As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/
Options

The Aluminum Foil Hat Thread: Conspiracy Theories

16791112

Posts

  • Options
    Johnny ChopsockyJohnny Chopsocky Scootaloo! We have to cook! Grillin' HaysenburgersRegistered User regular
    edited February 2011
    So occasionally I drive a neighbor around to help them do errands. Today, I'm driving him around and then he starts on how the "government is putting mercury in the air using plane contrails".

    So I just smiled and nodded, because this was an older gentleman and my usual derisive snorts and sarcasm would be kinda rude.

    But seriously, how do you engage with the crazy when its in your passenger seat?

    Johnny Chopsocky on
    ygPIJ.gif
    Steam ID XBL: JohnnyChopsocky PSN:Stud_Beefpile WiiU:JohnnyChopsocky
  • Options
    UncleSporkyUncleSporky Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    I don't know if this has been posted before, but this is my favorite. I recommend looking around outside of Wikipedia, it's just a neat story.

    I like all the Tesla-related conspiracies. And stuff like the Philidelphia Experiment, even though I know it's most likely not true, I still like to wonder about.

    UncleSporky on
    Switch Friend Code: SW - 5443 - 2358 - 9118 || 3DS Friend Code: 0989 - 1731 - 9504 || NNID: unclesporky
  • Options
    South hostSouth host I obey without question Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Red Alert permanently altered my perception of Tesla, before I even knew who he was. I still have to actively counteract my instinct that Tesla Coils = melted tanks and people.

    South host on
    Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.
  • Options
    Michael VoxMichael Vox Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Johnny, Oh, I just GO with it. You'll get the most entertainment for no charge. I've never met a conspiracy buff who believes in just one. Let them rattle them off and just nod sagley saying things like, "Is that right..."

    Michael Vox on
  • Options
    Mr PinkMr Pink I got cats for youRegistered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Speaking of crazy people, I met one once with probably the best conspiracy/loony theory I've ever heard.

    (spoiler'd for long)

    I used to work at a bar/pizza place downtown. While I was there, I met a lot of crazy, crazy people.

    Also, this bar was about five blocks down from a giant assisted living complex for adults with higher function disabilities. Basically, they couldn't live by themselves or really hold a job, but they could buy food, get around. etc.

    One Saturday, around noon or so, I notice an older man standing outside, leaning against the side of the building, just staring into the sky. He looked about 60, huge white beard, wearing bright yellow pants and a nike jacket with buttons all over it. Not even just pins you get to decorate things, he had actually taken buttons and sewn them into his coat.

    After he stood there for a while, I went outside and asked him how he was doing. He didn't look dangerous, but every once in a while we'd get a real nut who would harass customers or become violent.

    "Just watching the skies. They'll be here any minute."

    "Oh? Who's that?"

    (did I mention I live next to a huge military base as well? So the 'Gubbermint out ta git me!' types are numerous too)

    "My eagles!" He seemed really excited at this. "They're coming back from the hunt."

    "Oh," I replied, "So you have eagles?"

    "I raise them! They're the only animals that can see through the holograms."

    "Oh right. What holograms?"

    "The ones the Aztecs have been using to hide here!"

    "I didn't even know there were any Aztec people around here in South Georgia."

    "Thats because I've been doing my job."

    So this guy, who I began calling the Eagler (he told me he couldn't tell me his name because it would endanger me) explains how the Aztec people never really went away, they've just been using holograms and cloaking to stay within society. Apparently, only eagles (no other raptors sadly) could see them. So this guy traveled down from Alaska on foot, hunting Aztecs in every town with his squad of eagles.

    The Eagler visited every few days for about a week. I got the cooks to make him a pizza once with a crudely shaped eagle (ham is a difficult medium to work with) on it. He was so glad he gave me a small metal pin of what looks like, yep, an eagle.

