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The Death of Phalla [mini] - The Fifth Hour

simonwolfsimonwolf there was a silenceyou took to mean somethingRegistered User regular
edited June 2011 in Critical Failures
invitation.png

The Death of Phalla
A funerary mini phalla-phalla for twenty-five mourners.


On the 16th of June, 2011, the game once known as phalla died. It had been sick for a long time, everyone had known that, but its death was still a shock; perhaps they expected it to trudge on forever, half-alive, supported by all kinds of modern machinery. But in the end, even the best efforts of science could not keep it alive, and it collapsed under the weight of its illness, the weight of the world. Perhaps it was the machinery that had worsened its condition, sustained it well beyond when it should have departed. In the end, no man could save it. Nobody discovered its death for a time, but then the corpse was found, pale and grotesque, and all the arrangements were made.

Thunder peel across the darkening sky.

Critical Mansion, its ancestral home, was chosen for the funeral and the wake. Invitations were sent out to those who had known and loved phalla in its prime, those who had stuck with it in its time of dying. They came from all over the world to pay their respects, pulling up to the mansion as the rain poured down on last year's men. They wore black, as was appropriate. Trudging up the stairs they went, into the grand hallway of the mansion that had once been their favourite abode. Now it seemed darker, dustier.

Empty.

The casket lay ahead, closed to the world. But before anyone could enter, the guestbook had to be signed.

Open and waiting for the signatures of those who had come to remember phalla that once was.

The signatures of those who had come to tarnish that memory.

The signatures of those who did not think death was the end.




What is this?

It's a mini phalla-phalla. You should know the rules by now, surely. Of course, a phalla-phalla is a phalla where the roles are based on phalla players; some assume a level of commentary and satire is inherent in this kind of arrangement, but we'll let you be the judge of that.

Phalla is dead?

Long live phalla.

Should we be concerned about any of the mechanics?

We won't lie; there are some mechanics at play that could be deemed "controversial", but that's all subjective, really. If you don't want to play in a game with those kinds of mechanics, that's your decision to make. This is all about mourning the passing of phalla, not debating the worth or value of any style of design.

There isn't a "standard" village PM, as every role is unique. Please don't try and do a role call. It will only get you hurt.

What are the rules?

Standard phalla fare. No sharing host PMs, screenshots, or anonymous contact of any kind. When you are removed from the game, you get one more post, as a "ghost", but that post should only contain insults and fist-shaking at others, no game information. If you make a proboard - and I sincerely hope you do - you'll share it with the hosts of this funeral.

Every day, there will be a vote to eject someone from the funeral, written in bold red, as per usual. The vote will come first in any order of actions; everything else will happen simultaneously. Ties will result in whoever reached the tie number first being eliminated.

Failure to participate in any of the votes and events throughout the game will be looked down on severely, as will any silly goosery. This is your fair warning, as you will only get one before being replaced or eliminated. To make this clear - miss a vote or fail to participate in a daily event, you will get a single warning before being removed entirely.

Vote close will be at 2pm Australian Eastern Standard Time. Or 12am [strike]EST[/strike] EDT. Or 4am GMT. I'm sure you can figure it out from there.

Clarifications are accepted, as long as they're written in bold orange.

If you still wish to participate, please sign up with your name and message of mourning in bold green, as you are writing in the guest book. Anyone who simply says "sign up", or otherwise de-formalises this solemn tome, will be barred from entry until such time as they correctly sign their name.

