Limiting internet access for parent with mental challenges

bloodatonement

My mom is in the early stages of dementia. She's not good at filtering what information to share online, and what websites to trust. My dad is worried about identity theft, as well as other scams. My mom has already signed up for sketchy services giving out credit card info to the tune of a few hundreds of dollars.
I'm trying to keep my dad from going nuclear and cutting off her internet access and/or credit cards.

I'm trying to figure out a way to keep her from throwing away anymore money, or failing for anything really bad. Is my only option to just lock her down and whitelist a few sites, or is there any software that will block her from sharing personal and financial info?

bowen

She should have her cards taken away honestly. There's really nothing you can do other than monitoring her access by watching her.

Disco11

Doesn't net nanny do something like that? You should take her cards away anyway though just for safety's sake. Sorry to hear you have to go through this.

Librarian

Maybe supply her with some fake or out of date cards that have inaccurate numbers on them? Something that allows her to still go through the motions without actually wasting money? I am not sure how easy or even legal it is to come across something like that but from my experience everything that allows a person with dementia to keep up routines and things they like to do is good.

bowen

There are test card numbers one can use. Not sure how legal that is though...

bloodatonement

She still need money for everyday expenses (food, gas, etc) maybe I can talk my dad into switching her mostly over to cash, and maybe a very low limit prepaid/rechargable card.

I'll also look into net nanny.

well net nanny may be the way

Prevent disclosure of sensitive financial information by computer users
Prevent unintentional disclosure of e-mail addresses and personal contact information

bowen

Cash is the way to go. Someone with dementia shouldn't be in charge of those things, it is really one of those things where she needs to be watched all day. One of my great-aunts had it and almost burned the house and herself down.

Esh

Librarian wrote:

Maybe supply her with some fake or out of date cards that have inaccurate numbers on them? Something that allows her to still go through the motions without actually wasting money? I am not sure how easy or even legal it is to come across something like that but from my experience everything that allows a person with dementia to keep up routines and things they like to do is good.

I don't think having someone attempt to use a fake card over and over on a site when it doesn't work is a good idea. One, it's just fucking with their head, two it might attract some sort of attention.

Darkewolfe

If she needs a card, get her one with a $250 limit or something like most college students get for their first cards. Or just get a rechargeable, pre-paid card.

SmokeStacks

bloodatonement wrote:

She still need money for everyday expenses (food, gas, etc) maybe I can talk my dad into switching her mostly over to cash, and maybe a very low limit prepaid/rechargable card.

Do your parents still live together? Is there any reason why your father couldn't just start handling the finances exclusively?

Kistra

SmokeStacks wrote:

bloodatonement wrote:

She still need money for everyday expenses (food, gas, etc) maybe I can talk my dad into switching her mostly over to cash, and maybe a very low limit prepaid/rechargable card.

Do your parents still live together? Is there any reason why your father couldn't just start handling the finances exclusively?

This, plus... gas? ...if she can't handle the internet should she really be driving? A really low limit card or switching to cash would probably also be helpful.

bowen

OP, it seems like you're under the impression that your and her quality of life is going to stay the same now that she is mentally ill. She really needs full time supervision. Dementia can lead to her getting into a serious accident or causing one at the least with a car, burning down the house because she wanted to cook some ramen noodles but forgot about it, and other wildly dangerous and crazy things.

Has your doctor talked to you about in home care or a nursing home? These are things you should be considering, not how to limit her online activity and prevent identity theft or how she's going to fill up the ol' car on the trip to the lake. She is really not the same person she was, or, is in the process of unraveling in front of you at the least. This is a really serious illness not something that one can brush off to keep life as usual. Although some patients can drive you should be looking for alternatives. Are you or your father ready to change diapers on an adult? These are things that start to crop up with dementia sometimes.

bloodatonement

I understand that things will be changing and starting to really suck as things progress, but right now, from what my dad has said the Drs told him, she is just in the earliest stages, mostly just forgetfulness, and there are some things she just doesn't think through (ie, "$10 a month to have them send ringtones to my phone"). They said they have no way to tell how fast it will progress, and because of her age it could be decades before things get really bad.

So for now we are dealing with the problems that are there, and but yes, we are preparing for when things get worse.

edit: not to say I don't appreciate the advice

bowen

Ah okay, just making sure. There are a lot of people who get delusional, pardon the bad wording, about what is happening and just ignoring it.

Does she have Alzheimer's or just flat out dementia? And good luck, this is tough times ahead. It sucks, I know, but you have my condolences.

bloodatonement

From what my dad told me, they said it was most likely low level/early dementia. I live a few hours away, so I don't know everything, but what I've seen is just forgetfulness (which she's always been, it's just gotten worse). I'll have conversations with her and she'll ask me the same thing 2 or 3 times.

bowen

Sounds a lot like Alzheimer's actually, the way you're describing it. Good luck bloodatonment, again, this is a difficult time for you. My other advice is don't let it get you down. It is incredibly difficult to watch someone you love slowly lose their mind. And, from what I hear, from the person losing their mind, it is even more difficult to know what you're going through.

Rhino

Well, lots going on here; but in regards to the technical stuff.

If you want to filter the sites she can get to you could setup a proxy. Either something like Squid (for linux) or, there is one for windows; but has stupid spelling so can't find it. It's like proxymon or something.

Either way, I'd probably suggest to blacklist everything and then only whitelist sites you want her to be able to get to. cnn.com, etc. If she has troubles getting to a site, you can review it and whitelist. More work, but fool proof as it's extremely hard to filter out bad sites.

bowen

Rhino wrote:

Well, lots going on here; but in regards to the technical stuff.

If you want to filter the sites she can get to you could setup a proxy. Either something like Squid (for linux) or, there is one for windows; but has stupid spelling so can't find it. It's like proxymon or something.

Either way, I'd probably suggest to blacklist everything and then only whitelist sites you want her to be able to get to. cnn.com, etc. If she has troubles getting to a site, you can review it and whitelist. More work, but fool proof as it's extremely hard to filter out bad sites.

Yes this.

Squid can do some basic content filtering like porn, and antivirus checking, but whitelists are always the better option.

LaPuzza

I think Norton Internet Security has a way to keep from transmitting any specific informaiton, like a word or a card number.

Mizoura

Proxy could be useful but depending on which AV program you have, many have parental controls. Some are quite elaborate and you can add many permitted sites to them to ensure she isn't venturing into scam-filled waters. Also, you may want to contact the CC and see if they can add a limit per week that can be spent. I know some people with Alz/Dem who have had this set up as spending was the issue (not so much risk of online scamming). Old fashioned cash is good as well. Just depends what works for your family. Good luck!