    The last I ever saw him, he told me that since I was so nice and believed him, he wanted to sell me a baby eagle. He said it would only be $100, but he didn't want me to pay him until he brought me the bird, because he wasn't a crook. Sadly, I never saw him again, but I'l be damned if I didn't carry a hundred in my wallet for a few weeks after, because you know, owning a baby eagle would have been damn cool.

    We always figured the Aztecs got him.

    Mr Pink on
  • Options
    Capt HowdyCapt Howdy Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Where in Ga are you, Mr Pink?

    Capt Howdy on
    Steam: kaylesolo1
    3DS: 1521-4165-5907
    PS3: KayleSolo
    Live: Kayle Solo
    WiiU: KayleSolo
  • Options
    TubularLuggageTubularLuggage Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    So this guy traveled down from Alaska on foot, hunting Aztecs in every town with his squad of eagles.
    I'm not sure if this would be more awesome as a TV show or a folk song.

    TubularLuggage on
  • Options
    OptimusZedOptimusZed Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Back when I was doing direct political organizing I met a lot of the tinfoil hat crowd. One dude actually came to a potluck wearing some sort of metal foil on his head. I never confirmed whether it was tinfoil or aluminum foil.

    Most of the crazies were really uninspired, though. Low level stuff, not even late-onset schizophrenia intensity conspiracy theory. A lot of "there's a van parked across the street from my house tapping my phones."

    It was kind of funny because one of the people I worked with drove a black sedan and was habitually late, so whenever she would drive up to an event the assorted crazies in the crowd would get jittery.

    OptimusZed on
    We're reading Rifts. You should too. You know you want to. Now With Ninjas!

    They tried to bury us. They didn't know that we were seeds. 2018 Midterms. Get your shit together.
  • Options
    Modern ManModern Man Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    So this guy traveled down from Alaska on foot, hunting Aztecs in every town with his squad of eagles.
    I'm not sure if this would be more awesome as a TV show or a folk song.
    I have this horrible fear that if you did a check of unsolved crimes, you'd find a lot of dead hookers along the route he took from Alaska to Georgia.

    Modern Man on
    Aetian Jupiter - 41 Gunslinger - The Old Republic
    Rigorous Scholarship

  • Options
    ArbitraryDescriptorArbitraryDescriptor changed Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    So this guy traveled down from Alaska on foot, hunting Aztecs in every town with his squad of eagles.
    I'm not sure if this would be more awesome as a TV show or a folk song.

    Sounds not unlike a potential plotline for The Surprising Adventures of Sir Digby Chicken Caesar bit, linked a few chat threads ago.

    ArbitraryDescriptor on
  • Options
    Gabriel_PittGabriel_Pitt (effective against Russian warships) Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Modern Man wrote: »
    So this guy traveled down from Alaska on foot, hunting Aztecs in every town with his squad of eagles.
    I'm not sure if this would be more awesome as a TV show or a folk song.
    I have this horrible fear that if you did a check of unsolved crimes, you'd find a lot of dead hookers along the route he took from Alaska to Georgia.

    The only good Aztec hooker is a dead Aztec hooker.

    Gabriel_Pitt on
  • Options
    Mr PinkMr Pink I got cats for youRegistered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Capt Howdy wrote: »
    Where in Ga are you, Mr Pink?

    Columbus, home of the....uh...100 Burger Kings. No really. Damn near every corner.

    Modern Man wrote: »
    So this guy traveled down from Alaska on foot, hunting Aztecs in every town with his squad of eagles.
    I'm not sure if this would be more awesome as a TV show or a folk song.
    I have this horrible fear that if you did a check of unsolved crimes, you'd find a lot of dead hookers along the route he took from Alaska to Georgia.

    The only good Aztec hooker is a dead Aztec hooker.

    What else are you going to feed the eagles?

    Mr Pink on
  • Options
    South hostSouth host I obey without question Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Their holograms made the Aztecs look like hookers. It's the perfect disguise!

