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Ex girlfriend is holding my mail

EliminationElimination Registered User regular
edited April 2011 in Help / Advice Forum
She wont send it to me, wont forward it, wont return it to sender, and wont give it to a mutual friend of ours to give to me. She is just holding it out of spite. She is currently holding government issued mail as well, stuff I absolutely must have in my possession, stuff that does her absolutely no good to hang on to what so ever.

I changed my address with the government already, but i guess it didnt go through quite fast enough for this piece of mail. I live in British Columbia, Canada just for information sake, and i want to know what actions i can take here to get her to relinquish it? I know it is illegal to just hold onto someones mail, and illegal to open other peoples mail as well. The mail is most likely a cheque and i'd like to get it, shes had it for 2 weeks now and wont give it up. She's done this in the past with mail my family sent there mistakenly after i had changed address, she actually lives 3 hour drive from me now and i had to drive all the way down there just to get the mail from family last time, im assuming this is what she wants but i REALLY dont want to see her, or waste the gas/time. I just want my mail.

Do i call the police local to her area and report this? I dont really know the steps i can take for someone illegally holding mail.

PSN: PA_Elimination 3DS: 4399-2012-1711 Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/TheElimination/
Elimination on

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    Rear Admiral ChocoRear Admiral Choco I wanna be an owl, Jerry! Owl York CityRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Call the police. I would, at least.

    Rear Admiral Choco on
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    DrakeonDrakeon Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Yea, thats illegal. Call the police, you've already used all your other avenues, shes left you no choice at this point.

    Drakeon on
    PSN: Drakieon XBL: Drakieon Steam: TheDrakeon
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    Bionic MonkeyBionic Monkey Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited April 2011
    Would she refuse to give it to you directly? I'm just not sure if refusing to give it to a third party is necessarily illegal.

    Bionic Monkey on
    sig_megas_armed.jpg
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    EliminationElimination Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Would she refuse to give it to you directly? I'm just not sure if refusing to give it to a third party is necessarily illegal.

    I asked her to forward it to me, she wouldn't, i asked her to return to sender it, she wouldn't, i asked her to give it to a mutual friend in town who would mail it to me, she wouldn't do that either. My only avenue would be to drive 3 hours to her door and try to get it that way, but i dont know if she would give it to me then either. She does not respond anymore to e-mails or answer my phone calls either.

    Last time she did this it was a ploy to get me to come to her door, but i REALLY hate her, like a lot. She was the worst girlfriend i've ever had, and i just want her out of my life, and i just cant seem to do that because of stuff like this. All i want is my mail, nothing else, its mine, and she has no title to it what so ever.

    If i were to call the police and report this, would i call the police local to her?

    Elimination on
    PSN: PA_Elimination 3DS: 4399-2012-1711 Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/TheElimination/
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    NoxyNoxy Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Yeah, I'd call the police in her area.

    Noxy on
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    FyreWulffFyreWulff YouRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited April 2011
    Can you have the check cancelled and re-sent to your new address?

    FyreWulff on
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    DhalphirDhalphir don't you open that trapdoor you're a fool if you dareRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    FyreWulff wrote: »
    Can you have the check cancelled and re-sent to your new address?

    try this first before calling the police, unless you have some burning desire to show her that she can't just do this and get away with it

    cancelling the cheque and having it re-sent will avoid the issue entirely, if that is the only piece of mail you REALLY care about. If there is no more mail likely to go to her, don't worry about it so much.

    Dhalphir on
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    Skoal CatSkoal Cat Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Show up with the police.

    Skoal Cat on
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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited April 2011
    Dhalphir wrote: »
    FyreWulff wrote: »
    Can you have the check cancelled and re-sent to your new address?

    try this first before calling the police, unless you have some burning desire to show her that she can't just do this and get away with it

    cancelling the cheque and having it re-sent will avoid the issue entirely, if that is the only piece of mail you REALLY care about. If there is no more mail likely to go to her, don't worry about it so much.
    The plus side of doing this is that she receives no further attention from you.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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    LanchesterLanchester Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    When you asked her all these things, did you leave a voicemail or email and never get a response or actually talk to her and she said she wouldn't do it?

    If you have only left a message, maybe she hasn't received it....very doubtful, but maybe.

    Your only other option seems to be going to her place. Since it is a long drive, I would call the local police there and tell them the story and see if they will be able to go with you to her house to get the mail, otherwise you might waste a 6 hour round trip.

    If you do that and get your mail, you can finally be done with her. Good luck with everything

    Lanchester on
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    FireflashFireflash Montreal, QCRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Also I guess it would be helpful if you have emails or chat logs that confirm that she is indeed refusing to give you your mail, otherwise she could just claim that she doesn't have any of your mail.

