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Oh, dating....
Grundlterror
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So, I went on a date. I have recently made threads about my ex going out with a friend of mine and that fucking with my head and I also made one about possibly dating this girl but couldn't realize why I didn't have feelings for her. Well the other week I went out with her. We saw a play (both of our choices) then went out to a bar and got fairly hammered. Then told her that I thought we had enough in common and that I would like to date her but didn't want to be in a relationship or live up to anyone's expectations (I put it much nicer then that of course).
She said that she didn't like to talk things out and that she thought I would regret telling her that in the morning. Anyway we go back to my house and I end up sleeping with her (no sex) and making out with her. Not sure what I would really regret in the morning but ok. Thing was, when we were making out there wasn't much of a spark there. I don't know if it was I just wasn't feeling it with her or that she was just laying there making out with me instead of getting into it. (I tried various thing to get her to move something other than her lips around, but she didn't respond). I'm not sure if this is because I've just been in more passionate relationships than her, but I don't see the point of making out if you are just going to lay there and touch lips and slip some tongue. I wanted to be rolling around, hands everywhere just letting our bodies do whatever they wanted to. But it was boring... and I already didn't like this girl that much.
So we go to sleep and the next morning she wakes up and leaves, and she immediately starts text messaging me about the night before. Then she calls me before she goes to work. Then she text messages me more. While shes at work she emails me and posts on my myspace and facebook. At this point I hinted at her that I'm really busy with work and school. She continues text messaging me throughout the week and we talk about if we are gonna meet up the next week. Well I'm already put off by her forwardness, I had told her that this is not what I wanted (unless something was lost in translation) but at this point she has the reigns and I figure I might as well give her another try the next weekend see how things go and see if anything improves.
Well friday rolls around and we were supposed to hang out on saturday. She asks me if I can hang out that night and I tell her I have a test and I probably wont be off work until 7 so I'd call her. Well I do call her, after a quite depressing day of work, to see if she wants to hang out. She says she has to break plans w/ one of her other friends but she'll hang out with me. Well later it turns out her sister wants to come downtown and hang out with us (I live in the city, she lives in the suburbs). Thats cool with me so I tell her to get in touch w/ me when she wants to get together. She finally texts me after midnight when I'm already at a bar downtown with my friends and tells me she is at this place I never heard of, so I respond to her that I don't know what or where that is to no reply. I text her later, after I'm back at my house telling her she should come hang out (there were a bunch of people still over there) and she says shes headed home and we flirt over text for a minute and then I go to sleep.
Well I wake up much much later to 7 or 8 texts from her through out the day, the last one saying that I suck at replying to text messages and if I don't reply to her the next play we go to see will be Peter and the Wolf or something as equally lame. So I wait a couple of hours because like I said, I don't want to have to live up to someones expectations at this point, and text her back that if thats the case then she can go by herself. I said it fairly jokingly, but now it's been like three days since then and I haven't heard from her. Not one text, email or social networking site post. Now I'm confused exactly what the deal is.
I would like to go out with her again, but things have not been progressing the way I want them to. We seem to have entirely different perspectives on how the relationship is going. I feel like I have pissed her off now, but I spelled out exactly what I wanted from the relationship before we did anything. I don't really want to text her, but if I don't odds are she probably is stewing over this (given the lack of her texting me, I did send the last text) and if I don't contact her soon I'll lose any chance of seeing if the relationship could work. But at this point I'm not really that motivated to save a dying relationship (before it's even really remotely close to budding) that I'm not sure I even want to be in in the first place. Should I write her an email telling her exactly how I feel about everything? We're both 22, but she seems a little less mature in her relationships in that I don't think being upfront with her works as well as it should. I'm confused... I hate girls... and text messaging.
tl;dr - I went on one date with this girl (that I'm not too sure about) and slept (no sex) with her. Recently she is getting to clingy even though I told her I did not want a commited relationship. I think my lack of communication has pissed her off and now she has ceased her relentless attack of text messages. I want to see her again to see if things will work, but don't want to progress the way things have been going. Advice?
(god I didn't realize how long this post would be when I was typing it)
She said that she didn't like to talk things out and that she thought I would regret telling her that in the morning. Anyway we go back to my house and I end up sleeping with her (no sex) and making out with her. Not sure what I would really regret in the morning but ok. Thing was, when we were making out there wasn't much of a spark there. I don't know if it was I just wasn't feeling it with her or that she was just laying there making out with me instead of getting into it. (I tried various thing to get her to move something other than her lips around, but she didn't respond). I'm not sure if this is because I've just been in more passionate relationships than her, but I don't see the point of making out if you are just going to lay there and touch lips and slip some tongue. I wanted to be rolling around, hands everywhere just letting our bodies do whatever they wanted to. But it was boring... and I already didn't like this girl that much.
So we go to sleep and the next morning she wakes up and leaves, and she immediately starts text messaging me about the night before. Then she calls me before she goes to work. Then she text messages me more. While shes at work she emails me and posts on my myspace and facebook. At this point I hinted at her that I'm really busy with work and school. She continues text messaging me throughout the week and we talk about if we are gonna meet up the next week. Well I'm already put off by her forwardness, I had told her that this is not what I wanted (unless something was lost in translation) but at this point she has the reigns and I figure I might as well give her another try the next weekend see how things go and see if anything improves.