    South host on
    Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.
  • Options
    valhalla130valhalla130 13 Dark Shield Perceives the GodsRegistered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Behemoth wrote: »
    Mr Pink wrote: »
    I just read this thread from front to back, including a lot of the links.

    I think I'm going to die now.

    If you read it back to front it details how the lizard people are going to get elected pope and then enslave humanity.

    With chemtrails.

    Space_Pope.jpg

    Conversely, every time I hear about the lizard man thing, i wonder how many people read Conan or Kull as a kid.

    valhalla130 on
    asxcjbppb2eo.jpg
  • Options
    ACSISACSIS Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    It's the Mayan calendar, and it doesn't stop, it's just the end of their equivalent of, roughly, an eon or so. It doesn't mean anything more than a digit in the long form of the date changing.

    The really funny thing is... all those well known "pseudoscientists" (i prefer fringe science) are the first ones telling you the world won't end in 2012. Thats Däniken and all the others, even including Sitchin (the guy with the Annunaki planet X stuff). Thats not to say there is a lot of "world doom in 2012" talk. There is. But its just random hysteria.

    Now, if they would fix the end of the world on 2036 or AT LEAST on 2029 i could follow that (because, even if the chance is 1:250000 there COULD be concern), but as things stand...

    *shakes head*

    Most of them combine a few theories and assumtions that should never used in context and spread hysteia across the net with crappy homade videos... its kinda a snowball effect. I am not even sure if hysteria is the right expression here, because hysteria usually includes fear. Those guys are euphoric. Its like some new twisted sport. A phenomenon of our (recently) online connected society.

    Its one of the things wich makes dealing with such material in a serious way so difficult. It totally undermines credibility as does this "conspiracy" talk. I mean: yes, a lot of stuff out there is ridiculous, but that does not automatically equal to EVERY conspiracy AUTOMATICALLY equals to paranoia. And a lot of this talk IS NOT EVEN RELATED TO A CONSPIRACY.

    I payed the freemasons a visit last year and i have a damm good idea what a conspirative society is. The freemasons decided to open their doors on their new policiy. There are groups that DON'T have such a policy. Be assured of that. And especially as education levels rise you have an incresing tendancy in organizing people for a single, shared purpose. Some of those purposes are for the good of all people (as are the freemasons btw), some are selfish.

    Oh, and i read that:

    ACSIS on
  • Options
    DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    ACSIS wrote: »
    It's the Mayan calendar, and it doesn't stop, it's just the end of their equivalent of, roughly, an eon or so. It doesn't mean anything more than a digit in the long form of the date changing.

    The really funny thing is... all those well known "pseudoscientists" (i prefer fringe science) are the first ones telling you the world won't end in 2012.

    No actually, I am pretty sure the actual legitimate scientists were the first ones saying that.

    DarkPrimus on
  • Options
    South hostSouth host I obey without question Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Since I've been drinking, I'll actually say this...

    back when I was in like, 5th grade, me and my friends jokingly were all into conspiracy theories. Any military helicopter that was silhouetted against the sky? Black helicopter. Weird contrails? The "donuts-on-a-rope" contrail of the Aurora spyplane.

    We started making our own up. Bubbles coming from the middle of a lake? Surely not a sewer/drainage pipe, or decomposition, or any other kind of organism. Has to be a secret submarine...which was hidden in a small trout lake for some reason. Probably because we were on to them, man!

    South host on
    Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.
  • Options
    ACSISACSIS Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Yeah, sure... its all fun and games until someone looses an eye. People joke around with such things and thats okay, i guess.

    But when it comes to clima change and funding scientists to disprove a clima change is happening and the ice across the world melts, whilst at the same time bargaining for mining rights under the dwindeling North Pole...

    Unfortunately there is nothing funny about that.

