's property.
My mum took it hard, though me and my father managed OK. It was a terrible loss, but we were not nearly as close to the girl. A few days later and my mum was functioning, though I realized it was a long road ahead.
My mum just came into my room, talking about how she couldn't sleep, and when she did she dreamt about what happened. I think she places a large amount of the blame on herself. The girl was both very distant, but very very close at the end as well, and it was hard to tell what to do because she needed authority considering how she was behaving, but no-one wanted to be too hard, and it left a huge grey area with no-one knowing what to do.
My mum has invited another young girl into her life because this girl is also in quite a bad position (though nowhere near this extent), which is another thing I worry about. I just don't know if it's the best thing for her, then again it may be. I'm not sure if the other girl knows what's happened, and I don't want her to have to deal with a totally separate situation from herself.
My mum began giving the girl lifts to school and spending time with her. She became something of a daughter to my mum.
The girl was involved in a terrible car accident in which her grandfather was killed and her father permanently disabled, she also suffered some injuries. I think she lost many of her coping mechanisms during this ordeal.
She began becoming quite troubled. Lots of attitude and generally being a teenager, though this was being bolstered by her issues. She began seeing psychologists and went on medication. She was becoming fairly distanced and pushed many people away, often by pretending to have fits and at one point telling her psychologist she was worried about her sister purchasing a gun. (Long story short, there was no reason for her to be afraid of this, her sister is fine). Though saying this brought out an incredible shitstorm. Due to having a disabled father, I believe her sister was considered a guardian, so the threat of her being taken away came up. This later dissipated, but it provide some context for how everything was all quite messed up.
The girl began wandering for hours on end, and around the 3rd January this year, disappeared for a couple of days, and they found her later, she'd committed suicide on the vet's property.
My mum took it hard, though me and my father managed OK. It was a terrible loss, but we were not nearly as close to the girl. A few days later and my mum was functioning, though I realized it was a long road ahead.
My mum just came into my room, talking about how she couldn't sleep, and when she did she dreamt about what happened. I think she places a large amount of the blame on herself. The girl was both very distant, but very very close at the end as well, and it was hard to tell what to do because she needed authority considering how she was behaving, but no-one wanted to be too hard, and it left a huge grey area with no-one knowing what to do.
My mum has invited another young girl into her life because this girl is also in quite a bad position (though nowhere near this extent), which is another thing I worry about. I just don't know if it's the best thing for her, then again it may be. I'm not sure if the other girl knows what's happened, and I don't want her to have to deal with a totally separate situation from herself.
The Black Hunter on
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Further on the subject of this new relationship she's forming, it could be very unhealthy, potentially, mainly because she could be projecting a need to fix this new girl the way she couldn't fix the girl she lost. That's not fair to your mother or this other girl she's brought into her life. She needs to go through the grieving process and take care of herself and her family first before trying to help others, otherwise she won't be any good too anyone.
The best way to help people you feel are mentally unstable or severely depressed is to advise them to get professional help and just provide a willing ear should they need someone else to talk to outside of therapy.
I'd recommend getting in touch with BeyondBlue, you've probably heard of them already but if not they're an Australian organisation that helps at-risk people and people affected by suicide. I caught up with a guy just two days ago who reckons the BeyondBlue people have really helped him and his family deal with the suicide of his son in law.
Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better
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