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Anxiety or something like it.
animalcrackers
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
This is an alt because I feel kind of silly for posting all this...
Some background info:
I have had two major interviews thus far in my life and both have been horrible, traumatizing experiences, despite preparation in the form of rehearsing, mock-interviewing with a family member, and trying to relax the night before.
In both instances I lost all emotional control and basically burst into tears right then and there. No holding it back (though god did I try) for later. I remember, both times, my body being as tense as it has ever been, my face feeling like it is on fire, and a disturbing "fuzzy" state of mind. Forming thoughts was impossible. Finally, the terror mounted to the point I couldn’t hold it back. They weren't panic attacks, or at least, they didn't feel like they were compared to the one I had where I felt like I was dying.
Less formal interviews have also been equally unsuccessful, but without the tears.
What's interesting (to me, at least) is that I don't get half as nervous when giving speeches or doing a task that does not involve direct social interaction.
Obviously I want to correct this as these will not be the last interviews I ever have. I’m also not entirely sure if I should just be addressing this extreme interview anxiety by itself or as a manifestation of my other feelings of anxiety. I don’t know anyone personally with an anxiety disorder to discuss my problems with, so I don't even know if all these feelings are symptoms of a panic or anxiety disorder.
Some background info:
I have dealt with anxiety problems (which triggered a lot of depressive episodes) ever since I was in high school. I had my first and only honest-to-god panic attack in high school, as well. Once I hit college I tried to shed the anxiety and "get over it." I do not get depressed like I used to, but I still struggle with some social/general anxiety. Part of me feels like I need to get help, but then I have a few good days and think "nah." Also, terror fills me when I think of actually talking to a professional about it, so, there’s that.
I have had two major interviews thus far in my life and both have been horrible, traumatizing experiences, despite preparation in the form of rehearsing, mock-interviewing with a family member, and trying to relax the night before.
In both instances I lost all emotional control and basically burst into tears right then and there. No holding it back (though god did I try) for later. I remember, both times, my body being as tense as it has ever been, my face feeling like it is on fire, and a disturbing "fuzzy" state of mind. Forming thoughts was impossible. Finally, the terror mounted to the point I couldn’t hold it back. They weren't panic attacks, or at least, they didn't feel like they were compared to the one I had where I felt like I was dying.
Less formal interviews have also been equally unsuccessful, but without the tears.
What's interesting (to me, at least) is that I don't get half as nervous when giving speeches or doing a task that does not involve direct social interaction.
Obviously I want to correct this as these will not be the last interviews I ever have. I’m also not entirely sure if I should just be addressing this extreme interview anxiety by itself or as a manifestation of my other feelings of anxiety. I don’t know anyone personally with an anxiety disorder to discuss my problems with, so I don't even know if all these feelings are symptoms of a panic or anxiety disorder.
animalcrackers on
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That said, I also have found interviews to be the most terrifying of activities. I don't have a problem speaking in public, but interviews are scary. My fear made me throw up in the bathroom just before the interview would start.
For me, what helped me get over it was a period of about two weeks where I was required to go to an interview pretty much every day. Some twice a day. There was no time to get nervous, no time to try to think about exactly what I was going to say. I just had to wing it, and I found that being in that situation made them far less scary. Since you've only ever had two major interviews your little bit of negative experience is likely making the idea of them so much worse than they actually are. Of course, the trial by fire approach is not for everyone and YMMV.
Really though, if you find that your anxiety is harmful to your daily life then that is definitely something to go see a psychologist about. That's what they're there for!
I think what you are experiencing is a mix of anxiety and inexperience. A counselor can help you with that, but you have to go to them (this can also help with the one on one part).
Also, seriously consider asking your doctor for 2-3mg of Clonazepam. Half a 5mg tablet will quell the anxiety without forming habits or causing you to crash. Additionally, they will halt a real panic attack if you catch the warning signs early.
Good luck with it.
I really don't know how to explain why I get so anxious/emotional. It is frankly uncontrollable, but I guess it is triggered when I'm put in a position that there is a 'superior' questioning me, I just become panicky I guess. I'm afraid of screwing up, or failing, or just freaking out. There's also this fear that if I do get help and end up needing medication or something that it will follow me and bar me from certain opportunities. Honestly, I want to go to medical school and the idea that I have some kind of social phobia will only make people judge me, I think.
I've honestly considered doing something like that but it has become so much easier to just make up excuses like "well, I didn't really want to do research with that professor" or "I don't really want to tutor that subject" or any other shit excuse. I'm really ashamed when I think about it, but I get so paralyzed when the moment arrives. I know I'm cripplingly myself, but I feel so stuck. I feel like I've tried so much that it's frankly, hopeless.
I really like the idea of interviewing for positions that I don't want. I know that pressure factors into my melt downs, because I know that a really important opportunity is riding on my (in)ability to interview/communicate.
If you do have one, you may be put on a prescription of some sort and possibly have sessions with a therapist. It's far and away from being a big deal and the only way anyone is going to know about it is if you tell them.
If you have the means, see a doctor.
Therapy and counselling are far more common than you think. A lot of people seem to have anxiety about others thinking they're crazy or being put on mind-altering medication if they go see a psychologist. Any good therapist will try to help you with coping strategies first. They could be breathing or visualization exercises, things to help you prepare yourself. As well, even if they do recommend medication it is something given to you that'll improve your quality of life. I've taken this kind of medication and it's not that you don't feel what you felt before, it's that it doesn't bother you. All your feelings become more manageable.
But really, like I said, even one or two sessions with someone trained to help with these anxiety problems could work wonders. Anxiety issues are incredibly common and it's honestly not something people tend to look down on as much as someone would think. And there's nothing saying you have to tell everyone you meet that you ever were in therapy if that is what your concern is.