    We talking about rising sealevels, in the case of Greenlands iceshields and Antartica 40 meters... and ice on the mountains of this world (aside of being a vital freshwater resource, providing water to 1/6 of the world population) another 20 meters... this really adds up. And its happening and its happening fast.

    And they ridicule it on purpose.

    Pretty much the same approach here.
    You see: the problem is the generality of this "conspiration theory" label.
    It gets applied to EVERYTHING.

    Basically you allow them to do whatever they want, legitimizing every approach, because regardless what somebody might say, its just a stupid conspiration theory.

    Well, sometimes its not stupid...
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqjO8rwB-GI
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1liqk9UQNAQ&feature=fvw

    ACSIS on
  • Options
    RoyceSraphimRoyceSraphim Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Aztecs....holograms....wasn't that one of the races of Universe at War?

    RoyceSraphim on
  • Options
    YogoYogo Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Denmark is not really known for any conspiracy theories (hell, nothing interesting happens anyway), so this is the best I can come up with:

    The Mystery of the Flying Enterprise

    Yogo on
  • Options
    devCharlesdevCharles Gainesville, FLRegistered User regular
    edited February 2011
    There's 2 actual hologram theories. One is that a hologram was superimposed (somehow) on a cruise missile that hit the World Trade Center. Another is that the whole thing was an elaborate ruse where the entire thing was a projected image complete with requisite effects and the like, which is one I heard on George Norry's Coast to Coast AM, which is full of stuff like that. Both are incredibly silly.

    As far as I can tell, the main conspiracy theory regarding September 11th is that the people on the flights were taken to a CIA landing strip, the people on board were taken off, and the WTC planes were replaced with drone aircraft. Further, the WTC Towers were loaded with demolitions, rigged to bring down the towers. As a result, aircraft hit, WTC buildings were brought down by the demolition.

    The plane that hit the Pentagon was supposedly a cruise missile and not a drone aircraft. Flight 93 was shot down because the people found out what was going on and rebelled or something.

    I've discovered the best way to deal with people who hold to this is to just out crazy them. I'm a big fan of the death ray theory. Having someone convince you that you need to be just a little bit crazy, but not too sane, is a great conversation.

    devCharles on
    Xbox Live: Hero Protag
    SteamID: devCharles
    twitter: https://twitter.com/charlesewise
  • Options
    Mr PinkMr Pink I got cats for youRegistered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Aztecs....holograms....wasn't that one of the races of Universe at War?

    Something tells me this guy wasn't an avid gamer. Or an avid sane person.

    Mr Pink on
  • Options
    AibynAibyn Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    devCharles wrote: »

    I've discovered the best way to deal with people who hold to this is to just out crazy them. I'm a big fan of the death ray theory. Having someone convince you that you need to be just a little bit crazy, but not too sane, is a great conversation.

    Case in point, from our friend Mr. C.K.

    Aibyn on
    "Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil...prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon..."

    -- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)
    11737_c4020a74dc025a53.png
  • Options
    OctoparrotOctoparrot Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    devCharles wrote: »
    I've discovered the best way to deal with people who hold to this is to just out crazy them. I'm a big fan of the death ray theory. Having someone convince you that you need to be just a little bit crazy, but not too sane, is a great conversation.

    Next time when they reach the critical point when they unveil the secret world leaders as Grey Reptilian Satanists, just let out a huge sigh of relief. Explain that the last guy who enlightened you on this exact same conspiracy had thoroughly placed it on the jews, and that the theory is huge in antisemitic circles. Mention some made up groups like the Holy Order of the White Savior's Wrath or something. Just go with it and maybe he'll reconsider.

    Octoparrot on
  • Options
    Knuckle DraggerKnuckle Dragger Explosive Ovine Disposal Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    devCharles wrote: »
    Yeah, they bring in a bunch of artists and musicians from San Francisco.

    That should probably tell you all you need to know about what occurs at the Bohemian Grove.

