I'm not a Creationist, a Biblical literalist, or religious at all, but I can at least understand how Bishop Ussher's chronology (which is the most common YEC chronology) works. Ussher basically went and worked backwards from known dates, using all the "begats" to arrive at a date. Camping got a different date because, while it's totally obvious that some things, like 1 day = 1000 years are meant to be taken literally (except when they aren't - it doesn't mean Jesus was dead for 3000 years or anything like that, that's just silly), all those "begats" don't necessarily imply a direct father-son relationship, unless the phrase "called his name" is used, in which case it does mean a father-son relationship.
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Oh well
[Edit] Oh wait, it's the 20th. Whatever, this post will be accurate in 18 hours. So don't read this for 18 hours.
[E2] Those pacific plates sure are angry compared to all the others.
Since this guy thinks that 'the gays' are part of the reason he's getting raptured, I believe that he should give me all of the things he can't take with him as a way of thanking me for getting him raptured into heaven.
That's a pretty good angle. Pull together an emergency pride parade past his offices with big signs that say "You're welcome"
[e] I can see him sitting there, seething, waiting for Jesus to come save him. And then... nothing. He looks outside, surrounded by 'the gays' and realizes that he isn't going anywhere. He reaches into his desk drawer, attempts to exercise his second amendment on his mouth, and... nothing. Did someone take his bullets? Or is he in hell? He should have known it wouldn't be this easy. He looks outside again, he realizes that he has been forsaken, and everything he believed was for nothing. All these long years, all these suppressed urges, and he has nothing to show for it. Are they waving at him? He pauses, and sets the gun down. It's such a nice day out. The signs flip over and read "We're sorry ," a moment passes and Camping realizes that he's been crying, but the tears have stopped now. He looks away again, and the AC kicks on giving him a chill. Such a nice day outside. He pushes himself back from his desk and stands up. They're all chanting something now, he can't quite make out. It could be important, maybe he'll just step outside so he can hear them, just for a minute.
Do Jewish people get taken automatically because they are the chosen people?
No, but they'll have hours to repent and claim that Jesus is their personal lord and savior when they hear about the earthquake heading their way.
I think that's a strange consequence of his prediction, as a "faith not works" guy, there would be some heathens blindsided in the Pacific, but when people find out they'll be converting en masse to be raptured.
Only a few hundred thousand, maybe a few million tops, would actually be left behind.
Do Jewish people get taken automatically because they are the chosen people?
No, but they'll have hours to repent and claim that Jesus is their personal lord and savior when they hear about the earthquake heading their way.
I think that's a strange consequence of his prediction, as a "faith not works" guy, there would be some heathens blindsided in the Pacific, but when people find out they'll be converting en masse to be raptured.
Only a few hundred thousand, maybe a few million tops, would actually be left behind.
Maybe it's all a trick. Maybe god hates blind trust and faith based arguments; and resents people that don't demand facts. Thus, only those who convert when faced with his wrath, and evidence of his existence, will be saved. The old guard will be left behind to learn a thing or two about testing hypotheses
Do Jewish people get taken automatically because they are the chosen people?
No, but they'll have hours to repent and claim that Jesus is their personal lord and savior when they hear about the earthquake heading their way.
I think that's a strange consequence of his prediction, as a "faith not works" guy, there would be some heathens blindsided in the Pacific, but when people find out they'll be converting en masse to be raptured.
Only a few hundred thousand, maybe a few million tops, would actually be left behind.
Maybe it's all a trick. Maybe god hates blind trust and faith based arguments; and resents people that don't demand facts. Thus, only those who convert when faced with his wrath, and evidence of his existence, will be saved. The old guard will be left behind to learn a thing or two about testing hypotheses
But they are all just opportunists, who converted at the eleventh hour to save their own skins! Truly the Saved will number only the fervent atheists who refused to convert even at the end, muttering only, "Fuck that noise" until the earthquakes hit.
DivideByZero on
First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKERS
Do Jewish people get taken automatically because they are the chosen people?
No, but they'll have hours to repent and claim that Jesus is their personal lord and savior when they hear about the earthquake heading their way.