Well friday rolls around and we were supposed to hang out on saturday. She asks me if I can hang out that night and I tell her I have a test and I probably wont be off work until 7 so I'd call her. Well I do call her, after a quite depressing day of work, to see if she wants to hang out. She says she has to break plans w/ one of her other friends but she'll hang out with me. Well later it turns out her sister wants to come downtown and hang out with us (I live in the city, she lives in the suburbs). Thats cool with me so I tell her to get in touch w/ me when she wants to get together. She finally texts me after midnight when I'm already at a bar downtown with my friends and tells me she is at this place I never heard of, so I respond to her that I don't know what or where that is to no reply. I text her later, after I'm back at my house telling her she should come hang out (there were a bunch of people still over there) and she says shes headed home and we flirt over text for a minute and then I go to sleep.
Well I wake up much much later to 7 or 8 texts from her through out the day, the last one saying that I suck at replying to text messages and if I don't reply to her the next play we go to see will be Peter and the Wolf or something as equally lame. So I wait a couple of hours because like I said, I don't want to have to live up to someones expectations at this point, and text her back that if thats the case then she can go by herself. I said it fairly jokingly, but now it's been like three days since then and I haven't heard from her. Not one text, email or social networking site post. Now I'm confused exactly what the deal is.
I would like to go out with her again, but things have not been progressing the way I want them to. We seem to have entirely different perspectives on how the relationship is going. I feel like I have pissed her off now, but I spelled out exactly what I wanted from the relationship before we did anything. I don't really want to text her, but if I don't odds are she probably is stewing over this (given the lack of her texting me, I did send the last text) and if I don't contact her soon I'll lose any chance of seeing if the relationship could work. But at this point I'm not really that motivated to save a dying relationship (before it's even really remotely close to budding) that I'm not sure I even want to be in in the first place. Should I write her an email telling her exactly how I feel about everything? We're both 22, but she seems a little less mature in her relationships in that I don't think being upfront with her works as well as it should. I'm confused... I hate girls... and text messaging.
tl;dr - I went on one date with this girl (that I'm not too sure about) and slept (no sex) with her. Recently she is getting to clingy even though I told her I did not want a commited relationship. I think my lack of communication has pissed her off and now she has ceased her relentless attack of text messages. I want to see her again to see if things will work, but don't want to progress the way things have been going. Advice?
(god I didn't realize how long this post would be when I was typing it)
Grundlterror on
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Posts
I beleive if you want to get back into her good books, a good idea would be to get in touch with an apology and explanation. But also you need to relfect on whether or not you really want to do this versus simply just responding to her advances.
I mean it seams to me you're just doing this.. I don't even know why. You expressed reservation and hesitation at the beginning and with no warning you completely flip halfway through your post.
Do you want to go out with this girl even if she's too forward/too immature/doesn't make out right/whatever?
Take her on another date, and give her an honest, second shot. You may very well have been in a funk the first time around, and that might have colored your perceptions of her (you did mention you've been having a crappy time as of late). You might see something you didn't before. If you don't, which I'll admit is more likely, just sit her down and give her the "let's be friends" spiel. It'll suck, it'll be awkward, but it's the best thing to do.
When and if you hit that point of no return, I wouldn't enter into a friends-with-benefits thing with her, even if she offers. She's demonstrated that her and your priorities are in different places, and she may very well use a open relationship to try to ween you into a closed one. Besides, it sounds like you didn't really find her a good partner, anyway. Just go for the clean break and try to be friends.
Really, this is what dating is about. You'll fail to click just as much, if not much more, than you will. It's no one's fault when it happens, and there's nothing wrong with dating someone only to find out that a relationship wouldn't work out between you and her.
Well sorry for the change in tone, I think that just exemplifies how friggin confused I am on the whole issue. Near the end of my post I didn't mean to give the impression that I was depressed or anything because she stop contacting me, I'm just wondering how to proceed given the events that have happened and my stance that I'm not sure if I want to date her yet.
My main concern here is that if I play her game then I will be falling back into something I don't want: a committed relationship. I just don't have the time or energy for it right now. I don't want to be on call 24/7 for someone else's issues, I have enough of my own to deal with! Especially with how I feel towards her thus far.
I simply wanted to give her another chance to see if things would work out. If they don't then they don't. I was put off by her first impression, but sometimes people make bad first impressions. I was wondering how I could get it through to her that I don't want to be that guy on call 24/7 I want a relaxed casual stress-free relationship. I'm beginning to realize, I think, that this is not possible ;p
Neither of those extremes is a healthy or mature way to observe a relationship. No one wants to have a boyfriend/girlfriend on call constantly, but at the same time, people WILL carry the expectation that you care a bit. The best relationships, of course, will make you feel relaxed (though not necessarily casual) even when you are getting closer to the girl than you would most of your friends.
It seems like you're afraid of commitment. That's not a judgment or a condemnation, just an observation. You should probably only consider open relationships in the near future, or none at all. At any rate, you should probably just let the girl drop out of the picture, as I don't think you have the same priorities.