    The Bohemian Grove is actually a retreat for the Bohemian Club, which started as an exclusive organization for Bay Area movers and shakers, mostly artist and politicians. Members now tend to be either SF natives (who have a much shorter wait for membership) and artists or right wing politicos and business men...it is the former group that lead to Nixons description of the Grove.

    To be honest, it isn't the kind of place that the NWO is planning global domination. For starters, it is basically a large campground; the camps have no phones, there is little if any electricity and only some have permanent structures (the rest are just tent sites). There is also no cell coverage in the woods. Most of the people who go out there are more than happy to be off the grid and away from their normal lives. That isn't to say that members don't do favors for other members, just that they are much more likely to pick up the phone than wait until the next retreat.

    Knuckle Dragger on
    Let not any one pacify his conscience by the delusion that he can do no harm if he takes no part, and forms no opinion.

    - John Stuart Mill
  • Options
    Knuckle DraggerKnuckle Dragger Explosive Ovine Disposal Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Oh, also there is this guy:
    http://www.cancerisgoodforyou.com/

    He drives a van around Idyllwild, CA with that written in huge text on the sides. I had an extended conversation with him last spring, mostly about how "they" control the media, news feeds and education system, and you can't believe anything anyone tells you unless you see it for yourself.

    Knuckle Dragger on
    Let not any one pacify his conscience by the delusion that he can do no harm if he takes no part, and forms no opinion.

    - John Stuart Mill
  • Options
    anableanable North TexasRegistered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Oh, also there is this guy:
    http://www.cancerisgoodforyou.com/

    He drives a van around Idyllwild, CA with that written in huge text on the sides. I had an extended conversation with him last spring, mostly about how "they" control the media, news feeds and education system, and you can't believe anything anyone tells you unless you see it for yourself.

    I wasn't aware my body had the ability to spontaneously evolve new organs.

    I don't actually doubt that he's helped people because apparently a big part of his method is changing your lifestyle and diet. I don't understand why that requires thinking tumors are your body trying to make new organs.

    anable on
  • Options
    ACSISACSIS Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Behemoth wrote: »
    Mr Pink wrote: »
    I just read this thread from front to back, including a lot of the links.

    I think I'm going to die now.

    If you read it back to front it details how the lizard people are going to get elected pope and then enslave humanity.

    With chemtrails.

    Space_Pope.jpg

    Conversely, every time I hear about the lizard man thing, i wonder how many people read Conan or Kull as a kid.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4YhK2Msk-8

    ACSIS on
  • Options
    CheezyCheezy Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Z0re wrote: »
    You may be thinking of the Nostradamus 'prediction' that after x popes (with the current one reckoned last because he's associated with symbols that the last pope will supposedly have) the Vatican will be lead by Peter the Roman and then its the end of the world/church no ones really clear which.
    Might I prevail upon you for a further elucidation concerning which Book and Quatrain, specifically, of which you reference concerning a prediction of Nostradamus?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prophecy_of_the_popes

    Cheezy on
  • Options
    Andrew_JayAndrew_Jay Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Andrew_Jay on
  • Options
    ButtcleftButtcleft Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Andrew_Jay wrote: »

    Its like they took his brain and put it inside a computer

    Buttcleft on
  • Options
    Xenogear_0001Xenogear_0001 Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Environmentalist wackos and the pelican lobby are acting on the orders of Keith Olbermann so they can dismantle our military and enable Islamic terrorists to colonize America without resistance.

    WIN.

    Xenogear_0001 on
    steam_sig.png
  • Options
    ArbitraryDescriptorArbitraryDescriptor changed Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    (Environmentalist wackos) and the (pelican lobby) are acting (on the orders of Keith Olbermann) so they can (dismantle our military) and enable (Islamic terrorists) to (colonize America without resistance).

    WIN.

    Game:

    Generate theory.

    Drink any time a group or phrase is mentioned.