I think that's a strange consequence of his prediction, as a "faith not works" guy, there would be some heathens blindsided in the Pacific, but when people find out they'll be converting en masse to be raptured.
Only a few hundred thousand, maybe a few million tops, would actually be left behind.
Maybe it's all a trick. Maybe god hates blind trust and faith based arguments; and resents people that don't demand facts. Thus, only those who convert when faced with his wrath, and evidence of his existence, will be saved. The old guard will be left behind to learn a thing or two about testing hypotheses
This is exactly why Pascal's Wager has always been complete BS.
The infinite possible responses an all-powerful being could have make that sort of odds-placing impossible.
Whoops, turns out the lord of all things only likes people who eat crickets on Tuesdays! Burn for eternity!
The idea that there is only Faith That Is Rewarded or Not Faith and therefore you can place a bet only gets brought up when making arguments about how someone should convert to your faith, as though people are just joshin' about sectarian differences.
I don't know. If the world was ending in a rain of fire and God popped in to reinforce the Old Testament and give us nonbelievers a chance to repent and go lynch some gays, I'd like to think I'd tell him to stop acting like a spoiled child and go get fucked.
Of course that's not how you really react to threat of torture, but hey. They get their Rapture fantasy, I get mine.
I don't know. If the world was ending in a rain of fire and God popped in to reinforce the Old Testament and give us nonbelievers a chance to repent and go lynch some gays, I'd like to think I'd tell him to stop acting like a spoiled child and go get fucked.
Ditto. If the fundies turn out to have been right all along, then God still deserves to get the finger for being the God the Christian wingnuts believe him to be. In that case he probably got a major divine chubby as a result of the Easterly torture porn he instigated.
Thirith on
"Nothing is gonna save us forever but a lot of things can save us today." - Night in the Woods
yeah, it's the old "if that's your heaven, go fuck yourself in it" angle
I for one would hope an omniscient and omnipotent being would be kind of above betty bigotry
autono-wally, erotibot300 on
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DeadfallI don't think you realize just how rich he is.In fact, I should put on a monocle.Registered Userregular
This makes me angry and sad at the same time. Sangry. Angrad?
“People look at my family and think I’m like that,” said Joseph, their 14-year-old, as his parents walked through the street fair on Ninth Avenue, giving out Bibles. “I keep my friends as far away from them as possible.”
“I don’t really have any motivation to try to figure out what I want to do anymore,” he said, “because my main support line, my parents, don’t care.”
This makes me angry and sad at the same time. Sangry. Angrad?
“People look at my family and think I’m like that,” said Joseph, their 14-year-old, as his parents walked through the street fair on Ninth Avenue, giving out Bibles. “I keep my friends as far away from them as possible.”
“I don’t really have any motivation to try to figure out what I want to do anymore,” he said, “because my main support line, my parents, don’t care.”
All the kids in that article seem remarkably put-together. I wonder if they can all file for emancipation once their destitute parents fail to be Raptured.
DivideByZero on
First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKERS
“My mom has told me directly that I’m not going to get into heaven,” Grace Haddad, 16, said. “At first it was really upsetting, but it’s what she honestly believes.”
“My mom has told me directly that I’m not going to get into heaven,” Grace Haddad, 16, said. “At first it was really upsetting, but it’s what she honestly believes.”
That's an absolutely terrible thing to say.
Oh, I don't know. Heaven sounds like it's going to be full of douchebags.
edit: I know I'm gay and everything but holy shit Faith is BEAUTIFUL.
Magic Pink on
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DeadfallI don't think you realize just how rich he is.In fact, I should put on a monocle.Registered Userregular
edited May 2011
But still. If you're raised to believe that Heaven is where all good people go, a wonderful place where all your wishes come true, this would be devastating to hear.
But still. If you're raised to believe that Heaven is where all good people go, a wonderful place where all your wishes come true, this would be devastating to hear.
But still. If you're raised to believe that Heaven is where all good people go, a wonderful place where all your wishes come true, this would be devastating to hear.
From your mother, no less.
