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Awesome: 'Google News Badges: Israel/Palestine Still Broken for 1000/1000, Wil...' by Rent

RentRent I'm always rightFuckin' deal with itRegistered User regular
Google News Badges!

Have you ever thought to yourself when reading the news, "Man, I really like staying informed but what I really want, what I really need right fucking now is some sort of Achievement-esque system where I can track and compare (and simultaneously brag about to my friends) my news habits?" Well then look no goddamn further than Google News Badges!

Your badges get upgraded as you read in more specific topics, from silver to gold to platinum to finally ultimate. FUCK YEAH, ULTIMATE! Do you know how fucking badass ultimate badges are? Basically, you are the most informed motherfucker on the planet if you get an ultimate badge in something. You are a mini Google. That is how knowledgable you are on that topic.

They're linked to your Google account and you can compare them to friends! Imagine the potential. Like, say you're at a party with your douche friend Chet. He's one of those dickholes who always knows something about everything. What an ass! Well, you're talking to him right, and suddenly it takes a turn to an arguement about the potentiality for Comet Kohoutek to pass within Earth's orbit in the next century. You're really going at it, neither side giving in, when suddenly he pulls out the trump card- "I'm an astrophysicist".

Oh snap dog, he just laid a Sol's Core-sized burn on your ass (within 5 Kelvin)! What you gonna do? He frontin', and you best show that bitch up. You could just shank his ass with your 6" butterfly, but you decide to take out your Android smartphone (of course it's an Android. iPhone? You ain't no pussy.), navigate to your Badges page, and show him your Ultimate badge in Astronomy.

DAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNN! Chet immediately bursts into tears, shamed by your gross display of intellectual superiority, and assumes the fetal position for the rest of the soiree. Now you, the highly intelligent, devilishly handsome, and hilariously funny life of the party proceed to take his money, as is the custom for issuing him such a verbal beatdown. You take his girlfriend as well, because-let's face it-women are property. You know this because of your Ultimate badge in Gender Relations. And it's all thanks to Google. Fuck yeah, Google!

No but seriously, this might be an interesting way to get younger people interested in staying informed. And, at the end of the day, at least Badges are still more meaningful than Trophies! BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE! Haha!


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