During my first year of high school I was waiting at the lockers with one of my friends. Suddenly my friend's lock falls from the top of the lockers (bout 2 metres) and lands on this girl's head. She gets angry and whips her own lock at my friend. She missed and got my just above my left eye.
These are the locks at my school:
She denied throwing the lock and I got to spend nearly a whole day at home playing Xbox and eating left-over pizza.
Giga Gopher on
My friend's band - Go on, have a listen
Oh it's such a nice day, I think I'll go out the window! Whoa!
I've fallen off of 2 cliffs.
Hurt my neck a little in the first one.
But not very much.
Um. Ambulance.
We had to call an ambulance once.
When my mom had a brain aneurysm.
At the dinner table.
It was sort of .. dramatic.
She clutched her head..
Fell face first into the soup.
I've fallen off of 2 cliffs.
Hurt my neck a little in the first one.
But not very much.
Um. Ambulance.
We had to call an ambulance once.
When my mom had a brain aneurysm.
At the dinner table.
It was sort of .. dramatic.
She clutched her head..
Fell face first into the soup.
Man..
Okay don't want to remember that so much.
Wow harsh.
Harsher - she sorta deserved it.
She's okay.
After 6 months of operations/ICU.
And still came out of it
Just as bad of a person as she was beforehand.
You'd think that being clinically dead
For 2 minutes
Would force some leaf-turning on someone.
When I was 15 I broke both my wrists at the same time. That was a entire summer without masturbation. For the first month the casts went a bit passed by elbows so I had a struggle bathing myself and wiping my own ass, but I did it.
Did you break them falling off a Burger King sign?
Framling on
you're = you are
your = belonging to you
their = belonging to them
there = not here
they're = they are
When I was 15 I broke both my wrists at the same time. That was a entire summer without masturbation. For the first month the casts went a bit passed by elbows so I had a struggle bathing myself and wiping my own ass, but I did it.
Did you break them falling off a Burger King sign?
Sadly no.
I'm slightly confused as to WHY I would be up on a Burger King sign in the first place.
Did you know someone who fell from a Burger King sign and broke both his wrists?
You know how when you fall backwards you naturally throw your arms behind you to break your fall. Yeah I did that from 40-50 feet.
It also knocked the wind out of me which shouldn't surprise me considering my arms obviously didn't break my fall too well.
rockmonkey on
0
JC of DII think we're fucked up.I know I am.Registered Userregular
Harsher - she sorta deserved it.
She's okay.
After 6 months of operations/ICU.
And still came out of it
Just as bad of a person as she was beforehand.
You'd think that being clinically dead
For 2 minutes
Would force some leaf-turning on someone.
But nope.
I hear you there. My dad almost died in a car crash and the first thing he said when I finally got to see him was "I bet you're pissed off as hell." "Wh-...Why?" (as I'm still crying from hearing about the accident) "I sure as hell didn't want to live to see you - why the fuck would you want to babysit me?" With that the tears stopped and I just told myself it was the morphine he was on, haha. Truth serum maybe.
Anyway: I don't really have any calls to 911 stories on myself or friends, but since I take the calls at the Sheriff's Office in my county, I get to field some great ones - though the humerous ones are the most memorable, obviously.
I'm sitting there on a snowy day, 10 o'clock in the morning on the weekend, and a call comes in from the 911 relay. (The 911 system here actually calls another county completely, and it will either take the call directly if there's personnel available or, most often, forward the call to the county the originating number is in.)
I pick it up and recognize the voice of the town's nuthouse lady. The kind of mother who pulls her kids out school because Y2K is going to fuck over the world, build a bomb shelter to survive once anarchy reigns because of it, but then stop only after digging a 10 foot wide patch up on your lawn because the terrorists are spying on you then board up your windows and tint your cars' windows way past the legal amount regardless of how many tickets she gets. We love getting calls from her. In this case, she called to say she keeps seeing "Nathan J." (last name snip'd) driving "like a bat out of fucking hell." I ask her to explain, and she tells me her "speedometer gun" shows him driving 45 in a 40 zone. I inform her that I'll see if I can get someone on it.
I'll tell you now that if you call a sheriff's office with something like that, we're lying when we say we will see if we can get someone on it. In most places it's because the cops really are busy doing other stuff. In the middle of nowhere, it's because the sheriff himself will literally get pissed off to be "bothered" by things like lawbreakers and then tell me to just ignore it.
Nonetheless, I hang up, and another call comes in 2 minutes later. It's Nathan J. He's calling to report the lady for throwing snowballs at the vehicle as they keep making trips for firewood between his two parents' homes.