On the "Heaven is full of douchebags" thing...in some ways, it's reminiscent of the Jehovah's Witnesses. They're annhilationists and believe in a literal resurrection of the body. So either you'll be resurrected to live forever in a world run by Jehovah's Witnesses...or you're just dead and nothing happens. Gee, I know which one I'd pick.
But still. If you're raised to believe that Heaven is where all good people go, a wonderful place where all your wishes come true, this would be devastating to hear.
From your mother, no less.
On the "Heaven is full of douchebags" thing...in some ways, it's reminiscent of the Jehovah's Witnesses. They're annhilationists and believe in a literal resurrection of the body. So either you'll be resurrected to live forever in a world run by Jehovah's Witnesses...or you're just dead and nothing happens. Gee, I know which one I'd pick.
Are JWs really annoying on a personal level? I've never known one personally, although they used to come by to proselytize on weekends. I've known a few (non-Utah) Mormons, and they're generally nice people.
But still. If you're raised to believe that Heaven is where all good people go, a wonderful place where all your wishes come true, this would be devastating to hear.
From your mother, no less.
On the "Heaven is full of douchebags" thing...in some ways, it's reminiscent of the Jehovah's Witnesses. They're annhilationists and believe in a literal resurrection of the body. So either you'll be resurrected to live forever in a world run by Jehovah's Witnesses...or you're just dead and nothing happens. Gee, I know which one I'd pick.
Are JWs really annoying on a personal level? I've never known one personally, although they used to come by to proselytize on weekends. I've known a few (non-Utah) Mormons, and they're generally nice people.
Like anyone else, they run the gamut. It's nothing to do with individual Witnesses, it's the idea that the Witnesses as an institution would be running the world. Just like the Mormons, as you mentioned. Individuals may be nice, or not, but I wouldn't want to live in a world, or even a country, run by the Church of LDS. Similarly, I know lots of great Catholics, but the prospect of living in a Catholic theocracy is fucking terrifying.
This makes me angry and sad at the same time. Sangry. Angrad?
“People look at my family and think I’m like that,” said Joseph, their 14-year-old, as his parents walked through the street fair on Ninth Avenue, giving out Bibles. “I keep my friends as far away from them as possible.”
“I don’t really have any motivation to try to figure out what I want to do anymore,” he said, “because my main support line, my parents, don’t care.”
Once, there was this boy whose/
Parents made him come directly home right after school/
And when they went to their church/
They shook, and lurched all over the church floor/
He couldn't quite explain it/
They'd always just goooooone theeeeeeere/
So, what do we think will happen to all the folks who, believing in this thing whole-heartedly, have basically let their entire financial health collapse in anticipation of getting Raptured tomorrow? Mass-suicide on the 22nd?
So, what do we think will happen to all the folks who, believing in this thing whole-heartedly, have basically let their entire financial health collapse in anticipation of getting Raptured tomorrow? Mass-suicide on the 22nd?
You wish.
They'll be well cared for by our easily abused welfare system.
Posts
I'm not a Creationist, a Biblical literalist, or religious at all, but I can at least understand how Bishop Ussher's chronology (which is the most common YEC chronology) works. Ussher basically went and worked backwards from known dates, using all the "begats" to arrive at a date. Camping got a different date because, while it's totally obvious that some things, like 1 day = 1000 years are meant to be taken literally (except when they aren't - it doesn't mean Jesus was dead for 3000 years or anything like that, that's just silly), all those "begats" don't necessarily imply a direct father-son relationship, unless the phrase "called his name" is used, in which case it does mean a father-son relationship.
Also on Steam and PSN: twobadcats
It's a surprise that not more software developers drop their "It's done when it's done!" in favour of, "21 May, around 7pm. Tee-hee!"
"Nothing is gonna save us forever but a lot of things can save us today." - Night in the Woods
Oh well
[Edit] Oh wait, it's the 20th. Whatever, this post will be accurate in 18 hours. So don't read this for 18 hours.
[E2] Those pacific plates sure are angry compared to all the others.
