As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/

FB: Scrumtrulescent vs Butler

LarlarLarlar consecutive normal brunchesModerator, ClubPA mod
edited February 2007 in Social Entropy++
Scrumtrulescent

Butler:
For my battle I have chosen the oft-neglected medium of Phoenix Wright fanfic epic poetry.

Round One: Scrumtrulescent-Jacks-Off-To-Pictures-Of-Baklava Turnabout

In a courtroom, three were present
Butler, Judge and Scrumtrulescent
There to find the victor true
Of battle six of thirty two

Said Judge: “Each man shall plead his case
Right here, right now, and face to face
And when both sides have said and done
It falls to me to choose who’s won!”

So: Scrumtrulescent argued first
Or rather, bitched till fit to burst
He called brave Butler “Thief!” and “Whore!”
“A pederast!” and “Manticore!”*

He ranted, pointed, screamed and bellowed –
The wallpaper peeled, curled and yellowed!
The scope of this invective bender?
Think half Dynagrip, half Defender

So stunned was Judge by all this blue
He broke his oath from stanza two
“The victory’s clearly Scrum’s,” he said
And raised the gavel ‘bove his head

But lo! From Butler’s mouth did fire
(In a voice that would inspire
In the straightest man, erection)
A single word – it was…

“OBJEGGTION!”

He smote his fist upon the table,
Cried out, “Judge! You are not able
To grant victory to this sucker –
He’s nothing but a pastry fucker!”

Scrum’s face turned white, his eyes grew large
He squeaked, “You cannot prove this charge!”
Nodding, Judge agreed with him
“You must give proof of crimes so grim.”

Butler reached into his jacket
And from it, drew a slender packet
With his teeth, he tore it open
And pulled out next month’s “Pastry Pokin’”

“This magazine is Scrum’s subscription;
Suffice that not for his conviction,
Let this strip doubt’s last particle…
HE WROTE THE FEATURE ARTICLE!” **

Judge only gaped while Scrummy shook
He’d never wriggle off this hook
His innocent façade eroded,
He let a scream:

“Nnn…

“Nnnnnn…

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

“GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTSSSSS!!!!!

“SNUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRB!!!!!!!!!!!!

“BRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPAAAAAAPAAAAAAPAAPAAAPAPAPAPAPPAPAPAPA!!!

… and then exploded.

And so wise Butler’d won the battle,
In spite of Scrummy’s vicious prattle
With typical good grace and nous,
He swept to Judge a single bow

But, just as Butler turned to leave,
He felt a tug upon his sleeve
He turned, and Judge was standing there
Buck-naked save for facial hair

Said Judge, “My work’s done for the day,
But now it’s time for Judge to play!
So, to my chambers! shake a leg!
And bring with you that hard boiled egg!”

THE END…?

* I don’t know why Scrumtrulescent thought this was an insult. Perhaps his parents never loved him enough to teach him classical mythology.

** “Choux vs. Filo – which is the smoother ride? We took both for a road test at a Motel 6 in Detroit – and you won’t believe the results!”

iwantanswers3.png
Larlar on
«1

Posts

  • DrIanMalcolmDrIanMalcolm Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    I just don't know

    DrIanMalcolm on
  • SamiSami Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    where's the poll?

    also Butler gets my vote for the "snuuurb"

    Sami on
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Scrum, I like you, but Butler totally kicked your ass, man.

    DarkPrimus on
  • MenaceMenace regular
    edited February 2007
    Butler wins so hard

    good show

    Menace on
  • Garlic BreadGarlic Bread i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a Registered User, Disagreeable regular
    edited February 2007
    I didn't even bother reading Butlers

    it just looks better

    Garlic Bread on
  • MeissnerdMeissnerd Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Butler got my vote

    Meissnerd on
  • Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited February 2007
    I'm going to refrain from voting in this one.

    Raijin Quickfoot on
  • StaleghotiStaleghoti Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    I'm confused

    Staleghoti on
    tmmysta-sig.png2wT1Q.gifYAH!YAH!STEAMYoutubeMixesPSN: Clintown
    Dear satan I wish for this or maybe some of this....oh and I'm a medium or a large.
  • The Otaku SuppositoryThe Otaku Suppository Bawstan New EnglandRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Man, epic poetry for the fucking win all over.

    The Otaku Suppository on
  • As7As7 Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    HIP HIP FOR BUTLER.

    That was great.

    As7 on
    XBOX Live: Arsenic7
    Secret Satan
  • AirAir Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    i aint gon' read

    Air on
    darjeelingshortsig95.jpg
  • MenaceMenace regular
    edited February 2007
    it's actually worth reading guys

    Menace on
  • wombatwombat __BANNED USERS regular
    edited February 2007
    IM ILLITERATE

    wombat on
    siggy2.jpg
    Vote for my film! (watching it is also an option)
    wii friend code: 7623 9955 2119 1775
  • RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited February 2007
    man, you had me at manticore.

