We decide that we want to get out of her moms house and rent a motel and have it be all romantic and stuff. Things start out well, we dress up the hotel with candels and stuff, take a shower together, things are going great.
Then we get into the bed to relax for a while and I start trying to turn her on...
...and she turns on the tv and proceeds to watch a documentary on liposuction.
I mention to her that it is perhaps not the greatest backdrop for what we are doing but she says she just wants to watch it...
So I get it...she isn't being turned on. I'm a little upset because I spent good money on the motel and we basically took a shower and watched a disgusting documentary on liposuction but I cut my losses and tell her I'm going to bed.
Then, in the middle of the night she wakes me up with what I THOUGHT was a pleasant surprise.
But then I start hearing odd sounds...
...she was crying...
...during...
And that just freaked me the hell out and makes me never want to rent a motel with a woman again.
hey how about the time i took my ex out for her birthday after we had broken up maybe two weeks earlier -- during dinner i told her that the last month of our relationship i had been basically been seeing another girl long distance because i am a retard. we still went and caught xmen after the meal and completely dropped talking about what i had done until afterwards. so basically like there was a nuclear bomb in the room and neither of us were able to talk about it until we took it back home and lit that baby up
I dunno, did she say anything at all the entire time? I mean
She did. But I mean, it was basically like, "I like this song." That sort of thing. No real conversation.
Just a lot of smiling and nodding and staring.
OH JESUS.
The worst story I can think of wasn't an actual date, since I fortunately avoided physically meeting the guy. We'd met online through the typical friend-of-a-friend thing, and he seemed decent enough, so we were finalizing plans on when and where to actually go out. He mentions that he's very nervous about meeting me. I sympathize, since first dates are always awkward.
He says, "Well this is different, since it's so SPECIAL."
Er?
Then I get a long detailed message from him about how he has been Cursed By God. You see, he is truly destined to be hung like John Holmes, but due to sins in a previous life, God has cursed him and he was born in THIS incarnation with a tiny pecker. But he has discovered The Truth of his curse, and has figured out how he his wang will grow to its true mammoth-like proportions and then all the Evil Women of the world who have laughed at him and snubbed him throughout his life will FEEL HIS REVENGE! To break the curse of God, he must sleep with his One True Tantric Soulmate of Destiny in an elaborate ritual.
And so, when did I want to get together and set this up? Did I want to get dinner first?
I wrote back with a semi-polite version of "Thanks, but sod off, we're already all stocked up on the crazy here." Guy flips the hell out, he can almost taste his porn-schlong destiny, and I dare to defy him in his moment of glory? He rails and rants at me for several days, which I don't respond to, but I also don't block him, because the tranwreck syndrome factor is just too much to not laugh at.
A few days later, he emails me that HA HA! He has thwarted my evil machinations that were no doubt planted in my weak womanly mind by God, because with his psychic powers he has now IMPREGNATED me with his pure magical will over a distance! And now that I'm bearing his child, I have no choice but to come live with him and fulfill his destiny! Because otherwise I would have to bear a bastard child on my own and this would be a terrible sin. Against God. Whom he despises.
I make the severe tactical error of writing back and telling him that I am most certainly not knocked up, and please make with the buggering off now. He goes into a flaming froth and emails the administration department of the college I was attending, telling them that I have aborted his psychic love-child and am therefore a vile harlot of oozing filth who must be expelled immediately. Neither they nor I dignified that one with a response.
He then randomly continues to email me over the next several YEARS, always with the same thing. "Hello. Why do you hate me? I can send you chocolates." I never made the mistake of writing back to him again, but I was always tempted to tell him that I only hated him because he was hung like a brine shrimp.
Went on a date once with some chick I met on myspace. Turned out she was not so attractive, 18, still in high school. So we had dinner, went back to her house, I boned her on the bottom bunk in a pile of stuffed animals, snuck out before her mom got home from work and never talked to her again.