[e] I can see him sitting there, seething, waiting for Jesus to come save him. And then... nothing. He looks outside, surrounded by 'the gays' and realizes that he isn't going anywhere. He reaches into his desk drawer, attempts to exercise his second amendment on his mouth, and... nothing. Did someone take his bullets? Or is he in hell? He should have known it wouldn't be this easy. He looks outside again, he realizes that he has been forsaken, and everything he believed was for nothing. All these long years, all these suppressed urges, and he has nothing to show for it. Are they waving at him? He pauses, and sets the gun down. It's such a nice day out. The signs flip over and read "We're sorry
I KISS YOU!
No, but they'll have hours to repent and claim that Jesus is their personal lord and savior when they hear about the earthquake heading their way.
I think that's a strange consequence of his prediction, as a "faith not works" guy, there would be some heathens blindsided in the Pacific, but when people find out they'll be converting en masse to be raptured.
Only a few hundred thousand, maybe a few million tops, would actually be left behind.
Maybe it's all a trick. Maybe god hates blind trust and faith based arguments; and resents people that don't demand facts. Thus, only those who convert when faced with his wrath, and evidence of his existence, will be saved. The old guard will be left behind to learn a thing or two about testing hypotheses
But they are all just opportunists, who converted at the eleventh hour to save their own skins! Truly the Saved will number only the fervent atheists who refused to convert even at the end, muttering only, "Fuck that noise" until the earthquakes hit.
I KISS YOU!
This is exactly why Pascal's Wager has always been complete BS.
The infinite possible responses an all-powerful being could have make that sort of odds-placing impossible.
Whoops, turns out the lord of all things only likes people who eat crickets on Tuesdays! Burn for eternity!
The idea that there is only Faith That Is Rewarded or Not Faith and therefore you can place a bet only gets brought up when making arguments about how someone should convert to your faith, as though people are just joshin' about sectarian differences.
Of course that's not how you really react to threat of torture, but hey. They get their Rapture fantasy, I get mine.
"Nothing is gonna save us forever but a lot of things can save us today." - Night in the Woods
I for one would hope an omniscient and omnipotent being would be kind of above betty bigotry
This makes me angry and sad at the same time. Sangry. Angrad?
xbl - HowYouGetAnts
steam - WeAreAllGeth
This whole thing is just fucking awful.
Also on Steam and PSN: twobadcats
That's an absolutely terrible thing to say.
Oh, I don't know. Heaven sounds like it's going to be full of douchebags.
edit: I know I'm gay and everything but holy shit Faith is BEAUTIFUL.
xbl - HowYouGetAnts
steam - WeAreAllGeth
I was. It was not when I heard it.
From your mother, no less.
On the "Heaven is full of douchebags" thing...in some ways, it's reminiscent of the Jehovah's Witnesses. They're annhilationists and believe in a literal resurrection of the body. So either you'll be resurrected to live forever in a world run by Jehovah's Witnesses...or you're just dead and nothing happens. Gee, I know which one I'd pick.
Also on Steam and PSN: twobadcats
So even gay guys think Faith is the pretty one?
Poor Grace.
Yeah, they're certainly fraternal, not identical.
Are JWs really annoying on a personal level? I've never known one personally, although they used to come by to proselytize on weekends. I've known a few (non-Utah) Mormons, and they're generally nice people.
No way I am missing this going down on the date line. I guess the best bet would be to find a webcam in Fiji to see if things start shaking?
I KISS YOU!
Twitter
Like anyone else, they run the gamut. It's nothing to do with individual Witnesses, it's the idea that the Witnesses as an institution would be running the world. Just like the Mormons, as you mentioned. Individuals may be nice, or not, but I wouldn't want to live in a world, or even a country, run by the Church of LDS. Similarly, I know lots of great Catholics, but the prospect of living in a Catholic theocracy is fucking terrifying.
Also on Steam and PSN: twobadcats
on Christmas morning.
No, he said it would start in the Pacific Time Zone.
So less than 10 hours.
It’s not a very important country most of the time
http://steamcommunity.com/id/mortious
I KISS YOU!
I thought it was in Fiji and then wrap around the world at 6pm made its way?
I KISS YOU!
It depends on how much Jesus is holding back the earthquake waves.
You wish.
They'll be well cared for by our easily abused welfare system.