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Debate and/or Discourse: AWESOME POST in "OBL Really Just Died?", by Dracomicron

GaddezGaddez Registered User regular
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The most awesome conspiracy theory ever. EVER.
Post: OBL Really Just Died?
Forum: Debate and/or Discourse
Assigned Moderators: Elki, ElJeffe, Irond Will, jacobkosh

Posted by: Dracomicron
Original Content:
Kipling217 wrote: »
South host wrote: »
P10 wrote: »
If he doesn't want to believe it, he doesn't have to. But there's enough evidence any reasonable person would accept the official story.

Doesn't the official story strike you as completely insane?

No. Not at all.

Its not like we have seen even a hint of evidence to the contrary.

Actually, the story is not insane enough. If I were making this up, Osama would've been driving a mech and seconds away from launching a stolen soviet ICBM nuke at Moscow from his underground facility in order to start World War III when Seal Team 6, wearing power armor and led by God Emperor Obama, First Of His Name, would've bust through wave after wave of Al-Qaida and corrupt Pakistani forces to gun him down using dual-wielded railguns and chainsaw swords.

Then Bin Laden's death would have released the thousand demons he was drawing power from (to combat kindey failure, you see), which would have then possessed the nuke and started the countdown again. God-Emperor Obama would then use his powerful psychic mindblast to tear open a hole in reality to safely get his soldiers out of there while the facility collapsed. Then he would turn around and stride back into the missile chamber to confront the now-reanimated zombie corpse of Osama Bin Laden. Osama would laugh and say, in a heavily accented evil voice, that the explosion would kill millions of Pakistanis, and that the entire Muslim world would know that it was due to the United State's actions. Then Obama would say, "No. Not today." He'd grab a plasma rifle that Ayman al-Zawahiri dropped and shoot the rock over the controls, causing a massive cave-in due to the superheated plasma and burying the missile deep underground.

As Obama was out-running the explosion, Zombie Bin Laden would grab onto his leg and say, "You cannot escape!" and Obama would say, "Yes I can" then punt the terrorist's head into a chasm. Fade to white as the nuke goes off.

The next day, High Inquisitor Hillary Clinton is digging through the rubble, searching for her onetime rival, now grudging friend. A rock moves! She goes and clears away the rock to find God Emperor Obama, unconscious but alive. He regains consciousness and says, "The threat has ended. I'm going to go home to my solid gold space station and make love to my wife while the Bard Kanye West sings next to the bed."

Then they both give the camera a thumbs-up and FREEZE FRAME.

THAT is what it would be if it were an insane story.

Gaddez on


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