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Life not enough?

RKRK Registered User regular
edited February 2007 in Debate and/or Discourse
We do it because it's all we've got...?

I wrote this yesterday, and being the happy fellow that I am, wish to discuss it, if you'll have me. :oops:

Do the issues I present here annoy anyone else similarly?

Hope my 'to-self' writing style in this doesn't annoy you too much :)

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Why does life feel as though it is not enough? There’s something that isnt right, like everyone should all be dead. See now even as I’m writing that, I don’t know if its real. What do I mean? I’m living, you’re living. That’s a given, or you wouldn’t be reading this. So when you die, you’re dead. It’s the end of it all. It hate being bound to flesh, it isnt the remote bit of who we are, and yet is all of us. Without it we are nothing, and yet it is seen as just skin and flesh. Our brain is just the same – it is just tissue like the rest of it. So why is that damn organ so different from the rest of them? Why does it leave me able to write what I’m writing. It is just emphasiziing pointlessness. It’s as if we’ve been given this monumental gift of consciousness, only then to waste it because that’s all you can do with it. 1

I was watching House M.D earlier, and his use of Vicodan intruiged me. Here is this man, this incredibly eccentric, wonderful man, that wastes much of his time ‘out-of-it’ because he needs a puzzle. Sherlock Holmes was the same…when they weren’t wasting time on a case, he was smoking weed or something. Fictional characters, I know, but it makes me wonder that I’m not good enough sometimes. Yet that is the wrong meaning, that implies I am unhappy with my performance on which I have applied whatever it is I have applied myself in. This is more a feeling towards having that thing to apply myself to in the first place. 2 There is nothing in the world I could utterly devote myself so solely and singly, that I want to be able to do. Kind of ironic, considering I find this kind of thing annoying: think your body. It’s like sex drive, it is making you want this thing so much. It’s just a pity for me, because I don’t want that either. Masturbation is merely a means to get it out of me. I guess my body is broken.

2Do I need to do drugs, to utterly waste my body, to focus my mind? I don’t know, it just seems those with true success have such a deep tradgedy that they come from. What does one do without that tradgedy? And why does that nearly bring me to tears as I sit to think about it?

It’s stupid, too often do I just well into tears, with a mind as empty as space. It isnt about anything in particular, and oddly enough, it feels good to do. Still, I am a happy person. I am convinced happiness is a choice, as is sadness. Then again I don’t know if I would still think that had I have gotten in that car when I was what? Twelve years old? Around there. He was a pedophile. Why that popped into my mind I don’t know – I’ve only thought about that only a handful of times since it actually happened.

My tradgedy is that I know one day I will be dead. I do not accept this life, because my consciousness allows me to see what a waste life actually is. That the act of living is just to live before you die – it doesn’t really matter how you do it.

1And yes, it is wasting of life. The only reason it wouldn’t be is because it fulfills a want of itself, thus, to it, it isn’t pointless, but it is pointless, because you will die. I don’t care if you are thinking to yourself, well it is, because it isn’t, now shut up about it. Read this: YOU DIE. It negates everything. ALL of it. As you are living your life, as things affect you, I’ve found you tend to disbelieve this. I understand that, its your life, one that you’re living, but it’s wrong.

Yet what really bugs me is that, if we were to live forever, it would still be pointless. You would be doing these activities to fulfill time, for what? To exist? I guess that’s why nothing lives forever, because in essence, you wouldn’t be living, because you couldn’t die. Does that make sense? As I read it it seems to to me, so… Wow that was an interesting sentence.

The point of existence is to exist, and the brain can do that without the consciousness. So why is it there?

And that’s another thing I was thinking of the other night. People and money. So often do rich people think they are better, and yet it can be taken away as simple as it is had. Money leads to a false sense of security.

Oh, and while my phone note reminds me, something else annoys me. Sex. Sex and relationships. Have you ever heard of a relationship that lasted for 60 years without sex? I didn’t think so. The next time you or society claim to love someone, consider whether not you really love them. Would you not have sex with them for you’re whole life? No sexual contact whats-so-ever? With ANYONE. In this, we are as much body as we are mind. Mind comes from the body for example, and yet it annoys me still. I just don’t think I like the idea of the mind and the body being on the same level.

RK on


  • ElJeffeElJeffe Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited February 2007

    We are not your livejournal.

    It's an easy enough mistake to make, though.

    ElJeffe on
    I submitted an entry to Lego Ideas, and if 10,000 people support me, it'll be turned into an actual Lego set!If you'd like to see and support my submission, follow this link.
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