Am I paranoid or not? [Girl related]

LardalishLardalish Registered User regular
edited April 2011 in Help / Advice Forum
Ok, so I met this girl on Omegle (yeah great start, haha) but she seemed pretty cool so we exchanged emails. Talked to her there for a while, found out we were both pretty similar in terms of personality, found out shes 28 and in Washington State (Im 25 in NC). Anyway, we keep talkin and move to texts, then to calls at night, and just recently camming on Skype. At this point we have both made comments about how if we lived closer we would be dating, each of our conversations usually touches on some form of "you need to visit!" kind of stuff, and vague blatant hints about sex (more along the lines of "oh we'd do more than cuddle" than "we gon' fuck").


Well, one night while we were camming (just talking, we haven't gotten to any phone sex or anything) and she accidentally plays a song really loud, like, blaring, and after a minute or two someone comes into her room and she tosses the iPod down (the cam shes using for skype) and I hear an older woman's voice say something. Something like "its too late for you to be up listening to loud music and camming" or something along those lines. Well, when she picks the cam back up she says its her neighbor. So at this point something doesn't sound right (what neighbor will hear 3 seconds of loud music and come over and just walk right into someone else's house and scold them?), but it hasn't quite formed yet so I just believed her.


Well, since Ive been talking to her Ive only seen her bedroom and even then not a whole lot of it (seems kind of odd for someone who lives alone. I would expect, at least occasionally, for her to cam somewhere else), she refuses to give out her facebook because "it has pictures of me" or her Deviant Art account (shes a tattoo artist so I would like to see her art and such). Up until tonight I just kind of chocked that up to her being shy.


Well, tonight I went and used the facebook find a friend deal to look up a friend on Skype I hadn't talked to in a while and this girl's skype name popped up as having a facebook. I figured I'd send her a request and if she mentions it and turns it down that shes just really shy. Buuuut the name on the facebook profile is in no way what she told me her name was. Granted I only have a first name and then the name of the person on Facebook but still. So this kind of sent off some warning bells and all those other things are starting to sound suspicious to me.


So now Im wondering if her schedule of getting up super early and being done with "work" at 3 is actually school, if that woman who came in is actually her mom, if she doesn't give out her facebook / DA account because it has her real info, and if shes just been pretending to be this girl Ive been talking to.


I think my plan at the moment is to sleep on it, see if the facebook person accepts my request or not. If they accept then I look at the photos and determine if its the person Ive been talking to. If they don't accept I guess Ill try to confront them? Pending suggestions from here I guess.


So what I really want to know is, do I sound like a paranoid dude or is this suspicious sounding to you all as well? If its suspicious, how do I go about bringing it up? Just ask her if that facebook profile is her?

Lardalish on

Posts

  • RikushixRikushix Registered User regular
    edited March 2011
    Normally one's suspicions can be a little sketchy (especially one asks if they're being paranoid, IMHO), but in this case I think you'd be right.

    I met my girlfriend online, and when I was a teenager I engaged in the whole "talking to random girls" thing, across various websites and places, and it doesn't take much to realize that a lot of people aren't who they say they are on the internet. Whether it's because they like their privacy, they're an underage minor, or they've got some issues that make them fake aspects of their identity. Can be any of those.

    All I'm saying is, it's not exactly proof but everything you've said sounds pretty obvious. You talk about meeting her, but unless you're really serious about that and you're worried about what she'll say if she is indeed telling the truth, you should just come out and voice your concerns.

    Rikushix on
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  • IrukaIruka Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited March 2011
    If she's supposed to be a tattoo artist full time, welll..... Those hours are all sorts of wrong. Unless her job is to go in and clean before the place opens she's not working normal tattoo shop shifts. Its kinda a night gig, weekends too. In this case the clues are pretty obvious, though its kinda amazing that a 15-18 year old could pull off 28. Maybe she's older and just embarrased to be living at home, but my guess is there are other clues that she's a teen that you just missed.

    Iruka on
  • Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    edited March 2011
    My friend went through something like this, but he only realised he was talking to somebody different when he was a hair's breadth away from actually booking a holiday where she lived. This was before Facebook, and I think she just gave him her cousin's MySpace page and pictures when he initially asked for more information.

    Obviously taking a trip would be expensive if she calls your bluff and then engineers an excuse not to show up (work called, friend/family sick), but if you started talking about making plans, booking plane tickets, whatever, it might guilt her into confessing. Or she's telling the truth and you meet up, which would be the optimum scenario, I guess.

    Maybe drop stuff into the conversation about tattooing? Ask for advice, that sort of thing? Maybe talk about kids' shows and toys from your childhood.

    Rhesus Positive on
  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited March 2011
    No. Don't be passive; this is important. The cam thing doesn't throw out any alarms for me because if I were going to chat while using a camera I certainly wouldn't do it anywhere but my house, and probably not anywhere but the room where my computer is, but that doesn't change the fact that if any of your suspicions are correct you could be in a lot of trouble if her mother or anyone else finds out you're talking to her about dating or whatever. She could be a lying college student instead of a lying high school student, or an aspiring tattoo artist who just started cleaning the shop she apprentices at, but right now I think any concerns over her age are the most important to resolve right now.

