The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
What I've always needed... [Wall of text]
RichMoney
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
I've been a long time reader, and I finally got around to watching the PATV today, and something about it made a gear turn in my head. I ended up watching the entire first and second season in one sitting. (Side point: whatever service provides those ads really needs to rethink its demographic, we are probably not all housewives who need Febreeze, Herbal Essences, Teeth Whitener and some Kraft product.) A lot of things really resonated with me, the fans at Pax, the friendships and relationships of the staff. And it occurred to me that I've been lacking something for the past eight or nine years that had a profound effect on my life and happiness.
I don't have a community.
I moved a lot as a child. Between frequent moves, and a custody battle that had my brother and I switching between Los Angeles and San Diego on a yearly basis, I was in 3 different schools during my kindergarten year, and 4 during first grade. I continued to move as I grew up, from San Diego, to Atlanta, and finally Minnesota.
I went to a small high school, and like most of you I spent a large amount of my free time playing games, and much of my not-so-free time, thinking about them. In particular, MMORPGs and CCGs. When I left home for college, I was disconnected from the group of people that I spent time with for various reasons (The CCG died, a falling out with a high school friend, a focus on a more alcohol/girl centered social life, etc). I joined a fraternity on campus, that became my community. I truly bonded with a lot of the young men I met, and I gained a lot through the experience. Unfortunately, I got left behind.
I went through some rough patches. I was forced out of school due to some pretty serious financial problems stemming from some of my father's vices. And as I watched my friends grow up and move on I felt stuck. I spent several years working full time at a job I hated, and to cope I spent every free second online immersed in some game. I thought that it could replace the community that I had become accustomed to, but it really had no tangible hold. Games died, Guilds broke up, People I had known for years online moved on without me.
Much of this was my fault, I was never a starter. I always pushed to keep the ball rolling but never started it down the hill. I always sat back and waited for something to come along. Eventually I seized my own destiny, so to speak, and did something.
Through some hard work, and financial juggling, I am currently back in college studying Economics and Computer Science, both things that I have a love and intuition for. And although I'm still lacking a community that I really feel a part of, I'm taking my life in the right direction. I'm not generally happy, but I've reached a level of contented-ness that I can live with.
I know that I've rambled on and on without a point, but I really needed to vent tonight. I hope this hasn't come off as some depressed emo rant. It was just a train of things I wanted to get off my chest.
Thank you for either reading the wall of text or just closing the tab. I just needed to put this out somewhere.
My name is Rich, I live in Minneapolis, and I'm looking for some nerds to hang out with.
I don't have a community.
I moved a lot as a child. Between frequent moves, and a custody battle that had my brother and I switching between Los Angeles and San Diego on a yearly basis, I was in 3 different schools during my kindergarten year, and 4 during first grade. I continued to move as I grew up, from San Diego, to Atlanta, and finally Minnesota.
I went to a small high school, and like most of you I spent a large amount of my free time playing games, and much of my not-so-free time, thinking about them. In particular, MMORPGs and CCGs. When I left home for college, I was disconnected from the group of people that I spent time with for various reasons (The CCG died, a falling out with a high school friend, a focus on a more alcohol/girl centered social life, etc). I joined a fraternity on campus, that became my community. I truly bonded with a lot of the young men I met, and I gained a lot through the experience. Unfortunately, I got left behind.
I went through some rough patches. I was forced out of school due to some pretty serious financial problems stemming from some of my father's vices. And as I watched my friends grow up and move on I felt stuck. I spent several years working full time at a job I hated, and to cope I spent every free second online immersed in some game. I thought that it could replace the community that I had become accustomed to, but it really had no tangible hold. Games died, Guilds broke up, People I had known for years online moved on without me.
Much of this was my fault, I was never a starter. I always pushed to keep the ball rolling but never started it down the hill. I always sat back and waited for something to come along. Eventually I seized my own destiny, so to speak, and did something.
Through some hard work, and financial juggling, I am currently back in college studying Economics and Computer Science, both things that I have a love and intuition for. And although I'm still lacking a community that I really feel a part of, I'm taking my life in the right direction. I'm not generally happy, but I've reached a level of contented-ness that I can live with.
I know that I've rambled on and on without a point, but I really needed to vent tonight. I hope this hasn't come off as some depressed emo rant. It was just a train of things I wanted to get off my chest.
Thank you for either reading the wall of text or just closing the tab. I just needed to put this out somewhere.
My name is Rich, I live in Minneapolis, and I'm looking for some nerds to hang out with.
RichMoney on
0
Posts
You've had plenty of nerds to hang out with and the happiness they bring is only temporary, as you've seen. You need to find happiness within yourself if you're truly looking for a life changing experience. So long as you continue to foster dependency on circles and nitches to be joyful you will always be miserable.
Search deep within yourself and find satisfaction in your own selfworth.
It's tough man, but now you've got years under your belt, and accepted the gamer/RPGer/wargamer that you are, things'll look better.
good luck
And remember- when you're here, you're part of a community. Sure, we're online, but somebody will always be around to (hopefully) help if you're feeling down. Might not be the same as IRL, but hey- we're people.
A good community could help you find that self-worth. Are there any clubs that do things that you're interested in around? Possibly a local comic-book store/gaming store that has weekly events? These aren't always the best communities, but they often are very good, and they're usually one of the easiest to break into.
What about sports. Are there any sports that you enjoy? I personally love Ultimate Frisbee...but there really aren't any clubs or anything, but many cities have sports leagues. Practicing, winning, and losing together can quickly build a community.
And what of acting? Do you enjoy it? Are you sure? Have you ever tried? I've never grown closer to people more quickly than people I act with. Again, this community can actually be really bad...a lot of them are, but if you find a decent one, it can be amazing.
There's tons going on, and do you know why PA is a success, and why PAX looks like fun, and why these people get together and have a community? Because at some point they went outside of their comfort zones and tried something new. Sometimes things don't work, other times they do.
It sounds like, in your case, you fell back on online community when your offline ones changed. And instead of building a new offline one, you relied utterly on the online one. You then got sick of that and joined a frat which didn't work out for you, and fell back to online community, etc. Change will always happen with your friends -- some will move, some will have kids and not be able to do things with you, some will die, etc. Just because your friends and community changes doesn't mean you did anything wrong; it's just what happens. So you find a new community.
I believe this to be true the same way I believe in sleep aids; They are fine for occasional bouts of restless nights just as a positive community can be good to foster a positive sense of worth. However, dependency on them is dangerous and can lead to a flase sense of security. If you build security on a foundation based around X community, you will be let down sooner or later.
I'm not against using all tools available to better oneself, groups and communities included. However, seeking a new group is going to end up in the same cycle. I don't recommend a group for this purpose