She's also called to report people shooting at her house. When we go out to investigate, she points to a speck of dots on the horizon. We end up finding out that they're half a mile away hunting. She lives on the city limits, so they're completely legal and not firing toward town at all. To offer proof that they were shooting at her house though - she offered a bag full of empty casings.
Then there was the cherry-bomb spree. She reported her neighbors and said specifically "They're blowing shit to kingdom-come out here, where the hell are you people?" "Ma'am, I've got someone coming (we really do for something like this), just hold on. What are they using for explosives?" "Hell if I know - it's shaking the whole damn house though. (under her breath) Fucking B* (snip'd) kids..." So once the two deputies I sent for a bomb threat arrive to see if we need the fire crew, they instantly go to the home of those that she named. What's found at the "scene"? Two 5 year old twins with their eyes bugged out from two siren-wailing cop cars pulling up, while they mess around with those little white "toss at the ground and snap" things that are sold around July 4th.
I could go on for a good while about her (and other great Sheriff's Office happenings), but I'm not sure how interesting this is to anyone else so I'll spare myself and possibly others.
TL;DR Crazy lady in town makes cops work more than necessary. Lazy cops despise this.
I called 911 once because there was a black man out front of my house beating the shit out of a black woman and screaming "Give me my money!"
By the time the cops got there the woman had managed to run away and a much larger black man had come and was hanging out with the original guy talking about ten feet from my front door. The cops came up, knocked on my door and I answered as these two guys watched the whole time, totally in earshot. So I just told the cops I didn't know anything and they left. I totally pussed out, but I'm pretty sure these guys would've shot up my house if I had pointed at them and been like "Yeah that's them right there!" especially since the cops couldn't do anything but give them a stern talking to.
Then there was the time the cops were called by my neighbors because they thought I was beating my wife, but really she was just screaming her guts out because i was fucking her harder than usual.
I called 911 once because there was a black man out front of my house beating the shit out of a black woman and screaming "Give me my money!"
By the time the cops got there the woman had managed to run away and a much larger black man had come and was hanging out with the original guy talking about ten feet from my front door. The cops came up, knocked on my door and I answered as these two guys watched the whole time, totally in earshot. So I just told the cops I didn't know anything and they left. I totally pussed out, but I'm pretty sure these guys would've shot up my house if I had pointed at them and been like "Yeah that's them right there!" especially since the cops couldn't do anything but give them a stern talking to.
Then there was the time the cops were called by my neighbors because they thought I was beating my wife, but really she was just screaming her guts out because i was fucking her harder than usual.
Hahaha, I'd love to be working on the shift that gets that call and has to write it up.
Definitely the wise choice though - as there really is surprisingly little they could have done. Given that the woman probably wouldn't want to have anything to do with cops given the way the situation looked (whore/loan shark much olol?) and that the suspects were right there, I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing even working for the cops. Then again I hate 1/2 the force here so go figure.
Probably the most surprising thing about the job is how many DUIs we get. You'd think after you get your 3rd you'd start to think, "Well shit, maybe this whole drinking thing is bad to do if you've got to drive." But we'll have people on work release, in for their DUI #3, stumble in and take their mandatory PBT (breathalyzer) and fail. This is after they've driven themselves back to the jailhouse from work to begin with.
I've actually got a copy of a classic one saved on my home computer here after I had to type a narrative for all the BS this inmate pulled. I was thinking about making it legal to the public (no specific names, locations, yadda-yadda) and posting it here if an appropriate thread for a huge-ass story came along.
JC of DI on
0
Raneadospolice apologistyou shouldn't have been there, obviouslyRegistered Userregular
edited February 2007
I am eating free fried chicken from my work after getting DRUNK
Ha, yeah.
My friends and I all live in the downtown of the city, so we just walk to all the bars and stuff, so all we have is funny stories of the walk home.
Like one time a friend of mine was walking home with his way too drunk girlfriend and she stumbled behind some bushed, took her shirt halfway off and passed out on the ground. Well naturally, my friend goes to pick her up and right as he has her corpse-like body in the most suggestive position *whoop-whoop* a cop pulls up on the side of the road. After a number of minutes of him trying to drunkenly explain what had happen, she wakes up and everything ended up cool, but it was pretty funny.
Or the time I was stumbling down the road, I stopped to lean on a lamp post and a cop comes over and asks me if I'm alright. I told him I was and kept walking. But not ten feet down the road I look to my left and there's my friend Wes, peeing on the front of a Main St. building. He looks over his right shoulder at me and gives me an all-too-pleased with himself nod. Zips up his pants and says "That was awesome" just as he turns around to face the cop standing about a foot away. "No, it wasn't" the cop says and writes him a ticket.
You forget how good the pound is in relation to the dollar.. My wage is so low that I don't even qualify to repay my student loans yet which puts me at ~$30k/year..
