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relationship questions

real_pochaccoreal_pochacco Registered User regular
edited May 2011 in Help / Advice Forum
Nevermind, this was a stupid idea, this is a really complex situation and I can't deal with people being snarky to me when I already have enough self-hatred about the whole thing.

real_pochacco on

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    VisionOfClarityVisionOfClarity Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    If you don't want to be with her then it's time to grow a pair and be honest with her instead of continuing to mooch off her for an indeterminate time followed by faking it til you feel like you paid her back. You're staying with her so you can live with her and that's crappy.

    VisionOfClarity on
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    real_pochaccoreal_pochacco Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Fuck it, nevermind.

    real_pochacco on
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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited May 2011
    You did a really good job of laying out how dependent you are on her, and you also did a really good job of laying out how you don't think she can give you the kind of relationship you want or even the potential for it, even though it sounds like she's tried really hard, and that bothers you.

    You haven't really said anything about how much you care for her, so if that's the case and it's actually a weighty factor here, you're going to have to lay that out too, because right now all we've got is those first two things and that is a terrible basis for a relationship. If you can't even start the third thing, growing a pair and figuring out a new living situation is probably the best, most honest thing you can do for her.

    You don't sound like you want to screw her over, and you seem to realize that staying with her dishonestly would be screwing her over, so you know. Don't screw her over. If you've done all the communicating you can do and you've both been honest, then this is where you are.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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    VisionOfClarityVisionOfClarity Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    You pondered staying with her until you can pay her back for supporting you and then breaking up maybe 6 months to a year from now. There is no way to put that where it doesn't sound crappt no matter how you put it. You mentioned how you can't break up because you'd have nowhere to go. If you're already thinking about dumping her in the future and when to tell her you should have the respect for her to tell her now. Not after living with her for another year and then telling her you don't see it going anywhere. Maybe if you weren't mooching off her right now my advice would be different but right now it comes across as you using her in a few different ways.

    VisionOfClarity on
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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited May 2011
    Yeah, sorry, people here aren't going to tell you to do the wrong thing (or even give you validation for the idea) just because the right thing is complicated. What you've gotten up to this point is far from snark.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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