    If he actually uses your theory:
    Get punched in the dick. You're clearly watching entirely too much Glen Beck and it's started to get on your friend's nerves.

    Chris

    ArbitraryDescriptor on
  • Options
    EWomEWom Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    I know 3 people who refuse to use anything google related, and always bash on people who use google anything (maps, earth, search engine, mail etc). They are all convinced that governments are not behind new world order.. it's google, and they're taking over everything.

    I asked one of them why it was a problem if Google takes over everything, since all they do is give their shit away for from.

    "Oh no, I got my free Google shoes today, and ate my free google lunch, then got in my free google car, and didn't go to work cause everything is free now.. it's got adds all over the damn place, but it's free!"

    He said "yeah it's free now, just wait until your working for free, in their free mines, digging all the free gold out for them."

    "Well as long as I have my free google kicks, I'm not going to be too worried about it."

    He was pretty infuriated that I thought it was a big joke.

    EWom on
    Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.
  • Options
    South hostSouth host I obey without question Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Google mines? Fucking what?

    South host on
    Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.
  • Options
    LadyMLadyM Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Oh God, the "free Google mines full of free Google gold" made me laugh until my sides ached!

    Randomly generated theory: A lot of Americans aren't paying attention to the fact that the socialists running Congress are seeking to indoctrinate our children as part of their plan to hack into your Facebook account and send penile enlargement ads to all your friends.

    Oh nooo!

    LadyM on
  • Options
    GreenGreen Stick around. I'm full of bad ideas.Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    When I was working at Mrs. Fields, I had a lady come up and tell me about mind-controlling transmitters the mall placed in our fluorescent lights to disorient people and make them buy more

    Told my coworker about it later and she responded with her story of Glenn Beck being silenced by the US government for trying to expose FEMA internment camps




    sigh

    Green on
  • Options
    ElitistbElitistb Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    About the only conspiracy theory I give any credence to is David Koch. Anything to do with him.

    edit: Oh, and Dominionism.

    Elitistb on
    steam_sig.png
  • Options
    Edith UpwardsEdith Upwards Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Kipling217 wrote: »
    You know one of my pet theories about the JFK assasination is that there was a conspiracy, in fact there where multiple conspiracies, but that the conspiracies had nothing to do with the JFK assasination whatsoever!

    Back in 63 lots of people hated JFK because of his percived soft atitude towards Cuba(JFK having "caved" in the cuban missile crisis by saying the US wouldn't invade). Lots of lower level members of the Millitary,CIA,FBI and various exile groups start talking smack about "taking out" the SOB Kennedy. Typical Internet Tough Guy bullshit before there was a internet to post on.

    Then Oswald kills Kennedy. You are the head of a major organisation, you know several of your subordinates have been talking about how much they hate Kennedy and how much they want to kill him. Wouldn't you decide to cover up your connection to them? Shove them out into the cold, elliminating the worst ones and denying any knowledge when the press comes calling?

    Instant conspiracies everywhere.

    Yes. But you're forgetting the REAL conspiracy.

    Oswald was one of Ayn Rand's personal confidants.

    Then, after killing JFK, he claimed to be a Marxist.

    Ayn Rand told him to do it!

    EDIT:Also, the Secret Service sprung a leak because they changed the goddamn parade route the day before.

    Edith Upwards on
  • Options
    AtomBombAtomBomb Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Oh, also there is this guy:
    http://www.cancerisgoodforyou.com/

    He drives a van around Idyllwild, CA with that written in huge text on the sides. I had an extended conversation with him last spring, mostly about how "they" control the media, news feeds and education system, and you can't believe anything anyone tells you unless you see it for yourself.

    That's the same town where I met the "Russian super magnet controls the weather" guy who shot up the ATM. Considering the population of Idyllwild is like 10 people, it might be the per capita craziest town in the world :)

    AtomBomb on
    I just got a 3DS XL. Add me! 2879-0925-7162
This discussion has been closed.