    So it becomes a matter of protecting yourself. You pretty much need to come out and say "Hey, sorry about this, but I just need to make sure you are who you say you are." The risks of doing so are far outweighed by the risks of stumbling into a relationship with a minor and her parents finding out. You don't want to ask her for anything you might be able to use to stalk her, but you need to be satisfied with the answer, and have a record of you asking for it and her giving it.

    Is that paranoid? Maybe. But it's also playing it safe, and take my word for it, you absolutely want to do that when you're starting a relationship, especially one that begins online.

    ceres on
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  • The Crowing OneThe Crowing One Registered User regular
    edited March 2011
    What I'm concerned about is that if she says she's 28, that's a huge physical difference in appearance from 18. Of course it isn't the sort of thing that is always easily determined, but in my experience there are simply things about anyone who's in their late twenties that make it a bit more difficult to bump your age up there believably.

    It could be more ambiguous if she were in college (commuting, etc. Still living with mom and dad isn't uncommon).
    ceres wrote: »
    So it becomes a matter of protecting yourself. You pretty much need to come out and say "Hey, sorry about this, but I just need to make sure you are who you say you are." The risks of doing so are far outweighed by the risks of stumbling into a relationship with a minor and her parents finding out. You don't want to ask her for anything you might be able to use to stalk her, but you need to be satisfied with the answer, and have a record of you asking for it and her giving it.

    CYA, and all that. The last thing you need is to get yourself into a bad situation with a potential high school student.

    The Crowing One on
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  • ZeonZeon Registered User
    edited March 2011
    Yeah, sounds to me like shes underage. If shes saying shes going to visit and fuck you, its kind of important that you find out how old she is. The last thing you want is to be caught up in some cross-state-lines pedophilia thing, even if its unintentional. Also, it seems really weird that she's willing to call you and video chat with you and tell you shes ready to fuck if you meet, but wont give out her facebook.

    Either get her to tell you whats up, or break it off. If shes not going to add you on facebook, nothings ever going to come out of this anyway so its not like youre really going to lose anything. Worst case scenario there is you dont end up on a sex offenders list.

    Zeon on
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  • green-eyesgreen-eyes Registered User
    edited March 2011
    It does seem suspicious, and while I'm willing to give the girl the benefit of the doubt, you need to make sure that you're not doing anything illegal. If she isn't willing to give you the evidence you need, then it's really unfair on you. If you're going to enter into something over the internet, you need to be willing to prove who you are, and she shouldn't be offended by you asking that, because you're the one who is at risk here.

    If you ask and she gets offended, I would consider trying to explain... if she's still offended I think she's being unfair to you for wanting some fairly basic information.

    green-eyes on
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  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited March 2011
    She's insinuating sexual encounters with you and she won't give you her Facebook information? Yeah, super sketchy. Also, while those could be tattoo shop hours, they probably aren't. Most shops don't open till at the earliest 11am. Does she have tattoos?

    Esh on
  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle let's keep it haimish for the peripatetic Registered User regular
    edited March 2011
    Better go watch Catfish.

    OnTheLastCastle on
  • ChillyWillyChillyWilly Registered User regular
    edited March 2011
    Even if she isn't underage, she shouldn't get and/or stay upset with you for asking how old she is. Anyone who isn't mature enough to understand why you would want to protect yourself in this case is someone you probably don't want to date in the first place.

    Ask her and go from there.

    ChillyWilly on
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  • Eat it You Nasty Pig.Eat it You Nasty Pig. tell homeland security 'we are the bomb'Registered User regular
    edited March 2011
    Everything you have posted screams "run away" to me.

    I mean, continue to chat with this person all you want. Lord knows I've chatted with lots of folks from time to time. But there is no way you should be flying cross country (or really doing as much as going to the corner coffee shop) to meet this person without knowing who they actually are.

    Eat it You Nasty Pig. on
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  • BlindZenDriverBlindZenDriver Registered User regular
    edited March 2011
    What ever you do don't send her money - it could be some sort of scam.

    Say she manage to convince you everything is alright, you to agree to meet and she then proposes having a party so you can meet her friends only money is a little short a could you please chip in. Or perhaps she want to go to you only she needs traveling money...

    BlindZenDriver on
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  • DrezDrez Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Esh wrote: »
    She's insinuating sexual encounters with you and she won't give you her Facebook information? Yeah, super sketchy. Also, while those could be tattoo shop hours, they probably aren't. Most shops don't open till at the earliest 11am. Does she have tattoos?

    Yeah, I don't understand this.

    OP: Cam flirting, possibility of wanting to sleep with you, but she won't give out her Facebook because she has pictures there? Sorry, dude, but that's not normal.

    And not giving out her Deviantart account is weird too. I mean...isn't the point of that site to share your art?

    Drez on
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  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    I'd drop her.

    Too many things are shady, and it's not even a 'oh, she's married!' thing where you'll have an upset husband, it's a 'oh, my whole life is ruined forever' thing.
    I would cut all contact with her, however you think is best. Maybe tell her being deceptive about her age can get whoever she talks to in a lot of trouble; even if she's fine with it, her mother or whoever can report your relationship without her consent.