1. Alegis - Rawkking Goodguy the Gullible (Converted Village) (victorious)
2. Delmain - Tayrun the Mighty (Converted Odd-Day Seer) (victorious)
3. MrBlarney - 3clipse the Maleficent (Even-Day Vigilante) (died day 2)
4. lonelyahava - Spoit the Avaricious (Mason) (died day 5)
5. kuhlmeye - stever777 the Vain (Guardian) (died day 2)
6. 3clipse - Zandracon the Pusillanimous (died day 3)
7. Phyphor - I needed a name to post the Indolent (Odd-Day Vig) - (died day 1)
8. B:L - Alegis the Congenial (Converted Village) (victorious)
9. vagrant_winds - JaysonFour The Kafkaesque (died day 4)
10. Farangu - vagrant_winds the Naughty (Mafia) (alive but defeated)
11. Baidol - Teucrian the Belligerent (Even-Day Seer) (died day 1)
12. [strike]Zandracon[/strike] Ringo - 38thDoe the Carcinogenic (Mafia) (alive but defeated)
13. I needed a name to post - jackisreal the Furious (alive but defeated)
14. Teurican - Baidol the Virtuous (Mason) (died day 5)
15. jackisreal - MrBlarney the Arrogant (Converted Village) (victorious)
16. The Anonymous - kuhlmeye the Mimetic (died day 5)
17. stever777 - lonelyahava the Inflexible (died day 4)
18. Spoit - B:L the Resentful (died day 3)
19. JaysonFour - Langly the Cunning (The Purifier) (died day 3)
20. Rawkking Goodguy - Delmain the Ravenous (Mafia) (died day 1)
21. Kay - Void Slayer the Moody (died day 2)
22. Void Slayer - Farangu the Cantankerous (alive but defeated)
23. Tayrun - Phyphor the Bold (Mafia) (alive but defeated)
24. Langly - Kay the Malicious (Cultist) (victorious)
25. 38thDoe - TheAnonymous the Gelatinous (Converted Cultist) (victorious)

Perfect Cult Victory


RESERVES
1. Extermatott
2. Dolores
3. REG Rysk
4. Burnage

Narrations
The First Hour
The Second Hour
The Third Hour
The Fourth Hour
The Fifth Hour

simonwolf on
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Posts

  • TurksonTurkson Near the mountains of ColoradoRegistered User regular
    edited June 2011
    !Sign up

    Be forewarned, I'm going to try and vote out simonwolf every chance I get.

    Turkson on
    We missed a few places...
  • simonwolfsimonwolf there was a silence you took to mean somethingRegistered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Please note that Turkson and 3clipse have not actually signed up, as according to the rules in the OP. I do suggest you read it.

    simonwolf on
  • MrBlarneyMrBlarney Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    I tried my best to set a good example. I tried to show people the way to treat you. But alas, Phalla, you ended up like this. I'll never forget you.

    - MrBlarney

    MrBlarney on
    chirisigtext.png
  • kuhlmeyekuhlmeye Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    i can dig it

    kuhlmeye on
    PSN: the-K-flash
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Mortius is correct Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    edited June 2011
    What friends this has brought me, what utter joy and shame. Blessings on thy house, I try and revere thy name.

    lonelyahava on
  • EgosEgos Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    You need to cry more.

    Egos on
  • kuhlmeyekuhlmeye Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    I have known phalla for some time now, and I can tell you one thing for sure. Though sometimes hard to understand, it always helped us to understand others. You shall surely be missed.

    -kuhl

    kuhlmeye on
    PSN: the-K-flash
  • 3clipse3clipse I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    I knew Phalla all too well. I will mourn its passing with grief, and will miss most of all our friendly rivalry.

    -3clipse

    3clipse on
    YaYa wrote: »
    FUCK YEAH LET'S FIGHT THE MOON
  • TurksonTurkson Near the mountains of ColoradoRegistered User regular
    edited June 2011

    Dear Mrs. Wolf:

    We regret to inform you that simonwolf's sense of humor was killed in the line of duty on June 18, 2011.

    On behalf of the nation, we express the deepest condolences for your loss.

    If you have any questions, please contact Maj T.Row Faec at 867-5309.

    In deepest sympathy,
    Lt.Col. Dirk A. Turkson

    Turkson on
    We missed a few places...
  • PhyphorPhyphor Building Planet Busters Tasting FruitRegistered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Phalla was a good friend. It showed us the true nature of a man. It gave us grudges and, when we died in one game, Phalla was always there with another game to play in. It shall be mourned.