    Very well done, Butler.

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • RaneadosRaneados police apologist you shouldn't have been there, obviouslyRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    not even close to close

    scrum, you ave dissapointed

    Raneados on
  • AirAir Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    okay i read a bit of it
    and then i saw the other one
    and reading was not necessary to determine a winner

    Air on
    darjeelingshortsig95.jpg
  • AirAir Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    it was pretty decent though

    Air on
    darjeelingshortsig95.jpg
  • scarlet st.scarlet st. Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Butler that was fantastic.

    scarlet st. on
    japsig.jpg
  • thorgotthorgot there is special providence in the fall of a sparrowRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    tl;dr but he still gets my vote

    thorgot on
    campionthorgotsig.jpg
  • fallaxdracofallaxdraco Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Damn I wonder how Butler is going to top that for the next round

    If he just does it again it'll be anticlimactic

    fallaxdraco on
  • JordynJordyn Really, Commander? Probing Uranus. Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    That was pretty great, butler.

    Jordyn on
    thumbsupguy-1.jpg
    JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
  • GreenGreen Stick around. I'm full of bad ideas.Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    I looked at Scrum's entry and immediately voted Butler

    Green on
  • scarlet st.scarlet st. Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Green wrote: »
    I looked at Scrum's entry and immediately voted Butler
    I have a feeling that the majority of the votes were cast in such a manner

    scarlet st. on
    japsig.jpg
  • simosimo Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    butler's is fantastic

    simo on
    bugss2.jpg
  • LardalishLardalish Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Yeah, Butler wins this in a landslide. That was way better.

    Lardalish on
  • PkmoutlPkmoutl Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    I don't get Butler's, but at least it showed some kind of effort.

    Pkmoutl on
  • Milquetoast ThugMilquetoast Thug Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Oh man.

    This is like when in street fighter tournaments
    one dude throws a super,

    and it's blocked,

    and then the other dude pulls out some crazy-ass combo for massive damage.

    and the crowd totally shits themselves, it's so awesome.

    Seriously, butler, that was totally like flawless victoly right there, man.

    Milquetoast Thug on
  • NucshNucsh Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    This is probably the first and only time I'll vote for a text entry

    But damn did it earn that vote

    Nucsh on
    [SIGPIC]GIANT ENEMY BEAR[/SIGPIC]
  • THAC0THAC0 Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    That was pretty damn rad Butler.

    Pretty damn rad.

    THAC0 on
  • tuggatugga Makin' movies Makin' songsRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    butler, when youre done with teh judge...

    can i have sloppy seconds?

    tugga on
  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited February 2007
    The scope of this invective bender?
    Think half Dynagrip, half Defender

    That's all I needed to hear. Butler all the way.

    Munkus Beaver on
    Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
  • ButlerButler 89 episodes or bust Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Holy shit, this is going much better than I could have hoped for. Scrum, I uh... I liked the way you drew my moustache. It was an honour to battle you. And I probably won't do another poem for the next battle (assuming there isn't a drastic swing in the polls before voting closes and I end up losing), but I am going to stay away from Paint (and Graphic Converter, its idiot-savant cousin on the Mac) for as long as possible.

    PK: Have you played Phoenix Wright? It's kind of a parody of that. Like, when you're cross-examing someone, and you finally trap them into admitting their guilt, they give these incredibly over-the-top dragonball-z screams where you think they're going to vomit blood and die right there on the stand. That's kind of what was going on in the eleventh stanza with all that SNUUUURB stuff.

    Butler on
  • Threadbare SockThreadbare Sock regular
    edited February 2007
    Voted for butler

    Threadbare Sock on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    FOOT SWEATERS
  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited February 2007
    Seriously butler, bravo.

    Bravo.

    Munkus Beaver on
    Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
  • RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited February 2007
    FUCK I hate this "hahaha new messages but not really" bug

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • potatoepotatoe Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    FUCK I hate this "hahaha new messages but not really" bug

    i hate it almost as much as the "hahaha you had steak for dinner now your farts smell like super concentrate death" bug

    potatoe on
  • ButlerButler 89 episodes or bust Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    potatoe wrote: »
    i hate it almost as much as the "hahaha you had steak for dinner now your farts smell like super concentrate death" bug
    What I hate is when your farts smell almost like what you had for dinner, so you're like "Mmm that smells tasty wait oh God what am I doing".

    Butler on
  • IncendiusIncendius Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Butler that was beautiful, seriously.

    Incendius on
  • Lt. Eggman5Lt. Eggman5 Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Killed it. Good job, yo.

    Guess who I'm on about?!

    Lt. Eggman5 on
  • DynagripDynagrip Break me a million hearts HoustonRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited February 2007
    Half me = half awesome.

    It's true.

    Dynagrip on
This discussion has been closed.