    MichaelLC on
    Echo wrote: »
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  • spool32spool32 Contrary Library Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Her neighbor? Seriously? Worst BS lie evar.

    Look... if it gets to "phone sex", and she shows you anything interesting on that cam, and she's not 18, all the "but I didn't know, she told me she was 28" in the world is not going to get you off the sex offender registry.

    In my judgment, from what you've posted, she is lying to you, she's underage or AT BEST 18/19 and living at home with her mother, and you need to get the true facts asap. I would advise serious caution here. Find out who she is for real.

    spool32 on
  • DemerdarDemerdar Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Generally you'd be able to deduce her real age (if she is in fact a teenager) by the conversations you are having. What the hell are you two having conversations about?

    Demerdar on
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  • Reverend_ChaosReverend_Chaos Suit Up! Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Demerdar wrote: »
    Generally you'd be able to deduce her real age (if she is in fact a teenager) by the conversations you are having. What the hell are you two having conversations about?

    Like...how like....Justin Bieber is like....the best singer EVAR!!!

    The thing with girls is they tend to mature at a younger age, so even if she's 15-16 she's not talking about My little ponies. I have a 12 year old sisters, and she's obviously 12. I have a 14 year old sister, and she's not so easy to pin down, so by 16 it should be easy to pass for older than they are, especially with make-up.

    She is not working a 7am-3pm shift at a tattoo shop. She is probably going to H.S. - chances are she's 17ish and in her Junior or Senior year. She's not giving you FB because it's a REAL FB with her actual info....Chances are she is just having fun flirting with a guy too far away to make good on the innuendo's. I would cut off all contact with her just to be safe. It sounds to me like you have done nothing wrong, but you need to CYA. All it takes is a curious parent to check her computer and they may not be understanding of your side of things, or even care. Do you really want Chris Hansen from Dateline knocking on your door?

    Reverend_Chaos on
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  • DemerdarDemerdar Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Demerdar wrote: »
    Generally you'd be able to deduce her real age (if she is in fact a teenager) by the conversations you are having. What the hell are you two having conversations about?

    Like...how like....Justin Bieber is like....the best singer EVAR!!!

    The thing with girls is they tend to mature at a younger age, so even if she's 15-16 she's not talking about My little ponies. I have a 12 year old sisters, and she's obviously 12. I have a 14 year old sister, and she's not so easy to pin down, so by 16 it should be easy to pass for older than they are, especially with make-up.

    She is not working a 7am-3pm shift at a tattoo shop. She is probably going to H.S. - chances are she's 17ish and in her Junior or Senior year. She's not giving you FB because it's a REAL FB with her actual info....Chances are she is just having fun flirting with a guy too far away to make good on the innuendo's. I would cut off all contact with her just to be safe. It sounds to me like you have done nothing wrong, but you need to CYA. All it takes is a curious parent to check her computer and they may not be understanding of your side of things, or even care. Do you really want Chris Hansen from Dateline knocking on your door?

    I don't care how how quickly a teenager will "mature", but the disparity between 28 and 18 is huge.

    Demerdar on
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  • VisionOfClarityVisionOfClarity Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    When I was 15 I could easily pass for 22 thanks to make up and low cut shirts as can a lot of other girls. Doing so over the typical webcam it would not to be hard to pass as a 28 yr old who looks 23 instead of an 18 yr old that looks 23.

    VisionOfClarity on
  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited April 2011
    Also, not all teenagers talk like a fucking moron and/or have terrible taste.

    Anyway, the bottom line is that everyone seems to be in agreement here, and when that happens in H/A girl threads either it's pretty solid advice or a sign of the apocalypse.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • LadyMLadyM Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Man, I would cut off all contact with her. She's hiding something. Maybe it's that she's 28 and lives with her mom or maybe it's that she's 17 and lives with her mom. Based on her hours of "work", it's more likely the latter. Why risk it when messing around with her could land you on a sex offender registry?

    LadyM on
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    holycrap dude, run away.

    When I was her (presumed) age (and younger) i had several 'relationships' with online guys who were definitely way above my age range and well past legal.

    why? because it was cool to actually say 'my boyfriend'. But then, I never lied to them about how old I was, so there's that

    If she's say 17, you are in some deep shit. If she's 18, that's still one hella lot of learning to do between her and you. I don't care how mature she is, there's one hell of a lot of difference between being 18 and mid 20s.


    Be upfront, be honest, ask her how old she is. And if she can't see why it bothers you, why you need to know (not want, but need), then even if she is really 28, she's obviously not all there and probably not worth your time.

    Ask her if it makes you feel better, but best instincts is to run the hell away from the situation.

    lonelyahava on
  • The Crowing OneThe Crowing One Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Yeah, there's something not quite right.

    It doesn't mean that this is a lost situation, but it very well may be something you want to get away from quickly. I always try to at least entertain the idea that things aren't all bad, but you need some suitable answers. She could be embarrassed about living at home at 28, or she could be someone she doesn't say she is. Awkward conversation either way.

    The Crowing One on
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