But I still get paid that to sit here lurking and posting occasionally..
SporkAndrew on
The one about the fucking space hairdresser and the cowboy. He's got a tinfoil pal and a pedal bin
I was 16 and thoroughly enjoying myself being fellated by a lady-friend. However, this bitch apparantly though that the human penis is made of titanium.
I later discover a giant swelling purple sore on the side of mr. happy.
I go the ER, they tell me that I managed to burst one of the main blood vessels down there. Fortunately this is something that heals up on its own and they just give me a tetanus shot for shits.
Worst part was having to call my parents for health insurance information and having to explain how I ended up in the ER from a blowjob.
Posts
These are the locks at my school:
She denied throwing the lock and I got to spend nearly a whole day at home playing Xbox and eating left-over pizza.
Oh it's such a nice day, I think I'll go out the window! Whoa!
Harsher - she sorta deserved it.
She's okay.
After 6 months of operations/ICU.
And still came out of it
Just as bad of a person as she was beforehand.
You'd think that being clinically dead
For 2 minutes
Would force some leaf-turning on someone.
But nope.
Did you break them falling off a Burger King sign?
your = belonging to you
their = belonging to them
there = not here
they're = they are
Sadly no.
I'm slightly confused as to WHY I would be up on a Burger King sign in the first place.
Did you know someone who fell from a Burger King sign and broke both his wrists?
You know how when you fall backwards you naturally throw your arms behind you to break your fall. Yeah I did that from 40-50 feet.
It also knocked the wind out of me which shouldn't surprise me considering my arms obviously didn't break my fall too well.
I hear you there. My dad almost died in a car crash and the first thing he said when I finally got to see him was "I bet you're pissed off as hell." "Wh-...Why?" (as I'm still crying from hearing about the accident) "I sure as hell didn't want to live to see you - why the fuck would you want to babysit me?" With that the tears stopped and I just told myself it was the morphine he was on, haha. Truth serum maybe.
Anyway: I don't really have any calls to 911 stories on myself or friends, but since I take the calls at the Sheriff's Office in my county, I get to field some great ones - though the humerous ones are the most memorable, obviously.
I'm sitting there on a snowy day, 10 o'clock in the morning on the weekend, and a call comes in from the 911 relay. (The 911 system here actually calls another county completely, and it will either take the call directly if there's personnel available or, most often, forward the call to the county the originating number is in.)
I pick it up and recognize the voice of the town's nuthouse lady. The kind of mother who pulls her kids out school because Y2K is going to fuck over the world, build a bomb shelter to survive once anarchy reigns because of it, but then stop only after digging a 10 foot wide patch up on your lawn because the terrorists are spying on you then board up your windows and tint your cars' windows way past the legal amount regardless of how many tickets she gets. We love getting calls from her. In this case, she called to say she keeps seeing "Nathan J." (last name snip'd) driving "like a bat out of fucking hell." I ask her to explain, and she tells me her "speedometer gun" shows him driving 45 in a 40 zone. I inform her that I'll see if I can get someone on it.
I'll tell you now that if you call a sheriff's office with something like that, we're lying when we say we will see if we can get someone on it. In most places it's because the cops really are busy doing other stuff. In the middle of nowhere, it's because the sheriff himself will literally get pissed off to be "bothered" by things like lawbreakers and then tell me to just ignore it.
Nonetheless, I hang up, and another call comes in 2 minutes later. It's Nathan J. He's calling to report the lady for throwing snowballs at the vehicle as they keep making trips for firewood between his two parents' homes.
She's also called to report people shooting at her house. When we go out to investigate, she points to a speck of dots on the horizon. We end up finding out that they're half a mile away hunting. She lives on the city limits, so they're completely legal and not firing toward town at all. To offer proof that they were shooting at her house though - she offered a bag full of empty casings.
Then there was the cherry-bomb spree. She reported her neighbors and said specifically "They're blowing shit to kingdom-come out here, where the hell are you people?" "Ma'am, I've got someone coming (we really do for something like this), just hold on. What are they using for explosives?" "Hell if I know - it's shaking the whole damn house though. (under her breath) Fucking B* (snip'd) kids..." So once the two deputies I sent for a bomb threat arrive to see if we need the fire crew, they instantly go to the home of those that she named. What's found at the "scene"? Two 5 year old twins with their eyes bugged out from two siren-wailing cop cars pulling up, while they mess around with those little white "toss at the ground and snap" things that are sold around July 4th.
I could go on for a good while about her (and other great Sheriff's Office happenings), but I'm not sure how interesting this is to anyone else so I'll spare myself and possibly others.
TL;DR Crazy lady in town makes cops work more than necessary. Lazy cops despise this.
FOOT SWEATERS
yur hair is purty
FOOT SWEATERS
Ha, that's pretty good shit JC.