    - Phyphor

    Phyphor on
    Magic Box
    Academician Prokhor "Phyphor" Zakharov, Chief Scientist of China, Provost of the University of Planet - SE++ Megagame
  • B:LB:L Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    14afy1e.jpg

    B:L on
    10mvrci.png click for Anime chat
  • vagrant_windsvagrant_winds Overworked Mysterious Eldritch Horror Hunter XX Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    People die when they are killed. Phalla? Phalla is eternal.

    - vagrant_winds

    vagrant_winds on
    // Steam: VWinds // LoL: VWinds // PSN: vagrant_winds //
    // 3DS: 4682-8868-5037 // Switch: SW-5306-0651-6424 //
  • FaranguFarangu I am a beardy man With a beardy planRegistered User regular
    edited June 2011
    There are those that might say I helped bring phalla to this point, that I put it in that no-win situation. Were they right?

    I guess we'll never know.

    -Faran von Gustaverson III

    Farangu on
  • BaidolBaidol I will hold him off Escape while you canRegistered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Too long had phalla suffered as it was.

    Too long had we simply watched as it crumbled to dust.

    Let us now celebrate its life, and its death, and its resurrection.

    Baidol on
    Steam Overwatch: Baidol#1957
  • ZandraconZandracon Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    ████████████████████.
    █████

    Zandracon on
  • I needed a gnome to post.I needed a gnome to post. Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Though I knew phalla only briefly, it touched my heart in that limited time. I shall cherish its victories and solemnly observe its defeats.

    ~I needed a name to post.

    I needed a gnome to post. on
    zxQY2JJ.jpg
  • TeucrianTeucrian Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    O Phalla ripped from us too early and too cruelly by fate. I can present you only with the gift of my signup, which is yours by right.

    Ave Atque Vale,

    Teucrian

    Teucrian on
  • jackisrealjackisreal Registered User
    edited June 2011
    !Dulce et decorum est pro phalla mori

    jackisreal on
    DolphinMechSig.jpg
  • stever777stever777 AFK most Saturdays Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    I would sign up but I think Simon would just kill me himself. :?

    stever777 on
    Hosting Android: Netrunner - Thread 2: The Revenge

    The Black Hole of Cygnus X-1
  • simonwolfsimonwolf there was a silence you took to mean somethingRegistered User regular
    edited June 2011
    I promise not to kill you myself.

    simonwolf on
  • The AnonymousThe Anonymous Uh, uh, uhhhhhh... Uh, uh.Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    It was me. I killed Phalla.

    The Anonymous on
  • stever777stever777 AFK most Saturdays Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Well. that's disappointing.
    !I remember Phalla when he was only a wide-eyed dreamer who thought the world would be a kind, forgiving place. He found out the wretched truth and was never able to fully recover from it. His last words to me were "Why are all the spread-sheeters so mean to me? I never did anything but bring them joy." I couldn't answer him and, as he left this life, I was a bit sadder and a bit wiser. "He was right", I thought. I'll never forget what those bean-counters did to him and how they reduced his soul to just columns & numbers, as they do to all sacred life. Fly high, Phalla. Be comforted in the arms of a loving, non-spread-sheeting God.

    stever777 on
    Hosting Android: Netrunner - Thread 2: The Revenge

    The Black Hole of Cygnus X-1
  • SpoitSpoit *twitch twitch* Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Alas poor phalla, I knew it...well, not that well
    -spoit

    Spoit on
    steam_sig.png
  • JaysonFourJaysonFour Classy Monster Kitteh Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Ah, Phalla, we knew ye well. Even when I didn't seem to be interested any more, I always kept you and a convienent bit of lolspeak in my heart.

    Though you may have fallen, we carry on in your memory.