    Fireflash on
    PSN: PatParadize
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    DivideByZeroDivideByZero Social Justice Blackguard Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    FyreWulff wrote: »
    Can you have the check cancelled and re-sent to your new address?

    this. or, alternately:

    Send her a self-addressed, stamped manilla envelope via registered mail. Put more than enough postage on it. Include a note to the effect of, "Please send me my mail from X agency and any other mail we discussed or I will have to pursue legal remedies." Give it a week. If you don't get that envelope back, call the police and/or the local equivalent of the Postmaster.

    Basically deny her any possible excuse for being inconvenienced. She doesn't have to find an envelope, or pay for postage, or write down your address, or go to the post office, or contact a mutual friend, nothing. She just has to lick an envelope and stick it in the mail box.

    DivideByZero on
    First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKERS
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    ComahawkComahawk Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    In all honesty, just call the cops.

    Elaborate plans are fun and all, but she is breaking federal law, which is serious. The RCMP where she lives likely have an office phone number... If you want, tell me the town she is in and I will see if I can find it for you.

    I hate people who fuck around with someone else's mail.

    Comahawk on
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    Bionic MonkeyBionic Monkey Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited April 2011
    Would she refuse to give it to you directly? I'm just not sure if refusing to give it to a third party is necessarily illegal.

    I asked her to forward it to me, she wouldn't, i asked her to return to sender it, she wouldn't, i asked her to give it to a mutual friend in town who would mail it to me, she wouldn't do that either. My only avenue would be to drive 3 hours to her door and try to get it that way, but i dont know if she would give it to me then either. She does not respond anymore to e-mails or answer my phone calls either.

    Last time she did this it was a ploy to get me to come to her door, but i REALLY hate her, like a lot. She was the worst girlfriend i've ever had, and i just want her out of my life, and i just cant seem to do that because of stuff like this. All i want is my mail, nothing else, its mine, and she has no title to it what so ever.

    If i were to call the police and report this, would i call the police local to her?

    Yeah, I'd just call the police local to her then. Just make sure you call their non-emergency number.

    Bionic Monkey on
    sig_megas_armed.jpg
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    LaliluleloLalilulelo Richmond, VARegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Yeah that shit is super illegal, just get the cops involved.

    Lalilulelo on
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    EliminationElimination Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    She has outright refused. Our mutual friend who sees her reasonably often has tried to get it from her twice now and she refused to give it to him. I've tried to call her and left voice mails and dropped e-mails, i get no response no call back no e-mails back.

    As far as cancelling the cheque, i may be able to do that, the problem is that will now cost me money and delay the check again by probably another week or more. It shouldn't have gone there to begin with as i had already changed my address, but the Canadian government is dumb about this stuff.

    Edit: I talked to our mutual friend and told him that I am going to get the police involved, he asked me to wait one more day and he would try to talk her into giving it to him again. So i told him i'd give it till tomorrow and if i still here nothing by tomorrow morning than I am going to take legal action because i am so sick of her stupid little games and shit and just want to move on.

    Elimination on
    PSN: PA_Elimination 3DS: 4399-2012-1711 Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/TheElimination/
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    BlazeFireBlazeFire Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Maybe call the local post office and speak to someone there about what to do? They might have someone specific to speak with at the local police.

    BlazeFire on
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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited April 2011
    It sounds like calling the local police and asking what your options are might be the best thing. Give your friend the chance he asked for, though.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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    saggiosaggio Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
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    KarrmerKarrmer Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Reporting to the police is a good idea and all but it's unlikely that much will happen for a long time. The laws may be different in Canada but I still doubt the police can do anything without a warrant if she just claims she never got any of your mail. They can't (presumably) force their way into her residence to search it without said warrant so it pretty much goes nowhere.

    In California, which isn't all that similar necessarily, we (law enforcement) refer people to the local postmaster for stolen mail. Since it's a federal deal, they have to handle it I guess

    Karrmer on
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    EliminationElimination Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    alright well the threat of being reported for the stolen mail was enough for her. The mutual friend now has the mail and is going to send the mail to me tomorrow. He said she was absolutely furious with him for helping me though and now its causing a big problem for him and wont leave him alone about it, which was not my intention at all. For someone who is in her mid twenties she sure is childish.

    Elimination on
    PSN: PA_Elimination 3DS: 4399-2012-1711 Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/TheElimination/
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    RikushixRikushix VancouverRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Good lord. What a gongshow.

    Have you absolutely confirmed with your friend that she handed over all of your mail to him?

    Rikushix on
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    EliminationElimination Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Rikushix wrote: »
    Good lord. What a gongshow.

    Have you absolutely confirmed with your friend that she handed over all of your mail to him?

    It was only one piece of mail, because the government is slow on changing my address apparently with whoever sends mail out. He has it in hand and will mail it. He also said he knew that she'd flip her shit like she did and was expecting it but also understands the situation.