3DS Code 0001-3323-2884
Xbox Live Gamertag: Suplex86
0
KrummithDJ LogicDeath can't take me until I finish my backlogRegistered Userregular
edited February 2007
I've only had one date that I consider bad. I was introduced to her through a mutual friend, and after chatting on the phone, we decided to have dinner. Being a suave junior in High School I had my own car and went to pick her up. She lived way out in the middle of nowhere, the house seemed very normal until I met her mother.
She was the a-typical crazy cat woman, and I saw easily a dozen cats through the open doorway. She told me that my date was still getting ready and to have a seat. The next 15 minutes I spent listening to an outpouring of pure crazy I have never heard the equal of. Everything from how the government was keeping tabs on her, to how dinosaurs were an elaborate hoax created by anti-Christian scientists.
I'm not sure if her crazy shut down my fight or flight instinct, but I wound up sitting there slack jawed until my date entered the room and my senses returned. I then stammered something about how my parents needed me back at home and left.
She called me a few times after that, and I wound up just avoiding her. I felt too embarrassed to tell her why I really left. I'm not sure if this really counts as a date, but it was bad no matter what it was, it was bad.
I've only had one date that I consider bad. I was introduced to her through a mutual friend, and after chatting on the phone, we decided to have dinner. Being a suave junior in High School I had my own car and went to pick her up. She lived way out in the middle of nowhere, the house seemed very normal until I met her mother.
She was the a-typical crazy cat woman, and I saw easily a dozen cats through the open doorway. She told me that my date was still getting ready and to have a seat. The next 15 minutes I spent listening to an outpouring of pure crazy I have never heard the equal of. Everything from how the government was keeping tabs on her, to how dinosaurs were an elaborate hoax created by anti-Christian scientists.
I'm not sure if her crazy shut down my fight or flight instinct, but I wound up sitting there slack jawed until my date entered the room and my senses returned. I then stammered something about how my parents needed me back at home and left.
She called me a few times after that, and I wound up just avoiding her. I felt too embarrassed to tell her why I really left. I'm not sure if this really counts as a date, but it was bad no matter what it was, it was bad.
Wait you left without rescuing the poor girl?
Wikipedia on
0
KrummithDJ LogicDeath can't take me until I finish my backlogRegistered Userregular
Posts
Twitter | Facebook | Tumblr | Last.fm | Pandora | LibraryThing | formspring | Blue Moon over Seattle (MCFC)
More like AFN.
Away From Naporean.
JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
Now I wish I could just go back in time and change that.
Twitter | Facebook | Tumblr | Last.fm | Pandora | LibraryThing | formspring | Blue Moon over Seattle (MCFC)
JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
i dont think the carebears would approve of that
at all
Kind of like cheesy eggs rolled around and soaked in sweat and farts
JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
I assume he had some sort of redeeming quality? Was he capable of respiration with his mouth closed or did he have a massive, Callius-like wang?
There must be something about him that's endearing.
JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
Man, I'm just sayin'... that website depressed the shit out of me.
But I went to it just a second ago and it seems the guy got all happy dory bs.
February 29, 2003
March 32, 1997
Juncember 13, 1876
I'll submit February 25th, 2006.
5th of July, me and my ex's anniversary.
We decide that we want to get out of her moms house and rent a motel and have it be all romantic and stuff. Things start out well, we dress up the hotel with candels and stuff, take a shower together, things are going great.
Then we get into the bed to relax for a while and I start trying to turn her on...
...and she turns on the tv and proceeds to watch a documentary on liposuction.
I mention to her that it is perhaps not the greatest backdrop for what we are doing but she says she just wants to watch it...
So I get it...she isn't being turned on. I'm a little upset because I spent good money on the motel and we basically took a shower and watched a disgusting documentary on liposuction but I cut my losses and tell her I'm going to bed.
Then, in the middle of the night she wakes me up with what I THOUGHT was a pleasant surprise.
