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Visiting Ex In ICU?
Actinguy1
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Hi all! I've mentioned before that every now and then, I google the exes I've lost touch with before. This has resulted in a few of my posts here, such as when I found out that one of my exes had gone on to get arrested for having a hundred dead pets in her house...and then a year later, when I found out they were making a movie about her life, and it was a ROMANTIC COMEDY. o_O
Anyhow, I found another ex last night...and the news is bad. She was hit head on by a car going up the wrong side of the highway. Both of her legs are shattered and she is in ICU. Her 7-week-old daughter survived without a scratch. The people in the other car were badly injured and one of the passengers died.
This all happened a month ago...and there hasn't been any update. I'm losing sleep wondering what happened, if she's even still alive, and whether there is anything she needs or that I can do.
I don't have any contact with her, family, or friends anymore (we broke up about five years ago after six years of on and off). She got married about a year back (and as mentioned, has a 7-week old baby), and I'm getting married in exactly two months, so this isn't some ridiculous get-back-together scheme. I'm just sincerely worried about her, given that at BEST she has two broken legs and a young infant.
I don't know if she's still at the ICU, but would I be way out of line in going there to see? Would I even be able to find anything out? In trying to get more info, I found out what church she goes to, so dropping in there and trying to find something out might also be doable.
Or would all of that be entirely creepy at the worst possible time? I have the best of intentions, so if staying out of the way is what is best, then that's what I'll do.
What say you?
tl;dr: Ex in intensive care after massive car accident. Visit?
Anyhow, I found another ex last night...and the news is bad. She was hit head on by a car going up the wrong side of the highway. Both of her legs are shattered and she is in ICU. Her 7-week-old daughter survived without a scratch. The people in the other car were badly injured and one of the passengers died.
This all happened a month ago...and there hasn't been any update. I'm losing sleep wondering what happened, if she's even still alive, and whether there is anything she needs or that I can do.
I don't have any contact with her, family, or friends anymore (we broke up about five years ago after six years of on and off). She got married about a year back (and as mentioned, has a 7-week old baby), and I'm getting married in exactly two months, so this isn't some ridiculous get-back-together scheme. I'm just sincerely worried about her, given that at BEST she has two broken legs and a young infant.
I don't know if she's still at the ICU, but would I be way out of line in going there to see? Would I even be able to find anything out? In trying to get more info, I found out what church she goes to, so dropping in there and trying to find something out might also be doable.
Or would all of that be entirely creepy at the worst possible time? I have the best of intentions, so if staying out of the way is what is best, then that's what I'll do.
What say you?
tl;dr: Ex in intensive care after massive car accident. Visit?
Actinguy1 on
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EDIT: To be clear, I'm not suggesting a visit from me will miraculously cure her...just that if I can get more info, I can take up a collection of money or baby things or babysitters (not me) or whatever is needed. Of course, I also realize that maybe my presence wouldn't be welcome.
She also has a husband, a (presumably) caring family, and her church for support.
It's nice that you want to help, but given that you've apparently had no contact whatsoever with her since your breakup, you're not really a part of each others lives anymore.
I'm assuming this was the sort of breakup where neither one tried to kill each other and parting words were somewhere along the like of thanks for the memories
My ex and her partner just had to put down their dog, this came a few years after a nephew was seriously injured in a car accident. While you nature as a human being may inspire you to be a white knight with all sorts of kind... consult fiancee, involve her, simple card and flowers. Less is more.
What you should do is contact her husband! She's married, there's a father for the child, and the polite thing would be to contact the guy with your sincere concern, offer your help to the family, and see what her husband says. Either that, or just let it go.
That too. If there isn't a follow-up story about her dying she's probably been out of the ICU for several weeks now, and may not even be in the hospital anymore.
You haven't talked for 5 years - just let it go.
This, this is a very good idea, don't even mention that you and her were an item, just send the card, your name on it (no picture), drop some cash into the fund if there is one. If you don't feel like you've done enough, put more money in.
Also, be thankful that you have this concern and desire to interact, it means your still human, and a damn good one at that.
Don't you think you're jumping the gun a little on this? I mean, they just broke up and lost contact, its a little presumptuous to assume googling her name is cyberstalking.
It's far and away from cyber-stalking someone.
Yeah, I agree. Intent is sort of the difference for me. "I googled your name to see whether you'd been published lately" is different from, "I googled your name, found out you were in an accident, called the hospital you were in, contacted your husband and arranged for flowers in your hospital room."
If you feel like you're supposed to do something here, send a card/note and let it go.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
You don't have to specify how you found out and certainly don't mention that you're getting married soon or shit like that.
He'll probably say no but thank you for your thoughts we'll keep you updated. Dude's wife was just in a car accident... he's not going to care if you used to date her or not. Right now he's in a bad place, so offer condolences and support to the family.
If you don't want to call or don't have a number, a card with flowers is good enough.
Seriously, just send a card. Don't contact her. Don't contact the husband. Just a quick note saying "Hey, found out about your accident. Hope you're doing better."
Your intentions sound honorable, but I'm doubtful that they would be well-received.
I'm wondering this myself already and I'm not even the ex.