    Elimination on
    PSN: PA_Elimination 3DS: 4399-2012-1711 Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/TheElimination/
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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited April 2011
    He is a good guy for going into this knowing the probable outcome, and then getting the probable outcome and continuing to speak with you anyway. He has definitely earned himself a beer or dinner or something.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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    bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    What ceres said. He'd probably rather be friends with you than her after seeing how she acted. You know, adults like to be friends with adults.

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
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    tinwhiskerstinwhiskers Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    (Favor Difficulty + Convenience gained) x Crazy Bitch Factor= You owe him 2 cases of good beer. The CBF really kills you here, at least she didn't try and stab him or something.

    tinwhiskers on
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    EliminationElimination Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    bowen wrote: »
    What ceres said. He'd probably rather be friends with you than her after seeing how she acted. You know, adults like to be friends with adults.

    ufortunately hes known her a lot longer than me, and you are wrong (sort of.). He folded under pressure from her and has deleted me from facebook/steam ect but kept me on MSN and said i should make a steam group that he can join so we can still game and she just wont know about it. She is supposed to be his best friend in fact, but he also knows exactly how crazy she can be, and he actually said "I knew this would end like this, its not the first time shes done stuff like this to someone." I told him she has no right to tell him what to do and who and who he cant be friends with, and he said he just "Doesn't want to talk about it".

    We are both pretty certain she has a mental illness, which is sad, but how she treats the people around her is atrocious and it shocks me she has any friends at all. I've witnessed her treat people really horribly (including this best friend of hers.) in my time with her, and she can be incredibly petty and very mean with absolutely no provocation at all. The fight that caused me to leave she just flipped out at me and i wasn't even doing anything, not even talking to her, i was just typing at my laptop and she started flipping out about money. It always seemed to be about money with her, she seems to gauge someones worth on how much free money she can get out of them, and when i stopped folding and started saving money is when we started having serious issues.

    Anyways, enough about that, the problem at hand is solved and im moving on now. She no longer has anything of mine of value so she can go fuck right off and leave me alone now and i never have to see her again.

    On the flip side yeah i still totally owe the guy a beer or something. Even if he is being kind of a doormat to her, i know why hes doing it so im not holding it against him. She has a young kid only a couple years old, and in my time with her i noticed he is far more interested in the kids wellbeing than he is interested in her. I actually think the kid was a strong factor in why i stayed for as long as i did and why i handed over so much money, but when i realized she was just spending the money on herself buying shit on ebay that she never used/didnt need, well people have limits. He also mentioned the big thing was I lived with her and had to deal with her nonsense all day every day, for him he said he didn't live with it and said if he did he probably would have been in my shoes as well under the same circumstances.

    Elimination on
    PSN: PA_Elimination 3DS: 4399-2012-1711 Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/TheElimination/
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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited April 2011
    I'm glad it worked out, that you're moving on, and that it sounds like he doesn't blame you and you will at least get to keep interacting with him. All in all, it could have been worse.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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    OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle let's keep it haimish for the peripatetic Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    I'm glad it worked out relatively peacefully, but yeah, no more interacting with her. Just let your friend deal with his end solo now.

    OnTheLastCastle on
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    Skoal CatSkoal Cat Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    I am shocked that the thread of the cops didn't call her to just burn the damn thing and claim she had no idea what you were talking about.

    Skoal Cat on
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    FyreWulffFyreWulff YouRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited April 2011
    Skoal Cat wrote: »
    I am shocked that the thread of the cops didn't call her to just burn the damn thing and claim she had no idea what you were talking about.

    She wanted him to come and get it in person, burning it was not her end game (encountered people like that)

    FyreWulff on
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    UnderdogUnderdog Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    I know the thread is solved and all but I'm curious, are you the guy who told the story about being bashed in the back of the head with a snowglobe? If so, is this the same girl?

    Either way, glad you got things worked out.

    Underdog on
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    EliminationElimination Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    No i never got snowglobed. She did claw at me once when i left her though. Nothing too serious. But yes burning the mail would have done nothing, she wanted attention and a tie to me, she wanted me to come down there in person, I did not.

    Its all worked out now though and shes got nothing on me now. So all has ended peacefully at this point.

    Elimination on
    PSN: PA_Elimination 3DS: 4399-2012-1711 Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/TheElimination/
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    NamrokNamrok Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Borderline Personality Disorder is a hell of a drug. Good job on moving on and everything working out! I had a breakup like that about 6 months back, completely with her best guy friend helping me get out of it and all. Of course now me and him are better friends than ever, and she hated it so much she cut him out of her life along with me. Win all the way around!

    Namrok on
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    The Black HunterThe Black Hunter The key is a minimum of compromise, and a simple, unimpeachable reason to existRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Buy that feller a nice schnitzel dinner

    The Black Hunter on
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    Zombie NirvanaZombie Nirvana Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Cluster B personality disorder. I guarantee it.

    Zombie Nirvana on
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