But then I start hearing odd sounds...
...she was crying...
...during...
And that just freaked me the hell out and makes me never want to rent a motel with a woman again.
Secret Satan
sometimes having a conscious? not so fun
The worst story I can think of wasn't an actual date, since I fortunately avoided physically meeting the guy. We'd met online through the typical friend-of-a-friend thing, and he seemed decent enough, so we were finalizing plans on when and where to actually go out. He mentions that he's very nervous about meeting me. I sympathize, since first dates are always awkward.
He says, "Well this is different, since it's so SPECIAL."
Er?
Then I get a long detailed message from him about how he has been Cursed By God. You see, he is truly destined to be hung like John Holmes, but due to sins in a previous life, God has cursed him and he was born in THIS incarnation with a tiny pecker. But he has discovered The Truth of his curse, and has figured out how he his wang will grow to its true mammoth-like proportions and then all the Evil Women of the world who have laughed at him and snubbed him throughout his life will FEEL HIS REVENGE! To break the curse of God, he must sleep with his One True Tantric Soulmate of Destiny in an elaborate ritual.
And so, when did I want to get together and set this up? Did I want to get dinner first?
I wrote back with a semi-polite version of "Thanks, but sod off, we're already all stocked up on the crazy here." Guy flips the hell out, he can almost taste his porn-schlong destiny, and I dare to defy him in his moment of glory? He rails and rants at me for several days, which I don't respond to, but I also don't block him, because the tranwreck syndrome factor is just too much to not laugh at.
A few days later, he emails me that HA HA! He has thwarted my evil machinations that were no doubt planted in my weak womanly mind by God, because with his psychic powers he has now IMPREGNATED me with his pure magical will over a distance! And now that I'm bearing his child, I have no choice but to come live with him and fulfill his destiny! Because otherwise I would have to bear a bastard child on my own and this would be a terrible sin. Against God. Whom he despises.
I make the severe tactical error of writing back and telling him that I am most certainly not knocked up, and please make with the buggering off now. He goes into a flaming froth and emails the administration department of the college I was attending, telling them that I have aborted his psychic love-child and am therefore a vile harlot of oozing filth who must be expelled immediately. Neither they nor I dignified that one with a response.
He then randomly continues to email me over the next several YEARS, always with the same thing. "Hello. Why do you hate me? I can send you chocolates." I never made the mistake of writing back to him again, but I was always tempted to tell him that I only hated him because he was hung like a brine shrimp.
all in all I guess it wasn't really that bad.
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o_O
Xbox Live Gamertag: Suplex86
She was the a-typical crazy cat woman, and I saw easily a dozen cats through the open doorway. She told me that my date was still getting ready and to have a seat. The next 15 minutes I spent listening to an outpouring of pure crazy I have never heard the equal of. Everything from how the government was keeping tabs on her, to how dinosaurs were an elaborate hoax created by anti-Christian scientists.
I'm not sure if her crazy shut down my fight or flight instinct, but I wound up sitting there slack jawed until my date entered the room and my senses returned. I then stammered something about how my parents needed me back at home and left.
She called me a few times after that, and I wound up just avoiding her. I felt too embarrassed to tell her why I really left. I'm not sure if this really counts as a date, but it was bad no matter what it was, it was bad.
Wait you left without rescuing the poor girl?
I wish I could have rescued her from her mom, from what I hear her mom wound up screwing her up pretty bad.
Shit dude she was all ready for that date you're a fucking bastard.
This man is right.
Xbox Live Gamertag: Suplex86
Yup, when I was in high school I was a complete douche. Time and the love of a very patient and wonderful woman has *hopefully* cured me.
Yeah but what about her, dick? She probably is all covered in scars from the crazy cats. Also, emotional scars from you fucking ditching her.
My wife cured me of my evil ways...
Xbox Live Gamertag: Suplex86
Well played... Probably one of the better stories up in here