    -JaysonFour

    JaysonFour on
    steam_sig.png
  • AlegisAlegis Impeckable Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    my condolences. phalla and I were friends for a looooong time
    hard times are ahead, we have to stand strong and upright


    -not Alegis

    Alegis on
  • Rawkking GoodguyRawkking Goodguy Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    What are you doing, phalla?!

    Get up!

    ...we need you...

    Rawkking Goodguy on
  • KayKay What we need... Is a little bit of PANIC.Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    We are gathered here today to confirm my role as a vote-immune serial killer, who will punish all mourners for not displaying the proper amount of decorum and respect for the passing of this exemplary pasttime. You are all going to be glovefucked.

    --Burnage vonPhalla, Esq.

    Kay on
    ew9y0DD.png
    3DS FCode: 1993-7512-8991
  • Void SlayerVoid Slayer Very Suspicious Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    I just... I can't... it is too much.

    Void Slayer on
    He's a shy overambitious dog-catcher on the wrong side of the law. She's an orphaned psychic mercenary with the power to bend men's minds. They fight crime!
  • LanglyLangly Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    sign up

    Langly on
  • AlegisAlegis Impeckable Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Langly you need to pay proper respect, a guestbook is not for 'sign ups'

    Alegis on
  • LanglyLangly Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    I am posting from my phone, I can't pay my proper respect from a keypad! I can only let those holding the proceedings know that I will be their in my mourning garb.

    Langly on
  • simonwolfsimonwolf there was a silence you took to mean somethingRegistered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Langly, until such time as you properly sign the guestbook, you will not be added to the player list. Apologies, but the rule applies to everyone.

    simonwolf on
  • TayrunTayrun Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Phalla, I regret that we had but a short time together, though in that time you changed me in ways I'm still just beginning to understand.

    Dear friend, I will miss you.

    -Tayrun

    Tayrun on
    3DS: 5257-9337-8263
  • LanglyLangly Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Phalla, I figured out how to code in a message board just for you, because my phone won't process buttons for some reason. That is how much I loved you, Phalla. There will always be a phalla shaped hole in my heart.

    -Langly

    Langly on
  • 38thDoe38thDoe lets never be stupid again wait lets always be stupid foreverRegistered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Phalla, although I feel like I had just met you, nonetheless, I enjoyed our time together. I remember best how you made us all kill each other based on little or no reason. Your murder most foul will be avenged.

    -The Thirty-eighth Defender of Earth

    38thDoe on


    steam_sig.png
  • warbanwarban Who the Hoof do you think we are? Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    !Signup or reserve up

    warban on
    ACE ✰ PONY ✰ DETECTIVE!
  • ExtermatottExtermatott Registered User
    edited June 2011
    Phalla, we had good times together, my only regret was not waking up early enough to attend the funeral. Now I must be a reserve.

    -Extermatott

    Extermatott on
  • RingoRingo Out of things to say Heartbreak HillRegistered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Sometimes the things that are real in life get swept away by the narrative of what would we should be doing. The passing of Phalla has reminded me that there's more to this silly game than winning and losing. There's also seeing how many people you can kill and continue to get away with it. Phalla is dead because I vigged him, long live Phalla that I may vig again.

    - It's a Golden Jackal, Ringo

    Ringo on
    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
  • simonwolfsimonwolf there was a silence you took to mean somethingRegistered User regular
    edited June 2011
    That's twenty-five players! Extermatott and Ringo have been added to the reserves.

    Game will begin later today; still some work to do with role PMs before I can start sending them out.

    Until then, players are welcome to share their memories of Phalla. There may or may not be in-game effects from such things.

    simonwolf on
  • FaranguFarangu I am a beardy man With a beardy planRegistered User regular
    edited June 2011
    I'll say this about Phalla; you put Phalla and that Ender guy in the same room, and some awesome craziness was bound to happen as a result. I mean, My God, Earth Defense Fleet? Who else in their (possibly coked up but still) right mind could have thought up that one?

    ...Where is that crazy bastard, anyway? He should be here, at least as a kindness.

    Farangu on
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