I called 911 once because there was a black man out front of my house beating the shit out of a black woman and screaming "Give me my money!"
By the time the cops got there the woman had managed to run away and a much larger black man had come and was hanging out with the original guy talking about ten feet from my front door. The cops came up, knocked on my door and I answered as these two guys watched the whole time, totally in earshot. So I just told the cops I didn't know anything and they left. I totally pussed out, but I'm pretty sure these guys would've shot up my house if I had pointed at them and been like "Yeah that's them right there!" especially since the cops couldn't do anything but give them a stern talking to.
Then there was the time the cops were called by my neighbors because they thought I was beating my wife, but really she was just screaming her guts out because i was fucking her harder than usual.
twitterfacebooksteamsomemusicofminetoomuchgunshegeekshow
may I poop in it
FOOT SWEATERS
HADOUKEN
FOOT SWEATERS
FOOT SWEATERS
twitterfacebooksteamsomemusicofminetoomuchgunshegeekshow
FOOT SWEATERS
twitterfacebooksteamsomemusicofminetoomuchgunshegeekshow
Hahaha, I'd love to be working on the shift that gets that call and has to write it up.
Definitely the wise choice though - as there really is surprisingly little they could have done. Given that the woman probably wouldn't want to have anything to do with cops given the way the situation looked (whore/loan shark much olol?) and that the suspects were right there, I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing even working for the cops. Then again I hate 1/2 the force here so go figure.
Probably the most surprising thing about the job is how many DUIs we get. You'd think after you get your 3rd you'd start to think, "Well shit, maybe this whole drinking thing is bad to do if you've got to drive." But we'll have people on work release, in for their DUI #3, stumble in and take their mandatory PBT (breathalyzer) and fail. This is after they've driven themselves back to the jailhouse from work to begin with.
I've actually got a copy of a classic one saved on my home computer here after I had to type a narrative for all the BS this inmate pulled. I was thinking about making it legal to the public (no specific names, locations, yadda-yadda) and posting it here if an appropriate thread for a huge-ass story came along.
lol whut r u guys doing
My friends and I all live in the downtown of the city, so we just walk to all the bars and stuff, so all we have is funny stories of the walk home.
Like one time a friend of mine was walking home with his way too drunk girlfriend and she stumbled behind some bushed, took her shirt halfway off and passed out on the ground. Well naturally, my friend goes to pick her up and right as he has her corpse-like body in the most suggestive position *whoop-whoop* a cop pulls up on the side of the road. After a number of minutes of him trying to drunkenly explain what had happen, she wakes up and everything ended up cool, but it was pretty funny.
Or the time I was stumbling down the road, I stopped to lean on a lamp post and a cop comes over and asks me if I'm alright. I told him I was and kept walking. But not ten feet down the road I look to my left and there's my friend Wes, peeing on the front of a Main St. building. He looks over his right shoulder at me and gives me an all-too-pleased with himself nod. Zips up his pants and says "That was awesome" just as he turns around to face the cop standing about a foot away. "No, it wasn't" the cop says and writes him a ticket.
Hilarious.
twitterfacebooksteamsomemusicofminetoomuchgunshegeekshow
I'm partly wishing I were you.
But also partly wishing it was tomorrow, cos that's when my telly gets delivered.
hey I get paid tomorrow!
I get paid for not doing anything and taking dozens of smoking breaks and eating fried chicken!
:O
seriously everyone needs to work at Church's chicken, easy job, good pay, good hours, free food. Fuck yes!
I'm getting paid the equivalent of almost $40,000 a year, for sitting on my arse 5 days a week posting here.
$40k in real money makes me pretty poor.
is that place hiring? I would totally move to the UK for that kind of money.
twitterfacebooksteamsomemusicofminetoomuchgunshegeekshow
No you wouldn't. My wage is really quite low for the area. I need a better job.
But I still get paid that to sit here lurking and posting occasionally..
ROBIN FALLS
WHO KNEW
I was about to say, that's more than me! Gimme your job! But I guess you are near London.
I am on $26k a year
ROBIN FALLS
WHO KNEW
The rent on our three bedroom house is £1400 a month, and that was a bargain!
everything is painfully expensive down here.
ROBIN FALLS
WHO KNEW
I was 16 and thoroughly enjoying myself being fellated by a lady-friend. However, this bitch apparantly though that the human penis is made of titanium.
I later discover a giant swelling purple sore on the side of mr. happy.
I go the ER, they tell me that I managed to burst one of the main blood vessels down there. Fortunately this is something that heals up on its own and they just give me a tetanus shot for shits.
Worst part was having to call my parents for health insurance information and having to explain how I ended up in the ER from a blowjob.